A/N: Very cheered by response to citrus! And I will try to update as much as I can, work at uni permitting. There will be more of Sashara's POV from now on rather than Mewtwo's – don't worry, it's all relevant!
Spazz Cat: Love the name! Er, for me? Work, yes. Dedication, hmmm. Talent…lots more talented folk than me out there writing better stuff than this. I'm just writing whatever my brain throws out at 2am. No, it's not the end for a while yet. Not a Halo fan myself, but I'll take a little look!
Ryu Isaac: One thing I can't write is mushy stuff – it's gotta be either funny or dark. Happy you like!
Hotaru Aino: Thanks for the support re. writer's block. I actually started out writing rather bad slash for about three years, so I understand where you're coming from! And please see Mewtwo Returns, it's brilliant!
Shego2Drakken: I like short word bursts. Can't write in them too well though. Ah well. Thank you!
Sierrakoi: Course I remember you! Hope you continue with your updates as well as checking in – your stuff kicks much ass!
Noir Catty: I think it's Mewtwo's voice that's difficult to nail down, considering so much of his character is in his method of speaking. Hate Mary-Sues with a vengeance, so I've tried to keep Sashara as realistic as possible. Very happy you like!
Ice Angel2015: You'll find out what's going on with Sashara soon. Had a little look at the Temple of Mewtwo…interesting place!
Cosmic Mewtwo: Considering I haven't got any more citrus planned for this, you can expect to find out what's going on pretty fast!
Nightdragon0: Not really, Mewtwo even states it himself that he can't go after her if she leaves. But life's never that straightforward.
Disclaimer: I own Sashara and Penumbra. Bit pitiful, but any characters that don't belong to me belong to Nintendo, 4 Kids, or Satoshi Tajiri.
Warning: Big fat angst doses and Pokemon x Pokemon/human hybrid relationship.
Italics denote Pokemon speech
Italics denote shifting POV.
Forgotten: Part 14
Imagine the sensation of a lump in your throat, contracting with every breath and trapping air mercilessly in your lungs with every movement.
You make to tear the lump from your body, knowing before you even begin that it is a futile exercise. All that you can do, therefore, is remain still and try to prevent your hands from moving towards your throat.
The lump does not grow greater or smaller. It lies there, throbbing in time with the almost vice-like pain in your chest, which is tightening your heart and stopping the little air that passes beyond the lump.
This, combined with the sensation of light-headedness as you recall the memories, the heavy, almost crushing pain in your stomach as it contracts with emotion, and the sting in your eyes as you remember to blink after staring for hours at nothingness…
This is what heartbreak feels like.
And I had felt nothing but this for the better part of a month.
I had learned long ago that time cannot heal all ills. It distances the pain to something more bearable, but much like a scab over a healing wound, a moment in time can be revisited and the experience is born anew, more painful than the last.
I did not need to revisit the moment in which I lost her to feel the pain anew.
For if that moment was the wound, it had become infected with memories.
I did not have to visualise what was occurring on the surface of the mountain.
Hurricane winds tore across the peak of Mount Caina. The air currents would be stripping leaves from their parent trees and creating waves on the surface of the lake.
I barely registered the echoes of the wind through the tunnels as I stared at the spring. With the absence of…her, I would have been happier to stay out in the storm, and feel the wind scouring my skin until my body would be in more pain than my heart.
Mew, of course, believed otherwise.
She had found me on the morning that Sashara had departed, curled in a ball next to the spring. She then spent the better part of a fortnight convincing me to eat and rest, and another fortnight trying to convince me to communicate, never leaving me alone for more than a moment.
It had been disconcerting, but now I was almost glad of her presence.
My thoughts were fortunately interrupted by a branch floating before me, berries hanging off of the uppermost twigs.
Eat up. You look dead on your feet.
I half-heartedly reached out and plucked a few berries off the branch, and blinked hard as I recalled the image of a young Eevee offering me food with almost identical concern to that of Mew…
…The night Sashara had revealed her heritage to me.
I shook my head and pushed away the memories. It would not do to become distracted now.
Except…
What would I be distracted from?
Anger?
Hate? Grief?
Loneliness?
Love?
'...Life is wonderful…'
The knot of pain in my chest tightened unbearably.
The last words of the only human I had ever loved.
Not now.
Not Ai…
The world tilted for a second as I leaned forward, forcing myself to breathe.
These memories could not be forced back. Not after I had spent so long undoing the scientists' misguided protection enforced upon me.
…My confusion as I first became conscious; frightened at the strange noises that the people outside my maturation chamber were making…
…A little girl speaking to me through telepathy, explaining about words and people, and introducing herself as Ai…
…She called me Mewtwo, and explained that I was a clone, as she was. I didn't realise it at the time, but her name meant 'love'…
…Charmandertwo, Squirtletwo and Bulbasaurtwo appearing next to my newfound companion and greeting me so warmly…
…Ai smiling as she led me and the other clones across the sky, the moon shining down on the city below us…
…Fear as Charmandertwo started to disappear, then Squirtletwo and Bulbasaurtwo followed…
…Grief as Ai began to disappear…
…Ai telling me as she died of the miracle of Pokemon tears, of their restorative powers…
…Feeling tears running down my face as she left me, as they left me…alone…
Ai…
Sashara…
My aura was already starting to glow an unpleasant blackish-red shade.
...Mewtwo?
They had left me…
...Mewtwo?!
They had been forgotten, had forgotten me…
...MEWTWO, no!!
I blinked and ran a paw down my face, barely registering the sweat running into my eyes as I forced myself to power down and breathe.
The berries offered to me in kindly concern were crushed in one paw, their juices staining my fur a sickly red.
Mew's great blue eyes were wide in panic as she studied my face. You were thinking of her again, weren't you?
I didn't bother answering her, choosing to Psychically clean my fur of the berry juice instead.
She sighed. This is the fourth time this has happened. Even you can't cope much longer.
I rose shakily to my feet, anger welling in the pit of my stomach. 'And you think you are that well versed in my emotional limits that you can judge me?'
The tiny Legendary didn't let her gaze leave mine for a second. I fought against you and your emotions three years ago, and you told me yourself. You're just not…experienced enough for this, Mewtwo.
Biting back a diatribe of abuse and hurt I longed to throw at her, I turned abruptly and Teleported into the deepest caverns of Mount Caina.
Slumping onto a small stool beside the roughly designed table in the centre of the viewing chamber, I rubbed my temples in an effort to ward off the approaching migraine I could feel thumping at the back of my head.
It wasn't the first time I had forced myself to Teleport away from a discussion. I disliked the idea in theory, but Mew's constant attempts to find out exactly how badly Sashara's departure had affected me were unsettling to say the least.
I wanted her back.
She meant more to me than I was comfortable with admitting. What I had felt about her…seeing her as more than just a sparring partner, more than a confidante…even just to see her again…
Wait…
The crushing sensation in my stomach lost some of its weight as I stared at the blank viewscreen.
I had built the device as a security system, informing me of any critical events on Mount Caina and the surrounding areas. It had been deactivated since Giovanni's attempted takeover and after I had erased the collective memories of Team Rocket, I had seen no reason to either reactivate it or destroy it.
Until now.
Closing my eyes, I concentrated on the faint life signatures of both Sashara and her Dark companion. Simultaneously, the viewscreen flickered and reactivated, the blurry image tracking and reforming into a view of the outside world.
I opened my eyes and stared at the screen, hoping that my reprogramming had worked.
And there she was.
She was keeping a steady pace as she trekked through the Ilex Forest, Penumbra trotting beside her. The young Pokemon's coat was gleaming with health, its golden markings shimmering in the faint shards of light piercing through the forest canopy.
Sashara…looked well. No significant weight gain or loss, no signs of ill health.
Her eye were narrowed, her face focussed. On what, I couldn't tell.
I settled back on my stool, feeling the pain in my body and heart fade slightly as I continued to gaze at her.
She had heard the cry from nearly a mile away. A Pokemon in pain, but what Pokemon, she was still unsure.
The cry seemed to echo somewhere within her chest. Any creature in that kind of pain, even the pain she herself was in, would not survive for long.
Penumbra placed its nose to the ground once again and sniffed. The scent of pain and blood was growing stronger, perhaps a short distance from their current location…
'Miiiiiah…'
The Pokemon and the hybrid glanced at each other before they sprinted in the direction of the sound. A few meters off the main road through the Forest…somewhere to the left…
Penumbra had charged ahead, ready to alert its Trainer to any kind of danger posed.
'Here! It's here!'
Ducking through the undergrowth, she finally emerged into a small clearing. Blood was spattered over the leaves and fungi underfoot, the scent of copper almost nausea-inducing.
The Umbreon was standing over a black furred body curled painfully under a tree, gently prodding the Pokemon awake with one of its paws.
She knelt down and turned the body over, the smell of blood increasing with the movement. A patch of grey fur amidst the black made her double-take.
A pair of yellow eyes set in a black furred face stared up at her, a black mane flowing down over its head and body. Black paws covered in blood scratched at the ground as the Pokemon tried and failed to back away from her.
It bared its teeth and made a lunge for her arm.
'Stay back, human. Unless you feel like losing a limb?'
She frowned slightly. What was a Mightyena doing in Johto?
A small fire crackled in a pit as the trio settled on the outskirts of the Ilex Forest. Penumbra was standing guard as its Trainer methodically bandaged the Mightyena's injuries.
The heavily built Pokemon had continued to spit and snarl even as she had carried it through the Forest. She wasn't perturbed.
The Pokemon's behaviour reminded her somewhat of her own actions towards her rescuer after she had been freed. Before…
She shook her head. No time to get distracted.
She finished tying the last bandage around the Mightyena's back leg. 'Can you stand now?'
The Pokemon glared at her, but risked an attempt at standing. The pain in its back and legs had reduced enough to be tolerable, but it didn't alter the fact that a Human had saved its life.
A Human who could understand the Pokemon language, no less.
'Why did you save me?'
She cast another Ember on the fire and settled onto the grass. 'You were injured. I have an obligation as a Trainer to help any injured Pokemon.'
The Mightyena stared at her. 'My old Trainer would have left me to heal by myself.'
Something clicked in her head. 'You were abandoned?'
'Not that you need to know, but yes.'
A brief silence fell over the small group.
'You were forgotten?'
'My old Trainer thought I was too weak to battle properly, and too small to bear young. And after I broke my leg in a battle in Hoenn, he came back to his home in Johto and left me in the Forest to die.'
She sighed. Another female who had been abandoned by one who she thought had cared for her.
'How long ago?'
'A few days, maybe a week. I don't remember.'
Another silence fell. Penumbra settled next to its Trainer, pressing its black and gold body against Sashara's leg. She distractedly reached down and scratched its head. The Mightyena settled tentatively by the fire, feeling the warmth spread through her body.
'So…what will you do now?'
The Dark Pokemon stared into the flames. 'I cannot return to Hoenn, and there are no packs of Mightyena in Johto. Forage and try to survive, I suppose.'
'Or you can come with me.'
The black head snapped up. 'What?'
'Come with me, as my Pokemon.'
She snarled. 'You think I would risk joining with a Human again?'
The Trainer shook her head slightly. 'No. But what about joining with a human/Pokemon hybrid?'
The Mightyena looked baffled. 'A hybrid?'
'You're looking at one.'
She narrowed her eyes. 'You're…half Pokemon?'
'On my 'mother's' side.'
The Dark Pokemon sniffed cautiously at her.
There was nothing to prove what she said was true. But then again, there was nothing that disproved what she was saying, either.
Her scent didn't smell right for a start. And her understanding of the Pokemon language…
Perhaps it was time to risk trusting natural instincts one more time.
She nodded.
For the first time in a month, Half-Shadow felt almost happy. Not least because of his Trainer gaining a new companion, but also…the Mightyena.
Another Dark Pokemon as his own companion for the travels through Johto.
It also didn't hurt that she was rather attractive by Pokemon standards…
Sashara reached out a hand and stroked the black mane, still slightly matted with blood.
'Welcome…Perdita.' (1)
'Perdita…'
Sashara's penchant for Latin names knew no end. Presumably it was part of her schooling at the Viridian Gym. Certainly, her father was proficient enough in the ancient language.
I pressed a paw to the view-screen, tiny bolts of static electricity scattering across the glass surface.
Another Dark Pokemon…
Not just one of the most powerful elements, but the one type that could properly subdue a Psychic Pokemon, perhaps to the point of death.
This Mightyena was distrustful of humans.
Sashara, for all of her genetically enhanced powers, was primarily a Psychic type.
I didn't particularly want to think of the consequences of what could happen should Perdita ever turn on her new Trainer.
A glimmer of pink to my right brought me out of my musings.
So she's in Ilex...
I glanced up at Mew before returning to staring at the image of a now sleeping Sashara. 'Which means what?'
She's earned her second Gym Badge by now.
I sighed. 'Not surprising. She was…engineered to be a Trainer, and a powerful one at that.'
Powerful…and empathic.
At that I tore my gaze from the viewscreen entirely. 'Empathic? After the way she left?'
The little Legendary glared at me. You've learnt how to be selfish, Mewtwo. It doesn't suit you.
A protest wormed its way pasted the lump in my throat, but died before it could be voiced. She was right. I was being selfish.
But after what she had done to me…I had every right to be selfish. She had hurt me more than any Attack ever could, abandoned me after I had revealed my true feelings to her…
So why was I staring at her like some kind of pathetic voyeur?
A bolt of pain lanced through her body as she suddenly woke up, one arm wrapped round her stomach as if trying to squeeze the feeling out of her.
She took a few deep breaths, willing her stomach to stay still. The last thing she needed at this point was to come down with any kind of sickness.
The nausea passed. Just.
She shook her head. This was the third time this had happened in a fortnight.
A tug on her belt loosened a PokeBall. 'Wooper, I choose you.'
The little Water Pokemon appeared in a flash of light. 'What do you need of me?'
Another bolt suddenly tore its way through her stomach. '…Water Gun…Just aim it at my face.'
The Wooper looked concerned, but did as its Trainer commanded.
A fountain of water drenched her completely, cooling her down and reducing the nausea. '…Thank you. Return.'
Another flash of light and the Water Pokemon disappeared.
She sighed and wrapped her arms around her body as she lay back down next to Penumbra, the lights of Goldenrod City just visible in the distance.
There was no point wondering if she was doing the right thing now. Trying to work out who she was…it still sounded trite and contrived even after a month.
She was meant to be a Trainer. It was what her…father…had planned for her. And to a certain extent, it felt right. Joining with other Pokemon and training them to reach their full potential; that was something she felt content with.
Leaving, yes. That was another thing she was certain of. Whatever she would have to do, it was better if…if he wasn't involved.
But other than that…she was in the dark.
Her instincts were telling her to travel on, and take vengeance on those who had created and destroyed her.
Her head was telling her to gain more strength, and to be a Trainer first, and let thoughts of revenge come second to her 'destiny'.
And her heart was telling her everything she already knew about…him. That she should go back and ask his forgiveness, beg for his trust again, and maybe be able to love him again.
Before she had been frozen, Zavros had told her that if she was ever so desperate that she was unable to rely on anyone else, she had to listen to the voice within.
What he had meant by that, she wasn't entirely sure. But it had seemed like semi-decent advice.
Closing her eyes, she quietly considered her options.
To go forward as a Trainer, to go forward in vengeance, or to go back in heartbreak…
The answer came to her in a heartbeat.
Her eyelids bunched tightly together as she stifled a sob.
Much as she was desperate to return to her cloned contemporary, there was still something she needed to do.
/Chop off the snake's head and its body dies./
The time would soon come when she would have to meet with the snake who had cast her out of his life.
And it would not be pleasant.
She would make sure it would never be pleasant.
TBC
(1) Apart from the 101 Dalmatians connection, Perdita is derived from the Latin verb perditus, meaning 'lost'.
I do actually have a soundtrack to this fic, mostly of the songs used in the fic and some which just work well with the plot or certain scenes. And just to be a pain, here it is:
Loving You Is A Dirty Job (But Somebody's Gotta Do It) – Bonnie Tyler
Misty's Song – Yvette Laboy
My Last Breath – Evanescence
In The Air Tonight – Phil Collins
The Voice Within – Christina Aguilera
Northern Star – Melanie C
To The Moon & Back – Savage Garden
You'll Never Be Alone – Anastacia
We Are One – Westlife
Thank You For Loving Me – Bon Jovi
Feel free to ridicule my taste in music.