Chapter 26
It wasn't long after the others had disappeared that they made their own way back to their room. Clark couldn't quell the feeling of absolute bliss that enveloped him. His heart was at peace, much like Jor-El has said it would be. He understood what his father had done and most of all he was grateful, but there was a downside to his newfound power. The problem was the fact that he could barely feel Lois's hand in his. Her warm hand was now only a small tickle. It was the downside to gaining such incredible strength. He didn't know if it would always be like that, but he hoped it wouldn't. Her touch meant everything to him.
"Something wrong?" Lois asked as they slipped back into their hotel room.
Clark shut the door and took her right hand in his, gently rubbing the top of her knuckles with his left. "I can barely feel your hand."
"What?"
He turned her hand over and trailed a finger lightly over her palm. "Can you feel that?" he asked.
"Yes," she replied as she tried hard not to giggle.
"I can't."
"You mean you can't feel my hand?" She grabbed his finger and held it in her hand. Rubbing the tip of it with her thumb, she looked up to him with a faint smile. "You can't feel this?"
Clark shook his head sadly and frowned. "I can feel the faintest thing, as if there is a small wind, but it's nothing compared to what I can normally feel."
"Do you know why?"
He pulled his hands away from hers and walked towards the window. Staring out to the ski hill where emergency crews were making sure no one was trapped, he said. "I died Lois."
"What?" she asked with a frightened voice as she walked up behind him and placed her palms on his back. "What do you mean you died?"
He continued to watch the rescue crews, but he knew there was no one buried in the snow. "While I was on the bed, I was actually dead. My father gave me the strength so that I would heal."
"Heal? That would mean that you weren't actually dead."
Clark frowned and crossed his arms. "I was dead, but what he did to me did not come without a price. He never mentioned there would be one, but I cannot truly expect there not to be. My whole life I have disobeyed him and have suffered the consequences. Now that I think about it there really isn't a bright side to any of it. All actions have consequences, whether or not the action taken is good or bad."
"What did he do to you?" she asked as she snuck her hands up under the back of his shirt and rubbed skin softly.
He smiled at her touch, but he could still barely feel it. Much like before with her hands, it was only a slight tickle. It wasn't unsettling, but it still felt incredibly strange. "He instilled in me my full potential, my full power. He gave me what I should not have gotten until I was finished my training."
"So feeling nothing is the consequence to having something prematurely."
"I think so." He could feel her hands wrap around his waist and rub his stomach.
"Can you feel that?" she asked.
"Just barely." He spun around, taking her hands from under his shirt and holding them in his own. "I just hope that it goes away. To not be able to feel you would make me miserable."
"It'll go away Clark. Once you learn to deal with your newfound strength it will come back to you. I will make it my mission to make sure it will."
He smiled wide as he looked into her eyes. They didn't betray the sincerity she spoke in, the absolute truth and determination that echoed in her voice. "I know you will, but I think this may pass once my training is done. He said that it would be tough to hold the power I now wield. At first I didn't understand what he meant, but now I think do."
Lois rubbed his hands, knowing full well he could barely feel it. "We'll get through this together."
"I know we will," he replied, bending down and kissing her softly. He was surprised to find that his lips didn't lack any sensation. They were as responsive as ever.
As he pulled back, she smiled and whispered. "Something tells me your lips haven't lost anything?" Her right eyebrow arched seductively as he nodded in response. "Good."
He laughed at her and bent down for another kiss, but she wiggled out of his grip and flopped herself down onto the bed. Lying sprawled out on her back she turned her head and stared longingly at him. "Come here and I'll make you feel again."
Clark almost buckled at his knees from the smirk she was giving him, her lips turned up just slightly as her eyes twinkled. He slowly walked over and got down onto the bed, gently placing his knees to each side of her as he stared down at her. "Lois?"
"Yeah Smallville?" she asked, staring up into his green eyes as her body began to heat up at the close contact with his.
"Chloe and Jimmy are both in the other room."
She shook her head and smiled as she wrapped her hands around his neck, pulling his head down so that their lips could once again meet. When he pulled back in apprehension, she pouted.
He was frightened about getting interrupted, but the look she was giving him caused his heart to melt. "Don't you look cute?" he jested.
"Shut up," she said as she playfully swatted his chin with her right hand. He didn't respond with a laugh like she expected. Instead he frowned down at her with intense eyes. "What is it?"
"Slap me again, but this time, do it harder." When she glared at him like an idiot, he nodded softly and told her again. "Just do it."
Shrugging, she pulled her hand back a little and slapped him firmly. "I hope you're not into violent foreplay, Smallville. I prefer the touch of your hands. As much as I like to abuse you, hitting you is not something I'd like to incorporate into our love making."
Clark rubbed his left cheek and gave her a weak smile. "No, it's nothing like that; it's just that I can't feel it." Lois reached up and rubbed his cheek for him after he removed his hand.
"Can you feel that?" She drew a circular motion with two fingers.
"Just barely, but when you hit me I couldn't feel anything at all, not even a tickle like I'm feeling now." He gently rolled over and lied on his back, staring at the ceiling. "This sucks."
Lois turned on her side and propped her head up on a tucked hand. "Like I said before, we'll get through it. I know it feels strange, but it'll fix itself eventually. You just have to have patience."
Clark let out a laugh at her words. "How ironic is it that the most impatient woman I've ever met is telling the alien who's been running from his future that he should be patient?"
She smiled at him as he turned his head towards her. "I don't know, but I've always been a big fan of irony. It let's you know that there is something out there that can equal the odds. Without it this world would be too boring." She brought her right hand off her hip and poked him in the chest. "Most people would find it ironic that we're together."
"How so?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
"We fight, bicker, and I occasionally hit you. That's not what couples do."
"So what do couples do then?" he challenged.
Lois shrugged and closed her eyes for a second. "We're supposed to hold hands and whisper sweet nothings into each other's ears until we get all mushy and kiss."
Clark let out a loud laugh and turned his eyes back to the ceiling. "And you can say that you would honestly put up with a relationship like that?"
She laughed with him as she began to rub his chest. By the look on his face it was evident that he couldn't feel it, but she continued anyway. "If you turned into that kind of guy I would skin you alive."
"Good to know." He watched as her hand continued to rub his chest, but he couldn't feel it all. He realized that sometimes he could feel her and sometimes he couldn't. When she hit him he had expected to feel something more than her touch, but he hadn't felt a thing. It was strange. Her faint touch he could feel yet when she hit him he couldn't feel a damn thing. It was perplexing to say the least. With a deep sigh he closed his eyes.
Shuffling herself closer to him, she kissed his cheek, hoping that he could feel it. She knew Clark would have trouble without the sensation of her being there and touching him. He was probably the only person in the world that would take the lack of sensation so roughly, but she understood. His whole life he had wanted to be normal, and of late he had been accepting that he wasn't. Problem now was that he had lost something that was a huge part of the definition of being human. Without the ability to feel physical contact he would only reminded of the fact that he was less human than he wanted to believe.
Determined to make him feel a part of this world, and a part of her life, she whispered into his ear. "Just because you can't feel me, doesn't mean I can't feel you."
He turned his head and brushed his nose up against hers by accident. Once again he felt no sensation, but by her reaction he could tell it hurt her. "Are you okay?" he asked as she rubbed her nose.
"I'm fine," she replied, smiling at him weakly.
"No you're not." He turned over with his back to her and looked at the door sadly. "If I cannot feel you then that must mean that I'm risking the chance of hurting you. I could never hurt you Lois, ever."
Lois reached out to touch his back, but he flinched and she retracted her hand quickly. "I'm sorry Clark. I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. This is my problem and I'll have to learn how to live with it."
She wanted desperately to reach out and hug him, but as his shoulders sunk low into the bed she knew he wouldn't be able to feel her. The pain in his voice was evident, showing the true hatred he was feeling for himself at the moment. Clark was always one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, especially around those he felt close to. It would take some time getting used to, especially after the tight lipped friendship they had shared. They'd banter and play off each other, but there were never any sentimental moments like he had with Chloe or his mom.
She hated how angry it made her to see him in pain. His torment reflected itself onto her and ate away at her heart.
With a deep breath, she worked up the courage to touch him and slowly pulled his shoulder towards her. As she did so, he rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His eyes were wet with tears as he looked to be purposely avoiding her. "Smallville, look at me?"
He couldn't do it, the pain of not being able to feel her hand on his shoulder too much to take.
"I know it's scary and yes, it sucks, but don't shut yourself away. You've spent your whole life trapped inside your own misery. You have to understand that with me there is nothing to be afraid of. Sure, I can't promise that you won't hurt me, but I would gladly take that risk. Loving someone does not mean you push them away because you're scared of hurting them. It means that you talk to them and work out a way to deal with it. Shutting yourself away will only make you more miserable, Clark."
Clark nodded as a tear fell down his cheek and onto the bed. "It's all I've ever known," he said weakly.
"I know, but it doesn't have to be all you will ever know. I'm here now and that means that you can share everything." She gently rolled up on top of him and rested her shin on his chest as she stared at him. "You're not alone anymore and you can stop hiding. Do you think I couldn't handle how you're feeling? I accept that you're an alien from another planet. Why should you be afraid to tell me how you feel?"
He stared at her, but couldn't respond, his mind at a loss for words.
Lois smiled wide and said. "I know your father taught you to be a man and conceal your feelings. Take it, that's how my father raised me too, but I understand that it only leads to misery. We can hide our true feelings from everyone else, but not having an outlet in each other only allows those pent up emotions to eat away at us." She was just as scared at opening up as he was and she wanted him to know that. "I was raised like a soldier, Smallville, but that doesn't mean I don't feel."
Clark tried to smile but failed horribly, instead closing his eyes and letting another tear drop down his cheek. "I just don't want to hurt you Lois. My whole life has been about not wanting to hurt others. I may have the strength to save lives, but I also posses the strength to take a life. I guess I'm afraid that one day I might get careless and do something I will regret for the rest of my life. It would haunt me forever, and if ever did something to hurt you, I could never live with myself."
She rested her cheek down onto his shirt and spoke softly. "I promise you Clark, no matter what happens, I'll never stop caring. I will always be here when you need me. I can't begin to imagine what's in store for you, but I do know that I will always be by your side. You may put your effort into saving other peoples lives, but I will put all my effort into saving yours. Being a hero does not come without a price. There will be times where you'll be too exhausted to move and I'll be there. There will be times when all you want to is cry from the horrors you've seen, but I'll always be there. No matter what happens to you Clark, never forget that I'll always be right there beside you." She didn't know exactly where her words were coming from, but she figured it might have come from the one place Chloe had said was always the best; the heart.
He couldn't help but let her words soften the barrier around his heart. Each note out of her mouth was like a lyric of music through the radio, washing away his worries and trapping him a state of happiness. "I know, Lois. I just I wish I had your confidence."
Turning her head to rest her chin on his chest as she looked at him again, she smiled. "Whenever you feel down, all you have to do is think about me."
Clark almost laughed, but only managed to close his eyes and smile. "Sounds like you have enough confidence for the both of us."
"You bet," she replied, nuzzling her ear into his chest. "Not that I'm cocky or anything."
"Yeah right!" he snorted.
"Hey!" she said loudly as she folded her arms on his chest and lifted her chin to stare at him. "I am not cocky."
He laughed again and gently brought his hands up and interlocked his fingers on her back. "You are too cocky, but I wouldn't have it any other way. And you damn well know that."
"Watch you mouth," she scolded playfully. She was about to stretch up and kiss him, but a knock at the door broke them both from their little world. "Yeah?" Lois asked gruffly as she leaned on Clark and looked towards the door.
Chloe opened the door just a little. "I was just wondering, do you- Oh." She closed the door as she saw the compromising position the two of them were in. "Sorry."
Lois rolled her eyes and dropped of Clark. She got off the bed lethargically and opened the door. "What is it Chloe?"
"We were just wondering if you guys are still planning to go to the convention with us?"
Lois looked to Clark and he nodded. "Sounds like it," she said as she turned back to her cousin.
"Are you sure?" Chloe asked, looking over to Clark.
"I'm fine Chloe," he said as he got up off the bed and walked towards them. He knew that she asked the question only so that she could dig deeper into what he and Lois had been talking about.
"Excuse me," he said as he opened the door and walked into the kitchen. Reaching the fridge he opened it and went for a soda. He wasn't particularly happy that Chloe was bothering him about how he felt. She would soon have to realize that she wasn't his go to person anymore. Lois was. As he gripped the can it crumpled in his fingers and the ginger ale went squirting left and right.
Lois watched as Clark bent into the fridge. The next thing she saw caused her to worry. Instead of pulling something out, Clark's eyes went wide and his body rigid. "Smallville?" she asked softly as she walked into the kitchen. He lifted a crumpled soda out of the fridge and put it in the sink. The pain on his face was almost too much to take, but she found a towel and wiped the rest of the soda off his hand. "It's okay Clark, it was just a coincidence. Maybe the pop bottle was faulty."
"Don't humor me," he spat.
"What's wrong?" Chloe asked as she wandered into the kitchen. Lois was finishing up with Clark's hand and he ripped the towel out of hers a second later.
Lois sighed heavily as Clark bent into the fridge and began to mop up the remaining liquid. "Clark's having trouble with his newfound strength."
"Newfound strength?"
Nodding, Lois leaned against the kitchen counter and sighed. "The only way to get Clark to come back to life was release his full potential. Now he can't control what he does. He can't feel me when I touch him, and because of that he doesn't know how gentle he has to be."
Clark grunted as he shut the door and tossed the towel into the sink. "It's like growing up all over again."
"How do you mean?" Lois asked.
He sighed and turned the on the tap, rinsing his hands. "When I was younger I had to learn how to control my strength. My parents withheld me from all sporting events and functions until I was nearly five years old. They fought over whether or not I should be home schooled to. If it wasn't for my mom I'm sure I would have been." He realized he was straying from the original question. "It wasn't until I was eight or nine that I was able to control my strength. Before that I did what every normal kid did when raised with an obstacle. Only problem was that I could push mine over and other kids couldn't. You wouldn't believe how scared they both were that people would raise questions. I remember how hard it was to have to remind myself to be careful all the time. It's taken me over ten years to get comfortable with it, but now I'm right back to where I began."
He turned off the water and opened the fridge door again. Determined to get a drink, he gently reached in and picked up another can. He carefully lifted it out of the fridge and shut the door. As he was about to snap the tab, he looked at the two women in front of him. They looked not only curious, but as if they were treating him as a child. "Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?" Chloe asked.
"Like I could kill you by simply opening this can!" When they flinched at his angry words, he sighed and set the can down without opening it. "When's the convention start?" he asked softly, dropping his tone of voice.
"In about three hours," Chloe answered.
He nodded and walked past them into the bedroom. He sped into a fresh pair of clothes and his trademark red jacket. None of his clothes fit well, they were either too tight or too short. He grumbled loudly as he wiggled his way out of his coat and threw it on the floor.
"Where are you going?" Lois asked as she watched him struggle with his clothes. Her heart broke as she could see his frustration coming to a head.
"Out!" he yelled as he opened and slammed it shut behind him.
Lois watched the door silently as she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. She couldn't begin to imagine how he was feeling, but to see him so upset had her stomach in knots. With a heavy heart, she walked back into the main room and plopped down onto the sofa. Chloe sat beside her as she leaned her head back in exasperation.
"He'll be fine Lois," Chloe said weakly as she rubbed her cousin's knee reassuringly.
"Don't lie to me. You and I both know he's not going to be fine. He's angry and upset."
Chloe retracted her hand form Lois's knee and smiled weakly. "All we can do is wait for him to come back."
"How do you even know he's coming back?"
"He wouldn't have asked what time the convention was at if he didn't plan on returning. No matter how angry or upset Clark may get, he wouldn't ruin your evening by not taking you to it."
Lois shook her head sadly. "I don't want to go anywhere when I know he's feeling like he is."
"I swear you two are so much alike that it's scary."
She smiled weakly and said, "Thank you, for whatever that means."
Jimmy suddenly appeared in the room from his own bedroom. "So?" he asked with a chipper tone. "What's happening?" He stuffed his hands in his pockets and smiled at the two of them. When they didn't respond, he looked around the room. "Where's C.K?