Only the plot is mine, no profit etc etc etc.
Sora is 1337, thank you so much for your kind words! I'm really glad you're enjoying this! And Dawson's creek! It is a little! Me and my Hermione would always joke that that was us!
And to SheIsMySin, and everyone else, thank you for you're kind words. Here is the promised chapter 3!
It's a little angsty, death/suicide in this chapter is only symbolic, a metaphor for rebirth, I would never ever glorify it.
Please R&R, all comments bar flames are greatly appreciated!
Still femmeslash, K G-P xxx
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every night in my dreams
I see you. I feel you.
That is how I know you go on.
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on.
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never go till we're one
Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
There is some love that will not
go away
You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My Ginny
I'm so sorry to have said that to you and run out like a coward. I was petrified but I had to tell you and I feel now that I owe you an explanation. It's been on my mind since my dad died, what my life would be like if had kissed you when we planned it, if I'd given 'us' a chance when you said all those wonderful things about me. Now, yes it was on my mind but I don't want you to get the impression that I've fallen for you now, as much as I'd like too, I'm just trying to admit how I felt. Kissing McLaggen was awful, and truth be told there were times when I wished it had been you. What I'm going to say next will hurt you and I'm so so sorry Ginny, but I slept with Harry.
Please don't hate me, you're my best friend and I love you. I really hope this doesn't affect our friendship too much, but I'll understand if you don't want to see me for a while. I only told you because I felt it was time for both of us to move on.
Always,
Hermione xxx
Oh God. I need to sit down. No I don't, I need a drink. FUCK! How could she do that to me. She, she , she …………slept with……..no, she……………….had sex. She had sex with Harry. Oh my god. Why did she tell me now! And 'time for both of us to move on'! If you wanted me to move on maybe you shouldn't be telling me you liked me you stupid BITCH!
What the hell am I gonna do now. I have to see her again. I need to know more. Was he good? Do you love him? How many times? When? Where? Did you think of me at all? Are you dating? Were you safe? Well actually I know the answer to that one, you're still Hermione after all right? Do I even still know you……………..
I can't remember much after that except climbing on to my bed, curling up into a ball and crying myself to sleep, clutching the letter scrunched up between my hands. Sleep didn't help me get over it at all and I woke up at 4 am, walking round like a zombie till I had to get ready to go to that shit-hole café I call work.
She's not innocent anymore. She can't share that sacred experience with me, that was Harry's forever and I hated him for it. She was a goddess and he put his filthy, unworthy hands all over her. He, he……..he, god I can't even say it.
Am I being stupid? Selfish even to think that she'd loose her virginity to me? I always figured I'd go first, that me still being a virgin wasn't a big deal 'cos at least Hermione was as well. I feel lonelier than ever because she got to be that close to someone, that she was able to let someone in like that and I can't.
Did he hold her after? Whisper sweet nothings in her ear like I would've done? Did he show her with every kiss, every stroke how much he cared like I would've done. Had he wanted her for as long as I had.
Hold on, do I still have it?
I ran over to my closet and pulled out a shoebox and then over to my bookcase where I grabbed a report I'd done for my NEWTS, a report on Time-turners. In the shoebox was a small golden egg timer-like necklace. It's never been used to go that far back before though………
It's worth giving it a chance right? I was so awkward back then, so focused on the fact she'd never like me that I never actually asked her out, never tried my luck, from what she's saying maybe that's all I needed to do. Maybe I had to prove that I really did love her by fighting for her.
There's a price of course, if I go back and change my own timeline, I'll have to die. Well, this me at least. As soon as I tell the 16 year old me to try and win Hermione her path will change and she wont be me. I'll have to use a glamour to conceal who I am, maybe not even meet……...myself……face to face, I could just leave her a note like Hermione left me.
Am I willing to give up what I have now? What I've had since I was sixteen to be with her? I think I am. If it works I'll just fade away, and I won't really be dying, I'll just be giving myself a second chance. A chance to be happy. A chance to do something other than sit alone writing stories while all my 'friends' are going to parties, falling in love, making connections.
I've only existed till now. The only time I felt alive was when I was with her, doing this is my chance to change all that.
Love's a funny thing! Being with her was like I knew what people were singing about in all those love songs, like part of me was missing when we were apart. I can't hide the fact I'm a depressive, but she made me strong, got me through my day, being with her, even for a short while would change my life for the better. I could come out to the people I love and not be afraid of the fallout, I would figure out the relationship stuff, really and truly finally grow up, find out who I am. I could save Dumbledore! I could tell Harry where the horcruxes are before all those innocent people have to die! This is perfect beyond imagination!
I'll do it. 85 turns should take me back to when I was 16. It'll destroy one of only 7 time turners left, which is why people don't do this more, but it'll be worth it. I need to write the note now, cover everything before I go back.
The note is ready, I've performed the glamour to make myself look like a young Audrey Hepburn and I'm standing in front of the fire.
I'm coming love, you never have to be unhappy again……..