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Have A Nice Day, Jack!
by Lingren.
Previously:-
Now he knew he was in for more fun. He also knew that the day was going to be a really, really long and humiliating one. He was especially looking forward to the pithy comments from the marines when they discovered what had happened. NOT!
Chapter 2 – An Endangered Species?
Dr. Fraiser walked straight up to the Colonel and eased his hand away from his nose, to see the damage. Then she pulled his cap up and away from his eyes before removing it altogether.
"Ouch!" she hissed, taking a good look at the damage. "I think we'd better get you X-rayed Sir."
Jack had known as much and so allowed her to lead him to where a gurney was now waiting specifically for him. He took one look at it and chose to ignore it, hobbling past instead.
"It's nod dat bad Dog. I can wark...Sorda!"
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Janet Fraiser put down the x-ray she had been holding up to the light-box.
"I'm afraid it is definitely broken Colonel. I'm going to have to put some stitches in that gash too and then cover your nose with some sticking plaster to keep it clean and stabilized until it mends." She hesitated to regain her composure. "You are going to have a really...um...fat nose by tomorrow, Colonel." She had to stop talking for a minute, until she could control the tremor in her voice. She gave a little cough to clear her throat. "That's not the worst of it Sir. The swelling is really going to interfere with your other eye too... so...sooo you'll have a couple of really nice black eyes for a few days."
Heaven help her, she'd tried not to laugh but having discovered the reason for the state of him she found it all rather amusing. It was getting harder by the minute to stop herself from giving in to the laughter that kept bubbling up inside her. She worked quickly and efficiently putting a couple of stitches into the bridge of Jack's nose and then covered the rapidly turning black and blue site with an over-large band-aid.
"You laugh just once Fraiser, and I will personally see to it that you do an extra shift or two. Maybe polishing the infirmary floor with your toothbrush." Jack was well aware of what was going through her mind.
"I'm sorry Colonel... It's just that... Well, Sam was right Sir, you do resemble a giant panda now." she sniggered, her face creasing in the struggle to hold off her mirth...until he'd gone from the infirmary at least.
He sighed and frowned at her, his shoulders sagging, knowing she was right which didn't help him one little bit. News of his little accident was going to be all round the base in about 10 seconds flat... 'Geez, thanks Daniel.' he thought sourly.
"Okay Colonel you can go now." His knee had already been patched up, and there was nothing more than a deep graze and some bruising. "I want to see you back here tomorrow to check up on that knee, and also to see how your face is doing. I would recommend that you stay on base for the rest of today at least Sir. Here are some analgesics to take should the pain get any worse. I also think it best if you tried to avoid a certain archaeologist for a while too. He's very upset over this Colonel, and he doesn't think it would be a good idea if you called in to see him, especially after all that's happened today. I'd give it another day before you go talk to him. He's feeling quite miserable right now."
"Yeah, I can see why that would make him shy away. Thanks Doc. I think." He was actually glad to leave the medical bay and hobbled away as quickly as he could to the locker room in order to clean up for the debriefing. Which he was sooooo not looking forward to.
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General Hammond entered the briefing room exactly on time to see only half of his number one team already seated round the table.
"Where are Dr. Jackson and Colonel O'Neill?" he asked, sitting down in his chair.
"Daniel's on his way Sir, but I haven't seen the Colonel since we got back, maybe he was with Janet longer than we thought General."
"Very well. Then we'll start without them. Now then Major, lets have your report of what really happened on P5X 3489."
Hammond looked at her sternly, and she knew she had better keep a straight face during the telling, or she could find herself in the dog house; like she wasn't already there as far as the Colonel was concerned.
"Well Sir. The first incident, happened the moment we arrived through the gate. The wormhole gave us a pretty rough ride. The Colonel as usual was first out, and I followed closely behind him. We both flew out and hit the ground in front of the gate, rolling. The Colonel stood up and was just about to ask me if I was all right when Daniel flew out of the gate and smacked straight into the Colonel, knocking him down the steps, and landing on top of him." Sam paused, reminding herself that under no circumstances should she laugh!
"The problem was, that the Colonel's right knee smacked into a rather large jagged rock which meant that his knee was injured Sir. So, being the only medical authority on the team, I administered first aid. The Colonel said afterwards it felt okay and he didn't see any reason to postpone the mission by heading straight back to the SGC. So we carried on."
"Daniel Jackson was not in any way to blame for this unfortunate incident General Hammond. It was purely an accident. He did not intend to inflict such damage onto O'Neill."
"Quite so Teal'c. But I am sure that Doctor Jackson took it personally, knowing him as we all do. So, continue Major."
Sam was about to start again when raised voices came from the corridor just outside the room.
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"Daniel! What the hell has gotten into you?" Jack fumed.
"God! I'm sorry Jack! I didn't mean to... I...I I just...it's not...Oh hell, Jack...I'm really sorry. I am. Here let me hel..."
"No! Daniel, just stay away okay! I'll manage on my own thank you," Jack cried with a grunt of pain, waving a stunned Daniel aside.
Daniel stood speechless and frozen for a while, and absolutely furious with himself for his stupidity, before he found his voice again.
"Fine. Then I won't help you," he yelled, adding quietly, "Do it yourself then you goddamn stubborn jackass." He turned abruptly on his heel to retreat back the way he had come. He was never going to improve on this day no matter what he did or said in apology; he would be better off going into hiding somewhere before he did any more damage to the Colonel. He had to use Jack's rank because he didn't believe that Jack would want him as a friend any more.
"I heard that!" Jack yelled after him.
"Good!" Came the distant reply.
The briefing room emptied as everyone hurried out into the corridor to see what was going on. Jack was just getting up from the floor.
"Colonel?" General Hammond questioned O'Neill as he struggled to compose himself.
"It's nothing Sir. Daniel was just a little too eager to get to debriefing I guess, and I kinda got in his way. Again!" He glared down the empty hallway where the retreating figure of his friend had disappeared just moments before.
He turned and immediately scowled at the smile that threatened to appear on Sam's lips. She sobered instantly when her CO winced in fresh pain, and watched as he limped his way into the room. She couldn't fathom out what was happening but now it was making things for her and the others very uncomfortable. Once back inside the room, they resumed their seats and waited for the General to begin again.
"How are you feeling now Colonel? Any more damage from whatever happened just now?"
"No sir. And I'm just peachy sir. Doc tells me I'm going to look like this..." he said, pointing to his battered face. "...for some days to come. Let alone hobbling around for God knows how long. Oh...I'm just dandy Sir."
"Major Carter has been filling me in with the details of the 'accident' when you exited the Stargate. I'm sure th..."
"Oh...I bet she has Sir. She probably said that it resembled something from a Laurel and Hardy classic." He smiled sarcastically at her. "I for one don't see any comparison here."
"If you wouldn't mind Colonel, please continue with the report."
Jack took a deep breath fortifying and began his version of events.
"After picking myself up out of the mud, having been flattened by said, 'heavy' archaeologist..."
TBC