Chapter 4: That Night

I walked into the Livingston house nervously. It was a gorgeous house, pool and everything, but this freaked me out beyond belief.

Newt pulled me by my arm and led me up a spiral staircase and took me to a room decorated entirely in…you guessed it, pink.

I smiled. The room vaguely reminded me of my own room, with the pink and white theme.

"Thanks again." I said

"No big deal, you needed it." He said

Normally, in a situation such as where people tell me what I need, I would have chewed him out, but I kept calm, and sighed.

Soon after in such a mother like fashion, Mrs. Livingston burst into the room nearly in tears, which I think may have slightly freaked Newt out a bit as he drifted out of the room.

She hugged me and once again told me how sorry she was about my loss.

"No BD Mrs. Livingston." I said

"Yes, Big deal, sweetie." She said, "Newton told me how you couldn't find your friend Jason Stickler either, is he okay?"

"I'm pretty sure, Meena Parhoom said he exited quick after I went in, he saved my life in a way, because he went and got Cory Baxter, Meena, Newt, and Craig Burkawitz, and Craig called the fire department while Cory called the ambulance." I said

"Do you want something to eat?" she asked

I shook my head, "I nearly lost it once, I really don't want to take a chance."

She nodded and left the room.

I sat on the bed and looked out the window at the open sky.

There was only one star in the sky.

I did what I knew to do, "Starlight, starbright, the only star in the sky tonight, please I wish for this whole situation to get better, bring me someone to save me, a knight in shining armor of the sorts."

I stopped talking as I felt another presence in the room.

I whipped around to see Newt staring at me.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked

"Since, sky tonight." He said

"Pretend you heard nothing, tell anyone and I'll ki…hurt you." I said

I didn't want to say kill right now. It seemed like an inappropriate time to say the word kill or die or anything like that.

He came and sat down next to me. He handed me a stack of three T-Shirts and some basketball-esque shorts.

"Here, I know with the whole fire you…never mind…" he said, looking away from me

"You can say it, I won't hurt you, just say it, I lost everything." I said bitterly

"I don't want to." He said

"Whatever." I said

I looked down, and then looked at my dress, it was blood stained, smelt of smoke and ashes, and one of the straps had popped.

"I'm going to go change." I said picking up a red and white tie dyed T-Shirt and a white pair of shiny basketball pants.

I went into the bathroom and locked the door, I began to undress, sliding the T over my small frame and pulling up the shorts.

I sat on the edge of the bathtub and stared at the dress. It was the only thing I had left.

Well, besides my shoes, that had been left in the room.

I picked it up and ran my hand over the black material.

The little pink flowers that was scattered across the whole thing were either scarred with a grey tinge from the smoke or red from my blood.

The strap had popped. I hadn't even noticed it until I looked at Newt and saw it out of the corner of my eye.

I remembered the way it looked when I put it on, the last time I saw my mom.

The way the black mesh on the inside hit and let itself show at my knees. How pretty it was.

Then it hit me, my mom told me to cut the stove off.

"It's my fault." I gasped, I began to bawl crying.

I then remembered to keep it down, knowing Newt was only a few rooms down.

The thought of my mom's death and the house burning down being my fault flooded into my head.

"My God, it's all my fault, it's all mine, if it weren't for me, I'd be coming home from the party right now, and everything would be okay. Why me? Why? Why am I so damn stupid." I thought

I truly was stupid at that point, because I started my trail of self destruction then.

I grabbed what I assumed was Newt's mom's razor since it was in the shower, but hey, Newt Livingston lives here, so who knows?

It was one of those chepo razors that you dispose, not like a Venus or Quattro and what not.

I slid the razor across the middle of my lower arm. I wanted to scream it hurt so bad, but instead, I slammed my hand over the wound and got some tissue and stopped the bleeding. I ran it under some water and rooted through the medicine cabinet until I found some bandages. I washed off the razor and threw it in the bin. I quickly put one over the stinging scar and went out, still cringing from the pain.

"I was wondering what happened to you?" he said as soon as I came back in the room

"I do too." I said under my breath

"Huh?" he said

"Nothing."

He looked at me strangely. It almost was the "look of love" so to speak, you know when a guy or girl will look at the other and half smile and tilt their head to one side.

That's exactly what he was doing.

I sat back down on the bed and crossed my legs in Indian style.

"Are you okay?" he began, "You seemed really bad off back in the ambulance."

"I've been better but, I think I'll be fine."

"What's that?" he asked, pointing to the bandage on my arm

"It happened when I fell, the nurse lady fixed it up." I lied

It was odd, high pressure situations, I could lie with ease, but not when it was hardly nothing, I couldn't.

"Oh, okay." He said

"I guess you need your time by yourself, I'll leave." He said

"Newt, don't, I have the rest of my life to be by myself, you don't have to go, and I really don't want you to."

At that point, I didn't know what I was saying, ever since the whole slicing my arm thing, it was like my mind hadn't been working straight.

I ran both of my hands over my face and looked at him.

He smiled and sat back down on the bed on the side, opposite from me.

I laid down and faced upwards at the ceiling, staring it down.

Newt soon followed after me.

"Are you sure you're okay, this has got to be killing you." He said

"I think I'll be fine, I got over my dad going missing, I'll be fine, right now, I want to get some custody over me with someone in my family, and find out why God took her, why she died?" I said

"I can understand that." He said, "Hey, you really aught to try to get some sleep."

He got up.

I know this sounds crazy, but I did not, for all that was holy, want him to leave, I did need someone then. I may not have needed to talk to someone, but I needed someone's presence, to know I wasn't alone.

"Don't." I said

"Huh?" he turned around

Bless his heart, the boy is sweet as can be but he needs a bit of a brain boost.

"Look, I know this is going to sound crazy, especially coming from me to you." I sighed, "But please stay, I need someone here, I can't be alone, not now."

His eyes filled with compassion. I could see it.

He simply nodded and turned the light off, leaving the only light being the moon from the blinds being up on that same window where I had wished on that star.

He lay back down beside me.

I felt better now, knowing I didn't have to fall asleep alone, that would have been worse than anything right now.

Soon I found myself falling asleep.

I woke up in the middle of the night after having the worst nightmare morally possible to find Newt's arm wrapped around me and him really really close to me. I didn't know whether to feel happy and comforted or freaked out and disgusted.

I shut my eyes and decided to attempt to go back to sleep, because if he woke up and noticed I was awake, he'd freak and pull his arm away and cower in the fear I might chew him out as I had in the past.

I fell back to sleep soon after that.

I just new that in the words of Vanessa Hudgens it was going to be the "Start of Something New"

Maybe something I did want to face.

Or wasn't ready to.