When I look up I notice that there are a lot of people surrounding the block on which we live on, Kenji is still chatting happliy obliviously next to me but I know he'll notice soon enough.
"Kenji, hold this for mum." I pass him a paper bag full of vegetables and set down the rest of the shopping. I dig through my bag and find the front door key looping the key ring onto a finger before picking up the rest of the shopping. I take the paper bag from Kenji and balance it on one arm and I hold onto Kenji's hand with the free arm.
"Stay close to mum OK?" I pull him closer to my side as we approach the gathering crowds. The moment I push through the crowds something terrible starts to seep into my body. I can feel it suppressing me and the stench of blood is beyond words. I collapse onto the ground trying to get a breath in but if I try, the smell just makes me retch.
"Mum! MUM!!" Kenji is shaking me but I can't move, it's so raw the feeling but I know it somewhere. I've just been too desensitised to it, but now after so long of not being close to this feeling it is overwhelming. People are crowding abound me but they aren't doing anything. I want to scream 'GET ME OUT OF HERE!!' but I can't speak or breathe.
"Get her out of here!" Someone yells, but I lose everything after that. Because I just black out.
---
"Mum! Mum!" I slowly gain consciousness to find Kenji crying and shaking me. I reach up slowly to stroke his hair,
"Kenji… I'm alright… Don't cry OK? Mum's OK." I wipe his tears away but he pushes my hand away.
"No, you are not OK mum." He throws himself onto me and starts crying all over again. I wrap my arms around him and pat his back.
"Shuu, shuuu… Its OK, cry all you want Kenji…"
"No, you cry mum. I can't just cry for you." My child… Why is he so brave? My heart quivers and I can't stop it any more. I hug him tightly and cry into his small shoulders.
"Kenji… I'm so sorry for being such a terrible mum. But I love you so much."
"I love you too, you aren't a terrible mum. You're the best one in the whole world." His little arms tighten around my neck and I cry harder. A hand rests on my shoulder and I look up. At first it doesn't register, all I see are dark blue eyes and a pale face. But it takes me just a second to process it all. I stop crying and my hands fall limp. Kenji looks up at me and it feels so surreal. The younger version of the man before me is clinging tightly to me.
My eyes widen and I feel all the blood drain from my face. I feel faint again but I struggle to keep myself above the threatening darkness of unconsciousness.
"Na.. ru…" His name comes out barely just as a whisper but it sounds like I've just said it into a void of nothingness and it echoes so painfully around my head in my heart. I am in shock. I suddenly realise that – but I can't do anything about it. I can't deal with this today. Please God, don't let that be him. I can't deal with him! Not now! Please just as I've gotten some kind of normality back into my life. I don't want to live through what I had to in the first five years of leaving again. Not again… My mind shuts down and I faint again.
---
I wake again on something soft and the walls around me reflect the darkening sky. I struggle to get up but a cool authoritative voice orders me other wise.
"Don't move. I expect you'll still be in shock." That voice. I sink back down and close my eyes.
"Where's my son?" I ask quietly.
"He is being looked after by Lin." Lin… Oh my God. I swallow. I know what is going to happen now. He'll demand why I didn't tell him, he'll demand all sorts of things and he'll interrogate me. Where I've been, who I've been with. I slowly get up to stop the blood from rushing to much.
"Didn't I tell you to stay still?"
"You can't order me around Naru." I say defiantly while feeling totally lost.
"You just fainted in the middle of a street."
"Judging from the sky I'd say it was a long time ago."
"You're different Mai..." From the corner of my eye I see him sit down across from me.
"Why did you leave?" He asks me softly. I knew this was coming.
"Because that was an option I thought was the best at the time."
"Why didn't – why didn't you tell me about your problem?"
"MY PROBLEM?! KENJI IS MY PROBLEM NOW? Don't you DARE speak that way about my son." I yell standing up abruptly, my vision swims in front of me and I have to sit back down before I fall on my face. He's yours too.
"Calm down Mai."
"Now you tell me to calm down. I've been a single mother since Kenji was born. Don't you tell me what to do." I massage my forehead with the tips of my fingers in an attempt to stop the throbbing. After the shock wears off I'll be left with a bigger hole in my heart. For now, thankfully it's been numbed by shock and now anger.
"Where have you been?"
"No where. Just trying to support my son and myself."
"Do you know who his father is?" I knew this was coming. Just like I knew how everything else was coming but I didn't want to face it. Can't you tell? Do you really not recognise yourself?
"Yes." I say blandly not looking at him.
"Does he know?" I look up and stare him in the eyes.
"Can you really not tell? If his father did it wouldn't make any difference." The throbbing dies down and I can stand up.
"I'm going. I have to make dinner – if not I'll have to buy take home food. And I do have a child to take care of." I walk towards the door but Naru blocks it off.
"Why wouldn't it make a difference?"
"Because I know. Naru, I'm different. I've changed I'm not seventeen any more. Don't do something you don't know."
"Mai. Stop that. I know you're different so I'm trying to find a way to communicate with you." I look at him. He is still as tall as ever, he even looks the same – if possible even better looking. I can feel the pain coming back, its slow but it's recovering and by the time it gets full blown I know I won't be able to even function. I need to be in bed and tucked Kenji in by then.
I still love that bastard.
Damn him to hell.
"My son is my top priory at the moment, I have no time for you or other people. Good bye."
"Not until I say so." He stares back at me and the pain is starting to make it's presence known.
"Do you know how long I spent thinking about you? How long I agonised over the reason why you left? You didn't even say why. You just left with a note stuck to my office door and your keys with it."
"Not as long as I did. Never as long as I did." I say tears choking me up.
"Every morning of every day, every night of every day. I see you and I feel so much pain. You have no idea how much. It was only the thought of Kenji that kept me going. I ran on a little food everyday. Not because I couldn't afford it but because I just couldn't eat. I physically couldn't eat Naru. They almost took Kenji away from me. Do you know how much that hurt? Then when I just slowly got some kind of normalcy back into my life you turn up. I don't need this. Kenji doesn't need this. We're fine on our own."
"When?" He asks me.
"When what!?" I cry out in anguish; the pain is almost unbearable.
"When did you find out? About Kenji."
"Two weeks." Not making a sound I let the tears flow out. I can remember it so well. Like it happened only a few weeks ago not years.
"He's mine isn't he?" The great genius decides to show his intelligence at last. The tears keep flowing.
"WHO ELSE NARU?!?! You tell me. WHO ELSE?" I scream making my voice go coarse. "Of course he's yours. One look and anyone can tell. Why do you have to make this more painful than it is?" I cry now. I really cry. I cry like I've never cried before. Not when my parents died. Not when I became a ward of the state. Not even when I found out about Kenji.
Naru wraps his arms around me and I keep crying, have I ever felt so comfortable? Just to keep crying into Naru's shoulder.
That morning. When I woke up with his arms around me. That was the last time I felt so comfortable.
I don't want to stop. All these years, all the pain all the frustration it keeps pouring out and even if I want to stop I can't. The steel dam that I built from scratch has broken and I can't stop the torrents from flooding me.
A/N: How was it? I decided to do this in this chapter cuz I think some people are getting crazy with the waiting :p
I've now got a little problem – I don't know what else to write about this… I'll probably work on the case but I'm still a little fuzzy about what should happen in the case, so ideas, feedback anything it'll be good. Oh yes and don't forget to review!!