Mark sighed a little as he finished loading the dishwasher. He was at a loss how to deal with the situation. On the one hand he didn't regret the need for the scolding – Steve had certainly deserved it – but on the other, he wished that he could take back some of the things that he had said. Also Steve was no child to be chided in that fashion and Mark recognised that he had overstepped some bounds that night. While on the surface, they had settled the whole issue next morning with both of them apologising to the other, Mark was well aware that Steve had not wholly forgiven or forgotten. Steve was generally so even tempered with those he loved that it was easy to take his forgiveness for granted. However both Steve and Carol had inherited their mother's fiery temper and Mark's stubbornness, a combination that could sometimes make it difficult to let go of grudges, and it appeared that this was one of those relatively infrequent times in Steve's life. It had been ten days and Steve was still avoiding his company. He had thought out a really nice prank on Steve in revenge for having had Sudie foisted on him and then having to live with his colleagues humorous references for the last few days, but until things normalised, there was no way in which he could take the chance that it wouldn't further strain their relationship.

'Dad' Steve's slightly hesitant voice intruded on his reflections, sending immediate warning bells off on his parental alarm system. That was the voice that Steve had always used when talking about a decision that he was not sure his parents would approve of – like volunteering for a tour of duty in Vietnam.

'Captain Newman gave me a couple of days off and I was thinking of going camping early tomorrow morning.' It had been an option that he had explored earlier while driving home but put aside because it made him feel a little cowardly running off rather than confronting his father and clearing the air between them. However, Steve had had enough of the awkwardness over dinner and had come to the sudden decision that it would be simpler to spend his days off camping rather than stay at the Beach House and look for ways to avoid his father or endure four days of similar awkwardness.

'By yourself? Or are you taking Jesse with you?' Mark tried hard to keep the hurt out of his voice. Not only had Steve not mentioned the days off till now, he had made no effort to include his father in any way. There had been a fishing trip that they had been talking about and another one to a resort owned by Mark's patient – but of course those discussions were all held before The Picnic.

'Nah … Jesse's busy with Eva – you know how he's always complaining he doesn't get enough time with her. This is just going to be me and a nice camp somewhere in the forests.'

'Steve, you know it isn't safe for you to go camping by yourself. Suppose you get hurt or fall ill or …'

'Nothing will happen, dad' This time Steve's voice was determined – his 'I'm going to do this so just accept it' voice. 'I've been camping alone before and I'll have my phone in case of emergencies. Don't worry, and I'll say bye now, dad since I intend to leave early in the morning.'

Faced with what seemed to him to be an ultimatum (however unintentional) of sorts, Mark made up his mind in a hurry. He was not going to let Steve go off like this without making every effort to resolve the clouds hanging over their normally excellent relationship. The time had come to take direct measures. He wiped his hands on the kitchen towel and used his own 'this is going to happen voice' - 'I need to talk to you Steve. Shall we go for a walk on the beach?'

'I don't have time, dad. I have to pack and I want to get in an early night.' It was a valiant attempt but Steve saw almost immediately that it was doomed to fail. His father had his most determined look and truth to tell, in an odd sort of way, Steve was happy that his father was forcing the issue. He had missed Mark, his company and their comfortable interactions. There was also the hope that if things improved then he wouldn't have to take off on his own – a trip with his father would be so much better. 'Fine dad, if a walk is what you want then we'll go for a walk.' It was ungracious but he saw no reason to make it easier – this strain was all his father's fault after all.

For the first ten minutes they just walked quietly. Mark was searching his mind for the right words and Steve found both the ocean and his father's quiet presence soothing some of the resentment inside him. When Mark finally began to talk, it was at an apparent tangent.

'You know, after my father left – well died, as I recently discovered – my mother was left to bring all three of us by herself. She was a very brave woman, Steve, and a fighter. She struggled hard to make sure that we had a decent life and access to as many opportunities as we needed to make something of ourselves. She never lacked for dates but she never really took time off from looking after us to pursue her own happiness. I think that perhaps she was afraid of being hurt again, or maybe no one ever lived up to the memory of my father - I don't know. What I do know is that on many nights, after she thought we were all asleep, sometimes I could hear her crying. It used to break my heart but I didn't know how to comfort her, so I would stay where I was and pretend to be asleep' Mark stooped to pick up a pebble, examining it briefly before throwing it out to sea. Steve waited impatiently; his father rarely talked about those days.

After a brief pause, Mark continued, his voice deep and contemplative. 'As I grew older, I realised that she was lonely. And I promised my self that I would do my best to fill that gap for her as well as make sure that I never had occasion to feel that way. It was one of the reasons your mother and I had such a short courtship period. She was seeing someone else when I met her and we fell in love. I was struggling with medical school and my debts. We could have easily taken more time to think about where we were going, but I wanted a commitment – that I would have a family in my life to love and hold for the rest of my life.' He stopped and smiled at Steve. 'It sounds funny doesn't it, especially given Katherine's death and Carol's self-imposed exile. But it was what I wanted so badly in those days. And I thought I had it – first with our marriage and then when you and Carol were born. They weren't easy years financially or even professionally sometimes, but I always felt so fulfilled, so rooted – until your mother got cancer.' He stopped again as the memories rushed in, stealing his ability to speak.

Father and son walked on in silence. Steve was fighting his own memories and he knew to leave Mark alone to collect his thoughts and emotions. His own resentments had vanished – they seemed trivial beside the despair that they had both felt over his mother's illness and subsequent death. The memories of those days were kept buried deep within himself - even deeper than the memories from Vietnam or the worst days of his job. There had been times following his mother's death that Steve had been sure he would lose his father as well and today, he couldn't begin to imagine the depth of pain evoked in Mark from remembering some of the darkest days of his life.

After a while though, his very courageous father began again 'Afterwards, when everything was over, I used to wish sometimes that it had been the other way around – that I had died and Katherine had lived'. Hearing Steve's suppressed gasp, he reached out and gently placed a hand on his son's back. 'But then I would think about how alone I felt and how much just living hurt, and I would remember my mother crying … I couldn't have wished that on anyone else least of all your mother. Of course over time, things got better and I had both my children to remind me of all the good things I still had left. But, Steve, I've never forgotten what that kind of despair means.'

Mark stopped and turned towards his son, placing his hands on Steve's shoulders. This was the crux of what he wanted to tell Steve and he needed the contact to get his message through as clearly as possible. 'I think that's why I reacted so badly that day, Steve. I know I've grumbled and complained about Sudie and laughed with you over your jokes and insinuations. But somewhere in the back of my mind, is the memory of what loneliness does to people – and I can't bear the thought of Sudie being laughed at by her colleagues for trying to alleviate that loneliness.'

Seeing the sudden horrified understanding on his son's face, he let his hands drop away, feeling a deep sense of relief that he had managed to get through to Steve and perhaps repair some of the damage done ten days ago. ' I didn't even know why I was so angry then, but I've had a lot of time to think since then – and I realised that I was thinking of how my mother would have felt if something like this had ever happened to her. Maybe it did – maybe that's the reason she couldn't bring herself to take seriously someone else's offer of love or marriage.' He stopped again, forcing himself to concentrate on the present and not on the past.

'I'm sorry Steve for saying some things that I knew would hurt you.' The sincerity in Mark's voice broke through the guilt gripping Steve. 'Don't dad, please' Taking a deep breath Steve forced his whirling thoughts into order. His father had taken the lead in apologising, had been painfully honest about feelings that he normally hid, and now Mark deserved the same honesty and courage from his son. 'You were right and I was wrong that day' Steve felt lighter for having finally admitted that. But there was still more to say.

'I was so carried away by the fact that they liked me that I didn't stop to think of the implications of what I was saying'.

'Hold on son, back up a minute' Mark sounded puzzled. 'What did you mean because they like you? Everyone likes you – they always have. In school you were always so popular and all our friends have always commented on what a wonderful son you are. You still have friends from your stints in Vietnam – your present friends and colleagues all like respect you – so where did this come from?'

'Dad they like me because I'm a reliable and reasonably well mannered kind of guy – a good friend type'

'And that's bad, how?' Mark was still puzzled, though he couldn't resist teasing his son a little 'Of course it could also be because you're – now how did Carol's friend Liz so crudely put it? – Ah yes, the hunk with a to- die- for face and butt!'

He watched with great interest, as Steve instantly blushed a whole new shade of scarlet. 'Dad! Stop that – that was years ago – will you please let it rest?'

'I'm sorry Steve, but I have a really good memory and that's one gem that I'm never going to forget. And now that I think about it, I've never told Jesse that story, have I?'

'No dad no! The only way that I'll ever let you tell Jesse that story is over my dead body' Steve scowled at his father not in the least moved by Mark's reproving look. As much as to distract Steve as to keep the still fragile peace between them, Mark decided a change of subject was in order. 'So what did you mean then?' he asked trusting his son to follow the rather vaguely phrased question.

Steve was still scowling but this reminded him that he hadn't finished explaining himself. 'I don't mean that people don't like me dad – for various reasons they do! But very few people look at me and see a fun guy, in the same way that they look at you and even Jesse. In fact in some ways, Jess is a better son for you – like you, he's a doctor, bright and a lot of fun to be around.'

'Stop right there.' This was something Mark could not and would not ignore. Steve had spoken in a deliberately light tone, but Mark had heard the underlying insecurity. 'Steve, I love Jesse but he can never be in the same league as you. I don't care if you are a doctor or a beach bum, whether you're funny or not – my love for you isn't based on things like that. Of course it doesn't hurt that you make me proud every single day, by being the kind of man you are. And if being the kind of man you are means being a reliable, very bright but not so funny hunky cop with the to-die-for you- know- whats … then that's just fine with me!'

'Dad' Steve was laughing so hard that he couldn't put the requisite amount of outrage into his automatic protest. Some part of him recognised that the laughter came just as much from the newly restored balance between them, as much as from what his father had said. Of course he had always known that Mark loved him very deeply – but some tiny seed of insecurity had just been washed away by his father's unorthodox way of reassuring him. Even knowing that there was no way that Jesse was not hearing all about Liz, couldn't shake his sense of peace and contentment.

Reaching out to put his arm around Mark's shoulder, he smiled affectionately down at his father's face 'So dad, I have a couple of days off – want to go fishing?'