Satoshi leaned against the glass of the window, the cold seeping through his shirt and deep into his skin. The town hadn't had a frigid winter in a long time. Just comfy winters. White winters. Frosted winters. Never frigid.
Truthfully he did not want to be in the Harada mansion. Too much empty space, too many quiet rooms. It was a vast estate that made him uncomfortable, but he couldn't leave all of a sudden.
To have Risa wake up to loneliness was cruel.
He woke up to loneliness much too often.
He checked his watch. It was almost evening. He sighed. He wondered where her sister was.
Risa took a lot of work, that was for certain.
Not that he minded.
He frowned. His shoulders were sore, burdened down, longing for relief. It had only happened now, this tight, constricted feeling. Tense. The same feeling he'd get with Krad's wings.
He was always too small for Krad's wings.
He rubbed his shoulders. Why now? Why was he thinking about Krad now?
Why did everything remind him of that mistake…a monster who had disappeared for months now?
Satoshi slipped his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Satoshi started and looked back over his shoulder. Risa was awake, head resting on the arm of the couch as she looked at him. She sounded a little groggy; she must have only woken up.
"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"
She smiled dreamily. "I'm not quite sure how you can wake someone without making a sound, but no." She sat up. "You look tired. Or maybe just troubled. Are you okay?"
He looked away from her and back out the window. "I'm fine, but I better be going." He gave the snow outside one last intimidating glance before pushing away from the window and turning back to Risa. "Will you be all right by yourself?"
She laughed a little. "It is my house."
"Right."
"You don't have to leave. It's awfully cold outside."
"I better go."
------------------------------------------
People change. For the better or for the worse. They improve or else they weaken. Everyone changes. No one is the same from when they were five to when they were fourteen.
Yet we all stay the same person, inside and out.
You can take away our clothes and you can take away our hairstyles. You can steal our personalities and alter our voices. Rip away everything that we appear to be.
And yet the same heart still beats within. The same soul lives and thrives.
And all of our different faces stay with us, whether they be good.
Or evil.
---------------------------------------------
Risa stood in the foyer with him while he shrugged on his coat and scarf.
"You shouldn't be walking in the snow. You'll get sick."
"I might." And he knew he would. But no matter.
"You don't have to leave." Satoshi looked up at her; noticed that she seemed reluctant to let him go.
"I have things that I need to do. Otherwise…"
He didn't want to leave.
He wrapped his scarf around his neck and Risa opened the door for him. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, then," she said. He nodded. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. He returned the embrace.
They separated.
Satoshi stepped out into the bitter cold and started on down the steps to the pathway. Risa watched him go before she thought of something and called out his name.
"Satoshi!"
He turned around and looked back at her.
"Yes?"
Risa took a step out the door. "I—I wanted you to know…"
It was hard to say.
"…but for the times that I did see Krad…" She sighed. "I thought he was beautiful…"
But it was the truth.
Satoshi stared at her for a long time. He didn't move; didn't even seem as if he had heard. But then he nodded somberly and turned around once more, heading for the gate and off Harada property.
------------------------------------
That night, as she slept, her bed covers pulled up around her chin, she had a dream.
That became a nightmare.
About Krad.
And he was tearing Satoshi apart.
----------------------------------
Satoshi walked into the cherry tree orchard, the once pink branches stripped bare for the winter.
He wore no coat.
He wore no scarf.
He held only the note that Risa had slipped him in class.
Meet me by the orchard trees at lunch. Right away. Risa.
So he was meeting her by the orchard trees at lunch, right away. Not that he really needed a coat. He never really felt the cold anymore.
"Risa?"
"Satoshi."
He turned around in time to see Risa launch herself at him, her small hands grabbing onto the lapel of his shirt, feel the tug as she yanked him down, pulling his face to hers. Her kiss was a fire amid all the snow, but it was not out of pleasure, but pain.
He found he had a fear for it.
He grasped her by the shoulders and pulled away, gasping and blinking. She only stared up at him, angry that he had stopped.
"Wh-what are you doing?" he asked, breathing hard. He took hold of her wrists and pull them down, away from his shirt.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" she asked defensively. "You're my boyfriend, aren't you? Isn't this what boyfriends and girlfriends do?"
He frowned. "I wouldn't exactly know. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I wish you wouldn't lie to me."
"And I wish you'd just kiss me, for once!" She tore her hands from his grip and stepped back, glaring up at him. He was so much taller than her. "Have you noticed that you never kiss me? I'm always the first one to move. I'm always the first one to lean in. Even our first kiss was given by me. The only time you ever kissed first was when you were asleep! You don't even remember it!"
He didn't.
"I just want to know why, Satoshi. Are you too shy? Are you too embarrassed? Maybe you don't like me as much as I like you? Is that it?" She waited for his answer but it never came. He just stood there, tall and lean, wearing his school uniform with the sleeves rolled up in the middle of winter. He looked confused.
She didn't blame him.
She was just mad and angry. The nightmare and shaken her, made her afraid. She was trying to deal with her fear by using anger. She felt guilty.
"Nevermind!"
And she turned around and ran away.
-------------------------------
They walked home together in silence.
He knew she was angry with him but he didn't want her strolling the streets alone. The sky was a darker grey and there was a chance that snow would be falling heavily later in the afternoon.
And her house was so far away.
He offered to carry her bag and she handed it to him in silence. He didn't even try to speak of their fight. It would have been pointless.
So they walked in silence for a very long time. They said nothing to each other for one mile.
Two miles.
Two miles and a half.
Satoshi stopped walking. They were passing on the sidewalk along the edge of the cliff that opened up to the ocean. The cold, brittle sea breeze bit at their faces, but he stopped here. The view was beautiful.
Risa felt him stop and looked back, her footsteps quiet. "What are you doing?" she asked. She sounded normal, unfazed. As if what happened at school never happened at all. He stared at her.
"Do you want me to show you?" he asked. Risa frowned.
"Show me what?"
"How much?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Do you want me to show you how much I like you?"
She stared at him, surprised. Satoshi couldn't have looked more serious in his life.
He walked up to her and gazed down at her. The grey sky made his eyes stand out even more, blue and deep. The lenses of his glasses made them glint.
"Yes," she answered, although she said it with difficulty. She was nervous. She was blushing. "Show me."
He dropped their bags onto the snow and reached for her waist. He pulled her close to him, her small frame fitting perfectly with his. "Take my glasses off," he told her.
She reached up, her neck growing hot, and slowly removed his glasses. The minute they were off and out of the way he leaned down and kissed her.
Kissed her with urgency and with flame.
Kissed her like he had that night in his apartment.
Kissed her like he'd lose her.
Kissed her like she'd dreamt of being kissed.
Right there, in the middle of the sidewalk, with the ocean view to their left and the snow covered street to their right.
Her hands were crushed against his chest, still holding onto his glasses. His hands were wrapped around her tiny waist. Fire exploded in her chest. Truth be told, she had been afraid that she was coming to love him, but that the love was only one-sided. He took care of her, yes. He worried about her, yes. But she didn't know if he was attracted to her. Wasn't even completely satisfied that he liked. She tried her hardest not to smile and laugh.
It seemed that Satoshi Hiwatari did like her.
A lot.