Disclaimer: JKR IS THE GENIUS. I wish I was but IAMNOT

I had the biggest crush on Jake when I first moved out of Hogwarts. He wasn't like Ron, he wasn't like Victor, and those feelings for Harry, he overdid all of it. The first time I had applied there his smile had been just…the one thing I constantly thought about. I didn't know what I was doing, trying to look pretty and wear bottles and bottles of makeup all to impress him. I was a bus girl for crying out loud. Managers, ones with class at least, don't date their employees. It was all a stupid fantasy. The muggle world was nice, yes, but I felt like a huge "idiot". Back at Hogwarts in my 7th year, I could have had any guy I wanted. I had made my impression that I wasn't going to be some lousy pushover and guys liked girls with confidence. And if they weren't complete prats, they liked the "not easy" factor. The chase is what made it fun for them. I guess. Hmm..

Jake and me had some strange experiences together. Never will I forget locking myself out of my loft (shame I got rid of my wand, a simple Alohamora! Would have taken care of that), and him letting me sleep in the guest house above the restaurant where he let his best business coworkers stay if they were in town. The bedroom was gorgeous, I have to say, Jake outdid himself.

He was an overachiever, a perfectionist, every little detail mattered to him. Maybe the reason I wanted him so badly was that he was everything I threw away. He was the old me in a guy form, minus the witch past. He was just, god had I grown up "normal", I would have wanted a childhood experience like his. He spent his prep school years going to so many concerts and playing lead guitar for a band that eventually just lost touch with each other. Jake had that "emo boy skater hair" that made him all the more attractive. He had collaged the bedroom above the restaurant with all of these little posters and tickets and brochures from concerts he had not only attended but played in. One wall of the deep red (romantic side of him, or maybe something else..) room was entirely collaged, and you couldn't even tell it was there because it was the wall with the door entrance to it. The room itself had wrought iron touches and silk bed dressings and just…god it was looking at Jake himself. He was the rockstar…that gave it all up to own a restaurant on the popular end of London?! Jake Johnson, just everything about him…I'm still surprised he wasn't dating anyone. I know he dated one girl back when I was working for him, but ever since then he hasn't. Weird. A guy that gorgeous should totally be taken. Or maybe he's gay? Doesn't matter, he's still an amazing person and that would never change how I thought of him

God. What was wrong with me, the phone calls I have to make, the papers that need to be filled out...and here I sit in my office with a cup of, what else, COFFEE 3, daydreaming about the man I will not ever be with. I had my chance years back, I tried to impress him, it didn't happen. Well, I am thinner and in better shape from all of the running so maybe I'll get somewhere. I hope it happens. I want it to. I love talking to Jake, I feel normal. Normal for the one time in my life, that he knew me as the one person I want to be known for. He didn't know me as the rich business women, as the witch know-it-all. He knew me, for what I was minus all the glamour and the labels. I didn't want him to know me as anything other than that. Whenever I talked with Jake, I was myself. Didn't have to impress anyone, but him at least.

I wonder what it's like, to have arms wrapped around you to hold you and to have someone whisper sweet nothings in your ear. I wonder what it's like to sleep with the other side of the bed not just cold silk sheets. I wonder what it's like to sleep with arms around you, to keep you warm. I wonder what it's like, all of it, a real relationship. I never had one. I'm 33? And the most I've ever accomplished is a few deep kisses, not even really making out?! GOD.

7th year sure Ron and I…well did things but I was so, new to it, I didn't really want to take it fast. I didn't know what I wanted, I could never make up my mind. Once I started dating Ron, I started thinking about Harry. Ron and I…we ended when he died. "Death do us part" sort of case. Harry died to save the wizarding world, which is amazing. No one's ever going to forget him. The thought of him being with me will haunt me forever. Entirely. For life. I wanted him. Harry and I would have worked. Well, it did not happen. I'm guess had life not gotten in the way it would have been me and Ron, but the story did not turn out to be that.

So as it's obvious, I had liked three guys over the course of my lifetime. Alright if you count Jake than four. Victor, Ron, Harry, Jake. All improvements above the next. I noticed I was crying now, this was beyond...upsetting in a way. Victor was an okay start, but he wasn't…someone I would spend my life with. Ron was a good guy, one of my best friends. But dating your best friend, it's…difficult. They know you so well it's hard to hide things from them. Not like there'd be anything to hide, but they spend every second with you and sometimes you just…want time alone. Harry was my ideal guy but I don't think I realized the feelings I had for him that had always been there, up until about a month before he died. Too late to do anything about him, he was…busy with things and it just…wasn't right when I was still technically with Ron. I feel horrible, because the last person Ron was every with, that he really cared about him, in the end did not feel the same towards him. I feel like such a brat, such a conceited, selfish b, but there's nothing I can do.

And now there's Jake. It's taken me 16 years to move on but I'm ready. I'm ready for a relationship, I'm ready to do this. Maybe it's just a stupid fantasy crush getting out of hand but, I can't help but wonder.

I'm tired of coming home to an empty flat, I'm tired of sleeping alone, I'm tired of being alone.

It was that exact moment that the phone rang, disrupting my long train of thought completely.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Miss Veglia, of L.E.M. Apple?"

"Yeah who's calling?" Guy's being ultra professional? Okay, this week is starting to get…odd..

"This is Fred Weasley."

My heart probably literally stopped. Why was he contacting me? He knew how much everything had bothered me, I can't go back to it all!

"I want to know why you ran away Hermione, why you changed your identity and threw it all away."

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about." I threw at him and hung up. He called back, I didn't answer. I couldn't deal with this. How did he find me?! How did he figure out how to use a phone!? Why, after all this time, would he think I was willing to go back?! Wow, I …couldn't believe this. I grabbed my Fendi and my pea coat out of the closet in my office, my sidekick off of my desk and I was getting out of this place. This was too much. My mascara was probably already running horribly down my face. I slammed my office door as I walked out, pulled my jacket on and walked fast.

"Hey Shell, I'm going to leave early today…Just…need to clear out my head, stress, too much going on all at once…I'm sorry…All of the papers, just give them to me and I'll fill them out and mail them. Everyone can leave for the day, nothing to do here. Cancel my appointments and have them rescheduled for next Wednesday. Send my apologies to everyone, I hate bagging on you guys like this but I just…need to get out of here." I did in a breath.

My secretary sat there with her mouth open. "Miss Veglia this is the first day you've taken off in like, ten years, are you sure you're all right?"

"Not really, but a few days out of routine and just some de-stressing should do me some good. Thanks so much Shell, I'd be fired if it weren't for you." I tried to smile, didn't work so well.

"No problem Lynn, here's the folder with everything you need to sign and the addresses they need to be mailed to are on a list taped inside. If anyone needs anything I'll have them leave messages on your cell for you to get back to them when you're able to. Dear I do hope you're all right. You've got my number if you need to talk to someone Lynn." She passed me a fairly thick folder. I thanked her again and got the heck out of there.

Now that Fred had done that, my office was going to be hard to retreat to. I couldn't go back. I can't redo it all. I threw it all away, except for the albums. The pictures, those I still have. I can't look at them though, I haven't in 16 years. I'll cry if I see Ron's face, I'll want to die if I see Harry's. Everyone must think I'm crazy.

I dead bolted the flat door, turned the bath bubble water on extra hot, turned my phone off, stripped off everything and hopped in the tub. The papers were in my home office to fill out in the morning, dinner, well I'm not hungry so screw that.

I wanted the hot water to just engulf everything and give me a normal life. Well, I guess everyone does have stress and issues but…ones that drive you crazy for almost two decades?! Yeah that I'm not so sure about.

I started to pick at my nail polish. For a 30 something year old, I was a mess. Outside of work, I didn't really have friends. I just…someone to talk to, someone to dump this on. I feel like…my entire life is going to be hell if I don't get some good friends and start living.

At that moment what Jake said hit me.

"I've got a bottle of wine that I know you'd like, stop by sometime." Or something to that extent.

This isn't good. I could really really care about Jake, and for that I almost want to push him away. I got out of the tub, threw a robe on, drained the water and went into my room.

The bedroom in the flat was large. Very large. Like, sitting area, fireplace, doors to a balcony, etc etc large. It was lonely. This flat was fit for like, ten people, not one. It's so beautiful, and I'm so lucky to have it but I feel so alone in it. It's worse at night though, so much worse. I couldn't tell anyone how many times I cried myself to sleep, Jake would find me pathetic. Everything about him was home-ish, just, it felt right. I saw him twice since when I worked for him when I was 17 and I'm already obsessing. I want to spend time with him. I want him. All of him. Forever. I want to get to know him more, I want to see outside of that "work environment"…

I wanted to call him… about the "wine"... But maybe he was just being nice. Maybe he just…tried to friendly and polite.

Great. Hello being alone for the rest of my life!