Authors Notes: Four chapters to go after this one and the sequel will come along eventually. Now, I have had this fabulous idea that I receive 10 reviews for this chapter; the next chapter will be 5000 words long with no time delay because of the length. How's that for bribery hmm?

Disclaimer: Don't own. If you want more information about other people who don't own Harry Potter just go back and read the disclaimer for other chapters, I'm too focused on other stuff to think up an extra thingy now.

Chapter 13

13th October 1977

It was fair to say that by the evening of the day after their successful attack on Ginny, the Marauders were bloody terrified. Not merely worried, or apprehensive, or concerned or even wary, they were simply down right terrified. They had (after their gloating session) been expecting a large scale return attack but for the entire day following their success, the opposition had been almost civil. In the morning the Marauders had all disabled their recently improved wards and looked around to see if anything had been done while they dozed. They had naturally been rather surprised when the only out of the ordinary event to occur that morning was that Harry gave each of them a colossal bear hug before wishing them a nice day and skipping out of the room.

Upon arriving at the Great Hall for breakfast, wands at the ready in case of a sudden attack, they had found Lily sitting slouched over her breakfast, shoveling the food off her plate and into her mouth at high speed while shifting her gaze this way and that looking a bit like a rabbit that had smelled a fox. Strange how sometimes metaphors and similes are often a lot closer to reality then their creator originally intended. Oh well. She was quick to inform them in a rather shaky voice that rather then waking to the expected nasty prank that they had all been prepared for, she had had the dubious pleasure of awakening to Ginny Weasley singing Oh what a beautiful moooorniiiing, Oh what a beautiful daaaaay in joyous tones through her entire morning ritual.

Many years later it was suspected that this may have been the root cause for the massive therapist bills Lily Evans (later Potter) clocked up from her first day out of Hogwarts. Of course since she would not remember this morning it is doubtless the issue was only remembered subconsciously thus explaining why her therapist was never able to determine exactly what had driven Lily Evans up the wall.

In transfiguration, as the first class of the day, Severus offered to carry James' books, while Draco held doors open for Remus and the followed him to his next class, stopping the lycanthrope so that he could spread his robes on the floor before him every time they approached anything even remotely resembling a puddle. Both marauders were logically slightly unnerved by this and felt Sirius had gotten off easy. They of course did not realize that since breakfast, he had been receiving increasingly raunchy love notes from the teen he knew would one day be his godson. By DADA all three sported a nervous twitch.

Peter had not fared much better, having been pounced on by Pansy in COMC and given a complete makeover. This was not your typical revenge makeover, rather it was a rather classy one that left him looking stylishly suave (or as much so as is possible with seventies fashion).

Lily meanwhile had to deal with incessant humming throughout every one of her classes with the other red-head and had Christmas jingles stuck in her head in all the other ones. As the Americans say; guns don't kill people, shopping mall Christmas jingles kill people.

I will now repeat once more; it was fair to say that by the evening of the day after their successful attack on Ginny, the Marauders (plus Lily) were bloody terrified.

"I swear, the way she looked at me, I was sure she was going to try and hug me." Peter whispered, clutching tight to his teddy bear (Mr. Yappy).

"Good God man, that's horrific." Remus' voice was slightly strained and somewhere over the course of the day his new twitch had developed into full blown spasms every seven minutes, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at a Malfoy the same way again. He was gracious for crying out loud! What kind of Malfoy is gracious?"

"The scary kind of course," James replied, as he gently clasped his ultra-manly completely normal action figure (…Schnookums), "Or the kind who has a godfather with a multiple personality disorder. Although, I don't think one of those options works without the other. I don't know if I can take much more of this guys! I… I… I almost thanked Snivellus today!"

"I don't know… was he serious? Should I sit down and have a talk with him when he's about thirteen about 'feelings'?" Sirius was staring blankly at the ceiling above him as he lay on the bed deliberating the day's occurrences with no mind of the actual conversation going on around him. His favorite tube of hair gel was sheltered protectively in his arms and he stroked it occasionally as though it would soon turn into a fluffy white cat and force Sirius himself to number everyone he met.

"Evans? What do you think we should do?" Peter finally snapped out of his state and turned to face the newly declared 'master planner'.

"…"

"Evans?"

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way." Lily sang quietly as she rocked backward and forward in the corner of the room.

"Okay, okay, let's all keep it together people." Sirius finally sat up and looked at them all sternly, "What kind of wimps are you? You can't handle a few compliments? You need to receive daily abuse? Honestly, you are all acting like a bunch of eight year old girls were just taken (along with their 'My Little Pony' kits) on a school excursion to the glue factory."

"Ah… Padfoot? Dude? You're hugging a tube of hair gel." James pointed out.

"Look, let's not start judging one another my brethren," Sirius continued while throwing the tube across the room, "The point is, we know they're up to something, but we can't let it get to us. Let's just set our wards, go to sleep, and treat tomorrow as a whole new day."

"You're right Sirius." Lily got up with one hand triumphantly pointed toward the ceiling, "We will face this together! I'll see you four in the morning."

"Bye Evans." James called after the retreating red-head.

"Okay, g'night everyone." Remus nodded at the all before crawling into his bed, the wards flaring behind him as he burrowed under the covers before poking his head up to watch the others.

"Night guys." Peter before following Remus' example.

"Aren't you going to bed Padfoot?" James asked curiously as he watched his friend.

"Ah… yeah in a minute, I just have to get something."

"… Sirius?"

"Yeah Prongs?"

"Are you coddling that tube of hair gel you threw across the room earlier because I was under the impression that you were trying to prove you didn't care about it."

"… Don't listen to him baby, Daddy would never do anything to hurt you. That's right. Who's Daddy's little girl hey? You are. Yes you are. Yes you are."

- - - - - -

"Ooooowww." Remus groaned as he tried to straighten his back, "Why the hell am I bent in half and… oh my god there's an arse in my face!"

"Remus? Is that you?"

"Sirius?" Remus asked in confusion, "Why do you look like an arse? I mean, I understand if you're trying to portray your true personality in your outward appearance but does it really have to be quite so close to my nose? My super moony powers will never be the same again."

"Ha bloody ha Moony." Sirius yelled back at him, "Now I realize that you probably haven't got the greatest view from back there but up here I appear to be looking at things straight from the horse's mouth."

"Ah Padfoot my man? That's not exactly how the saying goes."

"I realize that Moony but we are currently trapped in a horse suit."

"…"

"Moony? Remus? You still with me?"

"Yeah. I'm guessing this is that big revenge huh?"

"I'd imagine so."

"Alright then. Well, this isn't too bad. There's no-one out there watching us is there?"

"No we're in the clear."

"Okay, so we just have to get out of this suit." Remus began shifting around, "Hey! I found the zipper!"

"Great!" Sirius replied excitedly, (he was starting to sweat), "So pull it open and let's see what the next part of the prank is."

"… Ah, I think I already know what the next part is and it has to do with the reason I can't get the zipper undone." Remus informed his co-marauder sadly.

"What? What?"

"Well, it seems the tag on the zip is looped through my left nipple ring."

"…Okaaay, how long have you had a nipple ring and why have I never noticed it?"

"Well I'm not quite sure when I got it but I'd pin the time at sometime in the past eight hours." Remus stated matter of factly.

"…"

"Padfoot?"

"Oh crap! I've got two as well and… oh sweet Merlin."

"Padfoot?" Moony whispered in a panicked tone as he heard his friend's trauma.

"Moony, I'm not sure if you want to know what I just discovered but," Sirius' voice went slightly high pitched as he tried to continue, "You may want to look downward for… other piercings."

"…"

"Past your naval Moony. That wouldn't be nearly so bad."

"Well?"

"Oh FUCK!"

- - - - - -

"Hey, Harry… son." James shifted uncomfortably as the other Potter paused his conversation with the Billster and swung his legs over the bench to face his future daddy.

"Hey, what can I do you for big guy?" He asked sweetly, batting his eyelids.

"… Okay now that's just disturbing." James shook himself a little before continuing, "Now, I realize we weren't exactly helpful when you were looking for the swamp monster over there-"

"Wow way to get him more talkative there Einstein." Lily cut in sarcastically.

"Shush Evans." James flapped at the girl as Harry raised an eyebrow at the pair, "Ah… have you seen Remus or Sirius?"

Harry looked at them both for a moment before flipping one leg over the other to cross them both in an elegant manner and placing his hands daintily on his knees.

"Who?" He asked in mock confusion.

"Look, we're really sorry about what happened to Ginny here," James nodded at Ginny who glared at him, "But we're really worried about them. Please." He added.

"Look," Harry leant forward and cocked his hand delicately in his fathers direction, "Don't worry about your boys, they're just getting in touch with their animal instincts."

"Now listen here you little arsehole!" Lily too leant forward but in a decidedly more threatening manner, "We want to know where they are now! And more importantly, I want you to know that I know that you are responsible for my," She looked around fearfully and hissed, "Nipple ring!"

"Oh sweetie, of course we were responsible for that one." Ginny gushed, "But don't worry, it won't sting for much longer and I'd be happy to show you how to make sure it doesn't get infected or anything. If you want, I have a few pretty ones which really make a girl feel special." She winked conspiratorially, "They keep the boys keen too." She added.

"… What colours do you have?" Lily asked.

"Oh every one you could ever dream of." Ginny assured her.

"Well… okay then, but you'd better hope Sirius and Remus aren't mad about whatever you've done." Lily decided, "Come one Potter, Pettigrew."

She began walking off but turned when she realized the other two were just staring at her.

"Potter!"

"… Guh." James finally stuttered.

"I think he heard you say nipple ring sweetie." Harry whispered, "And Peter, stop hiding back there, you're not going to suffer for the most recent attack on my darling friend here."

"Ciao amici!" Ginny sang out as Lily dragged James away by his collar (although he wasn't looking too upset about the whole situation) and Peter trailed behind them.

- - - - - -

"Okay, so as far as I can tell, we're somewhere on the grounds but not in the forest." Sirius finally informed Remus after several minutes of trying to co-ordinate their legs, "Oh yeah, I can see the castle not too far away and the lake is just to our left."

It would have been a strange sight if anyone had been out an about as what appeared to be a giant yellow cartoon-like horse staggered around next to the lake in a rather drunken manner. Inside the suit, Remus and Sirius were sweating due to the close contact and lack of fresh air. Their opposition had kept a steady oxygen flow into the suit but the air was still very stale. It didn't help that as of three minutes ago it had finally dawned on them that in order for them to have actually been able to examine their new jewelry, the must be naked. Needless to say, Remus was now trying to keep his face as far from Sirius'… attributes as possible.

"I cannot believe they did this to us." He muttered as he followed the slightly confusing directions Sirius was passing back, "Why us for Merlin's sake? Why not Lily? She was the master-mind for the whole thing."

"I understand your complaints Moony but would you mind concentrating a little? I really don't want to fall over again. Last time it really hurt my knees."

"Your knees?" Remus shouted "What the hell do you think happens to my nipple when we change the angle of the suit? Try to remember I'm currently attached to the zipper on this god-forsaken contraption."

"REMUS! Don't do that or we'll… aaaaw fuck!"

Remus had been unintentionally stamping his feet as he shouted and the movement disrupted their steady pace causing Sirius to slip and pull them both down the long slope to their left and for them to skid about six metres into the water.

"… Owwy." Remus finally stated after a few moments of silence.

"I don't think this could possibly get any worse." Sirius decided for them.

"Oh I think it can," Remus contradicted. "I get the decided feeling we're sinking."

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Sirius screamed and began thrashing wildly.

"Sirius calm down! The suit has some kind of charm on it to prevent water seeping in and to keep up oxygen flow." Remus tried desperately to get his friend to halt his movements as it brought him closer and closer to the other boys 'naughty bits'.

"Sorry! Sorry Remus." Sirius cried as he froze on the spot.

"S'okay. You didn't mean to."

"…"

"…"

"Well, least now it can't get any worse." Sirius tried.

"Please, please don't tempt fate Padfoot." Remus begged in despair, but it was too late! Only seconds later, Remus knew that the world was most assuredly watched over by a deity in the form of a sadistic toddler, "Ah, Padfoot? Something that felt most definitely like a tentacle just wrapped around my legs."

- - - - - -

"Ah, I love squid bait don't you Severus?" Pansy sighed as they sat side by side in their Herbology class at that exact moment.

- - - - - -

"HOLY SHIT! WE'RE BOTH GOING TO DIE!" Sirius screamed as they were both whipped through the water.

"Please, whatever happens, promise me you'll sing Oh What a Beautiful Morning at my funeral just to traumatize Lily and destroy any chance of her and Prongs getting it on as my last ever Marauder prank." Remus sobbed as he thrashed wildly in his sweat covered confiner.

"I swear on my Marauder spirit Moony."

"Thank-you. That means a lot to me."

"I'm glad. Now if you'll excuse me… HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"

If any of the Hogwarts students had happened to glance toward the lake at any time during the next fourteen hours they would have been greeted by the unusual sight of the giant squid thrashing around in ecstasy as it sucked on a yellow cartoon-like horse in a manner reminiscent of a baby with a pacifier. For most of the time, they would have only been able to see the head of the horse but occasionally the squid would toss it in the air and catch it so that only a pair of horsy legs and a horsy behind was visible. Some may have even claimed they could hear the horse screaming desperately for release.

Unfortunately for Remus Lupin and Sirius Black (or luckily, depending on how much they valued their dignity), not one student turned to glance out at the lake that day. In fact, the only person who did see it simply chucked and popped yet another lemon drop into his mouth.

- - - - - -

"My back hurts."

"Oh poor diddums! Do you need to sit down? Oh here, let me get you a blanket. Would a massage help at all?"

"… Shut up Moony."

"So's your face."

"What? That didn't even make sense!"

"I know Padfoot but I'm too tired to put any thought to my words. Oh look! A window!"

"Hey guy!" James grinned at the exhausted pair as the limped slowly up the stairs towards their dorm, "How come you weren't in any classes today?"

"Shush! No talking." Remus ground out, "We'll tell you later. Right now, sleeeeeep."

"Ah, that may be a bit more difficult then you think." Peter informed them, wincing away in preparation.

"Hang on a second," Sirius grabbed Remus by the shoulder, "Why are you two sitting on the floor against the door? It's eleven at night."

"A red-headed boy appeared just after our last class." James began glumly, "My future son squealed like a little girl and leapt into said boy's arms. After an almost voyeuristic experience for the rest of us, they sprinted back here, locked the door with some sort of unbreakable charm, and have been at it ever since."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Remus began, "Do you mean to tell me that for the final few hours of our extended suffering… this kid was busy getting laid?"

"Yeah pretty much… some of the noises that have come through have been almost disturbing." Peter added, "I don't think I'll ever be able to hear the name George again without flinching."

There was silence for a moment and then they all heard the sound of a slap followed by a loud and certainly erotic moan from the room.

"What the hell are you planning on teaching your children Prongs?" Remus yelled at his dorm-mate.

"I don't know where the hell he gets the kinky streak I've recently heard he possesses but I assure you that when he gets back to his own time, future me will be having a loooong talk with that boy."

"As will I." Sirius added, remembering earlier notes he'd received from his friend's son, "But a better question right now would be; why didn't you two just cast silencing charms or move away from the door if it disturbed you so much?"

"…"

"…"

"You didn't think of it did you?"

"… No."

"Okay then… why not?"

"Because I was hit in the head by a hippogriff earlier today and James recently discovered that Lily received a nipple ring as her morning wake-up gift." Peter responded automatically and the three boys all watched as James' eyes glazed over and a strand of drool lowered itself from the corner of his mouth.

"Awesome!" Sirius yelled and high-fived a semi-conscious James.

"Enough gentlemen," Remus instructed, still swaying slightly on the spot as he tried to stay awake, "Now, let's go down to the common room and kip out on the couches. But first; silencio!"

"OH GOD! GEORGE, OOOOH! Do that again." Came the now amplified cries from the seventh year dormitories.

"What the fuck?" Sirius screeched as dormitory doors opened all along the stairwell and the younger boys stuck their heads out to see what the ruckus was about.

"Oh come on!" Remus cried out, "Are you trying to kill us kid?"

"Shit, come on guys, let's try and get this thing to stop."

Unbeknownst to the four sufferers outside, inside the dorm a very sated Boy-Who-Lived was grinning at his pranking mentor.

"How long do you think it will take them to figure out that we borrowed my father's record player resting atop of a double powered super sonic steam propelled monkey explosive tank death mobile of doom, made a tape, and that what they've been hearing for the past hour and a half has just been a repeat of what they heard before then?" Harry asked George curiously.

"Dunno, but do you think they might be able to figure out a way to get a video camera to work in magical environments as well as this record player? Just a question for future reference… I don't need the answer straight away."

- - - - - -

Once again I repeat that if I get 10 reviews, the next chapter will be 5000 words long without any time delay due to the length (i.e. it will come out exactly when I intend it to on my schedule). It's not blackmail since I'm not withholding anything. Instead I'm offering something new which means its bribery. I would also like to point out at this stage that my muse spent about eight hours gushing to my Abandon Ship muse about how wonderful Aruba is which triggered him to go on vacation too... thus it is not my fault that Abandon Ship hasn't been updated but I am working to get it up before the eighth. Also, the plot bunnies my muse gave as a peace offering had rabies which is the only explanation I can come up with for the upcoming addition to my story count "A True Source of Happiness".

Finally: Please inform me if I went a little too far with this chapter as I am a little worried I have (I was in a wierd mood when I wrote this).