It is another day and another afternoon. Hannibal is out for shopping, he prepares our journey, our flight, our new life. I don't know how much time passed since the event, the unusual but very entertaining dinner with Paul. I think I will keep him. I invite him in my second palace, I want Mason Verger and his asexual sister Margot there too. Shall I build the Muskrat Farm, the foul smelling place with the pigs? We live in a leased house now, this place is beyond time, Hannibal said. Hannibal, if you knew…no really, you will never know me.
The needed errands took longer then I calculated but at least, I have got everything what we need to move to Argentina. We lived here exactly nine weeks and five days and she is still with me, for some seconds, I thought she left when I entered the house. It was very quite. My little caterpillar is sitting in the library and reads a book. She is beautiful, no, she is the beauty. Her body and her soul. I watch her, I memory her, I smell her, her eyes move slowly from her copy of Alighieri to me. I get erected again. I stay at the door admiring her from the distance. Clarice, you will make me proud between you legs.
He is back, I am relieved that he is back. I look to him, he desires me. I go to him and hug him, my head rests on his left shoulder. He holds my chin and looks in my eyes. His eyes show whirling red dots. They are asking. My lips are slightly parted. His lips touches very soft my lips. Mmmmh, this is our first kiss. He sucks my lower lip gently. His hands are on my back, drawing invisible circles. He moans. Oh Hannibal, do that again! Now my upper lip, I kiss him back. He tastes of the coffee, he drank before he left. Our tongues tips touch and play, Oh Hannibal, I let a moan out. He begins to posses my mouth. Yes, this is sooo him, to posses me, my mind and body. I break the kiss. No one can posses me.
Clarice, do not tempt me, my patience has limits. You are testing me, so do I you. I learn to be a lover, to be in accompaniment, to be a "we". We are, what we want, what I want us to be. I want to eat you, but not now Clarice, let's go to the kitchen and prepare a dinner. I am hungry, Clarice, my appetite for you grows from day to day. To see you, to smell you and touch you makes me feel excited to highs I never knew they exist. I was with women intimately together. Yes, I fucked them, Clarice, but no women had any clue, who was with them. With you under my naked body will be a totally different joy. I show you what I am really able to, what you really deserve.
It is late in the night. I sit with Hannibal in the dining hall on a couch. He holds me, my head rests on his chest, we are watching into the fireplace. He said, that he doesn't think psychology is a science. Psychology is like searching for a black cat in a dark room. Analytic psychology is like searching for a black cat in a dark room, where no black cat is, but find one. Behaviourism is to believe, someone could not find a black cat in a dark room. Hannibal, am I your black cat? Do I challenge you?
The fire makes your auburn hair glow. You are relaxed because I hold you. My arms are around your waist, your arms are free. See, I don't posses you, I hold you. That is our relationship. For now. You will learn to enjoy to let go of your control. Exuberance will do you good. Clarice, tonight could be our first, but I will wait. You want to be alone in the night. You don't want to share your thoughts and fears with me. But I already know Clarice, do not underestimate me. I am ready to capture you.
Psycho definitions are not mine, I read them once somewhere…
M.