Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in Harry Potter.
Thanks: Darkfairy had once again beta this chapter...imeldapotter is still sick.
Note to my reviewers:
Potter's Wifey: It nice to know that you love it. :)
Liria Nai: I believe that any author recieve your review would be truly happy. :) You say so many nice things about my story that I can't believe. At first my sister told me to stop writing because there no point... so I didn't really think I could write well. As for writing a book...um I would love too :) however I think you're the only person who might buy it...hehehe but I might write an original story and post it up after this story. As for loving Draco, I do! Don't worry he will get back at Ron but he doesn't punch him.
Cheekyamericangrl211: Of course Draco is a uke... hehehe
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Dear Journal
After our first kiss, I wasn't sure how to act around Harry, but he still just acts normally. I'm not even sure if we're going out. I mean, I know that he likes to kiss me, but that's it. I don't mind it, I love those moments where he just holds me, but he's not always soft and sweet to me. I hate those moments when he goes farther then I'm comfortable with. I once had to push Harry off because he wouldn't listen to me. Harry's not all that bad; just some times I think he listens to what's between his legs more than his head.
The positive thing about that is, I have learned more about Harry since the kiss, he has opened up to me like never before. His life isn't as pleasant as I first thought it was. In many ways it is a bit similar to mine. He grew up unloved with only the necessary things to live. He had a roof over his head and just enough food to keep him alive.
I know many people believe my life is great, but it isn't. At least Harry knows that his parent loved him. I still question if that true for my case. I had everything a kid could dream of, but love and affection. My parent made sure I had the best of everything; not to make me happy, but to show that they were better then other parents.
Where Harry had to cook and clean, I had to learn about curses and how to be pretty. My father wants me to be powerful and to live up to the Malfoy name, as for my mother, I am more like a pretty toy to show off at party.
According to my mother "Malfoys don't get fat," I can only eat when she allows me too. I dress how she wants me to, and I even walk how she wants me to. I think she started to keep her distance from me after people started saying that I'm more beautiful then her. There was also the time where my father's friend had touched me.
Father was so angry at Mother at that time; he had stopped many of the activities that Mother had planed for me. I still eat, walk and dress how she wants me to. I wanted to please her, but no matter what I do she doesn't seem to care for me anymore. Sometimes I think she raised me up more like a girl than a boy. No guys in my year seem to take that much care of their appearance. Harry sometimes looks like he got dressed in the dark.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to wear a bloody dress or anything. I hate how girls sometimes giggle and laugh at the most ridiculous things. There only a few girls that I can stand, but then again some of the guys around here are just plain stupid. All they think about is just getting laid.
There a war going on and some people don't seem to care or notice. They think about the latest fashion or their latest conquest. I'm far too busy trying to find a way for me to survive this war with Harry. You know, he has so many plans for after the war. I wish I could say the same. At the moment I just want the war to be over so I can live my life. Even if I do survive the war, I don't know if my dream will ever come true. I want to be a healer, but would people trust me enough to place their life in my care? Maybe I can move somewhere far away where no one knows the name Malfoy.
I finally got back at Weasley. I made him declare his undying loved for me in main hall. It was nice to see Weasley following me like a little lost puppy. He walked right up to me and shouted that he loves me during breakfast. When I told him that I though he was going out with Granger, he said that he would never go out with her because she was like a sister to him. The funny part was when Granger walked towards me her heard Weasley say "She was an overbearing know it all who needs to go out and have some fun. She's more of a boy then a girl." At this point most of the Slytherins were laughing and a few of the other house members. Granger was so upset she ran out of the hall.
I though it was funny until Weasley try to grope me. Lucky for me Harry stop Weasley from doing anything. I was relieved when the potion wore off; Weasley had this sick look on his face and run away. Some of the students still snigger when he is around.
Harry gave me a disappointed look, but I didn't care. Weasley has been causing me problems for some time now. I guess along the way I forget who I am, I was too busy in self pity and worrying about Harry's opinion that I forget to be me. If Harry wants me, he needs to expect that I'm a Malfoy and nothing is ever going to change that. Not Voldemort, Dumbledore; not even him.
However, I don't think Harry liked that, he punished me for hurting his friend. After our potion lesson, Harry had pushed me into one of the empty classroom and kissed the life out of me. I don't like it when Harry is rough with me and he knows it. It was his way of letting me know that he's in charge.
I have a feeling that what ever relationship I have with Harry, it's not a normal one. He still doesn't acknowledge me in public, but he somehow stopped all the attacks coming from his house. I wonder he wants me to be he dirty little secret forever? If he does, I know that I can't live with that, soon or later, I know that I must be strong enough to walk away from Harry.
Draco Malfoy