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Summary: John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?

Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been

"John talk to me please. Tell me whats going through your mind right now." Trish begged of him as he continued to pace back and forth in the prison room that now suddenly felt like a cell.

The two detectives had long since left the scene, Shawn leaving with them. He knew Trish had brought her own vehicle with her so he didn't stick around to give her a ride home. She was alone with him now but with the look on his face, she was sure he wanted to be anywhere but where they were right now. After learning who had really caused the accident and had walked away with so much as a scratch, it made her heart break.

All this time they could have been together, celebrating the love they had found with one another and all because of one stupid mistake it had cost them all of that and then some. She wanted to be more then just another person in the room with him now and she knew she might never be. He seemed to be slipping away from her again.

"I just can't believe any of this Trish. I mean how did he get here and how did he know I would be in that exact spot? How could he have caused an accident and then just walked away from it?"

She shook her head, unsure of the answers to any of his questions. She had the same ones herself, but was trying her hardest not to let it show. This had to be a horrible thing for John to deal with, right after the fight he had been in had almost killed him.

"What are you going to do now? Trish asked quietly, not wanting to put any more strain on him then was already there.

"There is nothing I can do. You heard the detectives. They are going to take this to the grand jury and then to the judge and get the main charges reversed. But I still drove drunk and that means I still won't be out in time to see our child born. I still have to live in this hell hole all because I couldn't control myself. It doesn't change anything but yet it changes everything."

She listened supportively, noting in her mind that he hadn't made any mention of the person who had caused most of this pain to begin with. In all her study of the case when the trial had been running she had never once suspected there had been another car involved and that the person John had a great deal of respect for had been behind the wheel. Well in fact, he used to have respect for the man. Hell so had she.

"We can do this John. You might miss the birth but there are ways around that and you know it. Shawn said he would be there and he would tape as much of it as he could and then it would be almost as good as being there. You won't miss any time with our child."

He didn't seem to agree with her on that count and it bothered her more then she cared to admit. She wanted him to be happy that he would be getting out sooner then they had both thought but he just couldn't seem to be. She wasn't sure if it was because he was bothered by the person who had come forward about the accident too late, or if it had something more too it. Maybe he wasn't entirely happy to be coming home to her.

"Wish don't think things like that alright. Of course I want to come home to you and our baby. I am happy about being able to be with the two of you sooner then I imagined. It's just--" he cut off then as Trish looked at him, trying to find some signs of explanation in his eyes.

"Just what?"

"I'm afraid that I won't measure up when I do get out. I don't know what being in here has done to me and who I might become."

She wrapped her arms around him as tightly as she could and breathed in deeply. She understood what he was getting at but she wanted to let him be the one to say it. "Why are you worried about that now?"

Did he dare tell her why he was thinking these things? Did he try and explain that while he trusted her more then life itself, he did not trust the man who had first held her heart and still might?

"John please, tell me what has got you thinking about this."

"Jeff." he murmured more under his breath then out loud.

She didn't want to believe it but she was sure that he had just said Jeff. He was worried about how he was going to be when he got out of here and the cause of that worry was Jeff coming back into their lives.

How was she going to tell him about the kiss if he was feeling this way? There was just no way that knowing what they both did now that she could tell him this. It would literally rip him apart and he might never come back from it.

"You don't need to worry about Jeff. He won't ever become a part of our lives ever again. Thats a promise."

As she heard herself promise the man that she loved that her ex was long gone from their lives now, she felt an uneasy feeling in her stomach. What happened if what she had just told him was a lie? Would she ever be able to forgive herself if it was?