Honest Pretension
Chapter One: The Trouble With Men Is . . .
Author: Ms. Terrible Frostbite
I don't own it, and I never will. Justice Leauge and all affiliated titles are property of Warner Bros. and their respective creators. I'm just playing.
So commences my collection of one-shots.
This takes place after that one episode where Diana and Shayera go down to hell (oh, sorry, ahem Hades) and battle ghosty-Faust -- also known as The Balance, which is kind of a lame name in my opinion. Anyways, I loved their interaction but felt like they needed more of a reconciliation. Not that either of them would ever apologize or anything -- I love how freakin' alike they are and how they so bitterly deny it (anyone else realize they're eating the same thing at the beginning of the episode? Ha HA!) Anyways, this story takes place between Shadow of the Hawk and Ancient History. Anywhere between. Doesn't really matter.
I'm a BM/WW fan . . in small doses. I enjoy a good fic here and there moonlighting them,other than that I stay away. It's just so hard for people to keep them in character! Come on! Batman's not a total hardass, he doesn't never smile, (or am I the only one actually watching the cartoon?) and Wonder Woman isn't a weepy damsel in distress . . ever. . anyways. I was disappointed a little in the final season's lack of a resolution to their relationship ( or lack thereof?). This is my feeble attempt to ease my own fevered mind.
God damn, I wish the show was still running.
And the Creeper . . . he's just fun.
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Silence. It meant that the noodles were a little cold from having sat since the last major meal by the Tower's standards but to Shayera the tradeoff was a fair one -- no one to zip up and steal her fries, no one to try and force a lighthearted conversation with Hawkgirl, no one to pop in unexpectedly, just happening to have gifts and wine and blah blah blah. Not that she really minded Carter's fawning -- at times it was flattering -- but it was starting to get borderline irritating. Okay, beyond irritating. If he showed up one more time with flowers on a day that wasn't Valentines Day, Superman was going to be struggling to pull her mace out of his skull.
But not today. Solitude. Seclusion from any other living thing (except for the Creeper, who was eating something across the room, but he seemed to be having a very vivid conversation with hopefully himself and didn't seem to notice her) and she was damn well going to enjoy it.
Would have enjoyed it, had a figure not decided to collapse into the seat across from hers.
The Thanagarian growled at the intrusion, furious thoughts hot in her skull as her head shot up, eyes blazing. Words, however, got strangled in her throat, tangled in a waltz with a piece of noodle.
"Shayera, are you all right?" She pounded her chest with a fist, coughing. A glass of water pushed itself across the table towards her, she grabbed it and drained half, nodding through teary eyes.
"Diana?" She choked. "What do you want?"
The Amazon was slumped in the opposing plastic chair, looking throughly ungodly. Hair tousled in a way that Shayera hadn't seen fire, rain or wind able to achieve, all traces of her brazen armor had vanished, replaced by an oversized black t-shirt that read GOTHAM KNIGHTS across the chest and a pair of grey sweatpants. Her long, thin fingers, appearing so delicate -- yet capable of sending almost anyone a dozen blocks and straight to the ER -- were wrapped around the handle of a spoon, directing the utensil to carve into a pint of Bob and Terry's Triple Dimple Cherry Chunk Ice Cream.
The princess looked up from the object of her attention, taken aback by Shayera's sharp snap.
"I . .I'm sorry." She muttered in a very non-Diana way, uncomfortably beginning to stand, "I didn't mean to intrude."
"Sit down, Diana." The corner of Shayera's mouth had turned up despite the defensively hard words. "What's wrong? I've never seen you like . ." She waved a hand at the lumpy get-up, at her perfect, Pantene Pro-V commercial worthy hair in shameful disarray, " . . this."
Diana retook her seat, swallowing a huge glob of the pink and red ice cream without meeting the other woman's eyes. Whittling out another lump with intense concentration, she offered it to Shayera. The Thanagarian shook her head. The Amazon ate it slowly.
Realization dawned on Shayera in a moment of crystalline clarity. "Could the perfect Amazon princess be having man troubles?"
"No!" Was the nearly shouted reply, Diana's eyes shooting up, wide and horrified. "No no no no no!"
Creeper peered at them from across the room and screamed, "Gold bond medicated foot powder!"
"Spill. Who is it?"
"It's no one."
"Oh, so you admit there is a someone."
"NO!" Shayera offered a wry, arching smile. Diana's shoulders slumped, she muttered something.
"Can't hear you, princess."
"Bruce." It was barely a whisper. Shayera sat back in her seat, mouth quirked.
"Should have seen that one coming."
"I didn't know who else to talk to." Diana explained awkwardly. Shayera cocked an eyebrow.
"So you came to me."
A silent nod.
"The traitor." Diana flinched, suddenly intensely occupied with sculpting out another spoonful of ice cream. She slid it in her mouth and talked through it.
"All the other women here seem . . intimidated . . by me."
"No!" Shayera gasped. "You, princess? I can't imagine. You, who never steps on anyone's toes, who never orders anyone around like they're complete idiots, who never walks around like she's got a stick up her--"
"Big talk for a woman who's motto is 'Shayera smash.'"
Silence.
"This was a mistake." Diana snapped, started to stand. Shayera snatched her wrist before she could get more than half way up.
"Sit that prim little butt of yours in that seat before I do it for you." Ferocious green met equally indignant blue, their eyes locked in a silent challenge for a moment, two. Time stretched, neither willing to give the other an inch.
"The mailman in the parking lot with a toaster strudel!"
Diana sighed shortly in resignation, falling heatedly back into her chair for the second time.
More uneasy silence. Shayera chewed her now cold pasta. Diana stabbed at her melting ice cream.
"It's not like I can give you any advice anyways." The Thanagarian muttered at last. "You've seen my track record, not to mention my current entourage. Half the time I have to beat Carter off with a stick."
"At least he acknowledges you exist! The only way Bruce even looks at me is if I'm actuallybeating him with a stick! And then it's--" Diana furrowed her eyebrows and pouted her lips in an attempt to replicate the trademark bat-glare. Shayera laughed. Diana soon joined her.
It was short, and soon they returned to silence.
"Men are fools."
Shayera 'mm'ed in agreement.
"Knock knock I ATE HIM!"
"You know . . ."
"What?"
"No, forget it. Never mind."
"Shayera, what?"
Shayera exhaled noisily, knowing that she had to do it, not even close to liking it, not believing that she was actually thinking what she was thinking. "There's a . . movie, on Earth . . . I could get Zatanna--" Diana growled lowly at the name, "-- to cast a charm on me . ."
"What kind of movie? Like . . . Fight Club, or . ." They had both been acclimated to American culture by one Wally West the only way he knew how -- movie marathons. Diana's eyes widened, voice filled with a mix of delight and dubious incredulity. "A romantic comedy?"
Shayera managed a baffled smile, like she couldn't believe what she had just signed herself up for. "You got it, sister."
"Really?"
"Really."
Diana smiled. "Great. I'll go change."
"Don't bother. I think I like you better this way."
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Originally this was going to be a chapter in one of my future fics, but I liked it so much I thought maybe it should stand alone. Anyways, hope everyone was in character (I felt like I may have strayed a little at the end) but, whaddya gonna do? Anyways, please leave me a review. Constructive, criticism . . whatever. I love and appreciate them all.
Also, I'm looking for a beta for future stories. If you're interested, please send me an e-mail.
Thanks!