Chapter Fourteen: Coming-of-age

Stupid Mondays, Two-Bit thought sullenly as he slouched in his seat at the back of the class.

Normally he didn't care either way if he was at school of out of school. It didn't matter, since he didn't do much of anything in either place.

But today, he would have given anything to be out of school. It seemed to him that wizardry was the only thing he was, or ever would be, serious about. He liked the power, the feeling that he could do something and that his life was worth living. He liked it so much it scared him.

Carmen trailed in with the last of the stragglers and sat down next to Two-Bit without a word or even a glance in his direction.

Two-Bit watched her throughout Trigonometry. She was focused, as usual, but he couldn't shake the feeling that she was avoiding him.

At the end of class, she was the first one out the door, Two-Bit close behind her. "Hey! Carmen! Hey!" he yelled.

She turned and looked mildly surprised to see him. She had dark circles under her eyes that made her look like a raccoon and contrasted unpleasantly with her fair skin. "Oh. Hello, Two-Bit," she said politely.

"Carmen," Two-Bit said impatiently. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

She grimaced at him. "What are you, my mother or something?" she snapped immediately, and then fell silent, as if just realizing what she had said.

"Sorry," she said, so quietly that Two-Bit barely caught her words. "I didn't mean to jump down your throat or anything."

The bell rang. Carmen glanced at the hall clock, groaned, and started sprinting down the hallway. "Talk to you later!" she shouted.

Two-Bit took his time getting to class and landed himself with double detention for being late and mouthing off to the teacher on top of it.

Big deal, he thought to himself. All the rest of the day he couldn't concentrate on anything save cracking worthless jokes and worrying about Carmen. He had thought she would be okay, but, then again, he had thought the same thing about Ponyboy when Johnny and Dally had first died.

He could see the same pattern in himself: hiding the hurt and temporarily numbing the pain with corny wisecracks and fighting and anything else that let off steam.

I'm changing, he realized with a start. He was different. Any other time he wouldn't have cared less or given it a second thought. And now, here he was worrying about the effects it would have on Carmen, a girl whom two weeks ago Two-Bit wouldn't have given a second thought once he figured out she wasn't like the other blondes in Tulsa.

Carmen was the key to it all. If it hadn't been for her, this wouldn't be happening. If it hadn't been for her, he wouldn't be in this mess with Mordred and wizards and sorcerers and everything else that confused him.

If it hadn't been for her, he wouldn't have magic powers. He wouldn't have a purpose in life. He wouldn't have this outlook on life. He would still be the same as he had been. He would never have known this girl who he was slowly falling in love with, even though he didn't realize it at that point in time.

He had everything to blame and thank Carmen for. His life was twisted, shaken, and turned upside down and it was all because of her.

It was because of her that the person he had been two weeks ago was gone. And as much as the old Two-Bit fought against the new one, he couldn't win. He was gone forever, never to return.

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Carmen knew she looked like her own evil twin, but she simply hadn't been able to sleep last night. She couldn't sleep with the feeling that she was all alone with nobody to help her if anything happened.

Her mother was gone. She was never coming back. She was free now, just like Carmen. But what was being free if you couldn't be with the one person you wanted to be free for?

It was her fault she was gone. It was all Carmen's fault. If only she had figured it out sooner, if only she hadn't dragged Two-Bit into it, if only she would have stopped to think for a minute.

But no. She just kept going and going without really knowing where she was going. And that, above all, was the reason that Carmen was free but her mother was gone and Mordred thought he had won.

Before Carmen had thought that becoming free was everything. But now that it had happened, it seemed like there was so much more to life than just freedom. It was what you did with that freedom that counted.

Carmen knew what she had to do with her freedom. Regardless or not if she had Two-Bit's help, she knew what she had to do.

Clouds of sadness gave way to fiery lashing whips of anger in Carmen's mind. Revenge. Mordred and Russell couldn't be victorious. Someone had to stop them, and it would be her.

That thought shook the battlements of courage and shot arrows at any doubt. Magic coursed hot through her veins, and it was the remembrance of whose magic it was mixing with her own that convinced her.

Yet even as she planned, Carmen couldn't quite get rid of the treacherous thought that asked her if she was really doing the right thing.

The truth was Carmen wasn't sure of what she was sure of anymore. The number of things she was completely sure about was giving way to the already vast and increasing number of things that she wasn't, and maybe never would be, sure about.

Before, she had been so sure about everything she did, confident that it would turn out all right. Now, she just didn't know anymore.

All she could do was look ahead, take a deep breath and dive right in, hoping she would land softly instead of in a pit of sharks.

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"RUSSELL!"

Russell groaned and rolled out of bed again. Twice in one night! He thought disbelievingly. Mordred must really be antsy.

"RUSSELL!" the shout came again. "Don't keep me waiting!"

Russell sighed and began the descent to the dungeon where no doubt Mordred would have some other unimaginative plan to destroy his daughter.

How wrong he was.

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Next chapter up in a week or so. Forgive the idiocy of this chapter, as my nerves are shot because of finals (give me a break—this determines my semester grade!).