Disclaimer: sigh no, Harry Potter still belongs to JKR.

Chapter 4: Actions speak louder than words

I woke up late the next morning and rushed to get to breakfast. When I got there, Hermione was no where in sight.

"Where's Hermione?" I asked Ron.

"No clue. I thought that the two of you would come down together. I haven't seen her since last night, have you?

"Yeah. Last time I saw her was right before we went to bed."

"What do you mean we?" Ron asked accusingly.

"Hermione and me." I thought about what I had said and shook my head and corrected, "Before she went to bed and I went to bed." Ron seemed to relax more but said nothing.

"Well I'm off," he announced, getting up. When I gave him a questioning look, he said, "Transfiguration homework, Hermione wasn't there to do it… uh, I mean help me," he corrected as Hermione appeared.

"What's up?" she asked. "Where are you going?" she asked as she spotted Ron leaving.

"Um, Quidditch," he said, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Well have fun." I was surprised that she believe that sorry excuse, but I didn't say anything. She looked at me, but I just shrugged.

"Well, since it's Saturday, what do you want to do?"

"It doesn't matter. Whatever you want to do," I said, knowing immediately that that was a mistake. I saw her face brighten at my words and she said, "Lets go to the library." Before I could say anything, she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the library. Once again the butterflies came and I looked at her. She didn't say anything so I figured it was just me. But this feeling...I can't figure it out. My thoughts were occupied with that puzzle all of the way.

At the library, we, or should I say Hermione, spent most of the time browsing. I sat in a chair and answered her when she would ask my opinion, but my answers were usually, "Whatever you like best Hermione." I could imagine her rolling her eyes. She finally sat down after what seemed like hours.

I put my head on the desk, and to my annoyance, I found myself replaying last year's disaster at the Department of Mysteries, but it was somehow different. I was just seeing flashes of the events, but they were changed somehow. I didn't see Ron, Ginny, Neville, or Luna. In fact, it was just Hermione and me. As a door shut, the walls began to move and I felt Hermione grab my arm. Next we appeared by the death eaters. Shelves were shattering and I grabbed Hermione and ran out of the room, taking her away from them. Then, I saw the spell hit her and watched her fall. No, no, no I tell myself. Not again, no, this is a dream, I didn't let her die. I started banging my fists furiously on the ground, which when I opened my eyes, was the library table. I looked around and found Hermione looking at me, concern etched in her features. I looked away, waiting for her to ask the question, but to my surprise and relief, she didn't say anything, but instead hugged me in silent understanding. I went to hug her back, and I heard an evil, pleased laugh.

"NO!" I said.

"Harry?" she asked confused.

"No, please no…I- I can't," I said as I stood up and started to back away. I saw the hurt look in her eyes, and for the first time in my life, I truly hated myself. She opened her mouth to speak, but I frantically shook my head, hating myself more with each shake of my head.

"He knows," was all I said.

"He? Harry, who knows what?" she asked quietly, but I could sense the fear in her voice.

"He-" I swallowed," Voldemort knows. He knows my weakness. I told myself that I'd never let him know, that I would protect everyone, but he knows when I'm vulnerable.

"But, are you sure? Maybe he, maybe he just found something else out," she said, but even she sounded doubtful. She looked at me sadly and touched my hand.

"NO!!!" I screamed as the evil laughter returned, louder and more jubilantly, and I reluctantly felt another jolt course through me. I put my hands to my head and shook it.

"You, you can't Hermione," I said shakily.

"Can't? Harry, I don't understand? Can't what?"

"You can't be near me. He knows that I am vulnerable around you. You can't be around me, you'll only be in danger."

"Harry, you can't ask the impossible," she said with a pleading look, her eyes reddening.

"You don't understand. The Department of Mysteries was just a warm up. The battle is yet to come. No one is worth risking your life for."

"You are!" she said stubbornly, tears now falling down her face.

"Hermione, don't," I sadly pleaded.

"Don't what, say what we both want to hear? What we both need to hear?"

"Don't make this harder than it already is," I implored.

"Harry, you can pretend all you want, but I know that what I feel is real." She grabbed my hand and I unwillingly felt the electricity flow through me.

"I know you feel it Harry. Look me in the face and tell me you don't," she said in a hurt voice.

"I-" I began, staring at the floor.

"You can't, can you? she said knowingly. "You know what your problem is? You're thinking too much," which surprised me, considering Hermione was telling me that I was thinking too much.

I kept staring at her, wondering what I would do if I lost her. Wondering how I could ever hurt her. Lost in thought, I barely realized that she was still talking, although I occasionally heard her say, "and you also need to…"

I stared at her and I finally knew what to do.

"You need to-" she said again, but never finished, because for the first time in my life, I didn't think; not about school, not about Sirius, not about Voldemort, not about anything, as I did the first rational thing all evening and kissed her.

A/N: Reviews are still forever loved. Any feedback is appreciated