Something More
I walked down the hall and watched you walk up behind Sharpay and start to talk to her. My heart sinks a little and I want to scream. But it's me, Kelsi Neilson, so I bite it back. I don't do anything. I just stand there, grasping my notebook and staring at you and Sharpay laughing and talking in that hall.
Like you were made for each other or something. I sigh and walk up to my locker and quickly open it. I just want to get it and then out quickly and smoothly. And then walk as far away from you as I can. I hate being reminded of how stupid I am. And the good thing that I blew.
I toss my notebook in my locker and pull out my US History book. That stupid class, I hate it. But it'll give me time to stare into space and think about you. Which I kind of hate. But I just want to get over you. I slam my locker shut, hard, hoping you'll hear it and know I miss you and hate me.
I turn on my heel quickly and walk out of the hall and into the direction of my class. Three weeks. It's been three weeks and I'm still hung up over you and everything. And I hate it so much. I haven't eaten for a week, I haven't written a song for the whole three weeks. It's just been…nothing. And I hate it.
My feet somehow carried me to my classroom and I slide into it. Keeping my face down, no one really wants to see me anyway. You were all I had going for me, and I actually tossed you away. I'm an idiot.
"What do you mean?" You asked me looking both sad and confused at the same time. The same way I felt, but I didn't want to show it. It was too much for me and everything.
"Just what I said. We should break up. I have tons going on Troy. I'm sorry." I tell you and you roll your eyes and stuff your hands into your pocket.
"Kelsi…" You say using that tone I've heard from you so many times before. You want me to forget it and just go on like normal.
But I can't this time. I really can't. They always said growing up is hard. And it is. I can't do anything, I'm hardly functioning. And tossing a perfect boyfriend in the mix isn't helping at all. "Sorry." I say and then turn from you and walk away.
I broke up with you and it was the end of the most perfect months of my life. And I couldn't even tell you why I did it. I just did.
I opened my history book and pretended to be reading. But I was really thinking of you and my whole life. It got harder after you were gone. But by then I was way to ashamed to tell you the truth. I'm so stupid.
Tears well up in my eyes and I try to push them back but I can't. This is hard. Life, school, growing up. It's hard. I feel the tears start to sink down my cheeks and then watch them splash off my book.
I can't stand this. I close my book shut loudly and walk out of the classroom. I hear the teacher call after me but I ignore her. I just can't take it. I walk to the bathroom and throw my book on the floor. I stare in the mirror and feel like breaking it. I'm just stupid. No other word could describe me.
We were something more and I threw it away.