Exponent of Breath-5
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the plot, ideas, facts or characters in the book Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klaus. I don't even own the poem that inspired me to write this story. The poem "The Look" belongs to Sara Teasdale, and I got a lot of the idea for this story from it. I don't own the other poem in here either, it is without a name, but was written by Emily Dickinson.
Poem that inspired this story:
"The Look"
Strephon kissed me in the spring
Robin in the fall
But Colin only looked at me
And never kissed at all
Strephon's kiss was lost in jest
Robin's lost in play
But the kiss in Colin's eyes
Haunts me night and day
The next morning I woke without a clue where I was, but when I glanced around lazily, I realized I was in my own room. And the night before came flooding back to me in a whirlwind. Trey had carried me home and then put me to bed…I slowly averted my gaze questioningly to my apparel and I was out of my soaking wet dress and into one of my fuzzy knee length white night gowns.
Of course he would change me, I thought bitterly, but then I remembered my helpless state and that he only did so because I couldn't, and to help me. Smiling a goofy smile, I rearranged my bed sheets and turned on the radio full blast, dancing around my room and singing the lyrics to "I love rock and roll" as if no one else in the world existed and I was still dreaming.
Daintily throwing my dirty laundry down the shoot and picking up stray pencils I twirled and jumped in the air completely care free.
"I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the jute box baby! I love rock and roll, so come and take some time and dance with me!"
I then threw off my nightgown and pulled on my short jean skirt that had always shown off my long tawny legs, the skirt with the pleats that I saved for special occasions, and the cashmere v-neck ivory turtle neck sleeveless sweater. I grinned at my mirror image and puckered my lips to put on my juicy strawberry flavored lip-gloss, joyfully preparing myself for I and Trey's next kiss, still dancing and flitting around. I felt like a giddy eight year old who was given a pony for her birthday.
"I love rock and-" But my words got cut off, and I stumbled over to the radio to hastily shut it off, there, right in front of me, was Chaos Bentley and all his blue-eyed, messy brown haired glory. As I absorbed him further, I noticed he was smiling, he didn't know what happened last night, he didn't know I kissed Trey, or that Trey undressed me, saved me and helped me, he didn't know he was the reason I needed the Trey's help in the first place…Chaos was completely oblivious to the fact that I just might be in love with Trey, the Trey Torrealis.
"I see you slept well." He chuckled and then plopped down on my bed and grinned lazily.
"I see you haven't" I replied bouncing on the bed with a gigantic playful grin in place, at the look on Chaos's innocently happy face, all my previous worries disappeared and it felt as if nothing had changed.
"What would you say to going to the park today? I brought food, we could eat under the dogwood just like old times, how about it."
His words rang like an annoyingly loud church bell in my ears, and just like old times repeated itself over ad over, things are different, and nothing will ever be the same, I kissed Trey, and just like old times could never happen again…
"Echo? You coming?"
I nodded my head, and took a deep breath as I got up from the bed and tentatively stepped to meet Chaos at the door frame of my bedroom, biting my lip and looking down, I have to tell him, he would hate me if he found out on his own…my eyes widened and confusion yet again whipped through me, was I doubting myself again? Do I honestly think that Trey deserves me as a companion! I don't love Trey, he just caught me in a weak moment, a time of need and became mature for a while, that's all…He's not my prince charming.
"Chaos…I have something to tell you…" He gawked at me curiously, turning his head to one side and grinning that same crooked smile I loved so much.
I then took his hand in mine and led him away, hoping with all the faith in the world that he will forgive me…and not get angry, or at least not any angrier than he should be...which is beyond irate.
"So…I'm finished that's all that happened…I didn't mean to." I concluded staring into Chaos's dumbstruck, wide eyes as we sat completely lost in thought and silence under the big, pink-flowered dogwood tree.
He turned his gaze to mine and I was absorbing, tasting the atmosphere with my barefoot on the dirt ground, my eyes burning into Chaos's expression, he seemed neither angry nor sad…but empty.
I slid my fingers to the back of his, but he pulled away…tears welled up to brim my eyes, and the helpless feeling overwhelmed me again, and I felt like breaking something, tearing up the beautiful tree and plucking every flower from every little limb, how could such blissful beauty stay happy for so long and watch everyone else suffer!
"Okay Echo…I made cupcakes…you want one?" He was smiling again and leaned over to the small picnic basket and pulled out a container of little sugar coated, sprinkle-covered cupcakes. I laughed softly and nervously and wiped away my tear quickly, realizing our friendship was no where near finished. I reached over to snatch a cupcake and shove it full heartedly in my mouth. Chaos always knew exactly what to say to cheer me up…
When I had successfully swallowed the heaping white-frosting covered cupcake I leapt on Chaos, all smiles and embracing him in the greatest hug ever.
"You made cupcakes?"
"Yes…my specialty!"
I laughed again and plopped back down to his side, wondering how on Earth someone could be forgiven for an event like that. But my thoughts were interrupted, for Chaos must have been thinking along the same topic, and his feather-light hands tentatively enclosed on the sides of my waist and he pulled me into his lap, gauging my reaction as he did so carefully watching me at all times. I could feel a light blush creep up my neck and tinge my cheeks, but I ignored it and sighed, leaning back against his chest as he stroked his slender fingers up and down the length of my arms soothingly.
"You know I could never stay mad at you Echo…"
"Yes…I suppose I knew that…"
"But….you had every right to…to…anyway…why should I be angry with you?" At this my eyes snapped open and I glanced up into his eyes in shock.
"Do you have any idea what you're saying?"
"Really Echo, we've been dependent on each other for far too long…and…and…"
"Well." I edged him on, turning in his lap to face him. Then noticing he was a brilliant shade of crimson and was gazing everywhere but at me.
"We're only friends." His voice quivered slightly and it was barely a whisper he spoke it so softly. But what hit me like a slap in the face was not the statement itself, it was the defiance behind his words, the fact that he was staring right into me and not trembling and stuttering….and the heart-wrenching dejected feeling in the pit of my stomach started again.
For some unfathomable reason the helpless and weepy, needy feeling swept over me again and my entire body shook, only worse this time and my body wracked with sobs once more. I never felt like I needed Chaos any more than I did right then and here I was sitting in his lap as his worried and child-like-wonder eyes shone a vibrant blue. I lunged into him and wrapped my arms around his waist, gasping and bawling like a complete emotional wreck. I had come close too it a lot lately, closer and closer every time…but this was undoubtfully my nervous break down.
"I-I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-s-sorry-y-y Chaos, I-I…j-j-just…"
But before I could finish my plea for forgiveness, the soft tips of his gentle fingers rested on my trembling lips which parted under his touch.
"Please stop Echo…" His voice cracked and he squeezed me closer to him, and started rocking back and forth. I felt weak and unsure, but I quit crying, and I quit talking…and we sat there for what felt like hours in a comfortable silence…after a while I tilted my head back to stare into his eyes pleadingly, the words escaping my mouth before I even could register what I was saying.
"I love you Chaos."
At this his body stiffened and the arms that had protectively wielded themselves around me in a comforting embrace pulled back away from, me, but I refused to let him go, I only held tighter around his waist and shed one last tear.
"Can't we…just…stay like this for a while."
He sighed letting out his breath shakily and pressed his face to my hair, his arms wrapping around my waist once more. He did love me, only he feared he couldn't.
"Echo…" he asked softly in my right ear as he drew circles on the small of my back.
"Yes?"
"D-d-do you love him?"
I laughed weakly at his bluntness and smiled coyly sitting up and backing out of his lap and sitting Indian style in front of him.
"Trey you mean?"
He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms across his chest sulkily with a pout set on his lips.
"Well….no…I…I love you Chaos." The truth rang in my words more than I thought it could ever have done before and I gazed up from under my eyelashes, hoping to look alluring as I took in the faint blush on his cheeks.
"I know…" He put a hand behind his head and grinned nervously, shrugging his shoulders, "Who couldn't?" That's when I jumped on him, taking charge by tickling his sides and staying just out of his reach as he laughed hysterically and rolled around in the soft overgrown green forest grass, clutching his side with the most gorgeous toothy smile that has ever existed.
And as we rolled around laughing and tickling each other and bounding around under the dogwood tree with beautiful falling pink flowers, I couldn't have felt more happy…the needy feeling was gone…and this time I think it was gone for good…and maybe some day…I will taste the bittersweet cinnamon flavor that is of Chaos Bentley's kiss.