Beast Boy lay silently in his room, the only that wasn't driven to extremes over the loss of Starfire. Though he was sad, he remembered something Raven had told him long ago: Everyone died, so there was no point fearing. Death should be celebrated, because it meant that the person was no longer bounded by the limits or pains of their mortal bodies. And now he saw that it was all true.
He was more concerned about Terra's being there. With the team being as down as it was, the last thing it needed was Slade or Terra to come in with a lucky shot and get someone else. That would completely destroy any chance of rebuilding.
Several hours after Robin stopped screaming, Beast Boy was still thinking about this… He had to have a plan for if Terra did decide to strike.
You don't remember meBut I remember you…
It wasn't healthy to think of this though. He tried to shake the thoughts from his head. He needed sleep. At the moment, it seemed only he was thinking normally. Even Cyborg was having difficulties. He hadn't left the grave for over 12 hours last time Beast Boy had checked.
I lie awake and try so hardNot to think of you.
The darkness of his room sent chills down his spine. He felt like he was being watched. He hoped Raven was ok. He thought about the good times he had had with Starfire… mostly so he wouldn't be thinking about Terra.
Finally, he fell asleep.
But who can decide what they dream?And dream I do…
Terra was walking with him through the carnival. It seemed like years ago, but at the same time, it felt like it was just happening. Beast Boy didn't know which it was… or was it both?
He woke up covered in sweat.
I believe in you.
I'll give up everything just to find you.
Terra… she was the key to everything. Somehow, it all went back to her.
Despite all of this, he knew that he had to be with her. She was like a drug, and he was hooked to her. She was the only one who he had really gotten along with. She was the only one who he had loved, and who had loved back.
I have to be with you,
To live, to breath.
He liked Raven, too… but he was sure that he would end up with Terra, if he "ended up" with anyone. Besides, Raven didn't care about him. Briefly he remembered running into the bathroom. He shook the images aside with some difficulty. He might like Raven… but he wasn't going to be perverted and think about it all the time.
Instantly his thoughts went back to Terra.
You're taking over me.
He couldn't help it… he needed her.
Have you forgotten all I know,
And all we had?
Does she even remember any of that?Beast Boy wondered, Does she even care about what I thought of her?
You saw me mourning my love for you…How many times had he visited her body, encased in rock, since her sacrifice? Hardly a week went by without him making the journey with a couple flowers, or something. Once he had even brought a pizza down… almost as though he expected her to come back and share it with him.
Now he felt certain that she had been conscious of what was going on. He was sure that she had seen all of that.
And touched my hand…I knew you loved me then.
He remembered back to the carnival. That night, when he had truly been his happiest, he had learned the truth. Back when she had still loved him. Back when he thought she was real.
I believe in you.
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you
To live, to breathe.
You're taking over me.
Somehow, he would find a way to bring her back. He knew she wasn't lost. He knew that Starfire would've wanted him to try, at least. He stood and walked into the bathroom, standing on the door, and splashing water from the still-running shower onto his face, since the sink was destroyed. He looked into the mirror, seeing the circles under his eyes. And he saw something else there…
I look in the mirror and see your face…He knew it was her. This had happened to him so many times before.
"Terra, why did you come back like this?" he muttered to the imaginary reflection.
If I look deep enough.
He felt ripped apart. He was loyal to the team, or what was left to it. He was loyal to Starfire. But he loved Terra… and maybe Raven. He thought back briefly to the hospital, the day he had brought Raven back from the brink of death. But his thoughts were jerked back to Terra.
So many things inside that areJust like you are taking over…
Why couldn't he keep control? Why did he keep thinking about Terra?
"Starfire, help me!" he yelled, looking at the ceiling. No answer came.
I believe in you.
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you,
To live, to breathe.
You're taking over me.
He stumbled back into his room, collapsing on his bed and staring at the ceiling in disgust. There was no way he was going to sleep again that night.
I believe in you.
I'll give up everything just to find you.
I have to be with you,
To live, to breathe.
You're taking over me.
Why do I have to love her? he thought to himself as the agony of it all threatened to drive him to Raven's "relaxation techniques", as he had begun to call them.
Taking over me…She was evil, he knew that. But hadn't her sacrifice proven she wasn't?
You're taking over me!Was that good action enough to make up for what she had done as Slade's apprentice?
Taking over me…How was her situation different from when Robin had been Slade's apprentice?
You're taking over me!A rock flew over the tower, a figure standing motionless on top. It's long golden hair flowed out behind it.
Everything it had been looking and listening for, it had gotten. And despite the feeling of uneasiness, she prepared for the final defeat of the Titans, her… friends…
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Well… I'm still concentrating on that preview… I told you, I'm obsessed with the show, and Raven is my favorite character. Maybe that's why when she dies in my stories, its something really painful… because when/if I kill myself, I'm going to make sure its painful… trust me, my suicide would make national news if I did it the way I've planned… and yes I have planned it out. Aren't I prepared?
Anyways… I'm not actually thinking about doing it, but should the need arise, I'm ready. And as for what Raven told BB about death (at the beginning of this chapter), that's completely my idea. That is my belief about death, and that is partly why I'm not afraid of dying. The way I see it, a couple minutes of pain for an eternity of paradise is a pretty good trade.
Random thought of the evening: Have you ever noticed how much you can tell about a person by their eyes? I'm going to refer to people I know in real life for this one. First is me. I have hazel eyes with a black (or brown) ring around the very edge. My personality is depressed, or angry, or just nothing… but I act like I'm happy (like I'm the funny guy). I surround my true personality (the hazel) with a shield of lies (the black).
Also, I know a girl with pure black eyes. I mean, there's the whites, which don't have veins or discolorations or anything in them, and then there's pure blackness. Its kinda creepy, but really cool looking. Anyways, she acts like she doesn't care about what people think about her. At the same time, she always tries to hide her eyes, because honestly, they freak a lot of people out. She rarely looks people in the eyes. Anyways, she has a lot of contrasting things like that about her… nearly everything is contrasting. This is symbolized by the black and white in her eyes. Oh yeah, her hair is also black, and her skin is extremely pale… I have no idea how it stays so pale, she's outside a lot more than me, but it is. And she nearly always wears a black windbreaker. This is another contrast to her which is mirrored in her personality.
Ok, well, look at stuff like that. PS, When I watch shows (especially TT), I look at the eyes. Maybe that's what freaked me out with the preview. Raven's eyes go all funky… and yes I did just say funky.
Anyways, I've gone off on my random thought process long enough. Next chapter'll be up soon, and guess what. It deals with Robin going insane about Star's death. Surprise, surprise.
Sorry about rambling, please review. The idiot (me) would appreciate it.