Meredith sat in her dark bedroom. She had just woken up from a nap and it was dark again. She sat up and looked out the window to see the city lights. Normally, Meredith loved looking out the window, but tonight it didn't feel right.

"Hey, I brought you dinner." Izzie said as she walked into the room. "Hey Mer?"

Meredith broke her daze. "Yea?"

"I brought you your favorite lasagna ever." Izzie sat the nicely decorated tray in front of her.

"Thanks."

"I figured you would be sick of hospital food by now." Izzie handed her a fork. "I mean seriously how many times can they serve and upside down cup of jello?'

"I know." Meredith said as she began staring out the window."

"Meredith?"

Meredith smiled, "Yea."

"You alright?" Izzie asked as she looked at her friend in a concerned way.

"Yea." Meredith looked out the window again.

"Okay." Izzie responded. She knew Meredith was having a tough time, but she didn't want to hound her. "Okay, well I am going to go to Denny's. Derek is on his way back. He went to get some thing from his apartment, while you were asleep. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Izzie, I am fine." Meredith smiled, "Go see Denny."

"Okay." Izzie hugged her friend then left.

I need to get out, I'm going to go get the mail.

Meredith walked down to the lobby of her apartment to get the mail. She grabbed the stuff from the mailbox and got back into the elevator. She couldn't help but be edgy during the ride. The last ride up, Derek carried her so she wasn't focusing on the ride. But this time she was alone.

Calm down Meredith, it's just an elevator.

Images of Finn pushing her to the wall appeared. Finally she got off at her floor and took a deep breath.

Calm Down, you're fine. He's gone.

Meredith walked back into her apartment and locked it again. She sat her key's on the counter then flipped through the mail. She saw all of the fashion catalogues and bills. She even got a postcard, but then one thing caught her eye. It was a manila envelope

Meredith opened the envelope and noticed it had no return address. When she saw the contents of the envelope, she put her hand to her mouth and gasped. Tears of panic came to her eyes.

Oh my God.

The contents of the envelope fell to the counter and Meredith burst into tears.

"Meredith I'm back I saw that Iz…" Derek said as he walked into the apartment. He stopped when he realized she was crying, "What's wrong baby?"

"I…..He….."She couldn't get the words out. She pointed to the envelop on the counter and put her head in Derek's chest.

Derek went through the mail with his free hand and saw the contents of the manila envelope spread over the counter. He saw multiple pictures of Meredith walking down the street, at the coffee shop, at work and going about her life. Then he saw a sonogram picture dated over a year back. Then the most disturbing picture showed up, one of Meredith sunbathing and in a hotel hot tub in the Hampton's with Izzie. Another series of disturbing pictures was on of Meredith sleeping in her apartment, which he must have taken from the fire escape. Then he came across a note in thick black writing.

Dear Meredith,
I have been watching you with love. By the time you get this gift, you will be mine again. I can't wait till I have you in my house and away from that idiot you're dating.
Love you and watching you as always,
Finn

"Oh my God." Derek said. He looked down at Meredith. She was sobbing into his shirt when it hit him.

Oh my God, the Hampton's trip was a week before her birthday. He has been stalking her for months.

He held Meredith as she cried. He picked her up into his arms. He took her to the bed room and sat at the end of the bed. He held her as she cried into his shoulder. "He followed me."

"I know."

"He sent the baby picture." Meredith sobbed. "That was my baby."

"I know Mer." Derek said sympathetically. "I know."

"He followed me for months and I didn't even know." Meredith sobbed as she looked into his eyes. "How did I not know Derek? I should have known. I mean he followed me. I knew he was following me to the hospital! I saw his car when I was leaving the apartment, I even saw it out the window before you left for work. But I figured someone else had the car and I was being paranoid. I noticed he followed me in the cab!"

"Shh…" Derek took her back into his shoulder. "It's okay Meri, he's gone. He's dead."

"I know, but he still ruined me. I'm scared." She sobbed. "He sent it the day before he…" Meredith couldn't finish. She sobbed and Derek laid her back on the bed.

Derek laid next to her as she cried. She cried for about two hours straight as Derek held her. Eventually she fell asleep, but Derek couldn't sleep.

I can't believe this. My Meredith went from happy to miserable in the course of a week. She didn't even know and some of her private moments were stolen from her. This recovery might take a while and I don't know how to fix her.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAG

Two weeks after Meredith came home from the hospital, she hadn't returned to her normal self. The morning after discovering the envelope, Meredith went on like nothing was happening. She was tired of people asking her if she was alright. She was sick of people thinking she was so fragile, almost like she might break.

She went into the kitchen to find Derek leaning against the counter, drinking coffee. He looked up. "Hey beautiful."

Meredith smiled. "Hey."

Derek put his arms around her. He knew that things weren't the same and they wouldn't be for a while. But he was bothered that she was acting like nothing happened. He figured denial was normal, but he just wanted her to talk and know that he was there for her. The more he told her the more they fought and Meredith stormed out of the room. So, he stopped telling her. He moved so the she was leaning against the counter. He kissed her then ran his finger along her jaw. "How are you feeling?"

Meredith gave him a glaring eye, "Derek."

"I'm talking pregnancy wise." Derek put his hands up.

"Okay, I'm ok. I just had a little morning sickness. But I'm okay." Meredith said as she wrapped her arms around him.

"I love you." Derek said as he put his head against hers.

"I love you too." Meredith said back.

Derek leaned down and kissed her softly.

Meredith returned the kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Mmmm."

He put his hands on her waist as the kiss became more passionate. He began walking towards the bedroom as Meredith lifted his shirt over his head. They reached the bedroom and Meredith backed onto the bed as Derek crawled over to her he began kissed her neck as she ran her fingers along his body. She moaned when he reached that spot on her neck that made her instantly arouse. Never before had any man kissed her that way and in that spot. Meredith undid the clasp to Derek's belt. She kissed him on the cheek.

As Derek unbuttoned her jeans she tensed up. She felt his fingers dance down to her clit. As he entered a finger into her, she became nervous. "Derek stop."

"What's wrong?" He looked concerned and pulled his hand away.

Meredith began thinking to herself.

Meredith calm down. He loves you and he's going to be your husband. You need to calm down.

"I'm ok." Meredith began kissing him, but Derek pulled away.

"Are you sure?" Derek asked cautiously.

"Yea." Meredith said as she cupped his face.

Derek began kissing her lips again. He ran the kisses up and down her neck. When he moved the kisses to her chest she flinched. He moved the kisses back to her lips as he slid his hand down the front of her pants again. He teases her clit which made her moan. As he slipped a finger in she tensed up again.

"No..oh please stop Derek." Meredith said as she stiffened up.

Derek removed his hand and sat up as he grew more worried. "What's wrong?"

"I just…I don't want to do that." Meredith said as she sat up and buttoned her pants. "Not yet, I just can't."

Derek took a deep breath. "Meredith, it might feel to soon, but I think its time we talk about this."

"No, we are not talking about it." Meredith said sternly as the tears came to her eyes. "There is nothing to discuss."

"Yes there is Meredith." Derek sat next to her. "You're barely eating, you sleep and cry all of the time and we haven't had sex since two nights before this happened. I'm okay without the sex."

"No you're not." Meredith responded.

"Well it's hard, but I understand that you're going through something." Derek said. "You experienced multiple bad things and I'm willing to wait." Derek said.

"Stop being so understanding!" Meredith shouted as her tears poured out. "You don't understand Derek."

"I know I don't understand and only someone who went through what you did would understand." Derek uttered. "But this isn't healthy for you or the baby."

"Stop making me feel bad about the baby. I just…" Meredith spoke quietly. "I cant' do this right now. I can't have you touch me like you used to."

Derek's eyes grew sad. " Meredith.."

"No Derek, don't you get it?" Meredith asked.

"Get what?"

"Another man touched me Derek." Meredith said in a disgusted tone. "Not only did he stalk me and take away my feeling of security, but he took away my dignity. I feel gross and dirty. No matter how many showers I take, I feel dirty."

"I'm sorry Meredith." Derek said as he stroked her hair, but she inched away.

"Derek, you don't get it still!" Meredith pleaded. "He touched me in places I only wanted you to touch me. Nobody else was supposed to touch me or kiss me, but you. And Fi…He did that. I feel gross and Dirty Derek." Meredith sobbed. "Those areas were only for you and he invaded that. How am I supposed to feel comfortable with you touching me if someone took away?"

"Meredith, you couldn't stop him." Derek said. "He overpowered you."

"I tried Derek." Meredith cried. "But do you get the places where he invaded me? My breasts, my thighs, my lips and my female area. Those areas are yours and yours only. Its not like he kissed my quickly or smacked my ass. He did thinks to me Derek!"

Derek put his arms around Meredith. "Are you afraid that I'm upset with you?"

"No…I just…" Meredith sat out of his arms. "I'm dirty and how am I supposed to let you touch me, when someone else ruined it. I don't feel pretty, sexy or happy. I just feel broken."

"You're not dirty Meredith. It wasn't your fault and you're always going to be the one I love." Derek said. "Yes it bothers me that he touched you, but I just want you to be okay. I can live with everything else, just knowing that you and my baby are alright. I can wait to touch you until you're ready."

"I'm sorry Derek, I just…" Meredith tried to calm down. "I don't know how to deal with it. I just feel he got off easy being dead and now, there is nothing I can do."

"You didn't get justice." Derek said back. "But Meredith, you lived and the baby lived. Eventually you will be alright with being intimate again. I'm just glad right now that you are alive and you're going to be alright. Meredith, I'm here for you."

Meredith just sat in his arms crying and occasionally saying, "He touched me."

Derek held her through the night. He couldn't help but cry once she fell asleep.

God please make this pain go away.

Please review