I don't own Harry Potter..

Sorry for the wait...

Liria Nai: To me Harry not the perfect hero, he grew up thinking that he was a freak and then, out of the blue he become a hero to a world that he never heard about. There a lot more to Harry but due to way I have written this story, there no way in telling how he truly thinks or feel. As for the original story, it very likely that I will write one :) thanks for the encouragement.

Potter's Wifey: Thanks, I hope you like the next chapter :)

Dear Journal

I think Harry lives just to torment me. His gives me mixed messages that confuse the hell out of me. Sometimes I think I'd trade my father for Harry. At first, I thought that we were friends and then, something more, now I have no clue what we are. However, I decided to play a game with Harry to find out where I stand in his life; and I hope I win.

That day after potion lesson when Harry kissed me roughly he has kept his distance. I refuse to apologize or make the first move, I know I did nothing wrong and even thought before, apart from Harry hurting me so much, I refuse to change who I am completely to please Harry.

For this past week Harry seems to be hanging around a blonde haired blue eyed girl from Ravenclaw, she is a year below me and her name is Lisa. At less I know Harry is attracted to my look, but it makes me question why Harry hangs around me in the first place. Does he even like me for who I am?

From what I learned, he met her in the library and somehow they started talking to one and other. At first, I thought this was just some other form of punishing me for hurting Weasley, but I know now it's not. Every time Harry is with her it seems like his eye light up. I fear that I am going to lose Harry soon; not because I walked away.

That's not even the worst part! Harry flirts with her out in the open for everyone to see, it's like he's stuffing it in my face. It hurts the most when he looks straight at me while he is holding her hand. There even are a few rumors now about them being a couple.

I really want to be strong and not let Harry affect me, but at this point I know I'm not strong enough. I feel as if Harry just ripped out my heart and used it like a yoyo. I assume that Harry likes me, well at least a little. He has been so gentle with me, showering me with affection, and he even gave me my first kiss. He's the bloody golden boy! So why is he toying with my feelings?

I had force myself to be busy to try and forget about Harry, but it doesn't work. I just can't seem to forget about Harry no matter what I do. Instead, I have been trying to avoided Harry by spending any free time in the library with Blaise for the past two weeks, I even started to find myself walking there if I not paying attention to where I'm going.

Granger once again thinks I'm up to no good. I mean, how much do I have to prove before people understand I don't want to join Voldemort? I had refused his mark, I'm on the list of people he wants to kill, and my father died because I wouldn't join.

She may be one of the smartest witches around, not that I would ever tell her. But I don't think she really understands that there no black or white answer when it came to people; life is only shade of grey. I have to be careful not to let her know what going on. I do not know what she would do, but I fear that in the process of what she believes is right might end with a few people dying.

At this moment, I'm not sure how to help the students. How will I know who truly wants to refuse the dark mark? If I allow spies into the group it would just like I was handing the rest of the student population to Voldemort on a silver platter. I am trying to find a way to keep informed and it is becoming very difficult with Granger looking over my shoulder.

I know I said that I won't contact Dumbledore, but now my goal has changed. There have been a few students that volunteered to be spy and gather information; they know that their lives can end in any moment. I don't want them place their lives on the line without any backup. The information they gather, I past it along to the headmaster. I may not like Dumbledore, but I do understand that he's one of the strong factors that would help win the war for the light side. With a hand full of lives placed in my hands I can't afford to pretend I know everything.

You know Granger even told Weasley and Harry about my action. Sometimes, the four of them would sit in the library just to watch me. Yes, I do mean the four of them Harry always has Lisa by his side.

Out of the four, only two of them watch me, however only Granger watches me to look for clues. I really don't know why she bothers to drag them along in the first place. Weasley can't even look into my eye! I believe that scene in the hall was a bit too recent for him and Lisa, well what can I say about her? Nothing really, but I just hope she rots in hell! Bloody man stealer! She did try to talk to Harry but he was too busy looking at me to pay any attention to her, so she talked to Ron instead. As for Harry, it seems like he was trying to kill Blaise with his eyes. I never saw him so angry before.

I noticed that every time Blaise gets too close Harry seems to get angrier. Blaise told me that he is jealous, which I really don't understand fully. Harry knows I like him, doesn't he? He hasn't spoken a word to me for the past two weeks; he's been hanging around Lisa all the time. And now he's jealous? It just doesn't make sense! But if this is the way to make him understand that I won't just wait for him, I guess I'll have to play a game with Harry then. I just I need to find a perfect partner for the game but who?

Draco Malfoy

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Note: If anyone want to read a story from Harry point of view, I had written one a few years ago, "Is it really over". It a one shot and it not slash.