Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I sure wish I do:)
To all my readers: I'm total SORRY for the long wait. I had a writer block, started summer class(I live in Australia) and I also work. In other words I was completely busy.
AngelikRebel: Thank you for pointing my mistake out. What would you like Draco to do? Kiss the bad Harry away or bash the crap out of him...
Silverdragon4736: That so sweet, it nice to know that you like it. If you laugh and cried, I must be doing something right.
Potter's Wifey: I always smile when I read your reviews.
Liria Nai: Your reviews always make me happy. I glad that you like how I portray Blaise and Ginny. I love my Draco too. It's true that Draco should read the letter but he doesn't want to face the possible of losing the friendship he had with Asher and Jayne yet or read how disappointed his mother is with him. Even though he doesn't know what the letter contain he couldn't help think that way.
Mase3: I finally got a new chapter for you, I hope you like it.
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Dear Journal,
I was right, this week has been much worst then the week before. Hogwarts was full of tension; and it not because of Voldemort. I never imagined my relationship with Harry would have this kind impact on the school. It is like the entire school is divided, there are some who are trying to break us apart, and some who simply refuse to accept the fact that we are going out. There are also a few who just don't care.
I'm not sure where Weasley and Granger fit in, but I think that they are just refusing to believe that Harry is with me. However, I clearly know what Lisa thinks of it. She is on top of my most hated list, whenever I see her, I just want to strangle the life out of her and tell her to left my Harry alone. I would like to say she is a dumb bitch, but she's not; I must admit she got a brain, Harry thinks she is all happy for us, but when Harry not around she shows her true self to me. She told me straight out that she wants Harry and is willing to do anything within her power to have him.
What I also find strange, is that, people are more concerned about my relationship then the upcoming battle with Voldemort. I could only hope that people will lose interest soon. Harry hasn't said a word to me about how he feels about it, but then again he hasn't been talking to me much lately.
I know he's been meeting with the headmaster, and is teaching his DA gang or members or whatever you call them. He seems so tired and stressed lately. Every time I see him, he seems so pale and it doesn't look like his getting enough sleep, there bags under his eye. I know that he's preparing for the war and all, but I wish it was like before.
I tried to help him relax, but I think this is where I made a big mistake. I try not to protest too much about how Harry doesn't want to spend time together unless it's with my ass. I think that with the final battle so close, that there a big chances that either Harry or I will make it. I don't want to spend our time fighting over stupid things, but Harry is being such an ass lately I don't know if I could hold back any more. I just want to punch him until he becomes my Harry again. There are even times where I feel dirty when I'm with him and I sometime fear him, too. I hope that this feeling won't last; I miss the Harry that I used to know.
Every time I try to say something; he would always places a finger on my lips and tries to get me naked as soon as possible. I ignored it at first; thinking that Harry must be stressed, but then he started to be more controlling I didn't know what to do. I have told Charlie about this, he told me to talk to Harry; but that just the thing! Harry doesn't want to listen to me. I don't know what to do yet, but if Harry is going to be like this I'm going to remind him that I'm Draco MAFLOY. I'm serous thinking about punching him.
On another matter, I finally gave in and read Asher and Jayna's letter. They warned me that Voldemort is going to make his move soon, and they also told me to spend the next week or two as if it were my last. I was relieved to learn that they still care for me; they remind me to live for myself. Which is absolutely right, why should I get a damn what other people think? They always seem to know what to say and when to say it. I truly miss them; I hope I'll be able to see them again some day. If it wasn't for them and Charlie, I wouldn't know what to do.
Charlie has been great; Blaise, Jason and Ginny have been helping me out too, but just talking to Charlie clams me down and enables me to think straight. If this week was going to be my last, I would have liked to spend every minute with Harry, but it is impossible.
I have been meeting with Dumbledore too, the plan has been finalized and spells have been taught and learned; but is it enough? We are children who are in a middle of a war that we don't want to be. We might have to take another person's life to stay alive. What if the person you have to kill, is the person you grew up with? Can I take other person's life? I really don't know and I really don't want to find out.
I still don't know what side Asher and Jayna are on. After I read the letter I can't help but feel lost and confused. They also warned me about the problems I would face if I want to be with Harry. They ask me if I really want to spend to rest of my life with him or if I simply want to be with him because he's the first person to show affection to me?
At first, I was completely sure that I loved him and want to be with him, but the more I think about it; the more confused I get. I mean, I like spending time with Harry, but that the same for Blaise, Jason, Ginny and Charlie too. The only difference is that Harry gets to kiss and do other intimate stuff with me, but lately Harry is starting to change. He never forgets to mark me; and he never let me forget that I'm his.
In the end I don't know, I want to be with him, but does he feel the same? I don't want to go though all that pain just because he has strong feelings for me. So I've decided to give Harry three months after the war ends to say that he loves me. If those words never leave his mouth, I will walk away from him.
Draco Malfoy
