You see a lot in this city when you're a crazy serial killer detective driven by the drive you have, the drive to discover the driving truth that's been driven into your mind, the truth about numbers, the number 1 truth, about the number 23.

I was following up my latest lead, a lead given to me by a dog, a dog in a cemetery that was full of graves in the graveyard, he was looking for a bone maybe or a dame or a rain that would wash away all the scum of this city, well if he was looking for the latter then he found it because he found me and I'm that rain.

I took a look at the building from under the brim of my stylish and totally noir fedora that I wore with my black trenchcoat and my The Crow makeup and I bit down hard on a candy cigarette in my mouth, then spat it out into the rain gutter that was filled with the garbage waste of mankind that festered like festering boils infesting the city, the festering boils I called criminals.

I walked into the place, it was dirty, too dirty. "This place looks dirty," I said and mused "not as dirty as this city, the city of scum and villainy; a hive if you will of the bees that make honey, but their honey is gross and evil and not sweet at all."

That's when I saw her. The dame looked like a dame right out of the classic book of broads. She had on a red dress, "Topsy Kretts?" she asked and instantly I was intrigued. Nobody knew that I was Topsy Kretts, nobody.

"How do you know that I'm Topsy Kretts, dame?" I asked the dame. She slithered up in her red dress and let a strap fall, exposing her breast. The dame had three nipples. Two breasts. Three nipples. Twenty-three. Now I understood.

"Now I understand" I said to the dame who looked at me with a sultry stare, the sultry and seductive snakelike stare of the femme fatale that you see in many Noir movies and comic books, you know the type, well this was her right in the flesh, the succulent, sexy, flesh, and with hair that smelled like cherry blossoms. I'd like to blossom her cherry, if you know what I mean.

"I gotta ass you a question" I said gruffly, and prepared to turn around and seperate my ass-cheeks. "Please, Mister Kretts, there's no time for foreplay," said the dame as she slenderly smoked a cigarette and held aloft a glass of bourbon. This dame was Eve and Delilah and all them bitches rolled into one.

"And may I have the pleasure of your name?" I asked her

"Tipsy," she said, "Topsy" I smiled then she kissed me and I spit out lit cigarette butts on the ground

I was entranced by this sleeping beauty and the beast before me. She led me down a dusky hallway down to room 23. "This is where you'll be entertained by my associates Mr. Kretts" the lousy dame said, then ushered me in the door.

-----

"GET HIM, BOYS!!!" Larry Talbot screeched with his gruff and manly voice.
The pirate brood rushed upon the unsuspecting Fingerling, but not so unsuspecting as to not rip out a man's eye with his bare fingers, which is what he did. "NOW YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME FINGER LING!" he taunted as he stuffed the glassy orb into the mouth of his victim and gave him a swift slap to the cheek that broke his neck.

"I thought your name was Topsy Kretts," Talbot said with a sneer.
"And what the hell is this thing here that you're doing trying to get the jump on me anyhow" Fingerling said?

"My bosses want to meet you" said Talbot, "yeah well why don't they come get me, then!" and Fingerling matrix-jumped on top of Talbot's shoulders and broke his neck with his fine muscular thighs, then flipped the limp body into the pirate brood. The rest of the bumptious crew advanced but Fingerling was too quick. He drew his penknife and jabbed it into some guy's throat, laughing like a robot or something you know how Jim Carrey does it when he laughs like he does. He slammed out the penknife and the guy's wound erupted in a jet of blood as he staggered around and went "BLAUUAUAUAAAAUUUURRRAAAAUUUUUGH!!!"

The jet of blood smashed into the face of another of his compatriots and Fingerling pointed his fingerling at him and said "You're next!" The guy freaked out and started to run but tripped and then Fingerling ripped out his brains.

Fingerling next slammed a hook-handed bravo against the wall and tore open his jugular with his teeth. The bloodspray was amazing! All over everything! All over the ceiling! All over the walls! The windows! The chairs! The table! The brigand fell down in a heap and it was then that Fingerling saw something very strange. Larry Talbot had risen up broken neck and all, and was coming toward him with cutlass drawn!

"Hey! No fair!" Fingerling shouted and flung a corpse onto Talbot's sword, knocking it out of his hand. Talbot looked at him with rage and fury in his eyes, and grabbed a candlestick. He ran to the window and set the curtains on fire. Fingerling was about to pursue him when suddenly

BANG! RATTATTATTATTATTATTA

Tipsy broke down the door and had a machinegun in her hands and she laughed with pearly white teeth it was incredibly hot to see such a hot girl with a gun in her hands. Fingerling ducked out of the way and saw Talbot give a long howl at the moon before jumping out of the window. "I knew I never should have trusted a broad!" Fingerling yelled and threw his penknife into Tipsy's incredible breast, making her fall on her back. The room had caught on fire. Fingerling went up to the girl. "Please," she said "Please, they made me do it, I didn't want to. I'll do anything"

"Anything, huh?" Fingerling bit his lip and stomped around "Anything! Anything!"

Then he grabbed the beautiful vixen by the throat and tore out his penknife

"OH RE

HEE

HEE

HEE

HEEEEEEEEAAALLY?"

"NOOOOO!!!!!" she screamed in horror as he plunged the penknife again and again into her stomach and she writhed around the shining blood spurting out from her beautiful body as he violated her again and again with his penknife. She shuddered and spat up blood from her mouth as Fingerling gripped her neck tightly and picked up her half-dead body from the ground by one hand.

"OH GOD!!!" she coughed out as he cruelly held her up against the burning flames of the curtains.

"IT'S CURTAINS FOR YOU!!!" laughed Fingerling with a bloody sneer as her flesh began to burn and her dress cuaught fire and her hair caught fire and her skin started to melt, then finally he took his other hand and slit her throat, then hurled her through the pane-glass window.

"Dames," Fingerling thought, "They're the most dangerous animal of all."

Then, POOF... he was gone...