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Summary: John has been sentenced to two consecutive life terms in prison and away from the woman he loves. Trish is adapting to life without John, trying to stay strong for the sake of their newfound love. Can they survive the ultimate test to their relationship, one that neither of them expects or is prepared to fight?
I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just running in circles all the time
She had been resting for the better part of an hour now and he was surprised at just how peaceful she looked when she slept. He had wanted to sleep as well but the fear within him that one of the babies wouldn't be able to breathe throughout the night kept his butt planted in the chair and his eyes wide open.
It was true of most expectant fathers he was sure, this inner fear of these small little creatures having issues just after birth and something tragic happening, but for him, it was more then normal, he just knew he had to do it. If not for himself to calm his own fear but for the woman that now slept so peacefully across from him.
The hospital had been very accommodating, giving him this easy chair to sit in so that he could rest up and protect the three precious creatures in the room with him. They had tried to get him to leave earlier in the night but he had stood his ground and here he sat, not planning on moving again until Trish and the babies were able to go home.
Home.
Where was home going to be for all of them? He had made his home in Boston for years, something he had done out of love for the city but also because in a way it was close to the family that had pushed him away and been pushed away but still very much existed. Trish had made her home here in Toronto. So what did that mean for them now? Would she want to keep the babies in Toronto with her and send him back to the hole in which he dug for himself?
John didn't know anymore. He knew he had showed up at the hospital nursing a drunken hangover and that was something that he was sure Trish had to have noticed. If she hadn't then there was no way he was going to keep it from her. She deserved to know what had been going on with him since he had pushed her away all those months ago. But if she did know then it was only a matter of time before she made him out to be unfit to care for these babies and he would lose them forever.
Would she really do that? Could she even if she wanted too? Did he have any legs to stand on that weren't ready to fall from the pain of it all? He had wanted nothing more then to get out of jail and now that it had happened and things had changed that way, he had pushed away the woman he loved and he was unsure if she was even going to take him back. He wanted these babies and Trish in his life more then anything, he cried for them each and every night he had been alone. But now that the time had come for it to all hit the fan, would he get what his heart wanted or would he end up getting what he deserved?
"John?"she whispered causing him to look towards the bed and watch as she slowly started to sit up, watching her wince in pain as she realized the scar that was just below her abdomen. If she hadn't realized it before, it surely hit her now that she couldn't do a whole lot of moving with the surgical scar still so fresh.
"I'm here baby, you can go back to sleep."he whispered back, not wanting to wake up the two little angels that seemed to sleep through any amount of noise that this floor seemed to make with new patients being brought in every minute. He was still shocked Trish had slept through it all the way she had.
"I don't need any more sleep. How are you doing? Were you able to sleep at all?"
He shook his head no and watched as her face changed, looking like she wanted to slap him for not taking the chance to sleep when he had it. If she didn't look so darn cute he might have taken it a bit more seriously then he was.
"I didn't want to miss a minute with them Wish. You can't fault me for that can you?" he asked, putting his best puppy dog expression to good use. It apparently worked because her features softened and she seemed to relax more into the covers of the bed.
"Your just afraid is all and it's keeping you up when all your body wants to do is crash. So why don't you tell me what you are so afraid of?"
"You don't want to know believe me. We can deal with it another time."
She looked at him, not happy to accept his answer at face value. He was hiding from him again and she was not in the mood to go digging again to figure him out. The time for that had passed.
"John, if you want anything to work itself out between us then you had better start talking because the more you keep it inside the more apt I am to kick you out of here for good."
He knew she was right and that she would do it if he didn't. How many times had he promised her that he wouldn't pull away and then that was what he went and did anyway? It wasn't fair to her, to them and to the children. He had to start acting like the father he was, the man he was.
"Where are you going to live with the babies? Am I going to live with you? Do I deserve to live with you? Do you even still love me after what I have done? You know, all of that stuff. Like I said, it can wait till another time."
Her features softened again as she realized how deeply troubled he seemed to be by all of these thoughts that were running rampant through his mind. It had crossed her mind as well but she knew the answers in her heart to all of those questions so it never bothered her the way it seemed to do with him. It was time he knew just what was going to happen.
"You want me to answer them one by one?"she asked, a smile playing on her lips, causing John to blush and do the same.
"If you could."
"We are going to live in Toronto, in our home. Which means the answer to the second dilemma you face is that since its OUR home, that means you come too. That is if you want too. You deserve to live with me if you can look inside yourself and forgive me for letting that kiss between Jeff and I happen. It meant nothing, it will never be anything more then it was but it is something you are going to have to deal with and forgive if we are to live together. I will always love you no matter how much you mess up John."
"How can you be so sure about your love for me?"
"Because in all of the things I have been through in this life, your love is the only thing that makes sense. I was destined to love you, you were destined to be here with me and we were destined to help each other. Don't you remember that first night at Hunters?It was just meant to be and its something that no matter what happens will never change. I love the man you are, the man you will become. I want to be with you when you discover just how truly amazing you are."
He wanted to cry hearing the way she spoke of him and her love for him. He had never been told it quite that way before and thinking about it the way she spoke of it, it made perfect sense. They had to help each other heal just the way they had in the beginning. She was right, they were meant to be.
There was only one more thing that would make this day end the way that it should have before the verdict came down in his trial. The one question he had wanted to ask then but had been too afraid to answer because he hadn't felt worthy enough. He knew now that in her eyes he was and that was all that mattered.
'What are you thinking about John?" she interrupted, trying to bring him back to where she was.
"I was just thinking about something I have waited forever to do and never gotten the chance too."
She smiled at him and patted the bed so that he could come closer and they could watch their babies sleeping together. "What would that be?" she whispered as she pointed to the way their baby girl was sucking on her fingers, while the little boy snored softly.
"I want you to marry me Trish, make an honest man out of me and make us a real family. Marry me when the time is right and make the happiest man in the world."