Title: The Unthinkable (Chapter III)
Author: Flesheater777
Disclaimer: I do not own the Inuyasha franchise. You'd know if I did.
Rating: PG-13/T (Just in case.)
Summary: A response to MonkandMiko's sentence-based challenge. I must use the phrase 'You don't know how lucky you are. Men have it SO easy...' at least once in this fic.
Author's note: While I try to complete this single challenge, I will include as many of the other phrases as I can.
Chapter III: Bicycles, Demons, and School, Oh My!
"Yeah, Kagome. Let's go." urged Sango. I had to think. Miroku can't possibly ride a bike, there's nothing wrong with it... though someone from Inuyasha's time wouldn't know that... "Hey, wait a minute. Lady Kagome, isn't it broken?" Miroku caught on, and said, "Uhhhh... Yeah! The wheel isn't working properly, and the seat's a bit lower than it should be. Can you carry it for me, Inuyasha?" As Inuyasha started swearing under his breath, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then all hell broke loose when Inuyasha tossed my bike into a nearby gorge. "Inuyasha, you oaf, that was Lady Kagome's bike!" I screamed. Sango was about to mention the fact that I seemed out of character when Miroku growled as I would've and said the word:
"SIT!"
CRASH!
"That wasn't supposed to happen!" Miroku cried. He was the one 6 feet deep in the ground, and not Inuyasha. "Maybe you should see Lady Kaede..." said Sango. "No! I like it this way! Say it again, Kagome! Say it again!" That was Inuyasha. Duh... So I said, "I will accompany her to Kaede's. You two best be chasing that rumour." It was then that I suspiciously grabbed my arm and ran. Sango and Inuyasha were left to exchange puzzled looks. Hey! I'm getting better! Flesheater777 would be proud.
Flesheater777: Indeed, I am.
Aaaaagh! You scared me! What are you doing here?
Flesheater777: I'm reading 'Make-Out Paradise' in the chair you put in the corner. Very comfy, by the way.
Could you please shut up!
Flesheater777: How rude. I shall leave. Oh, and by the way, you're out of ramen.
Aaagh! Now Inuyasha will get mad the next time he visits! Anyway...
We were walking towards Kaede's, trying to figure out what to do. "We can't tell Kaede what happened!" I said. "Uhhhhh… maybe Kaede won't find us out. We'll just tell her what happened with you sitting yourself and maybe she'll think it's something else!" I shrugged, and we continued walking.
"So you tried using the power of the Rosary when it backfired?" We were in Kaede's hut, preparing some fish as we talked. "Yep, that's pretty much it. So what does it mean?" Miroku said. "I'm starting to have an idea… Miroku, why are you here?" I was wondering why she said that when I dumbly replied, "I figured Lady Kagome needed an escort. Why do you ask?" Kaede then started laughing, making me and Miroku very uncomfortable. "Ye are victims of Denchimaru, aren't ye?" Shocked that she knew his name, I asked, "You know him?"
"Indeed I do. Denchimaru sees the great misunderstandings of the world and tries to fix them with dark magic. His unorthodox methods leave something to be desired though, as they often have impossible solutions. To break your spell, ye would have to fully understand eachother, and express your newfound love physically."
I then realized what she meant. "You don't mean-?" Then Miroku got it. "Aaaagh! Lady Kaede, is there no other way?"
"No."
"Dammit…"
Then I remembered that my English test was tomorrow. That would help him get a better understanding of me! Failing another test was seemingly a small price to get my body back. "Miroku, I have a test in my English class tomorrow. You're gonna have to take it for me. You're gonna have to know how to act like me, dress like me, even cook like me!" Miroku gasped in horror at the very prospect of doing these things, though he had no idea what English was. "Let's get started." he said. I was surprised how well he was handling things. Then again, he does specialize in handling things…
Kakashi: That was a horrible pun and you know it!
What are you doing here?
Kakashi: Flesheater777 and I are holding our book club meeting here, if you don't mind. Now leave us alone before I give Miroku a copy of Make-Out Paradise.
Flesheater777: Way to tell her, Kakashi.
Kakashi: Why thank you, old friend. Do you have anything to say, Gai?
Gai-sensei: I'm so upset that my rival told off Kagome in such a cool way! Oh, well, I'll just have to try harder next time! (Nice-guy pose)
Aaagh! Not the nice-guy pose! I officially use my newfound super-duper author powers to banish Gai-sensei from this fic! Begone, demon!
Gai-sensei: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Anyway, I had to teach Miroku about English. He took to that easy enough. Then came what was to be the worst thing I had to teach him: fashion sense in the female body. "Now let's try this again. What pants go with a fluffy pink blouse?" "Uhhhh… The tight denim jeans?"
"Very good!"
"Could we practice putting on the bra again?"
"NO!"
"Awwww…."
"Now, say one of my friends comes to school wearing striped pants with a
polka-dot shirt. What do you say to her?"
"You feeling okay?"
"What else?"
"'Cuz I wouldn't wear that!"
"Good enough…"
Then I taught him how to cook. Easier said than done, in his case. It took hours of him burning eggs (and occasionally his hands) for him to perfect my world-famous scrambled eggs. After that, it was time. I wished him luck as he went through the well. From this point on, Miroku will tell the story, as I wasn't there.
Miroku: Thank you, Lady Kagome. Just let me take care of something first. WIND TUNNEL!!!
Flesheater777 and Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Anyway, I got out on the other side of the well. Kagome's world seemed impossibly large to me. The… uhhh, what's the word again? Ummmm… skyscrapers were taller than any demon I've ever seen. As I was muttering 'Whoa…' under my breath, Sota yelled "Kagome's back!" from inside Kagome's house. Her family all rushed out to see me. I had to think of something to say. "Uhhh… hello, Sota. How ya doing?" At this remark, he seemed surprised. Then I remembered: D'oh! Kagome doesn't talk to Sota that much! Then Kagome's mother said the words I feared most: "Time for School!"
When I got there, Kagome's friends just swarmed around me. "So, are okay? Your grampa said you were in rehab for awhile. You should know better than to do LSD!" Even though Kagome didn't tell me about LSD, I still wasn't so blind as to think it wasn't a drug. "I couldn't help myself! Life is just so hard!" When I said that, I just imagined what Kagome would say and thought 'Hehe… funny.' Then one of them said, "Awwww, Kagome. We're here for you." Then the most amazing thing happened: They all hugged me! I could feel them pressed against me! It was then that I figured out that Kagome's time was a lot more fun than mine! Then, class started. A paper was shoved in front of my face while an older person yelled, "Mrs. Higurashi, this is the most appalling effort I have ever seen from you! You've really gone downhill since you found drugs in a dumpster outside Denny's!" I didn't know what to say. His sharp tones made my heart ache and his aggressive look made me want to piss Kagome's panties. "Oh, well. Time for the test! Pencils out! Books away!" I started to think, A math test. That was the one I was best at. It'll be no problem at all! Then I actually read through it. New material was in there! I had no idea what parabolas were, or what Pythagorean Theorem was! All right, Miroku, think. Multiple-choice… if I choose every answer I can't fail!
Kagome: While he was being me at school, I had my own problems. A mantis demon was threatening Kaede's village, and I was the only one there. What a bunch of fun that was… It just kept slamming the ground with its pincers! I just felt like tying it up and beating it into a bloody pulp! Then I tried actually sliding under it and things got easier. I slashed it in the gut and used the Wind Tunnel when it went backward because of the pain. Then a cloud of women surrounded me, and Miroku's male instincts kicked in. One ass-groping was all it took for a slap across the face. Owww…that hurted! Miroku actually has to deal with this 10 times a day? The guy has enough on his mind! After all this is over with, I aughtta just go up to Sango and give her a good slap across the face!
Flesheater777: The chapter is getting long, Kagome. You should wrap it up soon.
How did you get out of the Wind Tunnel?
Flesheater777: I DIDN'T! My head is just sticking out! Now hurry up and get me out of here! Kakashi is poking my ass with a kunai!
Miroku: Better do as he says. It's getting difficult to lift my arm, and I can't live life with a 16 year-old's head sticking out of my hand!
Kagome: Uhhh… better end the chapter! I'm coming, Miroku! (Starts tugging on Flesheater777's head)
Stay tuned for Chapter IV: Further Understandings or a Lack Thereof