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Music Disclaimer: Lyrics used in this song are by Nick Lachey and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?
I've been dying inside,
Little by little,
Pushing the door open with her leg, trying to get it to remain in place long enough for her to get all of the bags through the walkway, she let out a huge sigh of relief as the door finally shut behind her and all of her items were now securely into the house.
She had gone shopping against her better judgment; eager to start shopping for the baby without even the slightest clue as to what the gender of it was going to be. After what felt like days but in reality was only a few short hours, she was content with what she had purchased.
If only John could be here to see everything I bought. I just know it would make all of this seem more real to him then it does right now.
Hell it didn't even seem real to her when she really thought about it. She was only four months along in the pregnancy, still at the beginning and she hadn't even felt the baby move yet. But deep inside she knew this baby was going to be her reality soon enough and she didn't want to waste another moment without preparing for it.
She laughed to herself as she started pulling the outfits and other baby paraphernalia from the bags and taking yet another long look at it all. She had completely jumped the gun, she knew that but she just couldn't help herself.
Her digital camera was on the stand beside the telephone and she immediately programmed it to take pictures of the items she had spent a small fortune on. She wanted John to be able to see all the work she had done while he couldn't be there and be as much a part of the growing life inside of her as she herself was.
It was the least she could do.
He had been back in prison now for a month and she had been there every weekend to see him, catching him up on her doctors appointments and making sure he was a part of everything that was happening even though he really wasn't in the way that he had wanted too.
There was no denying the ache in her chest each and every time she thought about him back in that place. The dark reality that was his life for the next twenty or so years. She had come to terms with it just as he had but it didn't make the aching any easier to deal with. How many times had she dreamt in the last few weeks of waking up beside him and having him come to the doctors appointments with him only to wake up and realize that it would never happen.
Was she ever truly going to be able to deal with her life now? Could she be a successful mother all on her own or was she going to fail at it because the man she loved in John couldn't be there to help her along the way. Of course she had been around children before, both within the WWE and on her own with her family. But this was different. Doing this alone was going to be completely different. She couldn't give this child back at the end of the day when the going got too tough.
She wanted to believe in her strength of course. She wasn't a willowing flower. She could do just about anything on her own. But for this one thing, and for the rest of her life, she just didn't want to do this one alone. She wanted John there. She knew she most likely didn't "need" him there but the wanting was what drove her so strongly. She just wanted the man she loved to be a part of raising their child. Was that so wrong and so hard a request?
The knock at the door shook her from her thoughts and putting the camera back down on the table, she ran to answer it. She hadn't been expecting anyone to show up but it wasn't unlike people to show up without asking first so she found that it didn't bother her too much.
Not to mention with all of these thoughts floating through her mind she could really use the distraction.
She opened the door without a second thought to look out the peephole and when she did, all prepared to say hello to the person standing there, she opened the door to the one person she hadn't been expecting nor did she want to see.
Does he ever give up? Was he this persistent when we dated all those years ago? She wondered inside her mind. She couldn't remember him being this persistent about anything other then his addictions back then but maybe thats why it bothered her so much now.
"Jeff."
"Can I come in?" he asked, not meeting her gaze.
She moved out of the way of the door and watched as he entered albeit tentatively. He looked around the house, his gaze falling on the mound of bags littered all over the floor and then back to her as a look of pure shock came across his face.
"I see you had a fun time shopping. Care to show me what you picked out for yourself."
Feeling suddenly overprotective of the purchases she had made, she blocked him from getting to them. There was no way in hell that he had any reason to want to see what she bought. They weren't even friends anymore. Which made her all the more curious as to why he was here again now. When she didn't want him to be.
"No you may not see what I bought. What do you want Jeff really? Why do you keep coming back for more punishment. You know I want nothing to do with you."
He nodded his head, still remaining silent as if in deep thought. Another thing he had been good at doing when they dated and obviously hadn't changed.
"I wanted to check on you."
"Why?"
"I wanted to make sure you were alright is all. I know with John being in jail this must be a hard time for you. When i told you before that I cared about you and wanted to be your friend I wasn't lying to you."
She had thought a lot about that day when he had come back into her life and the last thing that had run through her head then had been that he wasn't being honest. For all of his faults he tended to be honest to a fault. Even when it did more damage then good.
"Well as you can see I'm fine so you can be on your merry way now. I won't call if I need anything." she said, urging him within her mind to go to the door and walk out the same way he had just came in. As she did though she tripped over one of the bags that had been near her feet and she felt herself falling. Until she felt the strong arms of safety around her and knew she wasn't going to hit the floor.
Before she had a chance to react she saw the bag that she had tripped over and noticed that all of the baby items had come flying out of it at the same time, and were now scattered all over her floor.
She looked up at Jeff then as he still held onto her tightly and saw that his eyes had indeed gone to the pile of clothing on the floor as well. It was when he looked down at her that she felt her heart stop in mid beat. The look on his face displayed a million emotions, all of which looked to be confusion and revulsion.
He seemed to finally click in to what was going on and why she had all of these items and had been hiding them from him. Because it was in his next words that all became clear and she knew there was no going back.
"You're pregnant."
