Mischief Managed Chapter 5, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer: The characters and setting belong to the brilliant JKR. The tune for "Oh Christmas Tree" belongs to someone else too, but I don't know whom to credit. However, the lyrics I will claim as my own!

A/N hey everyone, once again thanks for all the reviews, u make my day! i kno at the moment im getting this stuff out pretty quickly, but thats bcos its already loaded and written, so once this stuff runs out, please keep in mind im a busy uni student who will do her best to update as often as possible!!! just incase any of u missed it, artemis scamander is newt scamander's son (author of fantastic beats) and artemis is one of newt's own middle names. and yes art is a bit of a wanker. that's the point! enjoy!

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Chapter Five: In which Snape is stalked

"It is a pity," Snape said quite clearly to his cauldron, unfortunately named Bert, during Potions on Tuesday morning, "that Gryffindor are forced to resort to choosing female team members for their Quidditch team. One… supposes that they must feel rather depressed that they won because Ravenclaw are too weak to knock that girl in the head with a Bludger."

Slughorn laughed jovially. "Honestly, Severus!" he murmured, shaking his head and moving on, clearly under the impression that the boy was mad since three of the players of the afore-slandered team were sitting behind him.

James rolled his eyes, clearly bored.

"Is that the best you can do, Snivelly?"

Snape threw Bert a very nasty look indeed. "Funny how a Slytherin's best will always surpass a Gryffindor."

Sirius's scowl deepened. "I swear, if he tells that bloody hunk of pewter one more thing…"

Remus gave Snape a pitying look. "It's not Severus' fault he's lonely," he said, with an equal clarity to that which Snape used.

James suppressed a laugh as the back of Snape's normally sallow neck turned a delicate shade of pink.

As he opened his mouth, however, Lily was happening to sweep past, which was very unfortunate for James, who was in the motions of exclaiming mockingly:

"But Remus, a Bert isn't simply a cauldron! She's my life!"

Which caused Lily to smirk and raise her eyebrows, and James to blush.

"I think Bert is a male name," Peter whispered helpfully.

"Another one for the tally," Sirius murmured to Remus. James looked at them questioningly.

"Well, Prongs, we figured a three-strikes-and-you're-out system might be useful, but you're already up to seven today, so I'm afraid we have a bit of work to do."

"Right," James growled, as Sirius openly smirked and Remus hid a smile.

"Right," James reiterated, even more livid when he realised everyone was laughing at him. "What Snape needs, I think, is a lesson in some Gryffindor team spirit. How about it, lads?"

"What are you four up to?" Lily demanded as she walked past the Marauders, who were gathered around the coffee table in the Heads' common room as she walked past on her way to dinner. She did not miss Remus subtly vanishing a slip of parchment.

"Nothing, Evans, flower of my heart," Sirius told her, mocking Art's tone of voice, which caused Lily to make a nasty gesture toward him before leaving the common room.

James sighed, running his fingers through his already ruffled hair.

"Not getting any better, mate?" Sirius asked sympathetically.

James shrugged. "She's good sometimes. When no one else is around. And when I haven't done or said anything too stupid."

"It's worse than we thought, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah."

"I know they're up to something," Lily insisted to Emmeline over dinner when the Marauders didn't appear. "Since when do they miss dinner?"

Little did she know the Marauders were feasting on food begged from the house-elves.

Emmeline shrugged, tucking into her shepherd's pie. "More for the rest of us," she said through a mouthful.

"Since when have you cared before, Lily? You find them just as funny as everyone else," Alice pointed out fairly.

"True," the red-head conceded. "But I do think that they ought to have grown up by now, don't you?"

Isadora laughed. "Stop trying to expect more from them that they're willing to give, Lil. Standards are fine as long as you don't impose them on others."

"I think Lily is secretly very fond of the boys," Marlene announced, examining her face. Lily blushed, leaving Marlene to crow triumphantly.

"I knew it!"

"Lily's going to hate me," James moaned, miserable.

Remus patted his shoulder comfortingly. "From what I've heard, it can't get much worse anyway, Prongs."

"Do you want to bet on that, Moony?" James replied darkly. He squeezed his eyes shut momentarily, before opening them again. "All right, I'm ready."

"Would you like to do the honours, Mr Moony?"

"I would like that very much, Mr Padfoot. Cheer up, Mr Prongs."

"You forgot Mr Wormtail," Peter bleated plaintify.

"No one cares about Mr Wormtail," Sirius responded nastily.

"Mr Padfoot!"

Lily spent the evening in the Gryffindor common room with Emmeline, Marlene and Isadora. Alice was a few metres away flirting with Frank Longbottom.

"Aren't they cute?" Marlene sighed enviously, watching Frank's face light up as Alice laughed.

Isadora tittered her agreement, which made Lily shake her head.

"Honestly!" she told Emmeline. "If they're that desperate for boyfriends, I'm sure there are lots of people who would like to date them."

Emmeline looked at Lily doubtfully. "Lily Evans, when will you learn that most of us don't care if lots of people would date us. There's always a special, unattainable someone, for all of us."

Lily was shocked. "I don't believe in unrequited love, Emmy!" she replied, before gving her friend a searching look. "So who is it, then?"

Emmeline rolled her eyes. "Lily, you can't just ask that! Even if you are my best friend."

"Emmy likes Benjy Fenwick," Isadora piped up teasingly. Emmeline blushed, glaring at her friend.

"How did you know?" she demanded, abashed.

"You talk in your sleep," Marlene replied easily. "Where are the Marauders tonight?" she added casually.

"Marlene has a crush on Black," Emmeline added, smiling falsely. "Since we seem to be sharing, that is."

Marlene opened her mouth to object, then stopped, depressed. "It's not even worth lying about, is it?"

Lily shrugged, feeling strange. "I'm not going to tell anyone. Why don't you just ask them out, if you like them so much?"

The girls all exchanged aggrieved looks. "Lily, just because Art Scamander asked you doesn't mean everyone is so lucky."

"Oh!"

Lily stood bolt upright, surprised. "I'm sorry – I was supposed to meet him! Oh gosh, I hope he isn't angry again, I completely forgot!"

The three girls watched as their dishevelled friend dashed out through the portrait hole.

"It's a pity she doesn't even love him," Isadora sighed. "They make such a cute couple."

"Looks aren't everything, Izzie," Emmeline reminded her softly. This was a very timely statement, as the Marauders happened to enter the common room, and Emmeline caught James' scanning look. "In fact, I think Art is completely the wrong person for our Lily."

James joined the Marauders at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall the next morning, to find the air around their small portion of the table highly expectant.

Sure enough, and soon enough, music could be heard to be approaching the Great Hall, and all of a sudden, the double doors burst open to issue a very grumpy Snape. The doors slammed shut behind him, and the boys winced as a great clanging of metal rang through the Hall. The noise abruptly halted and the music resumed soon after, and the doors were once again opened to admit a suit of armour, which appeared to be singing.

Lily had heard the tune from a reasonable distance (she had very good hearing) and had been surprised to recognise the muggle Christmas song "Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree". As the doors opened for a second time after Snape, however, Lily realised that the song was not, in fact, "Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree". In fact, it was very different.

"Oh Snivelly, Oh Snivelly,

Gryffindor won at Quid-ditch!

Oh Snivelly, Oh Snivelly,

Your Seeker cannot even find the Snitch!

Gryyyy-findor will win the cup,

And Slytherin will have to suck it up!

Oh Snivelly Oh Snivelly,

You are an ugly gi-it!"

The Hall was silent as the suit of armour finished, taking his place behind Snape at the Slytherin table. The teachers stared at the suit of armour in surprise, and Lily approved of the fact that their gaze was immediately redirected to the Marauders, who were busy trying to look as innocent, amused and surprised as the rest of Hogwarts.

Peter Pettigrew had never been a convincing liar.

"Why has it stopped?" Sirius hissed as the students were beginning to slowly leave the Hall, chattering and laughing excitedly some ten minutes later. "Wasn't it supposed to keep singing?"

"I put it on a twenty minute timer, Padfoot," Remus explained patiently. "Because I, unlike you, would prefer that we learn something today."

The golden suit of armour persisted in following Snape around for the duration of the day, much to the detriment of seventh year classes, which would be interrupted every twenty minutes for the armour to complete it's rendition of what had formerly been one of Lily's favourite Christmas carols. Professors Flitwick and McGonagall had attempted, to no avail, to remove the charm placed on the suit of armour, and when that failed Professor McGonagall had further attempted to transfigure the suit of armour into a rock. This also did not work, due to certain wards that Lily suspected James Potter must have laid on the armour to make it un-Transfigurable.

Professor Dumbledore had examined the armour himself in the morning break before announcing, quite contentedly, that the suit of armour had been placed under a particularly curious and wonderful piece of magic which he believed should be appreciated and admired. This, of course, displeased Snape to no end, and he became, if possibly imaginable, even more bitter and twisted than usual.

"Why don't we silence it?" Lily suggested finally, in Charms.

She was pleased to note the Marauders exchange stricken looks, and knew instantly that silencing would work. And so it did – well, kind of.

Unfortunately for Lily, the silencing charm required constant replacing. The charm developed a tendency to wear off at the most inconvenient of places, for instance that evening as Professor Dumbledore was speaking to the students before dinner.

"-And Mr Filch has asked me to remind you to please refrain from setting off Dungbombs in the corridors-"

"And Slytherin will have to suck it up."

The entire Hall turned to stare at Snape's armour. Professor Dumbledore raised his eyebrows at it. "Thank you," he told it mildly. "I don't feel that will be necessary."

Lily could have sworn, much to her disappointment, that Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling in amusement. Was he just going to let the Marauders get away with this?

"I think perhaps that I would like a word with my Head students after dinner, if you please, Lily and James?"

"I am concerned," Professor Dumbledore announced, "That poor Severus is being bullied. Can either of you think of anyone who would be so malicious?"

Dumbledore was frowning as he directed his gaze toward the head boy. James shrugged, apologetic but only to a point.

"Snape has a lot of people off-side," James remarked, looking out the window at the glittering lights of the school.

"And why, do you suppose, people are "off-side" with him?"

"Well, he's kind of obsessed with the dark arts, Professor," James told him earnestly, meeting Dumbledore's eyes now. "Remember last year, when he slashed that poor Hufflepuff for staring at him? And… about that other incident?"

Dumbledore nodded again, leaving Lily to ponder the enigmatic incident. Unfortunately she couldn't recall anything in particular.

"Do you have anything to add. Lily?"

Startled, Lily bit her lip. "Well I don't have to wonder that poor Severus is antisocial when he has been continually victimised by certain persons for as long as we've been at Hogwarts."

"He provokes me, Lily! That day at the lake… well I'm sorry about that, but he provokes me just as much as I provoke him!"

Dumbledore did not seem to miss the distinct note of pleading in the Head Boy's voice. Lily remained unimpressed.

"James, do you know who is responsible for today's display?"

James bit his lip. "No," he lied hollowly. "I can't say I know."

Dumbledore sighed, disappointed. "Very well. Thank you for your help. Good night, James, Lily."

They had made their way back to the Head's tower in silence, but James knew better than to expect Lily to remain quiet. Surely enough, scarcely seconds after "Amortentia" had been muttered, and the Carved Witch had swung open, Lily rounded on him.

"You are a big fat liar, James Potter," she told him, eyes flashing. "I know you bewitched that suit of armour."

"Actually, Remus is much better at charms than I am," James said fairly, completely missing the look on the Head Girl's face.

"I knew it! Why can't you just take responsibility for yourselves, for once? Cowards!"

James scowled. "Lily, we may be accomplished liars, and yes, I will categorically deny telling you that. But the Marauders, cowards? How could you?"

"You're too scared to fight your own battles, for one," Lily pointed out scathingly. "You have to hide behind your pranks and let some poor, useless piece of armour take the flack. You called Snape an ugly git, Potter. That's extremely low."

"Sirius prefers to think of it as affectionate."

"POTTER!"

"Well," James appeared to deliberate the point. "We were going to have him sing "You are an evil git" but we thought that might be taking it just a bit far."

"So its ok to call someone ugly?! Do you throw that around often, Potter?"

James bit his lip, increasingly worried by the look on Lily's face. He was afraid that she was nearing the stage of spontaneous combustion.

"Well, yes, we do, to Snape. But we'd never call you ugly, Lil," he told her kindly,

Apparently, this was the wrong thing to say.

"I've had it!" Lily cried, her eyes flashing as she threw her arms up in the air and disappeared up the stairs to her bedroom, slamming the door for affect.

"Artemis Scamander requesting entry, Mr Potter," the carved witch announced, half an hour later.

James scowled. Perfect. Setting down his Care of Magical Creatures homework, he stood up.
"Let him in, I suppose, please."

The Carved Witch swung open and Art stepped inside. James felt bitter that the magnificence of the room seemed to be lost to him. Instead, Scummy marched down the hall, nodded coldly at him, and climbed the stairs. Once he was at Lily's door, he knocked quietly, and was quickly ushered inside. This also gave Lily further opportunity to slam the door.

James sighed. It was going to be a long night.

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A/N: Thanks for reading, reviews are ALWAYS appreciated and (unless they are anonymous, of course) i will always personally reply to them! If you haven't already, you might like to check out some of my other stories, i have quite a few oneshots, my favourites (hows that for a recommendation?!) being Beautiful Hypocrisy and One Dark Night, I Dreamt of Youth, which you can access through my author's page! I'd also like to mention my community the Reviews Lounge, its gathering a bit of a following, and really i find its just a lovely environment to nuture your writing skills! Everyone is welcome, so come check it out!