The Road Home

"So they are really planning on using that huge needle and sticking it in my tummy?" Sami thought to herself. Of all the sacrifices she has done for love this has to be the biggest. She didn't really listen to what the doctor said and didn't at first understand why her mother was jumping through the roof. John just squeezed her hand and lend his sympathies to her. Then John practically pulled out the check book to hasten the testing for her. Sami started to see the good sides of being in friendly terms with John Black. Besides he made her mother seem so much more tolerable. Sami felt like sleeping. She was anxious to get the results and she was anxious to see EJ again. There was so much left unsaid between them and Sami needed to clear things up with him or she would regret it for the rest of her life.

Sami was in a merry-go-round. She was holding a bundle and humming a calming song and suddenly it was quiet and the merry-go-round stopped. Sami stood up holding the bundle. She saw Lucas standing on her right side, in the centre of the carousel and on her left side on the outskirts of the fair. Sami tried to move to her left and get to EJ but every time she tried to took a step out of the merry-go-round it started spinning again and she got distracted. When Sami finally managed to step out of the merry-go-round, EJ was gone. She ran after him screaming his name but he didn't answer.

Then suddenly Sami was drowning. This time she was holding two bundles and both EJ and Lucas were swimming to her and to the babies. Lucas was there first but he just grabbed the package with his name on top and turned to swim back to shore. EJ instead stopped to ask that everything was all right with Sami and made sure she was holding the remaining baby tightly before turning to swim ashore and pulling Sami and the baby with him. When they were back on dry land all Sami wanted to do was to hug EJ and thank him but he escorted her to Lucas and to the other baby and walked away never looking back.

The dream changed once more. This time Sami was in a gilded gage. She had everything including her baby for certain amount of hours a day but she didn't have love. The man she was in love with had accepted her apologies and pushed her away to a life she didn't want. Her family had taken her in and cared for her even when she didn't want to be cared for.

Sami woke up screaming.

"What's wrong?" Marlena rushed back to her.

"Just a bad dream, nothing more, just a bad dream", John said and brushed Sami's hair to away from her eyes gently, "But everything is better now, isn't it?" Sami wanted to say yes, she wanted to forget all her worries but she couldn't.

"Is she-?" EJ halted as he realized Sami wasn't alone. He tried to retreat and make himself scarce but Sami begged:

"Please EJ. Stay." As she witnessed the effect of her words she asked Marlena and John to leave two of them alone to talk.

EJ watched the Blacks leave before stepping little closer to the bed Sami was lying on.

"I heard you decided to have the paternity test done now instead of later. I thought you didn't want to risk losing the baby?" EJ explained his arrival.

"I tried calling you", Sami said.

"I misplaced my phone. I'll get a new one once I have the chance", he replied staring at the floor. Sami sighed.

"Will you please look at me. Why can't you look me in the eyes any more?" she asked. EJ reluctantly looked up but let his eyes wonder to the wall behind her.

"When will you know the results?" he enquired?

"Soon", she said quickly and paused then, "There's something I want to discus with you, before we get the results."

"What?" EJ stood beside the bed keeping his distance.

"I owe you an apology", Sami finally met his stunned gaze, "I shouldn't have accused you of rape when it wasn't one. I chose to have sex with you that night."

"No, don't apologize", EJ stopped her, "You have nothing to be ashamed about. I shouldn't have done what I did. I shouldn't have asked you to exchange your body for Lucas' life. I was wrong and I admit it now. And I fully understand why you can't forgive me or why I can't ever be part of your life again."

"EJ, I had a choice."

"No, you were put in an impossible situation", EJ took a deep breath and made himself the words he feared to say, "I forced you and I have to live that. I have to live on remembering the horrible thing I did to you and I have to live on without you. As much as I want to change things I can't. I have to accept what happened and I have to watch you make a new life for yourself with someone else."

"I'm not going back to Lucas", Sami stopped him sounding absolute in the matter.

"And I'm not suggesting you should. I just know how amazing woman you are and I don't want to fool myself into thinking that you would spent the rest of your life alone without a man deserving you beside you", he tried not to flinch as he realized the extent of his loss, "You'll find someone who loves you for you and unconditionally."

"I thought you were that man?" her voice carried weight of the tears she felt in her eyes.

"I could have been that man but life and mistakes came between us and we can never get get back to where we were that brief moment", he shivered as a cold wind dispersed his soul to the place he couldn't escape.

"You are right. It was silly of me to think we could go back in time when all I want to do is move forward. EJ, I want us to start trusting each other again like we used to. I want us to be friends and I want us to grow our children together, all five of them", Sami could taste the tears and she fought her urge to curl and bite her lips.

"Samantha, no", he had trouble believing what she was saying, "I raped you. You shouldn't say or want those things. A rape victim shouldn't want a life with her rapist." EJ turned his back to Samantha trying to adhere to his composure. He could feel her starting to say something.

"Miss Brady, I have your results", the doctor came from nowhere, "luckily we had the old samples in our database which made this analysis quite easy."

"Who is the father?" Marlena and John had returned with the doctor. She gave the results sheet to Sami who read it and looked up to EJ with pain in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry", was all she could muster to say. Marlena took the paper and read it. She gasped before meeting Johns eyes and saying:

"Lucas, Lucas is the father of Sami's baby."

The rejected father candidate stood there with an empty face. He was solemn yes and there was sadness and regret in his eyes but he didn't react to the news in any way. He wanted to assure Samantha that this was how things should be. He knew this would turn out to be a blessing for her. Now she would be completely free from him to choose what ever she wanted the most.

"I'm so sorry", Sami said again.

"I know you are", EJ accepted her apology and nodded, "Goodbye Samantha Gene Brady. Live the life you choose and deserve and don't bend to others demands."

"I don't want to say goodbye to you EJ", was her reply when he walked away. She saw him going away slowly but firmly with his head held high enough, just not as light-footed as she would have liked to see him.

"Another Roberts baby it is!" Sami made a face at the sound of her mothers voice:

"Oh dear god no!"