Title: As good as dead. Chapter Three.
Chapter: 3/4
Author: "Zenamydog"
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters/Pairing: PrimarilySam/Dean (Established relationship) Dean/Jo Sam/OMC
Warnings: Mention of M/M sex Tiny spoilers for anything b already aired in the U.S. Schmoop

Beta The wonderful "snfan3"
Feedback: It's the only thing thatmakes it all worth while!
Disclaimer: Own nothing but my imagination and my wishful thinking.

AN: "snfan3" As always you keep me in line. Thank you will never be enough.

Summery:"Because Jo." He looked her straight in the eye. He wanted to make sure she understood how serious he was. "If it came to a choice between a woman that I loved and my brother. Between you and him?" Dean huffed a small sigh. "Then darlin, I'm sorry. You would be as good as dead." /em

Chapter Three

a href"http://community. http://community. I've missed this," Dean said as he deepened the kiss.

Sam was lying on his side under the blankets while Dean lay beside him on top of them.

"Me too," Sam breathed into the kiss hesitantly.

Pulling back slowly, Dean put his hand to Sam's face and gently rubbed his thumb over the swollen bruises. He looked deep into his brother's eyes. They were full of love and trust. Dean wondered if this sudden protectiveness he felt was going to rip his chest open. "I want to kill them you know," he said seemingly of the blue.

Sam frowned. "Yeah, I know." A worried look filtering onto his face.

"I don't get it," Dean said as he trailed his hand softly down Sam's arm. "Hate crimes. They just don't make any kind of sense."

"Prejudice and bigotry never does," Sam replied, closing his eyes in response to Dean's touch.

Dean leaned into the crook of Sam's neck and kissed him just behind the ear, licking and nibbling slowly. "I want you," he murmured. "God I want you."

Sam let out an involuntary moan. He desperately wanted Dean too. It wasn't until Dean slipped his hand under the blanket that he was brought back to reality and all the reasons why they couldn't do this. Not yet anyhow.

Grabbing Dean's wrist, Sam halted Dean's hand from moving lower. "No," he said with more intensity than he intended.

Dean didn't stop, instead he moved his mouth to Sam's ear and bit the lobe teasingly. "Come on Sammy, it's been so long. I'll be careful. I'll make it good for you I promise."

Sam sat up, almost pushing Dean off the bed. "I said no!"

Dean blinked and looked at his brother frowning. "Okay whatever." Feigning indifference was all Dean could think to do. "This is going to be a long recovery…" Dean muttered and moved to stand.

Sam grabbed him before he could leave the bed, "Dean…please," he said. His hand was trembling.

"What?" Dean was a little peeved. He didn't understand why Sam couldn't seem to forgiven him, even though he said that he had. "You're still angry at me, I get it," Dean's tone was harsh.

"No." Sam took hold of Dean's hand and squeezed. "No Dean that's not it. Not it at all."

It was only now that Dean could see, really see Sam's distress, and felt his had shaking. Anger quickly turned to concern. "What then?"

Sam turned his head and looked away, not wanting to meet his brother's eyes.

"Sam?" Dean felt his stomach drop. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

Sam didn't say anything, but his face did and Dean knew instantly that he'd been keeping something from him.

"Sam?" Dean asked again with more urgency this time.

"Yeah," Sam said quietly while he contemplated telling Dean the whole truth.

Dean's mind reeled at the possibilities. Jesus! Dean thought. Had they done something more than just bash the living shit out of his brother?

Dean was starting to put two and two together. He felt sick when he realized how awkwardly Sam had been walking. Fuck. Oh God he thought as his mind went straight to the worst possible scenario.

"They…they" Sam began.

When Sam started with "they" Dean felt his gut tighten. "What Sam? What happened?" Dean's voice was panicked. His face was hard, as if that would stop the emotions from bubbling to the surface.

Sam looked at Dean, he could see the strain, the absolute rigidness in which Dean held himself. em "I want to kill them you know" /em bounced around in Sam's head and he knew he could not tell Dean the truth.

When Sam lowered his head and Dean could see his eyes starting to fill, he was beyond panic. "Sammy? Oh God. They didn't…?"

It took a moment for Sam to realize what Dean had concluded and he was quick to dispel the idea. "No…no Dean. They…they didn't…rape me." He forced himself to say the word.

Dean closed his eyes, letting out a loud sigh of relief. "Oh thank god," he said, and didn't hide the fact that he was relieved when he opened his eyes and looked at Sam's worried face. "Then what? What happened?"

Sam found it hard to lie to his brother, his lover. He was never quite able to pull it off without Dean knowing, so he decided he needed to stick with part truths instead. "They kicked me," he blushed. "Hard and… a lot."

Dean's face told Sam he didn't quite understand. "You know," he added, motioning south with his chin. "Down there."

Dean's brow rose. What was Sam telling him? "It's badly bruised and…" Sam continued.

"And what Sam?" Dean asked apprehensively. 'Cause hell, this affected him too.

"Well, I'm just afraid… I just think that if I get…you know…hard. Then it's going to be really painful."

Dean half smiled, he was relieved. At least he could still get hard. Then the reality of the kind of pain Sam must be in got through to him.

God he could be a jerk sometimes. "It's okay Sammy," he said wrapping his arms around Sam, pulling him to his chest. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed so hard. I just…I just miss you, that's all."

Sam laid his head on Dean's shoulder. "It's okay," Sam soothed. He hated not telling his brother the truth though he tried to reconcile it by the fact that he wasn't actually lying.

"It's not okay." Dean held him tighter. "I can be a selfish bastard sometimes."

It had been several days since Sam had been released from the hospital and Sam's bruises and cuts were healing really well. Dean thought that may have had something to do with the creams the hospital had supplied him. Dean reminded himself to get the name of the stuff so he could add it to their first aid kit.

But Sam was not himself, he was withdrawn and jumpy. Even a little cold towards his brother. They hadn't touched since the time that Dean lay down beside him, when he first got back from hospital.

Sam sat at the kitchen table, looking through the local paper. Dean had been watching him take small sips of his coffee. God he wanted to be that paper cup right now.

Moving to the back of his brother, Dean laid a gentle hand on Sam's shoulder. Sam immediately bought his own hand up to Dean's and tilted his head into the warmth of their hands.

Dean took Sam's response as a good sign and lent down to kiss him. He wanted to be gentle but the moment their lips met, the overwhelming need, want, yearning for his brother took over.

Sam responded to the kiss, he couldn't hide how good it felt. Then, like he'd been suddenly burnt, he pushed Dean away.

"Sam?" Dean asked as he looked questioningly at his brother. "What is it? Why won't you let me touch you…? I'll be careful I promise. I just need…" Dean tried to smile. "You do know I want to right?" Dean took in a shaky breath and coughed, bringing his hand to his mouth, stalling. Were chick flics going to become a daily thing?

"It's, nothing Dean. I…I'm just still really sore. And yeah, I want you too. Just…just not yet okay."

Sam hadn't meant to push Dean away like he did, but he was still sore and irritable. The fact that he'd been lying to Dean about the extent of his injuries had nothing to do with it.

Dean smiled slightly and nodded, leaning in for another kiss. He silently resolved to make sure that none of his actions would hurt Sam. This time the kiss was slow and soft, devoid of the sexual overtone. "Yeah okay." Dean reluctantly accepted Sam's reasons for once again not getting past first base.

Dean's face showed his disappointment and Sam averted his eyes guiltily. "I need a shower," Sam commented, shifting the conversation as he lifted one of his arms and inhaled before slowly rising and making his way to the bathroom.

"Need a hand?" Dean joked. Okay maybe he wasn't joking, but Sam turned and gave him a lopsided grin, then closed the bathroom door.

Dean thought Sam's smile was worth the half hearted attempt at a joke.

Dean had tried to be patient, he understood that his brother had been in a lot of pain, but there was a nagging feeling in his gut. Something was not quite right here, he just couldn't put his finger on it, nor could he shake the instinct that told him something was wrong.

Dean sat down on Sam's bed when he heard the shower turn on. Sam's bed Dean mused. He had been sleeping in the other bed since they had gotten back from the hospital and he yearned to at least be able to curl up beside his lover. Lover? Shit. Sam really was turning him into a girl.

The thought of Sam beside him made his cock twitch and damn it, the thought of Sam naked in that shower was pooling the blood where he didn't want it to be.

Fuck it, he thought as he made the decision. Maybe he couldn't touch Sam, but hell; he could get himself off while he watched him. Maybe he will let me kiss it better Dean grinned to himself, though it faded slowly when he realized how much he actually longed to be close to Sam.

Dean moved quietly to the bathroom, making sure he opened the door without it squeaking.

"Dean?" Sam called out. Okay, so Dean wasn't as stealthy as he wanted to be.

Dean smiled. "Yeah Sam, I thought you may have reconsidered that helping hand." I know I could use one, preferably yours.

"No!" Sam's voice sounded frightened and Dean was instantly worried.

"Oh come on Sam." Dean tried to stay chirpy. "It's not as if I have seen it all before," he said as he raised his hand and pulled the curtain across.

"No don't!" Sam screamed, covering himself with his hands, not realizing his side on view gave Dean a clearer picture of his injuries.

The damage was done. Dean had seen everything.

Dean drew in a deep gasp, and his eyes widened in shock. His heart skipped a beat before it began to race. He didn't say anything. He couldn't. The sight before him too terrible even to imagine.

"Dean?" Sam began in an apologetic tone.

Dean backed up until his back hit the wall. His mind failed him. He had no way of reconciling the bloody and puss filled sores weeping from Sam's ass, balls and cock with his brother's beautiful body.

"Dean please…" Sam said, which was enough for Dean to snap out of the shock. Anger and hatred filled him as he surged forward grabbing his brother hard by the shoulders. "What did they do?" He screamed. "What the fuck did they do?"

Dean began to shake Sam. "Answer me!"

When Sam cringed in pain and fear, Dean let go. He was furious, but not at Sam. "Shit…shit!" He muttered, clenching his fists.

Dean hurried out of the bathroom, he was dripping wet now, but he didn't care. Scouring the bedroom his eyes he found what he was looking for, Sam's duffle bag.

Sam came out in just his boxers and watched Dean as he ransacked the bag in search of something. "What are you looking for?" Sam narrowed his eyes.

Dean didn't say a word, but he finally found the two creams the hospital had given Sam for his aftercare. Reading the labels quickly he looked up at Sam in disbelief. They were burn creams.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to scream or cry, the image of Sam being burnt over and over again now swirling around in his head. "How?" Was all he could get out through clenched teeth.

"Cigarettes," Sam answered lowering his head. For some reason he felt shame.

"Jesus Sam," Dean's breath hitched as he fought to keep control. "You weren't going to tell me about this were you?"

Sam slowly raised his head again. "I couldn't."

"Why the fuck not!" Dean yelled, his eyes narrowing and his face contorted into a snarl.

"Because Dean…" Sam was crying. "Because sometimes you frighten me. When your head is in a different place…"

"What?" Dean had no clue what Sam was talking about. "I frighten you?"

Sam looked closely at Dean, defiance flaring in his eyes. Sam needed to push the point. "Tell me you're not angry Dean. Tell me that if those brothers and the other two walked through that door right now you wouldn't hurt them?" Sam tried to make Dean understand. "You wouldn't kill them?"

Dean turned his head and looked up, trying to gather his thoughts. Because Dean knew, that if em right now /em those men came through that door, there would be nothing left of them to find.

"The law needs to handle this Dean. I…I was just scared of what you might do." Sam added.

"Yeah, like hunt them down like the fucking scum that they are," Dean seethed.

"Please…" Sam said, taking a step forward.

"Don't," Dean said as he grabbed his coat, phone and keys quickly. "Don't touch me." He saw instantly the hurt in Sam's eyes. "I'm sorry Sam. I'm too fucking angry," he explained as he bolted out the door.

He needed to get to the roadhouse.

Sam sat on the side of his bed and glanced at the clock for the umpteenth time. Dean had been gone for over two hours now. It was late in the night and Sam was starting to really worry. He had no idea where his brother had gone and he hoped, prayed that his instincts were wrong.

He scoffed, he couldn't remember the last time they had been.

He hadn't told Dean about the cigarettes, about the men pulling his pants down and repeatedly laying the hot cinders on him. They laughed as they did it and called him "fag" and "dirty fucking queer." Telling him he wouldn't be sodomizing anyone for quite a while.

Sam gagged as he remembered being totally helpless. They had already beaten him to near unconsciousness, and yeah, they really did kick him repeatedly in the groin.

Sam knew that Dean would be churning inside. That usually meant Dean would be ruthless and/or careless. God Dean. Please don't do anything stupid. Sam prayed. Please just come home.

TBC

AN: Yep you guessed it. I just couldn't help myself. I wrote most of it while chatting to snfan3.

There was so much story still left to explore, I just kept going. LOL

Hence there is one more chapter to come. (Promise this time)

Hope you liked it enough to stick with it. grins

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