Doc Note: Okay, so I know I haven't updated in almost a month. Life finally decided to catch up with me, and I've been going through a pretty rough time. But my English teacher told me to channel the bad feelings into writing, and I might be surprised. If this chapter sucks, blame my 'you can do anything you set your mind to!' English teacher.

DISCLAIMER: Doc doesn't even own that quote in the note. She also doesn't even own Grey's Anatomy.

"So, you and Mark?"

"Mer and Mark? Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"I thought he was-"

"He's over it."

It was funny, Meredith mused as she stole half of George's sandwich, that conversation could start between her and another person and slowly evolve to that they were talking around her and not directly to her. Her friends were still in that phase where nothing else in the hospital excited them, so they gossiped about Meredith's life, even while she was sitting right there.

"They kissed in the elevator."

"Again?"

"You kissed in an elevator?"

It took her a moment to realize that she had been invited back into the conversation. Meredith swallowed hard, shrugging lightly as she leaned back against the wall. "Don't worry, George. It's not like I can go have sex right now..." She sat Indian style on a gurney, the others positioned around the tunnel at various points. Alex was off somewhere trying to find more food. George was in a wheelchair. Cristina was sprawled out on another gurney, a textbook in hand. And Izzie was leaning against Meredith's gurney with a book. Not the pregnancy book. Another one. Of baby names.

"What do you think of Kendall?" Izzie asked in a serious tone, her gaze peeking over the book. Cristina didn't bother to put her own book down, but spoke anyway.

"Who's Kendall? Never heard of her. Must not be a well-known hospital face." She paused, marking the page she'd been reading from and closing the book. Cristina eyed Izzie cautiously before rolling her eyes lightly. "Seriously, Izzie, if you want hospital gossip go talk to one of the nurses. This Kendall person probably doesn't even work on the surgical floor..."

"Not a person," Izzie answered offhandedly, leafing through the baby name book once more, "As a name for the baby." Meredith stared blankly at Izzie for a moment, wondering something. She hadn't really thought of what she would name the baby when the time came. After all, that was nearly three and a half months away from now. Still, she hadn't read one of those 'naming your baby' books in her life, but she could've sworn Izzie had read at least three of them in the past week.

"I think a name defines a person," Cristina responded indirectly to the question while surveying Izzie. "I mean, if your name was 'Barbie', I wouldn't give you a second glance as a surgeon. The name has to mean something, and it can't be some sort of label. It defines them." Hearing that serious answer from Cristina, Meredith figured she should probably start researching some names before her kid ended up another Sally.

"I was named after my grandfather," George stated suddenly, making the three turn and stare at him. "Some people are named after relatives. If that helps at all."

Izzie nodded slowly. "Some people are named after cities. I knew a Dallas once."

"Some people are named because the name defines them.. 'Cristina Yang, M.D.' If that doesn't define me, I don't know what does."

Meredith opened her mouth to respond, slightly started when the alarm on her wristwatch went off. Technically, she was off-duty, but she was still hanging around the hospital. First of all, her friends were there, and she really didn't want to go back to an empty house and secondly, she had a childbirth class to get to. It was Addison's idea, not hers. And Izzie agreed with Addison, and getting your roommate to back down was much harder then getting your doctor to back down. "I gotta go..."

"Have fun, Mer," Cristina called with a dull wave, flopping back onto her gurney and cracking her book back open.

"You know, normally someone goes with a mother to these things," George murmured slowly, cautiously. Meredith was already halfway down the tunnel. "You sure you don't want someone to go with you? It's kinda hard to practice birthing a child without someone's fingers to break..."

Meredith looked over her shoulder. George looked like he was about to jump up and tag along after her, and while she found his loyalty adorable, she really didn't want him coaching her to breathe properly, even if Doctor Bailey had insisted he was a wonderful birthing coach. "I'll be fine, George. Thanks, though."

"What about Regan?" Meredith did her best to ignore Izzie's millionth name suggestion, but found herself slightly amused when Cristina told her to just eat the book, and relay all the names to Meredith afterward.

Ten minutes later, Meredith found herself in a very colorful room in the pediatric wing of the hospital. It was a large room, the plastered with colors and various baby animals in varying shades of blue and pink. The floor was carpeted, and pillows and yoga mats were scattered about. About a dozen other pregnant women -a few quite farther along then Meredith was- were gathered there. All of them had their husbands, or at least if they weren't husbands, the father of their children, with them. And suddenly, alone on her yoga mat in the corner, Meredith understood what George had meant. Somewhere in the back of her mind she wished she'd let him come with her. This was...awkward.

The instructor called for quiet and Meredith was relieved to hear the chattering of mothers and fathers to be die down. She turned her attention to the woman at the front of the room, who was explaining something about breathing methods. Meredith allowed her mind to wander for a while, until she noticed that the skinny blonde instructor was staring right at her. Meredith rubbed her neck absently before offering a sheepish sort of smile. "Sorry. Did you say something?"

"I was just wondering why you were all alone back here..."

Meredith gave a soft chuckle as she rested an elbow on her knee and looked up at the instructor. "I don't really want to be here. My friends made me come."

The young girl tilted her head slightly to one side. "You mean your doctor recommended you came?" Meredith shrugged.

"My friends are both doctors. One's my OB. The other one's just obsessive about my pregnancy." Meredith drummed her fingers against her abdomen lightly, knowing very well the instructor was giving her special attention because she was alone and helpless without a man beside her. "You know, I'm a doctor too..." And that was basically the only thing Meredith could've said to get that instructor moving again. After a hurried mutter of an excuse, she was back at the front of the room, describing some sort of relaxation technique because pregnant women were just so stressed out all the time.

Meredith nearly snorted. Try being pregnant and being a surgical intern at the same time. Now that's stressful. Anyway, as she was sitting on a yoga mat trying to relax, and honestly, when you're told to relax is kind of hard to do so, Meredith let her mind wander. And when her mind wandered it generally went one of two places: the hospital, or men. And since Derek was thousands of miles away and because her relationship with Mark had now resorted back to square one, she was forced to think about work.

What surgeries were taking place? What were her friends doing? As Meredith's thoughts drifted, so did her gaze. And since this was one of the many rooms in the hospital with those weird, see-through windows in the middle of the wall, she could look out to see who was looking in. Was Mark standing out there? Was he staring at her? Wait a minute. Why was Mark looking in here in the first place?

She knew she was supposed to be listening to yet another lecture on not over-working yourself and how you were supposed to rest a lot during pregnancy, but Meredith had heard these things constantly from Izzie. And George. Addison never told her those things, just that even Bailey took leave when the time came. But it wasn't that time yet. It probably wasn't even time for her to be practicing breathing techniques. Then again, it probably wasn't the time to stare blankly at the hot Plastic Surgeon from behind a glass window.

When Meredith stole another glance out the window, she found Mark was gone. And, slightly annoyed that she even felt disappointed, she felt her stomach drop an inch or two. Even for only a moment, it felt like someone besides her merry band of intern buddies cared about her. She leaned back on the prospect of doing a bit of deep breathing, somewhat started to see him hovering over her with a curious expression on his face.

"Mark," Meredith stated just a bit too quickly. She closed her eyes, wishing he wouldn't say he knew she was looking. But he was Mark, and she was Meredith. They both knew she had looked. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He offered her that grin of his, the one that still sent a small jolt up her spine. Meredith eyed Mark cautiously as he shrugged off his jacket and hung it on a nearby hook. "You're a doctor. I'm pretty sure you know how the childbirth thing works."

"Yeah," Meredith mused, frowning slightly. "But it's not as if I've ever done it myself. This is my first time."

Mark offered a playful smirk. "You might wanna clarify that this is your first time having a kid. I know for a fact you weren't a virgin when you met Derek. I Remember Russell." Meredith had opened her mouth to defend herself against her 'first time' story, but struggled to find the words she was looking for when Mark flopped to the ground behind her, adjusting himself so Meredith could lean back against him.

"Now what are you doing?"

He shrugged. "You looked lonely," Mark stated bluntly, pulling Meredith back so her head rested on his chest. She could hear his heartbeat, not beating rapidly like she knew hers was, but it was far from normal. It was kind of funny, she thought, that little old Meredith Grey could make the Mark Sloan's heart speed up. He noticed her grinning in spite of herself and he tugged at her hair a bit, making her frown. "Shut up. You're supposed to be breathing, aren't you?"

Meredith frowned, torn between complying with him because he was Mark, and telling him off for the same reason. "You're not my birthing coach," she murmured between his counting. For a Plastic Surgeon, he was pretty good with the whole comforting thing. He even let her hold his hand, which as she was practically crushing his hand just to make the experience seem more real, was actually sweet of him.

"Who says I can't be? Not like you got a big strong man around to do it for you." Mark glanced about as if expecting Derek to waltz into the room at any given moment. "Actually, come to think of it, you do. You got me, at least until you figure out what the hell you're doing."

Meredith frowned. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into. I'm quite the handful." The moment she'd said it she knew she'd regret it. Mark was grinning down at her, but she refused to look him in the eye. Because if she looked him in the eye, she'd smile back. And Mark loved her smile. And the last thing she needed was to make out in the birthing class room, though she had to admit she'd never heard of anyone doing that.

"I know you're a handful, but you're my handful." Mark gave a dull chuckle. "If you weren't a handful, you wouldn't be Meredith Grey, and I wouldn't be here. And that would be a tragedy." Between his words he was still whispering his steady counting, to which she'd breath on cue between her own speaking.

"I'm your handful," Meredith answered skeptically. "So what does that make you to me?" His counting faded as he thought over his answer. Her breathing had faded off, though she could feel her heartbeat a bit quicker in her chest then it should have been.

"I'm your constant. I'll always be around, whatever you need. Birthing coach, sex, someone to talk to, I'll be there." Mark paused, moving on to the next exercise. Meredith could almost see the amused glint in Mark's eye, though she hadn't turned back to look. Apparently, pregnant women were very tense. A nice massage was just what they needed. Mark began rubbing her shoulders in soft circles, leaning forward so his mouth was very close to her ear. "I'm also a wonderful masseuse."

She probably should've slapped him for that, but he was just being Mark. And she, just being Meredith, rotated her head slightly and kissed him, in the middle of a childbirth class, because he was there for her.

GA

She didn't really know why she was here. All Meredith knew was that she needed to get away from the hospital for a while, get away from Izzie and her obsessive baby naming, and George and his cautious sort of interrogation. What Meredith really needed was some tequila, or Mark to be there. But as she was pregnant and Mark was on-call tonight, she decided what she really needed was to be alone. And a nice long drive seemed like just the thing to spark some quality alone time.

Except Meredith Grey didn't really like being alone. It felt like she was abandoned, and besides, considering her situation, she had been abandoned, even if she had abandoned him first. Derek had left, even though he knew he could potentially be the father of her child. And she still missed him in the back of her mind, and that bothered her. Mark was there, and he was being sweet in his own Mark Sloan way, and she still really cared about Mark.

But the thing was, when you have another life growing inside you, you end up very emotional. And then you begin to think. 'What about the person who helped me make this life?' That was one of Meredith's biggest fears, that this baby would look like Derek and remind her of him every day of her life. And while she wanted this baby, she didn't want to deal with that. It might just be too much to handle.

That was probably why she ended up here in the first place. When she'd first show up, Meredith was slightly surprised that she would even think of coming here. But this was where he lived, and as Derek was in New York, there was no chance of him walking in on her. But here, she could be alone and still think of him, because he was all around her.

Meredith had been curled up on the hammock for a while, but then it had started raining. It always rained in Seattle. Derek had hated the rain. So now, she was slumped under the awning of the trailer, clutching a bottle of flavored water and wishing she could drink tequila. Her gaze drifted about slowly, rotating about the land Derek owned. It all held memories, some good, some bad. He was in all of them.

Over there was the hammock he'd slept in every night they stayed here. She was still angry about that.

That was the path they'd walked Doc along, back when they shared a dog.

Near the water was the place he'd held her when she cried about the dog's death. Again.

Why was it that everything she looked at reminded her of Derek? Even at the hospital, there was no escape. There was the supply closet where he'd comforted her about her mother. There was the spot where she'd first found out about Addison. There was the exam room where they'd had dirty, post-prom sex. And, oh God, there was the on-call room where they'd potentially conceived the child she was currently carrying.

And right over there was where he parked his car when they got home late.

Meredith was somewhat startled when a pair of headlights appeared on the dirt road leading up to the trailer just as she'd been thinking about Derek's car. She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, and took it out not bothering to look at the number. She knew who it was when she saw the headlights fade out, and got a good look at the car.

"Meredith?" Mark. He sounded slightly startled. "Derek's back."

She sighed slightly, looking up when the car door slammed shut. "I know..."