Chapter 9
Naru… I have never seen him look this way before. Maybe if you stuck around and told him about Kenji you would have. I push that thought away and close my eyes.
"Mai… How are you feeling?" My side of the bed sinks in as he sits down.
"I'm fine." I reply using the most generic answer I can come up with. I swallow a lump in my throat and turn my head away from him.
"Can you look at me Mai?" He asks me. It's different this time. He isn't demanding just asking.
"I don't need this. Why can't you just leave us alone?"
"I will not allow that." Cold steel decision cuts through my heart.
"Think about us Naru. Think about me." I suppress another lump and keep my eyes close.
"I would have done everything I could to help you and Kenji if you told me."
"For God's sake Naru! You were only nineteen! I was only seventeen! What was I supposed to do?! I couldn't go through an abortion. I couldn't – no." I open my eyes determination burning in my heart. "I wouldn't do it." I remember then. When I was sitting blankly in the doctor's office to get the home pregnancy test confirmed and a nurse suggested I do an abortion. I felt sick and appalled. Not only that but furious. I will not kill my baby. I would do everything to protect it. I stare at Naru repeating myself.
"I wouldn't do it Naru. He's my child. How can a mother kill their own child?"
"I didn't say that you should have gotten an abortion Mai. I said that if I had known I would have done anything you asked of me to help you. Mai please understand me." His eyes plead with me. His cold eyes are melting; begging to be forgiven. Understand me. Where have I heard that before?
"If I promise to understand and accept you will you do the same for me?" A drunken Naru slurs that in my mind. One lone tear slips out and his hand brushes it away. His warm hand strokes the side of my face and more tears come leaking out from under my closed eyes. I rest my hand on his and choke out in between the lumps in my throat.
"You said that before." I open my eyes not bothering to wipe away the tearstains. I turn to look at Kenji sleeping peacefully and carefully brush his hair back.
"I love him so much." I say to no one in particular. "I don't know what I'd do without him… He's my whole life." I say simply. Kenji starts to wake and the first thing he says to me when he opens his eyes is,
"I love you mum…" I smile lovingly at him and kiss his forehead.
"I love you too Kenji. Are you hungry?"
"Mmm…" He nods his head and gives me doleful look.
"What's the matter?"
"What is he doing here?" I laugh at the way Kenji said that.
"Don't be so rude Kenji!" I gently rebuff him.
"I don't blame him for hating me either." Naru says calmly.
"It doesn't mean that he can just say that so rudely."
"Do you really hate me Kenji?" Naru asks him ignoring me.
"I wouldn't but you keep making mum sick!" He holds onto my arm fearfully and shoots him an accusing glare.
"If I didn't would you keep hating me?" Kenji shakes his head slowly.
"Lets go get something to eat Kenji. Aren't you hungry?" I push the covers off and carry him in my arms. I leave the room without giving Naru another look.
Downstairs I find Lin busy at his laptop in the den.
"Lin, where's the kitchen?" He stands up abruptly,
"Mai, are you sure you feel OK?"
"Yes I'm fine. Stop treating me like an invalid! We're both very hungry now. Is there something in the kitchen I can make?"
"There's some eggs and some milk in the fridge but apart from that I don't have much. Madoka comes over sometimes and she leaves me some food. That's where the porridge came from."
"Madoka! I haven't seen her for awhile…" I miss her. That teacher of Naru's was the only one who could make him lose a verbal battle.
"Who's that mum?" Kenji asks me wrapping his arms around my neck.
"That's an old friend Kenji. Come on lets go see what I can make for us." I follow Lin into the kitchen and set Kenji down at the kitchen counter before going through the fridge and pantry pulling out anything that I can use.
"Would you like anything Lin?"
"No. I'll be fine. If you need me for anything I'll just be in the den."
"Are you sure you don't want anything? Something to drink? Tea? Anything?"
"Mai. I can look after myself. Take care of yourself and Kenji first before you do anything for anyone else." I sigh and pull out the frying pan from under the sink.
"Would you like an egg Kenji?" He eagerly nods his head and I heat up the pan over a medium fire oiling the surface of the pan before cracking an egg into the pan.
"Would you like anything Naru?" I ask without turning around.
"No." Comes his emotionless answer. I serve the egg on a plate to Kenji and watch him eat it ravenously.
"Do you want anything else Kenji?"
"Yes!" I giggle at his answer and ruffle his hair.
"OK but I'll have to buy some food. There isn't much to eat here at Lin's home." I stack the used utensils in the sink before filling one side up with warm soapy water. I start to wash the dishes when Naru takes up the space next to me picking up the soapy dishes and rinsing them.
"Thanks." I say absent-mindedly. I wonder what would be good to cook for Kenji; I hope there are fresh food stores near by…
"Don't you get tired?" His velvet voice startles me and I drop a dish back into the soapy water with a 'plop'.
"Tired?"
"Taking care of Kenji."
"It's worth everything he gives me. For that I suppose I should thank you too." I pause the washing of the dishes and turn to Naru, "I should thank you for giving me Kenji."
"I wished that you had told me."
"I'm not going over this again Naru. It's becoming like a broken record!"
"I'm done mum!" Kenji's cheerful voice floats over breaking the building tension between Naru and I. I turn away from Naru and pick up Kenji's plate and fork dumping them into the water to wash.
"Didn't you think I would like to take some responsibility and a choice to choose if I would want to take up the responsibility as well?"
"Well Naru, I just didn't want to force you to choose. You were drunk when you fathered Kenji."
"It was my fault." His hands stop moving and I hear him exhale loudly.
"Can you STOP? Just stop. Stop going over spilt milk OK. It's no use. I can only look into the future and hope that Kenji has a good and happy life. It doesn't matter. Those consequences has happened and passed. I have Kenji now, I have a new life with my son." I wash Kenji's plate forcefully and drop the plate with a clatter into the other side of the sink to be rinsed.
"Your son?" I stop and sigh before looking at Naru.
"Yes, my son." His eyes are burning and there's a glint that I didn't know existed in him.
"Then he is equally mine."
"You weren't there at three AM changing his diapers. You weren't at his first day at pre-school. You weren't there on his first day at school. How can you say he is yours?"
"You didn't give me a choice did you Mai?" He throws the dish he was rinsing into the sink with a loud smash. "Good God Mai! What has happened to you?! You didn't even think about what I wanted! You didn't even think about giving me a choice!" The once calm and cool Naru I've ever known has his façade slipping slowly but surely.
"I thought Naru! I thought! I thought about it every waking moment, I dreamt about it every night! Everything I knew of you was that one, you were my boss, two, you hated being committed, three, you were the coldest person I had ever known and FOUR, you were barely an adult then! I was in an even worse position Naru! So forgive me if I had thought otherwise!" I drop the dish back into the water and wash the soapsuds off of my hands. Drying them on my clothes I announce,
"I'm going to buy some groceries." I walk into the den and ask Lin, "Where did you put my bag?" He passes me my bag and I take out my wallet.
"Kenji, you stay here. I'll just be gone for a little while OK?" I kiss him and head for the door. Kenji obediently stay put but gives me a distressed look.
"Mai, wait."
"Can I – can we not do this?" I shrug his hand off my shoulder and walk out the door. I hear his footsteps ringing out around the corridor as he runs to catch up with me.
"Mai," I walk faster and shrug his hand off my shoulder again; he grips my shoulder tightly and pulls me back to a stop.
"Mai, can you just listen to me?" Tears start to build up in my eyes but I'm not feeling anything else. It's almost like I've got an irritant in my eye and I'm just trying to get it out. I blink the build up of moisture away and the tears spill out. Quickly and angrily I dash them away.
"Why can't you give me a chance?"
"To what Naru? A chance to what? Be a dad? Do you even know what it's like to be a parent? Do you even have the emotional depth to be one? Do you know the pain? The – the," I struggle to find the right word and I find a thread of it somewhere in my heart and I hold it tight. "The love you have to give unconditionally?"
"Would you just give me the chance to prove that I can?"
"I don't even know you…" I raise my hand to my mouth in shock. I can feel the blood slowly drain from my face. I don't know him at all but I still love him. Seven years of nothing and I still love him as much as the day I left. I keep on walking and Naru keeps up easily with me.
"Mai, I shouldn't bring this up now but it's important I know. It's about Kenji." My heart pounds and a tight sensation spread across my chest.
"Did you have any inkling that Kenji has PK?" My hands tremble slightly as I look at Naru and whisper my answer.
"Yes. I never thought it his PK abilities would be that great." I shut my eyes tightly and rub my face vigorously. "Naru. I need to buy some groceries. I want some time to breath so can we not talk about us. Or Kenji? I'm at my limit. I can't take any more. Please just either leave or stop talking about those two subjects."
He stays silent and just keeps accompanying me as I shop around in silence. It feels comfortable, almost effortless as I pick up groceries and deposit them into a basket that Naru hung on his arm. It was just so natural, I didn't even think about it. But I did and what horrifies me is that I feel as though we've done this countless of times before. I look into the basket and I find a tin of Kenji's favourite chocolate powder milk in there. Strange… I don't remember putting that in there…
"Naru, did I put that in?" I ask pointing to the drink.
"I did."
"How did you know…" I ask softly.
"I like that, I just don't ever make it a big show in front of other people."
"Kenji loves that. I always buy it for him…" I smile, "I thought you preferred tea Naru?"
"I do. I only drink this when I can't sleep. Tea contains caffeine and it'll be pointless to drink tea if I'm trying to sleep. I only like the tea you make anyway."
"You still remember?" I ask pleasantly surprised.
"I'll always remember. You were the only one who could make my tea taste that good."
"Two tea spoons of sugar." I say softly, biting back a smile. That's how I always gave Naru his tea and how I always gave Kenji his chocolate drink.
'You always make good chocolate drinks mum. What do you put in it?'
'All my love Kenji.'
All my love. Every cup I had ever made for him was with my love. We walk back to Lin's home in companionable silence, the hour of walking and shopping for food has calmed and relaxed me more than I have been for a long time. Naru has not touched me once, yet I feel as though he has his arms around me giving me comfort and warmth.
---
A harried Lin greets us at the door with Kenji tugging on his arm. I can't suppress my laughter on time and I burst out laughing. Poor Lin wouldn't know what hit him. I pass my shopping bags to Naru to pick Kenji up.
"Stop bothering Lin, you have been naughty haven't you?" I give Kenji an Eskimo kiss and hug him.
"I'm sorry Lin, but thanks for looking after him. I know he can be a handful, especially when he gets to know you." I let him down and he follows Naru into the kitchen.
"It's alright Mai…" He gives me a strained smile.
"So sorry Lin. What did that little monster do?"
"Nothing much, just took up my time." I clap my hands together and bow deeply to him.
"Thanks for looking after Kenji, and I'm so sorry I had to put you through such an ordeal."
"It's worth it. You're happier." Lin gives me one of his rare smiles and returns to the den to his work. I shut the door behind me and I walk into the kitchen. Slowing to a halt when I hear conversation.
"…My mum makes the best chocolate milk." Bless his soul. I smile at what Kenji says.
"Do you know what she puts in it?" Naru asks. I hear the rustling of plastic bags and cupboards being opened and closed.
"All her love." Kenji quotes me proudly. I cover my mouth and stifle a giggle from escaping.
"Mai, I know you're there." Naru's voice floats over and I turn myself in.
"So does anyone want to eat anything?" I ask cheerfully opening the cupboards and pulling out a box of tea and some sugar.
"I'll have some tea Mai." I look around for any teapots or cups and I find them hidden away behind some unused cookery pots.
"Mum…" Kenji tugs on my shirt.
"What is it honey?"
"I want to take a shower."
"Now?" He nods his head giving me a pathetically sad look. I sigh, can't be helped then.
"Naru, I'm going to give this dirty monster a shower. You'll have to wait for your tea. Unless you want to make it yourself."
"Go ahead. I'll just wait." I grimace.
"If you don't mind waiting 40 minutes to an hour I don't advise you to wait." I pick Kenji up and knock on Lin's office door.
"Sorry to bother you Lin, but do you have a towel and some clean clothes? Kenji wants to take a shower."
"It's in the linin cupboard next to the bathroom. I'll find something Kenji can wear." Lin returns shortly with a pretty large shirt.
"Sorry all my clothes are the same size…" I take the shirt gratefully from Lin.
"Thank you Lin. It doesn't matter; we're the ones taking up your house anyway. I should be the one saying sorry."
"Don't worry about it Mai. We all missed you, it's good to see you again." I smile at Lin before carrying Kenji into the bathroom. I close the door behind me and set the things on bench and tug up Kenji's shirt.
"Hands up." He obediently complies and lifts his arms up for me to pull the shirt off him. I toss it next to the towel on the bench and head to the showerhead to tinker around with the water trying to find a suitable temperature while Kenji removes his pants. I roll up my sleaves as high as they'll go.
"Come on Kenji." I pull him under the shower and splash his body with the warm water.
"Take a deep breath and hold it for a moment K?" He nods and holds his breath while I quickly rinse his hair. I set the running showerhead down for a moment to get some shampoo and soap. Kenji picks up the showerhead and promptly sprays water into my face.
"Kenji! Please don't wet me." I wipe my face on the rolled up sleaves and squeezed out some shampoo.
"But that's the point mum, you're meant to get wet."
"OK, OK, I just don't want to be soaking wet at the end of this. Here, soap yourself, I'll do your hair." I pass him the body soap and start working the shampoo into his hair while he soaps himself.
"You should be old enough to shower on your own Kenji." I tell him soaping his hair carefully so that none of the suds would get into his eyes.
"But he's there. I can't let you be alone with him." He mutters squelching the liquid soap through his little fingers.
"Stop playing with the soap! He's not that bad to mum. Why don't you like him Kenji?" I pick up the showerhead and start rinsing off the suds on his head.
"He's just mean to you mum! How can you stand being near him! And he makes me hurt too."
"Oh Kenji," I sigh rinsing the suds from his hair, "It's just too complicated, I don't even know the answer… Close your eyes." I quickly wash off the remaining suds off his head.
"Are you done soaping yourself?" I ask him noting that he is still playing with the liquid soap.
"Yep!" I rinse his hands off first before moving methodically through his body making sure to wash off all the soap.
"OK! All done." I reach over and turn the water off. I pull the towel off the bench and open it out, Kenji walks into the fluffy material and using the towel I rub his body dry. I kiss the top of his damp head.
"All done. Now you smell nice. Here put on your pants, Lin didn't have anything that you would have fit in except the shirt." I pass him his clothes and he struggles to put on the clothes. I pick up the used towel and Kenji's dirty clothes before opening the bathroom door. The first thing I see is Lin running down the hallway.
"Lin? What's the matter?" He pauses and turns to me,
"Mai, stay here for awhile. Something just came up on the case, Naru just went and I'm going now too. We'll call you later. Don't go any where near your house. At least for now. Please." He runs off and the front door is shut with a loud click.
"…But… come back safely Lin." I mummer at the closed door. Kenji holds my hand to get my attention.
"What happened mum? Where'd everyone go?"
"Work… Don't worry Kenji, they'll be back tonight…" I cross my fingers and hope that they do come back safely. I pick Kenji up kiss him.
"Mum," He tells me seriously.
"What is it Kenji?"
"You need a shower." I laugh and pinch his nose gently,
"You are very rude did you know that?" I sigh, "At least you're honest Kenji." I kiss him again and set him down.
"I think I'll go have that shower you told me to have. Behave yourself OK? Don't touch Lin's things, if you feel tired go back up and have a nap." I go into the guest room with Kenji following me and I find a set of clothes folded neatly on the bed.
"Bless him." I say mentally thanking Lin for being so thoughtful. I pick up the clothes and help Kenji up onto the bed.
"I'll just be gone for awhile OK? Have a little nap." He nods sleepily as I settle him into the bed giving him a kiss before heading down to the bathroom.
A/N: Yes! The story is going somewhere at last! Please leave a review too! They keep me inspired!!