Alj, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I didn't know you'd have an emotional break down, but it had to be done; just not through Silas's eyes. Silas is adorable no matter what!
Chapter Fourteen – Making Amends
Silas decided he needed to talk to Aringarosa. "This girl is taking too much out of me," he said in a hushed tone in the spacious Bishop's office. "Silas, I warned you, I cannot turn back time. I didn't want to stop you because I know a man needs companionship, like Adam needed Eve."
Silas was wearing his robe, and it had become a comfort object now. Hugging it around his body, he said, "Didn't Eve bring sin to us all?"
Bishop Manuel Aringarosa looked Silas in the eye and said, "Yes, but from her also sprang life. Adam was lonely no more, but he did die. When he did, he was thankful for what God had put in front of him to handle."
Silas looked down and said in an inaudible whisper, "Am I to handle Rachel?"
Manuel smiled gently and said, "I think you've handled her before haven't you?"
Silas gave the Bishop a tired smile, "Yes, she forgives me. She made me dinner last night."
The Bishop's eyes widened as he leaned back in his executive's chair and twisted his ring. "I trust it was friendly, yes?"
Silas smirked and then frowned suddenly. "Yes it was."
Manuel placed a soft hand on Silas's bowed head and said, "God bless you my son." Silas in took a deep breath and said, "Thank you Father."
Leaving the office, Silas replaced his hood and went to the chapel. He needed to pray some more. As he was walking down the corridor that led to it, he passed a storage closet that had sounds emitting from it. At first, he heard things moving around, then a subtle groan, and Silas thought maybe someone was looking for something and hurt themselves. He was about to open the door as he heard a female voice overlapping the male one. Disgusted, Silas hurried down the corridor and to the chapel. "Let sinners sin and God deal with them," he whispered to himself as he entered. It was empty, just as he had hoped. Walking to the first pew, he knelt and began praying. As soon as he was done, Silas stood up and left, but not without noticing another person first. A body was slumped over in prayer, and he could hear them whispering, just not what about. It sounded like it was female, and Silas decided he would just leave her be until he saw something familiar about her. That hair, he thought. Walking over as silent as possible, he got nearer so, to the point that he was at the end of the pew where she was sitting. The woman lifted her head, and Silas stumbled back in shock. It was Rachel, or what seemed to be a dead version of her. Her eyes were teary and bloodshot, but her skin was pale white. Whiter than her usually peachy complexion. She had on all black make-up, including lipstick, and her nails were painted black. She had on a black corset, and full-length skirt with ankle boots. Her hair was up in a bun and she sniffed. "Silas..." her voice trailed off. Silas was stunned, or more like, disturbed. He had never seen her so broken down like this, and so bare. The corset emphasized her bosom, and Silas couldn't help but stare. What am I thinking? he asked himself. He walked towards her as she continued crying. "Rachel, what is wrong?" she kept sobbing even as she lifted her head again to speak. "My...adoptive, my adoptive father...he went out looking...for me, and he..." she trailed off there and began crying again. Silas had no idea what to do but take her to his room and try to comfort her. "Rachel, come with me. You are in the men's church." Slowly, Rachel stood, and Silas helped her walk to his room, her legs trembling the whole way.
Once they arrived, she collapsed on the floor and Silas sat next to her. "Rachel, what happened to your father?" She turned her head and said, "He was out looking for me in the old part of my neighborhood. He must have thought I went back to prostitution. He got caught in the midst of gang warfare, and was shot five times. By the time help arrived, he was D.O.A." Silas nodded his head slowly. He understood D.O.A. He had seen it many times before – Dead On Arrival. "Silas, I didn't know I would feel so bad. I mean I hated him for Christ's sakes. I thought he hated me." Silas nodded as he let her go on ambling about random moments in her past. "These were the only black clothes I own that were clean. I never wore the corset before until now, it still had a tag on it. I got it on sale though." She smiled as she wiped her face. Silas didn't say a word.
"Why is everything always my fault?" she asked aloud, Silas's head now snapping up. "It wasn't your fault." Rachel shook her head. "Of course it's my fault. If I hadn't been a whore, he never would have come looking for me out there." Silas stood and grabbed her arm, pulling her up roughly into the wall. "OW! Silas, what are you doing?" Silas held her by the shoulders and shook her violently. "It's not your fault!" he hissed. "It's not!" With his teeth clenched and jaw set, he grumbled, "Get that thought out of your mind! You did not kill him, a heathen did! You had nothing to do with his death. Do you hear me? You are NOT a whore!" Rachel stood there, silent, frozen. Her tears welled up again, and Silas let her drop to the floor, pacing the room while her sobs emanated throughout the room. Silas cursed himself for doing that, but that was the only way he could get his mother's death out of his mind. It is all my fault! No it is not! Stop crying you baby! Silas heard the sobs suddenly stop, and her body go limp. Flipping his mat over to a clean side, Silas carried Rachel and laid her on it. He kneeled next to her as he prayed, asking for forgiveness. Once he was sure she was asleep, Silas stood, a solemn and grave look on his face, and reached for his Discipline.
Rachel wasn't asleep, her eyes were closed. She had run out of tears. She slowly opened her eyes as she watched Silas turn his body away from her and pull off his cloak. She stared in silent horror and amazement the red fresh welts criss-crossing with the blackened scars and purple bruises. As she traced each welt with her eyes, she saw Silas grab his Discipline and snap it over his shoulder. Rachel's eyes grew wider in fear as she watched four new lines appear on hi back. Silas's legs trembled for a second, and Rachel willed him with all her strength that he would not do it again. Snap! The rope flew over his shoulder again, and some blood trickled down. Rachel bit her lip to keep from crying when she saw him do it again, finally dropping the Discipline and his body. He looked as if he were bent over in prayer, and she caught a glimpse of the cilice digging into his flesh, causing it to bleed. Rachel couldn't cry anymore, she had no tears or strength left to. So she closed her eyes and willed it to all be a bad dream.