"Stop him! Somebody stop him! Somebody stop him!"
The words, screamed out in desperation by a young teenager years ago – the futility of those words still rang in Helena's mind as loudly as they had on the night her mother was murdered. She had begged the crowd of curious on-lookers to stop the man who had just plunged seven inches of cold, hard steel into her mother's abdomen before he got away. No one in the crowd had made a move toward him. All they did was stare as Helena desperately attempted to staunch the seemingly endless flow of blood. It had angered her as much then as it did now. Sure, they could watch the show – gawking at the scene like mindless spectators - but lift a finger to get involved? No way!
Helena sighed. Everyone she knew complained about the crime in New Gotham, but a very select few ever actually did anything about it. The night of her mother's murder had been the perfect example of the apathy that had taken over in the city. The crowd had gathered around Helena and the fallen Selina Kyle the moment they had heard her scream, but had parted like the Red Sea as soon as the murderer had turned to make his escape. It made Helena sick to think about it.
Helena leaned her back against the headboard of the bed and closed her eyes, letting the tears flow freely. Reese had left an hour ago and Helena now felt free to express the emotions that had been building up inside of her all morning. It was like this every year. People kept telling her that it would get easier with time…that the pain of the loss would never go away, but that it would hurt less. Eight years later, Helena could firmly attest to the fact that this statement was wholly untrue.
Sighing again, Helena reached for the frame on the nightstand beside her bed. It contained a picture of her and Selina taken at least a year before Selina's death. Helena had spent long, sleepless nights just staring at that picture, wishing that it had all been just a bad dream and that she would one day wake up to find herself lying in her apartment in Gotham Heights, the smell of Selina's special blend of coffee wafting into her bedroom as her mother prepared breakfast for the two of them. Helena glanced around at the small apartment she rented above the Dark Horse Bar, dark and nearly devoid of furniture, save for the bed, the nightstand and a couple of other necessities. This was a far cry from the home she knew all those years ago.
Helena shook her head. Eight years and the pain was still just as sharp as ever. It was the one constant in her life - everything else was changing. After Selina's tragic death, Helena had fought hard to keep herself numb. She didn't want to feel – didn't want to care about anyone, lest that person be stolen from her. But little by little, over the years, Helena had felt herself opening up…letting people in. It started with Barbara, when she took her in all those years ago. Then, there was Alfred. Of course, the two often found it hard to get past the emotional wall Helena had built for herself, but neither had given up trying and now, she considered both members of her family. Dinah came along a year ago, and, not without quite a bit of resistance, soon found a place in Helena's heart as the sister she'd never had. And then there was Reese…
So much for staying clear of emotional ties.
A few months ago, Helena tried in vain to rebuild the steadily crumbling walls of emotional protection. But when Barbara was attacked at New Gotham High School and left for dead, Helena realized that she could no longer pretend that these people didn't have a special place in her heart. She had let herself care too much and there was no turning back now, even if that meant feeling pain down the road. That was why this year was different…why this dreaded anniversary was so different than all of the previous years.
Helena gently placed the picture frame back onto her nightstand and stood up, resolved in her decision. She had some errands to run before she could set the wheels in motion that would finally free her from the agony of this date. She glanced at the comm. set resting beside the picture frame. With a slight shake of her head, she turned and walked purposefully out of the apartment. She didn't want Barbara tracking her…not this time…