A/N: I know, it has been too long. So let's not make excuses and get on with it, shall we?

Disclaimer: You know this stuff by now...

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...Chapter Five...

- USS Blowdryer:

'Captain's Log, Suplemental.
We are currently heading for the bridge. I find that turbolifts are quite narrow when you're in them with all Senior Officers. Something has to be done about that. I'll get Geordi on it, right after he's done fixing the doors of the conference room…
Ah, the lift is slowing. The doors are opening. The doors should really open more quickly. By God, they're slow. I'll add it to Geordi's list. The suspense is killing me.
Ah, they're open. Let's see what all the fuss is about…'

They entered the bridge and found chaos.

'My God!' Picard said.
'Anarchy! Complete and utter anarchy!'

The bridge-crew had decided to put their reruns of Alf on the view-screen.
But currently, they were engaged in a popcorn-fight.
Ensign Doe had been tied to a chair with a piece of cloth in his mouth.

'My God!' Riker now said.

He moved to Ensign Doe and untied him.

'Thank you, Captain Riker.' The Ensign said.
'Jean-Luc, keep your crew in check, will you?' Riker said to the Captain.

But Captain Picard was sitting in his chair, watching the view-screen.

'Haha, that Willy!' He said, slapping his leg in laughter.

Riker shook his head.

'Alright people.' He said in his most authorizing voice.
'Settle down, settle down! Have you forgotten your mission? Shame, shame on you!
Lieutenant! Set a course for Risa!'
'But… but Alf…'
'NOW, Lieutenant!'
'Y-yes sir!'
'Now then.' Riker said, tucking down his jacket.
'This is how you run things, Jean-Luc. Iron fist!'
'Impressive, Will.' Picard said.
'Take a seat. I wouldn't have sought it after you. You there, Crewman! Go fetch me a tea. Earl Grey. Hot.
And get Captain Riker some as well!'
'Euh, I'll take coffee, thanks.' Riker said quickly.

Then, Commander Madden stepped out the turbolift.

'God that woman is insatiable…' He murmured to himself.

Then he saw Riker sitting next to the Captain.

'Hey! Get out of my chair!' He said, walking over to Riker.
'Would you mind, Commander, but Nr 1 and I are having a conversation.' Picard said.
'Oh shut your pie-hole, old man. And take that finger out of your nose, it looks ridiculous! And for the last time, I AM YOUR NR 1!'
'You are mistaken, Madden.' Riker said.
'You are not a Nr 1, unless you have earned it.'
'What?' Madden spat.
'Look man, I never took such crap from Bree, so I'm not going to take it from you! Let's take this outside!'
'You will do no such thing!' Picard said, receiving his tea from Crewman Doe.
'No? Then we'll do it here! Out of my chair, Captain!' Madden said, pulling Riker up from his beard.
'Noooo, my mojo!' Riker yelled.
'That seat is mine!' Madden said.
'The hell it is!'

Riker took a swing at Madden, but hit Picard instead.
Picard was knocked to the ground, his finger finally released from his nose with a plopping sound, and his tea flew through the air, hitting Crewman Doe in the eye.

'My eye! Not again! Oh it burns, it buhuhurns!' Doe cried out.

Madden, in the meantime, took the opportunity to sucker-punch Riker in the stomach.

'Oh, the satisfaction!' He yelled as Riker fell to the floor.
'Now who's Nr 1, Picard!' Madden said.
'Riker is.' Picard said calmly.
'What? No! How can you say that, you senile demented overrated excuse for a Frenchman!'
'Simple. He got my finger to pop out of my nose.'
'Noooooo!' Madden screamed, going mental.
'I can't believe it! This is unreal! This isn't happening! I'm losing it! I've already lost it! Where is it! Where the hell has it gone! Papa can you hear me…'

He ran to the turbolift and disappeared from the bridge...

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A/N: So what should I do? Should I kill Madden off? Or shouldn't I? Keep reviewing, people!