A/N: Isn't it pitiful that I just keep updating this story? It's ok, though, because this chapter's going to break away from the regular bloody killings. That's right; it's going to be a chapter on love. Of the MALE x MALE kind mind you. It's even gonna have some Mpreg in it. That's right, you heard me. Of course, as always, things are going to get a little out of control. But, you didn't see this coming, did you?
-Still dedicated to my friends! They're the ones who sit around with me and discuss crap like this. Thanks guys!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter in any way whatsoever. Thus, I make no money off of this. Good? Good.
Rating: Still M because I'm too lazy to change it. And I guess boy love could constitute an M rating.
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No One Saw This Coming (Still)
It was a quiet day at Hogwarts. With the coming of winter, snow was lightly falling on the grounds and turning the once green grass a lighter, dull color. The students were walking hurriedly between classes because the air was becoming frosty as well. Ron and Hermione were, at the moment, hurrying to their Advanced Potions class. Having not seen Harry all morning, they had asked around to see where he might be, but no one else had seen him either. However, when they asked Professor McGonagall, she remembered seeing him heading in the direction of Professor Snape's room. This had startled both Ron and Hermione considering that Harry hated Snape. Deciding that he had gotten into some serious trouble, Ron and Hermione were determined to ask him about it later.
"So, what do you think happened?" Hermione asked, wrapping her scarf more tightly around her neck.
"Beats me," Ron said lazily.
"What do you mean 'Beats me'? Your Harry's best friend. Surely he told you something about what's going on."
"Nope. He didn't say a word."
Leaving it at that, Ron and Hermione continued their walk in silence.
Upon reaching their destination, they both noticed a large crowd had been gathered outside. Many angry and confused whispers were coming from the crowd, and Hermione, spotting Neville, decided to ask what was going on. "Well," started Neville, "Professor Snape left a note on the door that says no one may enter. Someone even tried the door, but it's locked with a spell. Professor Snape even put up a spell around the door so that no one could hear what was going on inside." Confused by this, Ron spoke up, "But I thought Harry was supposed to be in there?" Hearing this and turning around quickly, Draco Malfoy stomped over to Ron and demanded, "What's he in there for? Huh?! Professor Snape has NEVER denied me access before!" Shaking his head, Ron crossed his arms and said, calmly, "You know, I really don't know. But maybe he's realized how big of a prick you are and just decided he didn't want to look at your ugly mug anymore." A few laughs rang out, and Malfoy pulled out his wand, ready to attack. Ron jumped back in the ready, pulling out his wand as well. Hermione tried to be the voice of reason by saying, "Ron, he's not worth it!" But this only further enraged Malfoy. Just as both boys were about to strike, a voiced hissed out from behind them, "Class is starting now, or do you want me to take time out of my day so you two can sort this out."
No one knew when, but Snape had finally opened the door to allow for class to begin. Beside the leer he now wore on his face directed at Ron and Malfoy, his cheeks were slightly flushed and his hair was messed up a bit. He was breathing more heavily than usual, and his robes were in slight disarray. However, he ignored the curious looks of his students and turned back into the classroom.
When Ron and Hermione entered the room, they saw Harry sitting at their normal desk. Harry didn't look much better than Snape had, and Ron voiced his concern to him by saying, "Are you all right, Harry? You look flushed. And you're sweaty." Smiling weakly at his friends, Harry contentedly said, "Oh, no. I'm fine. Really. Snape and I just had a bit of a . . . tiff, is all." Accepting what Harry had told them, Ron and Hermione took their respective places.
The assignment had been written on the board and, because Snape gave very few directions, the students were left to fend for themselves. "I will, however, need a small vile of this before everyone leaves today. And it's really not that difficult, so I expect it to be perfect," Snape called from his position at the head of class. Snape, however, did not take to just sitting at his desk during this lesson. He wandered about going from table to table criticizing or complementing depending on the person. When he got to Harry's table, he stopped at Ron first. Gazing down into the gooey purple substance that was supposed to be a liquidy green, Snape sneered and walked next to Hermione's potion. Hers was perfect, as always, and Snape merely gave it a nod. Harry's potion had turned a bright pink color, and when Snape saw this, he immediately cleared it away. "Now Potter," Snape hissed lowering his head dangerously close to Harry's, "you didn't follow the directions clearly, did you." Looking away from Snape, Harry said, indignantly, "I did, sir." Smiling evilly, Snape pressed closer to Harry and whispered, "It sure didn't look that way to me, Potter." Hermione noticed that Harry shuddered outwardly, and wondered by Snape was more cruel than usual to Harry. "You will stay after class, and we will try this again," Snape said pulling away from Harry. Nodding, Harry sat down with huff.
A few minutes later, a message was delivered to Harry. Opening it, Ron and Hermione peaked over Harry's shoulder to examine its contents. Both recognized the handwriting, it was Dumbledore's, but the message scribbled inside didn't make any sense. "Come to my office immediately. You will be here for awhile, so tell Professor Snape that he cannot have you after class today. I have a little treat in store for us, but that's to be kept secret between you and me." When Harry noticed Ron and Hermione looming over him, he hastily folded the parchment back up and walked quickly to Snape's desk. Glancing at each other, Ron and Hermione were both bewildered as to what the letter meant. Taking their seats, they noticed Harry showing the letter to Snape. Reading the words on the page with anger, Snape, hesitantly, let Harry leave for Dumbledore's office. "Potter," Snape called to him when he had reached the door, "You will have detention with me tonight, instead. Be here at eight." Nodding, Harry made his exit from the classroom.
At lunch, Harry was still nowhere to be found. "Seriously," Ron said leaning over the table to talk with Hermione better, "What'd Harry do that was so awful? His potions rarely come out right."
"I don't know," Hermione said defeated.
"And what do you think the whole meeting with Dumbledore was about?"
"I don't know Ron."
"Oh come on, Hermione. There's got to be something you've figured out!"
"I'm sorry, but we'll just have to ask Harry."
And as if on cue, Harry made his way into the Great Hall and made a place beside Ron. "So," Ron said before Harry had made himself comfortable, "what did Dumbledore want?" Breathing heavily, Harry sighed, "It was nothing. We just had a chat . . . and, yeah, that's all." Harry looked even more flushed than he did in Snape's room, and his hair was messier than usual. "Harry," Hermione said with concern, "You really don't look well. Maybe you should go to the hospital wing or something." Standing up suddenly, Harry stammered, "Yeah, I'll go do that. See ya around!" Waving weakly as he went, Harry walked quickly to the front doors. "You know," Ron began, "He's acting really odd. I wonder if he's hiding something. Hmm . . . hey, is that Malfoy he's talking with?" Both Ron and Hermione stood up from their seats to get a good look at what was going on.
It seemed like Harry and Malfoy were having a large discussion about something. Then Hermione noticed that Malfoy said something that made both boys blush, and they began walking in the same direction.
"Did you see that?" Hermione asked in a hushed whisper.
"See what?" Ron asked back.
"The way they both blushed when Malfoy said something. Did you see it?"
"No, but what do you think that means?"
"I don't know, but let's go find out.
Sneaking out of the Great Hall, they noticed Harry and Draco heading up a flight of stairs. Fortunately, the hall was crowded and they had an easy time trailing them. However, they couldn't hear a word of what they were saying. "Ron," Hermione whispered harshly, "don't you have any of those extendable ears or anything?" Shaking his head, Ron whispered back, "No. I left them up in my room." Sighing deeply, Hermione tugged Ron to hurry and they started walking toward the two boys faster. However, it was at this time that Hagrid decided to come walking out of a classroom right in front of Ron and Hermione. Blocking their view of Harry, Hagrid glanced down and beamed, "Ron, Hermione! How are ya?! It's been awhile! Hey, where's Harry? Is he not with ya t'day?" Still trying to gaze past Hagrid, Hermione cried, exasperated, "No. We were following him, but then you cut us off."
"What are you doing up here anyway?" Ron asked Hagrid, trying to calm Hermione down.
"I jus' came up to ask fer some advice on somethin'. Why were you tailin' Harry any how?"
"He went off with Malfoy somewhere," Hermione huffed.
"Yeah," agreed Ron, "He's been acting funny lately. You know anything about it?"
"He went off with Draco, did he," Hagrid muttered to himself, seemingly forgetting Ron and Hermione were standing there.
"Are you ok, Hagrid," Hermione asked him.
"Hnn, yeah, never bin' better. Listen, I gotta go. See ya around."
And with that, Hagrid trekked off. Taking a few seconds to watch him walk away, both Hermione and Ron turned around quickly only to find that Harry was gone. "Well," said Ron defeated, "Now what?" At loss for a course of action, Hermione sank to the floor and said, "We'll just have to ask Harry about it later, I guess."
A little before dinner time, Harry made his way back into the Gryffindor common room where Ron and Hermione were doing their homework. Taking a seat beside them, Harry breathed heavily into the air. Noticing that Harry was still very flushed, Hermione asked him, "So, what did Madame Pomfrey say?"
"Huh, oh nothing," said Harry, his breathing becoming more stable.
"Really. And how do you know this if you never went up to see her?"
"Looking taken aback, Harry fumbled his words and said, "How-how did you . . . know?"
"Because we followed you, Harry," Ron broke in, "We're worried about you. Why did you go off with Malfoy, anyway?"
Biting his bottom lip, Harry looked away from his friends and said, "I just had to do something. But, I gotta go, so I'll see you later."
And before either Ron or Hermione could protest, Harry was already gone. Following him quickly to the entrance, both were stopped by Ginny. "Hi guys! What's going on?"
"Well, we were trying to follow Harry, but someone got in the way. AGAIN!" yelled Ron.
"Oh, calm down, Ron," Ginny insisted, "He'll be back."
Growling, Ron sat back down. "Seriously though, where does he keep going?" Ron snapped. Not knowing what to say, Hermione and Ginny sat down quietly and pondered this. Ron even stopped fuming to think. And it was quiet in the Gryffindor common room.
"Hey!" Ron's voice suddenly rang out through the silence, "Let's go find Hagrid! There was something funny about him today, and we still have an hour before dinner. What do you say?" Agreeing for lack of anything better to do, Hermione and Ginny nodded in agreement and got up to make their departure.
Walking down to Hagrid's cabin, the trio noticed a pair of footprints leading to the cabin that weren't Hagrid's. They also noticed how these same, smaller footprints had not made a trail back up to the school. "They must be Harry's," Ron thought aloud, "I mean, who else could it be?" Hagrid's cabin had one light glowingly dimly from near a window, so that altered to them that Hagrid was, indeed, home.
When the trio walked up to the door, they swore they could hear disgruntled voices coming from inside. Ron knocked on the large wooden door, and it became immediately silent. "Jus-just a minute!" called Hagrid from inside. When he answered the door, Hagrid was flushed in the face, just like Harry had been, and his hair in clothes were a mess. "Came te pay me a visit, did yeh," he rasped, "Well, come in, come in." When they entered the cabin, Ron, Hermione, nor Ginny could see anything out of the ordinary.
"Uh, who were you talking to Hagrid," Hermione asked, still looking around.
"Hmm, ah . . . no one. I wasn't talkin' to nobody."
"But we heard voices," Ginny interjected.
"Oh, I was just practicin' fer . . . my, uh, puppet show . . . uh, fer . . . um, you guys!"
"Really," said Ron in a skeptical tone, "Then where are the puppets?"
"Shadow puppets! See," demonstrated Hagrid.
"Ok, but whose foot prints are outside?" asked Hermione.
Becoming flustered, Hagrid got out of his chair abruptly and ushered the trio out of his house. "Now, if yeh don't mind," he said, faking a yawn, "I'm real tired, so I'll be hittin' the hay now. Have a good night. Say "Hi" to Harry if yeh see 'im." And with that, Hagrid slammed the door and doused the light in his house. Feeling discouraged and confused, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny began making their way back up to the school for dinner. "What was that all about?" Ron asked to no one in particular. No one had any answers for him, so they continued their walk in silence until Hermione finally realized something. "Hey," she announced, "Look. These are the same footprints from before. Except, they're leading back up to the school, and they look fresh." Sharing a determined look with Ginny and Ron, the three of them went bounding up to the school.
When they entered the school, it was just about time for dinner and the halls were getting crowded. Racing up to the Gryffindor common room, Ron dashed madly up the stairs to the boy's quarters when no one had spotted him in the main room. Looking around wildly, Ron was surprised to find that one had been up here. Everything was as it was when the boys left it that morning. Scratching his head in defeat, Ron came calmly back down the stairs and shrugged his shoulders. "Ya know, it might not've been him. No one's up there, and we really don't know where he went." Not accepting this at all, Hermione said, "It had to have been Harry! I mean, where else does he have to go tonight!" And, suddenly, it hit her. "Of course!" she said nodding her head, "We may not have caught him at Hagrid's, because he had his invisibility cloak, but he has detention with Snape tonight! If we follow him, we should be able to get down to the bottom of this."
"But Hermione," Ron sighed, "Just cause he has detention with Snape doesn't mean anything."
"You saw the way he treated him today, didn't you. The way he got really close to Harry without Harry becoming angry. It seems weird doesn't it?
"Well, when you put it that way. But, seriously Hermione, you must have an idea what's going on. I mean, if you're willing to risk not doing homework so we can spy on Harry and Snape, you must have a reason. So tell me."
"I'm not really sure about anything to do with Harry right now," she said calmly, "but something is telling me to find out."
Nodding his head as if to say "Whatever", Ron agreed to go with Hermione to spy on Harry and Snape. "But wait," Ron put in suddenly, "How are we going to sneak around un-noticed?"
"Um, I'll think of something," Hermione said sitting down to dinner.
Harry was nowhere to be found at dinner, and Hermione hoped that he hadn't gone to Snape's detention early. But that was impossible considering Snape was eating his dinner with the rest of the teachers. Forming a plan, Hermione poked Ron on the shoulder and whispered, "I've got an idea."
Finishing their dinner and leaving much earlier than the rest of the students or teachers, Ron and Hermione quietly made their way to Snape's room. If Harry was there, at least they would have time to talk about what was going on with him lately. And if he wasn't, which would be the more opportune situation, then Ron and Hermione could hide in Snape's room and see how Harry's detention went. "This will give us the opportunity," Hermione began quietly, "To see how Harry and Snape behave when they think that no one's around." When they got to the room, Ron peaked his head around the door. Discovering that Harry wasn't there, the duo rushed into the room and hid behind a large cabinet in the corner. "Now, when they're both in here, don't make a sound," Hermione commanded finding a comfortable spot to hide in.
"I know, Hermione. Jeez," Ron answered slumping unceremoniously beside her.
"Good. I think I hear someone coming. Be quiet!"
Sure enough, a few seconds later, Snape wandered into his room, closing the door behind him. Trying not to breath loudly, Ron and Hermione sat, hidden, waiting for Harry to show up. In the mean time, Snape wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. He merely came in and sat down at his desk and looked over some papers. Finally, at five to eight, there was a knock at the door. Standing up, Snape walked over to the door and opened it.
Harry walked into the room silently, and Snape closed the door with a quiet snap. He took out his wand and pointed it at the door. Two spells shot out and encased the door. Hermione determined it to be the same spells that Snape had used that morning before class had started. Thus, she and Ron were both trapped, so there was no turning back now. "Potter," Snape hissed through the silence, "I'm very disappointed in you." Walking away from the door, Snape went to stand in front of Harry and grabbed him roughly by the shirt, drawing him closer. "Very disappointed," Snape repeated again, this time thrusting his hip into Harry's.
Moaning a little, Harry turned his face away from Snape, blushing madly. "It was a very simple potion, you know," he said while grabbing Harry's face and turning it back to face him, "And to think, you still messed it up." Snape then proceeded to run his other hand through Harry's hair and tugged on it, drawing Harry's face extremely close to his, "What ever shall we do for punishment?" Snape pressed ever closer to Harry causing him to gasp out. But Snape silenced the gasp suddenly when he pressed his lips to Harry's forcefully. And when Harry returned the kiss just as hungrily, Ron and Hermione were shocked.
"Blimey," Ron whispered, staring at the scene taking place before him. Hermione didn't have the mind to speak, but could only watch as Snape continued the assault on Harry's lips, then down his neck, and then, after removing Harry's shirt, his chest. A moan escaped Harry's throat and caused them both to jump back to reality. "Harry!" they both shouted, making themselves known as they jumped out from behind the cabinet.
Startled, Snape and Harry both snapped their heads to the source of the sound. Blushing wildly, both were speechless; however, Snape looked positively livid. "Weasley and Granger," he snapped angrily, "What are you doing here, and how did you get in?" Glaring back, they both took out their wands and pointed it at him. "Harry," Hermione asked seething, "What are you doing?" Struggling to get his shirt back on properly, Harry looked away and screamed, "It's none of your concern!" Startled by Harry's outburst, Ron and Hermione were unprepared when Snape flung a spell at them that caused them to be paralyzed. Falling to the floor, Ron and Hermione could hear Snape's ragged breathing getting closer. Looking up as best they could, they saw Snape glaring down at them. "If you must know," Snape hissed out in rage, "Potter has been coming here often to do this sort of thing, but it --, " but Snape couldn't finish his sentence because he had been cut off from a cry in the corner.
"Harry, my love, why?" the voice had belonged to Draco Malfoy who was currently crawling over to Harry with tears streaming down his face, "I thought we were a couple!" All eyes turned towards Malfoy and Harry. Snape, dumbfounded, could only stutter out, "Dra-Draco? How, why . . . what are you doing here?" Grasping Harry's legs and shaking them, Malfoy turned to Snape and wailed, "Harry's my lover, Professor! I'm here to take him with me! Oh, Harry!" At this time, Malfoy stood and, pulling Harry close to himself, kissed him deeply. So, not only were Ron and Hermione stunned literally and figuratively, but Snape had seemed to stop moving to register all this. "Impossible!" Snape roared after watching Harry and Draco depart from their kiss, "He is mine!" Lunging at Harry, Snape started to fist fight with Draco, when the door suddenly burst open.
"Harry Potter!" cried Dumbledore in distress, "Come here and let me make it all better!" Smacking Snape and Malfoy out of his way, Dumbledore embraced Harry in a tight hug and proceeded to kiss Harry as well. Angry and flustered, Snape and Draco decided to turn their efforts in taking out Dumbledore before fighting each other. Dumbledore realized this and, setting Harry down gently, put up his dukes. Suddenly, a very old man, a grown man who should know better, and a young man barely passing puberty, got into a huge brawl. Fortunately for Ron and Hermione, the spell Snape casted had been lifted and they struggled over to Harry.
"Harry!" Ron shrieked, "What the Bloody Hell?!"
"Indeed, Harry!" Hermione joined in, "How could you not tell us?!"
"Because," said Harry, anger rising in his voice, "I said it was none of your concern!"
A cry from outside the wall alerted all the people in the room. With a great blast, Hagrid came charging in from a hole he'd just plowed into the wall screaming, "NO!!" Turning to see what was going on, the creepy fist fighting trio stopped to see Hagrid land in the room and grab Harry forcefully. "You all got it wrong! Harry's MY Hunny-Bunny!" and with that, Hagrid planted another big one on Harry's lips. Shocked, the trio of two old men and a kid stopped beating each other up and flung themselves at Hagrid. Growling, Hagrid held Harry in one arm and swung his other. The blow connected with the three, and they went flying into the wall. "Now it's jus' you and meh, Harry," Hagrid said lovingly.
And just as they were about to kiss again, a large black dog came bounding in the window and tackled Hagrid to the ground. Screaming in rage, Hagrid lost his grip on Harry and tried, madly, to grasp onto him again. Leaping off of him, the black dog made it's descent on Harry and, when it was about a foot away from him, morphed into Sirius. "Oh, Harry. I hope they haven't hurt you," Sirius began holding Harry in his arms. Stroking his face, Sirius leaned in to kiss Harry as Harry, eagerly, reached up to kiss him as well. "Oh, Sirius, why?" called another voice from the doorway.
Everyone turned to find Lupin standing there, shaking. Sirius broke his kiss with Harry and looked up into Lupin's face. Then, with a remarkably straight face, Sirius responded back with a, "Oh, Lupin. You know we can always have a threesome!" Seeming to accept this idea, Lupin pranced giddily over to Harry and Sirius and engaged them in a big huge. Stunned, Ron and Hermione looked from the very happy trio snogging in the corner, to the very disgruntled Hagrid digesting the sight before him, to the other three men crying over Harry in the corner. "All right. ENOUGH!!" Hermione screamed.
Everyone turned to look at her and she continued: "Why are you all fighting over him? You should all make Harry decide who he wants to be with so we can all get on with our own lives!" Deciding that was a good idea, Sirius let Harry go to the center of the room where, though flushed and slightly sweating, he addressed everyone. "Well," Harry breathed, "This is quite an awkward situation for the lot of us. And I'm sorry that you all had to get messed up in all this, but I don't want just one of you. I want you all. So, can't we just have a seven-some or something? I love you all." Amazing Ron and Hermione, applause broke out in the room as well as the sound of men crying.
"He's so wise," cried Dumbledore, "What a great idea."
"Way ter go, Harry," Hagrid said sniffing.
"That sounds terrific to me!" wailed Snape, "Now we can all have him."
The big mass of crying men advanced on Harry, and they all had a huge group hug. "Well," said Ron, disturbed, "I'm outta here." But before Ron could depart, a puff exploded into the room and Dobby appeared with a tiny parchment in his hands. "Harry Potter, sir!" he exclaimed excitedly, "I have the results, sir! They are good, they are good! The test came back positive." Tensing, the whole room faced Harry who scrambled his way out of the hug.
"I-I have no idea what you're talking about, Dobby," Harry stammered.
"Oh, these are the pregna-mmmfghm," Dobby finished lamely as Harry slammed a hand over his mouth.
"No, you must be mistaken. Right!!" Harry glared daggers at Dobby.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Harry Potter sir!" Dobby cried as he waddled off towards the window.
"Yeah, go jump out a window, Dobby, you silly, silly thing," Harry laughed helping Dobby along.
The large group of people were currently staring wide-eyed at Harry. Turning around, Harry was blushing even more now from embarrassment. "You're-you're pregnant," Lupin gasped. Looking around and finding no way out of this, Harry nodded. Suddenly, the room broke out in sobs again. But they were tears of extreme happiness.
"I'm going to be a father!" Sirius said triumphantly.
"No way!" screamed Malfoy, "I'm the father!"
"No, I am!" interjected Dumbledore.
"You are all mistaken. I'M the father," boomed a voice wrought with evil.
Looking to the source of the sound, the inhabitants of the room were greeted with the sight of Voldemort sneering at them all. "I went down to get checked," Voldemort stated calmly, "and it matches. I am Harry's baby's Daddy! Eat that, Bitches!" When Harry rushed over and landed a big kiss on Voldemort, everyone knew it was true. "Don't fret everyone!" Harry said when he released himself from Voldemort's embrace, "We can all be my baby's Daddy!" After Harry said that, the whole room, excluding Ron and Hermione, burst into cheers.
"Ugh, I'm getting out of here," Ron said, deflating. "Good idea," Hermione agreed. And with their curiosity being fulfilled, Ron and Hermione left the room filled with testosterone and went to bed.
-The End-
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A/N: Yes, that one was the longest and strangest by far. But I bet you didn't see that coming! Anyway, if you read this, I'd love a review. I appreciate them very much. But that's, again, probably just wishful thinking. Thanks for reading! I'm sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes if there are any . . .which there shouldn't be.