I Still Trust You

Chapter 3: I Still Love You/ I Still Fear For You

By: Mishka-chan

A/N: This chapter is almost like a double whammy- like two in one deal! I would like to thank Na-chan (You know who you are) for hunting down all of the Russian versions of t.A.T.u. songs and mailing them to me on a CD! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! It gave me inspiration for this story, that and driving around in the Blue Ridge Mountains for five hours. I would also like to thank 'fiveshadesoforange' to whom this story is dedicated! Also all of my reviewers if you left a return address you should have gotten a thank you from me, but once again THANK YOU!!!

Warning: a horrible amount of suspence! OOC

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"I am; I am so stupid, because even after all these years I am still in love with you!"

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Sasuke sat stupified as Naruto continued to sob.

"What did you just say?" Naruto flinched and Sasuke realized that his voice must have been gruff. So he softened it slightly. "What did you say, Naruto?"

"I said I am still in love with you... I understand if you are angry. I really do, but I am. Do you want to revoke your vow of protection now?" Naruto rambled as if to fill the silence with meaningless chatter. The chatter, however, did nothing to lift the stigma that followed such heavy, weighted words.

"Naruto, if you love me, as you say you do, then what would you do if I asked you to stay by my side?" Sasuke asked hesitantly; as if afraid of the answer.

"I would, but I promise I wouldn't touch you or anything. I would make sure that it was as if--" and here Naruto choked on his words, "as if I had never loved you at all."

"Well, we can't have that." Sasuke said slowly. "How about we amend that statement? I ask you to stay by my side and you-"

"Would, but--"

"No, 'but's about it. You would and that is all."

"But, I wouldn't, I swear! I would try my best to make you feel comfortable with that arrangement." Naruto pleaded. As long as he could stay by Sasuke's side... then it would be okay... It would be okay.

"The thing is that I would be more comfortable with the situation of you being in love with me than even our previous arrangement." Sasuke said pulling Naruto closer, and steadily wheeling him into his arms.

"What does that mean?" Naruto asked; confused and angry. It seemed that Sasuke was implying that he would rather be without Naruto at all.

"That I'm in love with you, have been for a while." Naruto looked at Sasuke as if he had grown another head. "Does 'still being in love with you' make me stupid, Naruto."

"Ne, Sasuke, Do you mean it? If you are messing with my head, I will never forgive you!" Naruto said attempting to pull away from Sasuke.

"I don't have the humor to play tricks on you of any kind." Sasuke said dryly. Naruto approached Sasuke slowly.

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"Well, the probability of success jumps up with Kakashi heading the team." A lazy drawl stuttered the silence that had engulfed the two men for the last few seconds.

"Of course, he has always been the best ANBU captain." Another lighter, louder voice replied.

"Who do you propose go with him?" The lazy one drawled out slowly, while a genius, his companion knew a lot more about high-stakes battling.

"We need a team of three." His companion murmured. "What with the dynamics of teamwork; three has always been a balanced number."

"Hokage? May I ask a question..." He asked almost hesitantly, then again he was too lazy to ask hesitantly; he was probably just taking a break.

"Of course, Shikamaru!" Naruto practically beamed.

"Why has Sasuke started staying with you so much?" Shikamaru asked, knowing the answer, but come on messing with Naruto was both easy and fun. Naruto sputtered and blushed.

"Well, you see Sasuke and I..." Naruto said after he finally got himself together.

"Ah, drop it too troublesome! Back to the mission." Shikamaru muttered; what about Naruto wasn't troublesome; troublesome, but loveable?

"Who do we have?"Naruto said; suddenly so grim and serious that it shocked Shikamaru, hell, it stilll shocked him that Naruto could be Hokage.

"Chouji- goes down... he is a great ninja, but he is stronger in brute stregth, but for recon and assassanation- he is better left off! We need someone with a great amount of techniques and silent!" Shikamaru exclaimed, or about as close to exclaiming as you would get from Shikamaru.

"Neji, great for recon!" Naruto automatically annouced.

"Okay, 360 vision, okay it went up." Shikamaru weighed.

"One more." Naruto pondered.

"The rest of the available ninja will all bring it down." Shikamaru said after working all the possible combonations.

"What is the average with them?" Naruto asked nervously.

"42 percent." Naruto bit his nails.

"There is one who brings it up to 53 percent and with all of the combos he is the only one that goes over 50 percentile." Shikamaru continued. Naruto put his face in his hands.

"Who?" Naruto asked, wondering who could jump it up so much.

"Uchiha." The reaction was immediate he blanched, and seemed to deflate.

"No! I refuse to do it, 53 is not enough for me to risk his life." Naruto murmured to himself. "He is my guard he can't leave!"

"You are being selfish,Hokage-sama," said a voice from behind Naruto. It was a voice Naruto instantly recongnized.

"Sasuke..." Naruto almost moaned. Not from pleasure, but from dread. He wouldn't be able to change the line-up now.

"Shikamaru, you will take my position as Hokage-sama's guard in my absence, correct?" Sasuke said, grasping the attention of the lazy man, generally a hard task.

"Yes." Shikamaru answered, slowly becoming interested in the happences in front of him.

"Sign me up." Sasuke said simply. He heard Naruto choke from behind his hand. Shikamaru knew his heart was breaking behind his hand.

"I'll go take the mission description and roster to the front desk." Naruto's hands slid from his face. Shikamaru saw the raw pain Naruto's eyes. He couldn't imagine being the one who had to send his loved one on a suicide mission, 50 percent chance of dying. Their were good ninja's that died on mission with a one percent chance of death. It was a risk he had to take.

"You are dismissed." Naruto said, and his voice sounded old. He had no business sounding that old. He was barely nineteen. Shikamaru stepped out.

"Let's go get lunch," Naruto said softly. " Where do you want to go? My treat."

"Naruto don't treat me like a child." Sasuke said.

"I'm not!" Naruto shouted turning on Sasuke. "I may be trying to protect you, and I may be selfish for that! You consider it for a second! If you had to send me on a mission with a less than fifty percentile chance of living. Or would you even give a shit!"

"That's different!"

"How so? Am I weaker? Am I dumber? Was I given the hokage position because I was a danger to myself? Was it because I needed to be taken off the battlefield?" Sasuke stared blankly, neutral, at Naruto. He knew his lover was right; there was no difference. When Sasuke never answered Naruto turned and headed to the door. "Fuck you, Sasuke! I love you so much, and what do I get it return! I don't even know why I wanted to be fucking Hokage! I do a shit job anyway! I should have taken a page out of your book and ran away." Naruto stormed to the door, going to pull it open until Sasuke slammed it closed. His hand on the door.

"Don't go." Sasuke murmured. "I haven't had my say yet." Naruto shivered when Sasuke's breath ghosted across his neck. "I do love you Naruto, and I realize I have a funny way of showing. I ran away once to avoid my feelings for a certain loud teammate of mine. I think I'm old enough to face it now. I've made mistakes, and I still do. We are not adults Naruto, we might as well be children. I am sorry I misjudged the situation, but even though that is true. You still have a job to do, and even if I end up dying, which won't happen, then you will have done your job; I'll be very proud."

"Come over tonight... please, I know you may think I'm a slut, but I need you. I want to know you fully, just in case," Naruto choked on his words.

"I won't die, but I will come over to see you." Sasuke smiled softly.

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Sasuke knocked on Naruto's front door,fiddling with his hands. He had never fiddled before, then again he had never had sex with Naruto before, or anyone else before. He was'nt even sure he knew how do it in the first place. He felt like a teenage boy on his first date, then again he was a teenage boy on his first date.

Shut up stop thinking! That is not even going to happen tonight. Naruto's not ready! You know he's not.

The door was jerked open. "Naruto..." he was able to inhale that one name before he was jerked inside the house.

"Sasuke!" Naruto called out, wrapping his arms around Sasuke's waist as he crumpled into Sasuke's arms. "I was almost afraid you wouldn't show."

"You seem to think that a lot lately." Sasuke said softly, feeling slightly hurt that Naruto had such a lack of trust for his lover. He deserved it I suppose, this lack of trust blooming for the five years he didn't show up for morning training. "You know I love you and I won't leave you again."

"I feel a chill coming..." Naruto whispered.

"Huh?" Sasuke said not quite hearing Naruto. Naruto simply shook his head and placed his lips over his best friend's.

"I want to feel all of you, take me."

"You aren't ready, you are trying to please me while also trying to take with you while I am gone a piece of myself."

"You are right, I want a piece here with me."

"You already have a piece."

"What piece? I want a piece I can tell was real in the morning." Sasuke refused to answer the question; he knew the answer, but that would effect his pride and he couldn't have that. It was a barb to his pride that Naruto would even ask, and he never reacted well to barbs.

"Maybe when you grow up and stop acting like a child, we can do something, otherwise I feel like a pedophile and I'm just afraid I won't be able to get it up."

"You- you-- bastard! How dare you?" Naruto screamed; grabbing the nearest vase and throwing it at Sasuke. Sasuke smirked.

"See what I mean? Childish." He said drawing out the last word of his statement to barb Naruto even more. Naruto glared across the room, his face strong and chin up. He looked almost like an extremely sparkly and bright Uchiha for a moment, but the effect was ruined by Naruto's face suddenly crumpling into one of absolute sorrow. Tears streamed out of his eyes. He fell to the ground.

"You don't unders-st-stand! Shikamaru called me and s-s-s-said that the probability of death was significantly hightened. I'm afraid to lose the one person who has ever loved me back! CAN'T YOU UNDERS-ST-STAND!!! It's not that I'm being childish and saying that I don't want to move on. It's that if you didn't come back, I couldn't move on! I want something to know that I had someone in this world who would do anything for me, someone who cared for me, and someone I would die for! Can't you understand that concept? Did you ever wish you could have something to prove Itachi had cared for you. Or your father or mother!"

"I do understand, I understand that tomorrow you could wake up and never see me again. I understand that very well, but it won't happen. You are not ready for sex."

"How would you know?" Naruto shouted prepared to go on a rant.

"I am not ready! I have been the one to initiate all initial contact in this relationship. If I am not ready then you can't possibly be. Now stop fighting me, I don't want your last memory before I leave to be of us fighting."

"You are right." Naruto finally conceded, "but will you at least stay the night with me, hold me tonight, can you do that for me?"

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Later on, they laid in bed together. Entwined together, Naruto whispered sleepily into his lover's bare collar bone.

"Sasuke you said I already had a piece of you, what piece did you mean." Everything was silent, but he knew Sasuke was awake by the shifting of a pale bare leg against his own.

Sasuke whispered something softly, and drifted off to sleep.

Naruto heard it loud and clear and smiled at the sappiness and un-Sasuke-ness of his reply.

"I gave my soul away to you long before I left the first time."

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Naruto woke to the sound of Sasuke moving around. He didn't move, goodbye's were easier if one party didn't witness them. So he pretended to sleep. He felt Sasuke lean down and kiss his forehead softly, whispering in his ear-- "If I do die, please move on, but don't love them like you loved me." He almost begged. "I am so jealous, selfish, and childish, but I want it that way." Sasuke pulled back to see Naruto's eyes open and staring sorrowfully. Those ebon eyes that haunted Naruto stared into him and pulled out a piece of him. He finally understood what it meant to give your soul away.

"Did you hear?"

"Yes..."

"Don't forget about me." Sasuke whispered and kissed the side of Naruto's neck. Naruto bit into Sasuke's neck... Sasuke could feel chakra infuse into the mark Orochimaru had had on his neck until it came out looking like the Uzumaki spiral.

"Don't forget about me either." Sasuke nodded biting into Naruto's neck to leave his own mark. He didn't know how to do what Naruto did so he just mouthed the boy's neck. "Kyuubi will heal it, just infuse the bite with chakra, but not malice. Like almost healing chakra." Sasuke did as instructed, and allowed his teeth to leave the three diamond shaped marks on Naruto's neck.

"I love you, don't forget it."

"I love you too, bye;" and with that Sasuke disappeared much like Kakashi used to do and he cried- he cried for the rest of the day, he called Sakura to ask her to cover for him for two days. She sent Kakashi to Naruto; and when Naruto asked him to keep an eye on Sasuke. Kakashi said:

"With all due respect he is a soldier."

"Well, with all due respect, to you he may be a soldier, but he is my lover."

He didn't see Sasuke after that morning. He figured he must have left to get things in order. He wasn't in his office so he missed any chance he had to see Sasuke before he left. Because well, Sasuke already owned his soul and took it with him. He owned his love, that he could never give to no one else. Did he really need his dignity and to rip his heart out of his chest while all of Konoha watched.

He lay in bed and wondered if he would ever see Sasuke again. "I'm a coward." I always fear for him before me. Such a coward.

A/N: Okay that is this chapter. Oh and if you wonder why Naruto thinks he is a coward because he puts Sasuke first. It is because he loves Sasuke so much that to lose him would do him more damage, so he would rather die than see Sasuke injured. It is a strange concept, but in some countries putting a loved one before yourself is concidered to be coward-like. I do believe it is opposite in American tradition, but I wouldn't know that though. My sister, Selena, tried to explain it to me. It didn't work!