Kingdom News Act 2
Sora: Hey peoples I'm Sora
Roxas: And I'm Roxas
Sora: You mean Kingdom Boy
Roxas: No I mean Roxas
Sora: You mean Bi-Guy
Roxas: NOOO!
Sora: Yah so you guys are all probly wondering what happened with Axel and Roxas. At the end of last weeks show. …. Well what happened was …. (Covers Sora's mouth)
Roxas: Nothing happened!
(Sora starts trying to mumble something)
Roxas: Now let's go to Xemnas with the traffic report.
(Xemnas is floating high in the air with a camera)
Xemnas: Okay so how do use this thing Sora?
Roxas: (Goes to answer)
Sora: (Interrupts) Hey he said Sora! Not Roxas the Organization dude.
Roxas: You know I have name to!
Sora: Yah and your point?
Roxas: That I would like to be called by it!
Sora: Oh ok now what's your name again? Rammy
Roxas: Roxas
Sora: Ricardo
Roxas: Roxas!
Sora: Roxbs
Roxas: ROXAS! ROXAS! ROXAS!
Xemnas: (jumps in the middle of argument) GUYS!
Roxas and Sora: (Who were now pulling at each other's hair) (stopped dead in their tracks) Yes?!
Xemnas: I still need to know how to work the friken camera!
Roxas: Oh you just press the red button and aim it were you want it to go.
Xemnas: Oh thanks! (Leaves the room)
(Roxas starts slugging Sora and Sora starts trying to reach for a knife)
Roxas: You fkin suck balls!
Sora: Well you can go suck a cow!
(A little screen pops up)
Screen lines: Sorry but we have minor technical difficulties. You know the thing that's not supposed to happen. So we are just going to skip Sora and Roxas for now and go to the weather report thank you!
(Goes back to Xemnas floating)
Xemnas: Hi worthless humans I'm Xemnas and I'll be doing your traffic report today!
Xemnas thoughts: Man that party was sure something Saix sure does have a nice...
Xemnas: You can't catch me gay thoughts (Starts running away form the his thought bubble) (while throwing down the camera)
(The same technical difficulties screen pops up)
Words: Sorry Xemnas had a gay moment and there will be no traffic report today. So we will skip ahead to Sora and Roxas.
(Goes to Sora and Roxas sitting at the desk) (There are patches of hair on the ground and Sora has a black eye)
Roxas: Well our problems are solved and we will go on to today's news story.
Sora: Yes gay couples, now as we all know that gay couples are the symbol of our world.
Roxas: Yep but are some couples really gay?
Sora: We are going to our other head reporter Kairi who couldn't possibly be gay!
Roxas: Yah she could
Sora: (Gives Roxas an evil glare) Yah really how could she be gay? Mr. Know-it-all?
Roxas: Because then she would be straight. (Smiles very happily)
Sora: (Rolls eyes) Let's just go to my hot babe… I mean buddy Kairi.
(Goes to Kairi standing on a street in New York City)
Kairi: Hey people it's me Kairi and here in New York City asking people what they think about Gay Couples.
(Runs up to some random person wearing a Kingdom Hearts T-Shirt.)
Kairi: Hey YOU!
Random person 1:Yes?
Kairi: What do you think of gay couples on Kingdom Hearts?
Random Person 1: Well I think that Axel and Roxas need to get a room and Namine can go screw! (Person runs off)
Kairi: OKAY that was weird… Hmm let's see were is another victim… Oh I see one!
(Runs up to a random person sitting on the curb)
Random Person 2: What do you want?
Kairi: I want to know what you think of gay couples on Kingdom Hearts.
Random Person: Who cares about stupid Kingdom Hearts when my life is a disaster (Starts sobbing)
Kairi: Sir is you okay?
Random Person 2: Yah I'm just fine I just will sit here and cut myself.. (Takes out a knife and starts cutting oneself)
Kairi: Okay well you heard it here folks some people like it and others don't even care. My opinion is that gay guys make the world of Kingdom Hearts go round. Back to you Sora and Roxas.
(Goes to Sora and Roxas) (They are fighting again)
Sora: You are so gay for Axel! (Starts slugging Roxas in the head)
Roxas: Hey at least I didn't kiss Riku! (Starts yanking at Sora's hair)
(They start calling each other absurd names) Example: Bi-Guy and Kingdom DO-DO.
(Technical Difficulties screen pops up again)
Words: Sorry for the inconvenient but Kingdom News will be canceled for today.
(Before more words could pop up flames shot across the screen) (Flames die down on screen and Axel is standing there)
Axel: Okay that is it I'm trying to watch the first T.V. I've watched in weeks and God Dam technical difficulties keep on popping the fck up! If another one of these things pop up I'm going to break the FKIN T.V. (Jumps off of screen)
(The technical difficulties come up again)
Words: Sorry for the…. (Axel interrupts)
Axel: (sounding very enraged) WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU!
Words: Well mam we were only programmed this way.
Axel: I'M A GUY AND I HATE TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES IT'S THE MAN'S SOLUTION TO EVERYTHING!!!!!! (Takes out his chakrams with flaming hands)
Words: UH-OH! BIG Difficulty.
Axel: (throws chakrams at the screen and the screen cracks to bits)
(Blacks out and goes to Demyx)
Demyx: (Hops across the screen) What did I miss?
Random Voice: Basically the whole show
Demyx: Oh man I wanted to do the numbers again
Random Voice: Oh well you get the last word though.
Demyx: AWESOME! But what do I say?
Random Voice: Anything you want I guess.
Demyx: (Starts singing the Oscar Mayer wiener song)
Random Voice: Ok whatever yah that's the end of this news show that totally makes no sense and has no point but the Author threw it together for your pure amusement.
Sorry if this one wasn't as funny I personally like the part where Xemnas runs away from his gay thoughts (borrowed idea from family guy) so stay tuned.