Doc Note: Well, call it inspiration or therapy, here's another chapter. I actually kind of like this one. Mhm.

DISCLAIMER: Doc doesn't even own her own house.

"What are you doing here?" Derek was framed directly in front of her now, leaning against the hood of his car. Despite the fact that yes, she'd come here to be alone she'd ended up remembering. And in her remembering, Meredith had wanted, briefly, for Derek to pull up in his car and be her knight in shining in whatever. She didn't think it would come true quite so literally. She spoke the question into her knees as she huddled there under his trailer's awning, shivering against the cold rain. Suddenly she wondered why she was asking that question in the first place; he did own this trailer.

He shrugged, brushing sopping bangs from his eyes. Those electric blue eyes were so bright they pierced through the darkness and stared at her, through her even. Meredith shivered again, this time not from the cold. "I do live here, you know."

"Sometimes," Meredith corrected, teeth chattering slightly against her knees; she'd pulled her chin to her legs. "You live here sometimes." She closed her eyes in an effort at pushing the tears away. She didn't want him seeing her crying. But that was the good thing about crying in the rain. No one could tell if you were really crying, or if they were simply raindrops that had fallen from the sky. Meredith had the odd sort of feeling that Derek would know just what they were.

She heard him move from the car, but didn't bother to look. Meredith nearly jumped when she felt a sudden burst of warmth hit her body in the form of Derek Shepherd's jacket. He'd draped it over her shoulders before moving to unlock the door of the trailer. "Come on, Meredith," Derek muttered, holding the door open for her, "You shouldn't be out in the cold." She turned to stare blankly at him. He offered a disappointed frown at his own actions and tilted his head slightly to the side, "At least warm up and get some dry clothes. Please?"

Now, Meredith had all intentions of simply getting up and leaving because when she went into Derek's trailer, things happened. And Meredith really didn't need anymore things happening to her in her dark and twisty life right now. But he'd been polite, and said please, and his tone had held genuine concern. Of course, she would insist later that she only went inside because she was admittedly cold. "...Okay..."

Minutes later, she sat across from him at the small table they used to drink coffee at in the morning and talk about their lives. Meredith felt slightly awkward in one of his sweatshirts, which was huge on her, but the worst part was that it smelled like him. She'd remembered how he looked and how he sounded, but you couldn't recreate someone's distinct smell. She'd always loved Derek's smell.

Absently, Meredith grasped the mug of coffee in front of her with her hands, covered completely by the sleeves of the sweatshirt, but not bothering to take a sip. She was one of those people who just needed to do something with their hands all the time. She noticed most surgeons were like that. Derek had the habit of running his hands through his hair every few minutes back when they were together- oh, there he did it again.

He was the one to break the silence, not the comfortable silence Meredith knew so well with his ex-wife, but that awkward sort of silence when people weren't around each other for a long time. "So," Derek paused, groping for words as he tore his gaze from the tabletop, "How are you?" It was irritating and endearing at the same time that he sounded so concerned for her well being. For a brief moment, she wondered why.

"Fine," she answered automatically, forgetting that this was Derek and she was Meredith, and that he could see right through her words. "I'm...better," Meredith finally admitted, tracing a circle on the top of her coffee mug. "Or I was, but then you showed up." Her mouth shut instantly and her eyes darted open, meeting his gaze. She looked roughly like a deer in the headlights, though Derek was carefully avoiding her gaze. "I'm sorry. That was rude. I-"

"Don't worry about it," he waved it off with a sigh. "I left. I deserve a little rudeness." Meredith stared at him. Derek seemed...very much like the guy she'd met at the bar the day before her internship started. But she didn't seem at all like that girl, not anymore.

And yet, there he was. "The baby's doing well," she said brightly, as if she'd forgotten he was the father of her child. Then it hit her. Meredith spoke quietly, feebly. "It's...it's a girl." Derek glanced up briefly, and their eyes met. She could've sworn he looked like he knew. Did he know? Did Derek know he was the father? Was that why he was here?

"Derek," he glanced up, looking expectant. "Why are you here, really?" Derek paused, surveying her for a moment. Just like she knew he could see right through her words, he knew she could probably see right through him. They knew each other. It was inevitable.

"I'm here because the Chief offered me a job," he replied in an offhanded sort of tone. And while this wasn't quite the answer Meredith had been expecting, she knew it was true. Still, though, she had the odd feeling that he wasn't telling her the entire reason. He was staring at her again, though she didn't notice. She was too busy examining her fingernails.

"So, what are you doing here?" He echoed, sounding somewhat amused. Meredith looked up, meeting his gaze. Derek took a long sip of coffee and shook his head furiously. That was an odd ritual he had, like doing so would circulate the caffeine to his blood faster. Meredith knew it well, and found herself chuckling slightly when he muttered something incoherent. "Trying to burn down my trailer?"

"No," Meredith muttered defensively, not bothering to mention that she had had the idea to cut the hammock down just because it annoyed her. "I just...needed to be alone. My friends, they're all obsessive about the baby or just being...interns. And I just needed to think for a minute." She shrugged, propping her chin on her upturned palm. "This place was bound to be quiet, what with the tenant out of town."

Derek nodded in understanding. "Internship can be difficult. I bet you didn't count on my turning up again." Meredith shook her head slowly. Of course she didn't, or else she never would have showed up. But somehow, she had come here on the very night Derek had showed up. Did that mean something? Was this fate? And what about Mark?

"And...you and Mark?" He said it softly, like speaking it made it true. Meredith arched a brow.

"We're..." What exactly were they? Together? Not together? She said it in the only way she knew how, without going all 'he's always there for me' on Derek. "Well, he's my birthing coach." Derek stared. She stared back. Then they both burst into simultaneous laughter.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously, he showed up in my childbirth class today!" And then Meredith frowned. Derek should have been the one following her around and helping her through pregnancy. The baby wasn't even Mark's, and yet he was being so good about it. That was exactly why she had been angry at Derek in the first place. He'd left before even knowing who was the father, and Mark knew who the father was, and he was still helping her out.

"The baby," Derek started, taking a breath before rubbing his temples. He looked tired. She wondered how long it had been since he'd slept. "Do you have any names in mind?"

Meredith rolled her eyes slightly. "Izzie's got a book. She's running them by me, but I haven't really thought about it." She finally gave in a took a long drawl from her coffee cup, surprised to find it was still warm. "Why?"

"Just wondered..." Derek had his arms crossed on the table. "I mean, do I get a say in this?" She must have given him a very confused stare, because he actually laughed, a real laugh, not the fake Derek laugh. "I am the father after all." So he did know. Meredith opened her mouth to respond before realizing something. Who told him?

"I don't know. Why do you care now? You didn't seem to care four months ago." Meredith fidgeted slightly, noticing he was reaching for one of her hands. She pulled them back. "Why the sudden change? Why are you really here, Derek, I'm sure you could've found a job in New York. What brought you back to Seattle?"

She'd averted her eyes from his. He was staring right at her. "Because, I was stupid. I was stupid and afraid, because I thought the baby might be mine, but you hated me, so I thought it wouldn't matter even if it was mine. I thought..." Meredith nearly laughed at his assumption.

"You thought I'd get rid of it?" Derek looked defeated. "I wouldn't. And, for the record, I don't hate you. Didn't hate you." She didn't hate him now, either, but she sure as hell didn't love him either, not now.

"Meredith, listen." Derek sounded desperate. He never sounded vulnerable like this, so she stayed, and she listened. "Izzie called me. She was worried, said you'd been acting strange. She told me. That the baby was mine, I mean." He paused, looking to her for her reaction. Meredith was torn between wanting to kill Izzie and listening to Derek. Well, murder could wait. "I came back. For the baby, because I want to try and fix things. With us."

At one point in time, this would be perfect. But he'd only come back because Izzie had figured out how to contact him, and he was only trying to do the right thing because he was Derek Shepherd. And, after being friends with Addison Montgomery-formerly-Shepherd, her views had changed slightly. "Fix things? Like you tried to fix things with Addison? I'm really not interested in an unhappy rest of our lives, Derek."

Meredith stood to leave, but he grabbed her wrist. Again, she mentally cursed herself for shivering under his touch. Derek's gaze caught her, and pulled her back. "I didn't just come back for the baby. I came back for you, too. If you remember, you're the one who left me for Mark." He pulled that card. Meredith nearly snorted. "Because I didn't know what love is, and you told me, and I'm still not sure what it is. But if you create a life with someone, that's kind of a sign, isn't it?"

Derek had this way with words, even if he had no idea what he was saying, he could make something oddly beautiful out of it. Meredith stared at him for a moment, considering his words. But then the baby kicked, and she yanked her arm from his grasp to massage her stomach. Derek looked startled, and he stood, too. "Should I do something? Call Addi- your doctor?"

Meredith eyed him suspiciously. He'd really never done this before. "Um, no. She just kicked." Her eyes met his and she sighed heavily, watching as his gaze drifted to her stomach. "Here," she took Derek's hand and placed it under hers, and he nearly jumped when he felt the baby kicked.

"The baby kicked," he stated blankly, staring at her.

"Yeah..." They slipped into silence and she gravitated toward the door. "I'm just gonna go. I'm...really tired and have a lot on my mind." Meredith paused, downing her coffee before slipped out the door and into the pouring rain. He was right behind her with an umbrella.

"I, uh, here." He handed it to her somewhat reluctantly, and Meredith knew he'd been planning on simply walking her to her car. But given the situation, even McDreamy knew better. She opened the umbrella and got into her car, waiting for him to go back inside the trailer before resting her head on the steering wheel and closing her eyes. She could've fallen asleep right then and there.

Instead, she watched his bedroom light flick on, and it didn't even occur to her to turn the key in the ignition until that light flicked off fifteen minutes later.

GA

By the time she managed to jam the house key into the lock and stumble inside, it must have been very late. But, knowing Izzie, she was still awake. George was working the late shift, and the blonde intern had this weird thing about not sleeping when she was alone in the house. But Meredith secretly thought Izzie simply liked waiting up for her, which tonight didn't bother her at all. Tonight, it would save her the time of wobbling up the stairs to kill Isobel Stevens.

Dumping her jacket onto the ground with her keys, Meredith yelled into the seemingly quiet house. "Izzie, I'm going to kill you!" There was a pause, the sound of the television being turned up, and then a muffled reply.

"What'd I do now?" The den. Meredith shuffled forward and planted herself in the doorway, trying her best to look bitter and pissed off. And while pregnant, it was very easy to look bitter and pissed off.

"You called Derek," Meredith stated simply. Izzie nodded, only vaguely aware of the conversation that was taking place. Her eyes were glued on the television, where a couple of guys in different colored scrubs were running around a hospital. Meredith moved in front of the TV, knowing it was the only way she'd be able to get Izzie's attention.

"Hey," her friend muttered, annoyed. "I was watching that."

"And I was having a peaceful life, until you went and called Shepherd." There was a cough that sounded suspiciously like 'McDreamy'. Meredith glowered at Izzie. "What was that?"

Izzie pushed to a sitting position on the couch, daring to meet Meredith's gaze. That was potentially dangerous, considering pregnant women were able to charge at any given moment. "I said I called McDreamy. You said it yourself, Meredith, and you've been wandering around the hospital moping since you found out he was the father. And you never even told him." Izzie paused, shrugging before attempting to watch TV from around Meredith. "I just figured he should know he's going to be a father."

Meredith stared blankly at her friend. What the hell was going on? Izzie seemed mad. Why did she have any right to be mad? Meredith was the one who was supposed to be pissed off here! "What gave you the right to call him?"

Izzie shrugged lightly. "You gave up your right to that when you decided not to tell him." Meredith crossed her arms over her chest and glared down at Izzie, annoyed that she was still trying to watch TV instead of listening to her.

"Look, I'm pregnant, and an intern, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Don't tell me what to do, Izzie, when you have no idea what I'm going through." Meredith shook her head forcefully. "None of you do. You wouldn't understand."

"I wouldn't understand?" Izzie echoed with a pitiful laugh. "I wouldn't understand? We don't know everything about each other, Meredith. You would be surprised what I might understand." She rolled her eyes lightly, which only fueled Meredith's fire.

"Yeah? Well, unless you've had a kid, I doubt you could possibly understand." And that, Meredith thought, was how you won an argument. But Izzie wasn't finished yet, even though Meredith had no idea how she could possibly come back and win this fight. Izzie stood, using her height as an intimidation factor, but as Meredith knew this all too well she simply took a step back and crossed her arms. "I'm waiting. Amaze me."

Izzie didn't speak at first, though she fished something out of her wallet. Silently, she handed the picture over to Meredith, who stared at it blankly. "Who's this?"

Izzie heaved a sigh. "My daughter." Meredith gaped at her. "She's six there, but she's eleven now. I was young and stupid, and had sex when I was sixteen. I got pregnant, and the guy left me. So I had to support myself." Izzie's voice was rising with each sentence, and Meredith found herself staring at the floor. "I lived in a trailer park. I wanted better for my daughter. So I put her up for adoption. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. So don't. Tell me what I don't understand. Because I understand a hell of a lot more then you think I do." In a wave of anger, Izzie flopped back on the couch and threw the remote across the room.

Meredith continued staring at the picture. "She has your eyes," she barely whispered. Izzie gave a small smile.

"Yeah."

"What's her name?" Meredith handed the picture over and flopped down on the couch beside her.

Izzie inhaled deeply. "Hannah. But I named her Sarah, before..." They fell silent, but not that uncomfortable silence of old friends meeting after a long time. This was a comfortable silence. Meredith put an arm around Izzie's shoulders and focused on the TV.

There was a long silence and then, "Izzie, are you watching Scrubs?"