-1TO HONOR
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Jo; the story is mine!
Summary: "He sacrificed his life for you! And this is how you honor his memory?"
Harry made the ultimate sacrifice in the final battle and left his friends to deal with the consequences. Now, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville are just going through the motions, hiding form the pain and memories. Can they learn to honor Harry's sacrifice as it should be honored?
Chapter 3
Hermione was only vaguely aware of Viktor's presence as he steered them out of the ballroom and apparated them home. He led her into a seat beside the fire and she drank from the glass he put in her shaking hands. She gulped, coughing as the fire whiskey burned her throat. Viktor had knelt beside her, rubbing her back soothingly as she stared into his dark eyes.
"Oh my God, Viktor. What have I done?"
Viktor said nothing. He stood and walked over to the bar, pouring himself a glass of vodka. He drank it down in one gulp. "You love him."
"W-What?" Hermione stammered . "Viktor, I love you!"
"Yes, I know, but not how I love you. I knew that…I just thought over time. But, I was wrong. I was just someone to hide behind…"
"NO!"
He turned then and the sadness in his eyes liked to kill her. "DO YOU ACHE FOR ME? DREAM OF A LIFE, A FAMILY WITH ME? I HAVE LOVED YOU SINCE YOU WERE FIFTENN, HERMIONE! AND I WAS WILLING TO TAKE WHATEVER I COULD GET, BUT NOT IF IT HURTS YOU."
"Viktor, you've never hurt me."
"Are you in love with me, Hermione?"
"Viktor!"
"Are you?"
"What's love? Just another reason for pain and hurt!"
"NO, HERMIONE! He loved you, they both did! That's why they did what they did! They had to--"
"OH, WELL, ISN'T THAT JUST LIKE THEM! TO MAKE A HUGE DECISION AND NOT INFORM ME OF ANY OF IT! I MEAN, WHO IN THE HELL DOES HARRY THINK HE IS? MAKING RON MAKE THAT PROMISE. DAMN HIM! DAMN HIM TO HELL!" Her hands flew to her mouth as she realized what she had said. Sobs wracked her small body. Huge horrid wails from somewhere deep inside she'd locked away. For years, she'd been the strong one. She'd held it together, and made herself go on after Harry died. She'd cared for Ginny and Neville and survived Ron leaving her. She'd gone to ceremony after ceremony and graced the openings of too many bloody memorials to count, all without Ron at her side. She'd buried her anger at Harry so deep inside she hadn't even realized it was there. Only now did she understand. Ron wasn't the only one who hadn't moved on. Her heart was still breaking as much as the first day she'd woken up at St. Mungo's and Ron had told her with a tear-streaked face that Harry was gone. Her best friend, her brother, a part of her she could never ever get back…was gone. And he'd taken a piece of her--of all of them--with him.
"Vik-Viktor," she sobbed reaching for him. He held her tightly, soothing her hair until sleep finally came. Later, she woke to the rustling of movement in their bedroom. She closed her eyes and went back to sleep, knowing when she awoke in the morning he would be gone.
Ron's head was spinning. It was a testament to how much he had drank last night that two sobering charms had come to this constant dull ache in his head. As if the nameless blond I woke up with wasn't punishment enough. He didn't sleep around a lot. It only seemed to happen after an encounter with Hermione, particularly if Viktor was involved.
Ron scowled, pouring a fire whiskey for a nearby table. He'd been barkeep at The Three Broomsticks for six months, the longest he'd ever been able to hold down a job. The pay was good and the hours manageable. And Rosmerta, who'd known the Golden Trio since they were kids, was more than a little tolerant of his occasional absences, a.k.a. drunken bends.
Hermione. He couldn't seem to get her off his mind today. Damn, she looked good last night…too good. Those delicious curves. I remember sliding my hands down those soft hips, kissing and sucking those incredible breasts.
He and Hermione had been lovers for approximately three months when the final battle arrived. Years of pent-up desire and sexual tension had exploded in an abandoned cabin one night while an injured Harry had slept soundly in the other room. For three months they made love with abandon, stealing every possible moment alone they could. No promises were ever made. Words were rarely spoken. They never seemed to be needed.
He had told her he loved her that night as they ran out of the common room to pursue Harry into the Forbidden Forest. She had kissed him fiercely and swore he would always be her heart --always. Then the world around them crumpled. And they fell apart.
Ron had tried to take care of her, to keep his promise to Harry. But the memories were too much, the guilt unbearable. Every time he looked into his baby sister's eyes, every time he held a screaming Hermione fresh from a new nightmare, the dagger was plunged a little further into his heart. Until , finally, he left them. He sent an owl to Hermione and his family saying he needed time and to please not try to find him. He told them to go on with their lives without him.
For sixteen months, Ron wondered around, taking odd muggle jobs and drinking away the pain. He ignored every owl from his family and Hermione until they stopped arriving. Finally, desperate and broke, he returned home. Returned to find Gin and Neville dating and Hermione living with Viktor Krum. Fred and George had rebuilt their shop and opened a new one. Bill and Fleur had a six month old baby boy named Arthur William Weasley. Everyone had moved on…everyone but him.
Ron pulled himself from his thoughts to greet the new customer. "What can I get you, mate? Oh, hello Viktor," he responded coolly as Krum took a seat at the bar.
Viktor said nothing to him in greeting. He simply threw a copy of the Daily Prophet into his face.
"HEY!"
"Read it," he growled.
Ron picked up the paper off the bar. Oh shite! That's--oh, shite, that's Mione…and that's may family she's yelling at! Goddammit to hell!
Ron took a shaky breath. "This is my fault."
"Yes, yes, it is." Viktor's voice was harsh. Ron glared at him before returning to the article. "Holy Shite! Did she really call Mrs. Longbottom--?"
"A fat, pompous, self-righteous arse…." A small smile played on Viktor's lips. "It was rather memorable."
A small nervous chuckle escaped Ron's lips. "Damn, I shouldn't have rowed with her before…I just….Jesus, I'm a fucking idiot!"
"You will get no argument from me."
Ron shot him a scathing look. "What are you doing here, Viktor?"
"I'm leaving. I'm going back to Bulgaria."
Ron felt his heart leap into his throat. "Y-you and Hermione--"
"Not Hermione. Just me."
"I don't understand."
Viktor's voice was harsh. "She does not love me. I was just a crutch, a way to get over you. But she'll never get over you. She loved you then. She loves you now. She will always love you. Even if she can't have you. Even if you don't deserve it." He rose to leave.
"Viktor, wait! You can't just--"
"I have had enough! Enough! It has been three years! THREE YEARS, RON! Ginny and Neville are ready to be married just to appease their families even though they are both still grieving for what they lost. Hermione lives with me, sleeps with me, but has never truly loved me. You are drunk everyday, going from job to job, pushing away everyone who cares for you. HE GAVE HIS LIFE FOR YOU!! AND THIS IS HOW YOU HONOR HIS SACRIFICE?"
Red hot anger flashed in Ron's ice blue eyes. But even that couldn't erase the icy cold plunge in his stomach that spoke of one simple horrible fact. Viktor was right.
"You asked me to take care of her the night you left. I'm done, Ron. You have a promise to keep. Do not hurt her again. If you do, I'll find you and I'll kill you."
Ron stood stock still as Viktor took his leave. Rosmerta, who'd overheard the exchange cast understanding eyes on Ron. Laying a steady hand upon his shaky arm, she nodded towards the door. "Go on, Ronnie. Go on home." He nodded and smiled weakly, "Th-thanks. See ya tomorrow."
The streets of Hogsmeade were nearly deserted, it not being a Hogsmeade weekend. He passed Fred and George's new shop, built shortly after the war. He rarely walked these streets, preferring to apparate or floo directly home from The Three Broomsticks. These streets tended to stir too many memories for him. When he'd taken the job with Rosmerta, he'd made sure his work schedule did not include Hogsmeade weekends.
He made a point to stay away from the book store, now run by Dean Thomas. He avoided professors from the school when they came in for a drink, hurriedly excusing himself to the back to do work.
He'd shut himself off as completely as one possibly could, but it had all been for nothing. It never did numb the pain or make him forget….
Forget…how could he forget? He could hear Harry's excited chatter about the upcoming match as he passed the Quidditch Supply Shop and hear Hermione insisting that she needed a new quill as he passed Scrivenshaft's. He could see Harry rolling his eyes affectionately at Hermione as she lectured them on how all that candy would rot their teeth as she pulled them from Honeydukes. For once, instead of running from these memories, he welcomed them. He let them fill up the aching hole that had been inside him for so long. Is it possible to remember the good times without hurting? Is it possible to go on…to make a life with Hermione…to forgive myself? To forgive him?
"Ron?"
He turned at the sound of a familiar voice to find himself looking up at an enormous man with kind crinkly black eyes and a great bushy beard. "Hagrid?"
His question was answered by the crushing hug he was soon enveloped in. He struggled for a few minutes, then managed to choke out, "HHagrid…need…need to breathe!"
"Oh, sorry 'bout that Ron. It's so good to see ya. How ya 'bin doin'?"
Ron shrugged, feeling no need to put up a front for Hagrid. He fell hard into the bench beside him. "My life is shite."
Hagrid settled down next to him and patted him on the knee. "I miss him too."
"I-I killed him, Hagrid."
"Rubbish…you protected Hermione. Just like he woulda done. You never let Harry down. Until now, that is."
Ron met Hagrid's eyes for a long moment. Hagrid patted him upon the knee once again and rose. "C'mon Ron. Come on up to school with me. I have somthin' I've bin wantin' to show ya for a long time now."
He followed Hagrid numbly into the school. If he was worried about the streets of Hogsmeade stirring memories, it was nothing like being back at Hogwarts. This place had been Harry's home and everywhere he looked there was a memory. "I know about the grave next to Dumbledore, Hargrid. It was actually my idea…even though I was too…well, I wasn't at the ceremony."
"I know. I sat with Hermione. Don't worry, we helped each other through it. No, what I want to show ya is this way.'
He followed Hagrid up the path that led to the owlery. When they reached the inside, Hagrid let out a whistle. A snowy owl flew down from the rafters and landed on Hagrid's arm. He hooted happily and nudged Hagrid affectionately on the nose.
"Hedwig?"
"Yep, it's Hedwig alright. "
"She disappeared after Harry--"
"I found her up here a few weeks later. Owled Ginny about it. She said Hedwig was where she wanted to be…near Harry. Asked if I could take care of her. Of course, I said I 'd be glad to do it. Means a lot to me, it does. She misses him too, I think. It's all I could do really, for Harry. It isn't near enough."
Ron had walked forward, noticing the golden plaque affixed to the stone next to the open window. He took a step closer. "Did you…?"
"Yep."
May you fly forever free.
We miss you.
We love you.
We will see you again.
Harry James Potter
July 31st 1981
to
October 31st 1999
Ron could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks. They seemed to freeze on his cheeks in the cold November air. There had been countless plaques and memorials for Harry over the years. All adorned with beautiful poetry and golden-tongued speeches. These simple words, etched by a person Harry had loved so much, a person who had loved them all for so long, reached something deep inside. In an instant, he found himself crying in earnest, huge sobs escaping his chapped lips. He felt Hagrid's arms encircle him and leaned into the embrace and cried. He cried for his best mate, for Luna, for all of their lost innocence, for his mistakes. He cried away the pain, safe in Hagrid's arms.
When Hagrid spoke his voice was laced with tears, but firm. "This is all I can do. But you, you and Hermione and Gin, you can do so much more. You can leave a true legacy. The life he wanted for you and him. You've never let him down, Ron. Never. It's not too late."
Ron nodded, stoking Hedwig's soft feathers as she landed on his shoulder and used her beak to nudge away his tears. He looked back up at the plaque, and out into the starry night sky. I'm ready Harry. I have a promise to keep and I'm ready.
A/N I know some people are may be a little disappointed that Hermione turned to Viktor. Let me just say I believe that Ron and Hermione are the TRUE couple…but I think Viktor is really a good guy. He has always had a thing for Hermione and was willing to step in and take care of her when she needed someone, perhaps in hopes she'd eventually get over Ron (which of course we know she never would). Hermione let herself "love" Viktor to fill the loneliness of being without Ron.