Exponent of Breath-3
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the plot, ideas, facts or characters in the book Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klaus. I don't even own the poem that inspired me to write this story. The poem "The Look" belongs to Sara Teasdale, and I got a lot of the idea for this story from it. I don't own the other poem in here either, it is without a name, but was written by Emily Dickinson.
Poem that inspired this story:
"The Look"
Strephon kissed me in the spring
Robin in the fall
But Colin only looked at me
And never kissed at all
Strephon's kiss was lost in jest
Robin's lost in play
But the kiss in Colin's eyes
Haunts me night and day
As I stared into the man's empty and bleak chocolate brown eyes, I saw the window of the Porsche behind me, Chaos was sitting in it, his head hung low and his mouth set in a gigantic downward frown, he looked sickly pale, and a pang of worry spread through me. I was always out of character when it applied to Chaos, and I had been talking to this guys too long, far too long. I had kissed this guy for too long….
His name was Derek Everwood, and he was the quarterback of his high school, a senior and captain of the football team, and he claimed he was smart too, but his obvious flirting and monotonous style of chivalry was rather boring and predictable, still he was kind and enjoyed my company. Many don't, they say I'm too fiery and outspoken, but he listen to my comments…and kissed me.
I had expected much more, to tell the truth, like the distant sound of bugles playing in the background, to feel like my veins throbbing in a bitter sweet drumming pattern, my muscles aching and my lips tingling like burning fire. None of the world mattered, we were alone and that was it. But, it wasn't like that at all, he just leaned down to my height and playfully swept his tongue through my mouth and pressed his wet lips to mine, uncaringly, as if it were a gesture of greeting, or a gift.
I truly didn't want to leave, but the nagging feeling of having to, won over me and I took his hand in mine, with a flick of the wrist. And swiftly wrote in my most elegant calligraphy, my name and my phone number. Then I leapt off the curb, pen still in hand. Whipping my strawberry curls over my shoulder one more time I winked playfully and brought my fingers that were formed into a phone shape, to my ear. "Call me anytime," I mouthed silently, then my brain added, kiss me all the time. Then I giddily swung the Porsche door open and floated inside.
Once on the road I hummed the tune to "on the road again" the smile never leaving my face, then started blissfully whistling the tune to "walking on sunshine".
"Today was excellent! I'm sooo happy Gabriel let me come! Aren't you?"
I glanced over at the still pouting and fleeting expression of Chaos. Rolling my eyes and pressing on, I continued my one man conversation.
"I'm mean he didn't even give me a curfew! And it's already past noon…" I glanced over again, the engine's soft purr was my only response. I had been talking to a lifeless form of Chaos who did not do so much than nod his head up and down once or grunt in disapproval, he hadn't said a word since I got out of the car, not even acknowledge my existence.
I decided a while back that I would not let this darken my mood, but now I saw I had no choice but to find out what was wrong, because if I didn't ask soon, I was sure he'd bring me down with him. So I pulled the car to the side of the deserted country road and turned to face him directly.
"What is it Chaos?" I mellowed my voice so that it was calm and tranquil, hoping he would respond if I dropped my enthusiasm a bit. He remained motionless.
"Please Chaos…" I pleaded my gold eyes wide.
"Would you find it odd if I told you I didn't trust him?" His voice was dark and flat, almost inaudible, but rage billowed through me again. You're just jealous! my mind screamed, but I took a deep heavy breath, desperately grasping onto my mellow tone.
"Why, my I ask, not?"
At this his intense blue eyes snapped up to stare full on into mine with a look of pure dissatisfaction.
"Why…why, you want to know why! Did you see the way he was looking at you Echo!"
"Oh not this again."
"What do you mean, 'not this again' it's true! He doesn't respect you at all! He's nothing but a clueless human, he can never give you what you want Echo, can't you understand that!" I stared into his liquid blue eyes, my emotion unchanging, I wanted to be mad at him, to hate him for saying that about someone he didn't even know, but his eyes scared me, they were sad, upset and pleading. I couldn't help but catch my breath when I saw tiny beads of tears forming at the sides of Chaos's eyes, I mean he had always been a skinny, wimpy, and sensitive boy, but I'd never seen him cry before.
I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing, but my betrayal hands had reached out to cup Chaos's cheeks, he immediately shut his mouth and his eyes fogged familiarly.
"I know Chaos…I know." And at this I took my lips to his slowly, anticipating the moment when we could actually kiss. His eyes grew huge and a small squeak escaped his mouth as his throat tightened he leaned in, but his body trembled. I needed to kiss him, I knew it was killing him that I was getting so close, but I needed to, if I didn't I'd always be wondering what it would feel like, and I hated wondering, I wanted to know!
Chaos squirmed as I got closer, his back leaned up hard against the door, I took my hands from his face, knowing he had no where else to go, and pressed my palms on his trembling thighs, then the door burst open causing a huge gust of wind to flow up both our nostrils carrying and mixing our pleasurable scents in harmony, we toppled down into the grass with a thud and the gravel from which I first hit the ground stung my hands in a bitter sweet pain. I had landed on top of Chaos, my leg between his thighs, and my chest pressed to his.
He laughed weakly, his eyes still large and cautious.
"Th-th-this is a-a-awkward…."
With that I rolled off gently and settled down beside him. He leaned up and curled his legs to his chest and bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut as yet again, another gust of wind billowed by, sending my curls flying up and into my face.
"I'm sorry Chaos." I apologized in a whisper, he was silent, and I almost thought he hadn't heard me but when I looked up from under my long black eyelashes, I met his beautiful blue gaze.
"The reason I do this is because I love you Echo."
"That sir, is apparent, " I replied sarcastically with a tiny smile placed on my lips, I needed to lift the solemn mood that clung to the air around us, I hate this feeling, it makes me so powerless.
He just stared with a blank and empty expression, I know what he wanted me to say, but I just couldn't bring myself to say it, I squirmed under his gaze. Shifting my weight side to side and opening my mouth and then immediately snapping it shut. Tell him! My conscious squealed as I bit my lip and stared into his eyes that distracted me and sidetracked me so much. Two endless pools of blue with swirling color, that's what they were.
I took in a shaky breath and decided…I came to the most horrible conclusion I've ever decided…to change the subject to an easier one, one that will change nothing, and be completely risk free…just like the miserably selfish easy way out kind of person I am, I may put on a good show by being an excellent actress, but in reality, my life sucks, and I'm far too deep in my emotional lies to do anything about it .
"So…Derek's kiss was just a playful nothingness, just a kiss Chaos, and kisses are way overrated, they're not half as special as everyone makes them sound, you know that…" In fact, he didn't know that, he had less experience with the opposite sex than Catholic nun.
He simply gave me a wry smile, probably to show me he wasn't completely furious, after all, he was my best friend, and even if he was giving me the cold shoulder in the Porsche, both of us knew we couldn't stay mad at each other, at least not for long anyway.
"Yeah I guess…it should have been more than that though…it's supposed to mean something, you deserve something more than he gave you…"
"Yes…I believe I do." I could feel the grin spreading itself wider across my face fast as lightening, all my complacent and smug attitude flying back to me.
I sighed after a long moment of silence, the sun was now in the very center of the sky, and I figured it had to be sometime around noon. But I had had a large elaborate breakfast that morning at Chaos's house and wasn't hungry at all. His mother was always one to spoil me as if I were her own.
"It's scorching out here! Let's go to the pond."
"Sure." Chaos lifted himself up and began dusting of some of the dirt. It was an early spring in Georgia, and it was hot enough to boil an egg on the sidewalk at noontime.
Stepping throw the maze of dangling branches and dancing joyfully over sticks, and hopping over rocks, I grinned lazily at Chaos.
"So…I take it you don't really like that guy, right?" Chaos asked, his eyes averting to the dirt path to the pond, pretending to act careless, but his acting was not nearly as good as mine.
"Derek you mean?" I smiled to myself, but struggled to hide it by turning to the side.
"Yes…Derek" He stated through gritted teeth, this sent me laughing. And I pulled back a long, thin branch and stepped aside so he could pass me.
"Assuming you're entirely more jealous than you let on to be…no…Derek means nothing to me." Chaos sized this response up evenly, slowly nodding his head, then let a goofy smile spread across his lips like fast wild fire.
Good-" He looked incredibly dumb, happy and enthusiastic whilst he was trying to say that he was glad…so naturally, I let the branch go and whip him in the face half way through his statement.
His mouth hung open at the hinges as I ran off squealing and giggling like a little girl, Chaos bounding after me weaving in and out of trees.
The pond came into view, my smile widened and I took hold of the long rawhide rope that was tied to one of the branches and curled my long tawny legs around it, squealing all the louder as I let go and plopped into the ice-cold refreshing water. I savored the dripping and sopping wetness feeling on my face as I gently glided through the water and drifted back to the top. Wading around and pushing stray strands of my curly strawberry blonde hair away from my face, I began looking around for Chaos, but he was no where to be seen…my heart lurched and I felt slightly nauseated.
"Chaos? Chaos….." The soft sound of bubbles began erupting from behind me, but before I could gasp, or turn around, two long slender hands clamped themselves over my eyes, and the rushing warmth of Chaos's body against mine calmed me, and his spicy scent made the smile return. He swam over to face me and cupped my cheeks in his hands.
"Did you really think I would leave you?" Our eyes held each other, and I simply could not find a reason for not being able to rip my gaze from his. I decided I had to break the tension by a fluent smile, and even added as an after thought, the truth about what I was thinking about at that moment.
"Have you ever been kissed before?" I stared intensely, but softened my probing smile, hoping not to overwhelm him.
"By mother." He grinned back flippantly, and I replied by rolling my eyes, of course his mother kissed him, I mean it was his mother! In fact, now that I think about it, it would be positively dreadful if a mother had not once kissed her son…but that's off topic.
"No silly I mean…really kiss someone?"
I could tell he wanted to back out of this conversation, but as best friends, I felt as if we needed to get past all evasiveness, and this just happened to be the one thing he had never said out loud to me.
"Well…I've wanted to, but…ha-haaav-haven'ttt…whatareyoudoing?" I was circling him in the water and his eyes were beginning to look jumpy-nervous, but his smile was still in place, so I knew I wasn't doing too bad.
"Oh please…Chaos you and I both know that you absolutely ah-dore me, and would follow my every whim no matter what it was… "
"Excuse me, sure you're attractive, but you're also extremely conceited!"
"You know I have an undying power over you." I ran my fingers through his hair, but he refused to respond, and merely crossed his arms and grinned cockily.
"Try me."
So….I did.
Acceleration bubbled through my veins as I gripped his wrists and pulled him closer, His lips trembled, but his crystal clear eyes never changed. I ran my fingers lightly up and down his soaking wet arms, tracing his veins. I eventually made it up his arms and to his neck, he leaned his head back, and squeezed his eyes shut, I leaned in to press my lips to the side of right his neck, then I switched sides and pressed lightly to the left, he caught his breath. A weak smile was planted on his lips as I hesitated, then brought my lips to the exact middle of his neck. He moaned softly, my fingers probing along the muscles in his chest, not completely wimpy but then as I felt his body begin to tremor, and I couldn't help but bring my lips to the center of his throat one more time, I couldn't help but think I was pushing him too hard, that it was too much and I had proven my point, so I waded backward in the icy cold water a gentle smile engulfing my lips.
"Had enough killjoy?"
"You win." He replied, quickly recovering, he was gently running his two forefingers up and down the right side of his neck.
"When you did that, my whole leg shook…"
I laughed in spite of myself and grinned wildly.
"And when I kissed the middle…."
He grimaced at the thought and shook his head uneasily.
"Okay, you've had your fun, now its my turn."
He then immediately plummeted under water and then sprung up underneath me, swinging me in his arms and tickling my sides, as I laughed hysterically and fiercely tried to break away, I begged for him to stop between gasps, but it was no use.
That feeling came over me again, that same feeling of adoring love, not the kind you get with your dad, or your boyfriend, or…a human for that matter, the kind of feeling you get when you're having the time of your life with your best friend…and that was undoubtfully what Chaos was…my best friend.