-1Chapter Twenty:
"You went away, cuz you said you couldn't love me. I went away, cuz all I do is love you."
- Tegan & Sara 'You Went Away'
Knocking loudly on the familiar front door, Lauren anxiously waited for the butler to let her in. She had driven over to the Baldwin Estate in record time, ignoring the speed limit as she raced to tell Michael the news of his grandmother's untimely passing. She was still trying to wrap her brain around the fact that Mrs. Everett had once been Miss. Baldwin. In all the years that she had known her, the older woman had never talked about her family and now Lauren knew why. She had been abandoned by her father and ignored by her son. If only she had gotten a chance to know Michael better, Lauren mused regretfully. Family meant everything to him and she was positive that having someone like Michael as a grandson would have meant the world to Florence.
Just one more missed opportunity…
"Lauren?" A deep voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked up to see a familiar pair of green eyes staring back at her.
"Kevin?" she gasped in recognition, her gaze raking over his lanky frame. "My God, look at you! You're so grown up."
"And you're so…blonde." he replied teasingly and Lauren was relieved to discover that while things between her and Michael remained tense, being around Kevin again felt as comfortable as putting on an old sweater.
"I needed a change." Lauren shrugged, still grinning at his blunt assessment of her latest hairstyle. Truth be told, she missed her natural auburn locks. But her father's death had prompted Lauren to make more than a few drastic changes in her life. Like her decision to drop everything and catch the first flight out to New Orleans in order to meet with a man she had promised herself never to speak to again.
"Well, you look good." Kevin declared, a sly grin on his face that she didn't recall ever seeing before back when he was still a shy and precocious little boy. "I mean, in a Malibu Barbie kinda way..."
"Malibu Barbie?!" Lauren gaped in righteous indignation, her mood temporarily improving as she chuckled at the young teen's insult. "C'mere and gimmie a hug you little jerk."
"Oh man, I've missed you." Kevin admitted, his chin resting atop her shoulder as they embraced. At thirteen, the once scrawny little kid was now a good two inches taller than Lauren.
"I've missed you too," Lauren sighed, not realizing just how much until now. They pulled apart and Lauren discreetly reached up to wipe away the moisture in her eyes before changing the subject. "So, what's up? Your brother tells me you've got a girlfriend now."
"Mikey needs to get a life," Kevin replied, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "She's not my girlfriend."
"Whatever you say." Lauren teased, enjoying how easy it was to get under his skin. "Speaking of your brother, is he here? I really need to speak with him."
"Uh, yeah. He's upstairs in the study." Kevin replied, although somewhat reluctantly.
"Great." she grinned, moving past him to enter the house.
"Lauren, wait!" Kevin called out after her and Lauren could hear his footsteps following close behind as she took the stairs two at a time. "Now isn't really a good time. He's studying for his bar exam tomorrow."
"I know," Lauren replied distractedly, not even bothering to slow down as she made her way towards the closed office doors. "Don't worry, I just have something important to tell him and then I'll be out of his way."
"But he's…" Kevin started to warn her, stopping when she opened the door and two pairs of eyes turned to look at them in surprise. "…with someone."
Lauren wasn't prepared for the scene playing out in front of her.
Michael was seated behind his cluttered desk, papers and textbooks of various sizes strewn across the polished oak surface. There wasn't a clear space to be found on the large table, except of course for where a leggy brunette sat perched atop the edge of his desk with her legs crossed flirtatiously in front of Michael's face. He looked like a deer caught in headlights as his gaze shifted between the two women, lips opening before quickly closing again and Lauren could tell that he was trying to come up with something to say.
The brunette beat him to it.
"Hello," the young woman said cheerfully, moving away from the desk and smoothing her skirt down as she sauntered over to where Lauren stood in the doorway. "Have we met before?"
"No." Lauren replied immediately, her gaze still focused on Michael.
"Are you sure?" the brunette asked more insistently and Lauren met her scrutinizing gaze with a look of annoyance. "You look terribly familiar."
"Lauren," Michael finally managed to choke out, getting up from his seat and moving to stand beside the two women. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you again tonight."
"Obviously not." Lauren muttered under her breath.
An uncomfortable silence settled over the room then. Lauren could tell that Michael was staring at her, his eyes pleading with her to understand, but she refused to meet his gaze. Sighing, Lauren glanced back over her shoulder at the open door. She had to get out of there.
"Uh, Rachel Martin this is Lauren Fenmore." Michael said and Lauren noted that he sounded rather desperate - afraid even. Obviously he could sense her desire to flee and was trying to stall. "Lauren Fenmore, Rachel Martin."
"Fenmore," Rachel repeated, a look of realization crossing her face as she finally made the connection. "So that's where I recognize you from. Your father owns that chain of department stores."
"Yes," Lauren replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "He did."
"Rachel, I'm sorry but I'll have to cut things short." Michael interjected, his attention focused on the other woman now and Lauren took the opportunity to discreetly take a few steps back. "Lauren and I need to --"
"No, don't worry about it." she cut him off, continuing her hasty retreat. "I was just leaving."
"But you just got here." Michael reasoned with her pleadingly, but she kept on walking.
"Yes, and now I'm leaving." Lauren said firmly before turning her attention to the other woman and offering her a forced smile. "Rachel, it was nice to meet you."
"Likewise." the brunette replied, looking at Lauren quizzically as she fled the room. Brushing passed Kevin, she bolted down the stairs, never once looking back.
"Lauren!" Michael called out after her. "Lauren, wait!"
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"What was that all about?" Rachel asked in confusion, momentarily drawing Michael's attention away from chasing after her.
"Uh, I'm sorry Rachel, but I'll have to cut our study session short." he apologized distractedly, eager to leave so that he could catch up with Lauren before she got away.
"But…" Rachel started to protest, but he cut her off.
"Good luck tomorrow, okay?" he said empathetically, offering her an apologetic smile before fleeing the room. He grabbed Kevin by the elbow on his way down the stairs, leaning in close so as not to be overheard.
"Get rid of her, please." Michael hissed, motioning towards the study.
"Sure thing, bro." Kevin agreed, watching as his big brother ran down the stairs and out the door.
She was already half way towards the front gate by the time Michael stepped out onto the front porch. It was pouring rain out and dark storm clouds filled the previously sun filled sky. Knowing that she would only ignore him if he called out to her again, he silently leapt off the front steps and sprinted down the pathway. He could tell the moment she heard him behind her because she started walking faster, stopping short of actually running away from him and Michael knew it was only because she didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
"Lauren, stop." Michael called out frantically, grabbing hold of her wrist when he finally caught up with her. She finally stopped walking and spun around to glare at him angrily.
"Don't touch me." she hissed, roughly pulling her hand out of his grasp.
"Sorry." he mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets and averting her gaze. An uncomfortable silence settled over them then, the tension was almost palpable. Michael hated that things were so strained between them. He had imagined their reunion a million different times over the years and none of the scenarios had prepared him for this distance that existed between them now. He knew he could fix things though. He just needed more time.
"No, I'm sorry." Lauren sighed, finally breaking the tense silence and Michael was relieved when he saw her eyes soften a little. "I don't know what got into me back there."
"She's just a friend --" he tried to explain, but she cut him off.
"Doesn't matter. It's none of my business, really." Lauren claimed, but Michael could tell by her behavior that she was lying. "I need to get going. There's a flight back to Genoa City that leaves in two hours."
"I really wish you'd stay." Michael said pleadingly.
"I can't." Lauren replied, shaking her head in refusal.
"Why not?"
"I have a life, Michael." she explained sharply. "And I'm anxious to get back to it."
"I see." he replied slowly, trying not to let his insecurities show. "Is there…are you seeing someone?"
"Why do you care?" Lauren asked, eyebrow raised suspiciously.
"I don't." he lied. The truth was he had spent the last five years trying desperately not to think about the fact that she may have moved on with someone else. He knew it was selfish of him to hope that she had remained single all these years. Lauren had every right to fall in love with someone other than him, but that didn't mean he had to like it.
"I was engaged," she admitted and Michael tried like hell not to cringe. "But it didn't work out."
"Why not?" he asked curiously, praying that he didn't look as relieved as he felt. It was then that he noticed the way her eyes darted away from his uncomfortably and he realized he may have overstepped. "Lauren, I'm sorry --"
"It's okay," she interrupted, offering him a reassuring smile. "He was a great guy, but I just…I couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with him."
"Forever's a long time." Michael declared knowingly as he nodded his head in agreement. "But when you're with the right person, it doesn't seem like long enough."
"Michael --" she sighed in frustration and he rushed to continue.
"I never stopped thinking about you." he admitted truthfully, eyes searching her face for any sign of affection - of forgiveness.
"I find that hard to believe." Lauren bit out snidely, daring him to contradict her. "Seems to me you've been able to keep yourself occupied."
"I told you, she's just a friend." Michael tried again to explain. "I was helping her study for the bar exam tomorrow."
"You don't owe me an explanation." she replied dismissively, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. Impulsively, Michael reached out and grabbed a hold of her hand, pleasantly surprised when she didn't pull away.
"Yes, I do. But not about Rachel," he explained, lightly rubbing her palm with the pad of his thumb. "I want you to know why I did it."
"It doesn't matter anymore, Michael." Lauren sighed, pulling her hand out of his grasp. "It was a long time ago, I'm over it."
"No you're not." he argued knowingly, smiling at her before continuing. "Lauren, what you and I shared…" he paused, throat closing as he was overcome with emotion. "It was a once in a lifetime kind of thing."
"Must not have been that great since you walked away from me so easily." Lauren muttered, crossing her arms in front of her chest defiantly.
"You think it was easy?" Michael said incredulously. "Lauren, letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
"Then why'd you do it?" she challenged.
"Because I loved you too much not to," he replied, sighing in frustration when he realized his reasoning had fallen on deaf ears. He'd need to try a different approach. "Lauren, we were young and you had just gotten accepted to NYU, I was starting law school here in New Orleans and I just --"
"Couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone every once in a while?" she interrupted sarcastically.
"I was worried that our relationship would be too much of a distraction." he explained truthfully. "For both of us." Lauren visibly softened at his words, giving Michael the courage to continue. "So I figured it would be in your best interest if I made a clean break."
"And what the hell gave you the right to make that decision?" Lauren hissed angrily, glaring at him in contempt.
"It seemed like the right thing to do at the time," he explained meekly, realizing how pathetic he sounded. "You can't tell me you didn't enjoy your time in New York."
"It was amazing," Lauren agreed. "But it would have been even better if I hadn't of spent the majority of my freshman year wondering if I'd ever hear from you again."
"I should have called," he said admittedly. "I should have explained to you why we couldn't be together."
"Yeah, you damn well should have." Lauren muttered, running a hand through her hair in frustration and Michael was surprised to see that their were tears in her eyes. She offered him a sad smile. "We could have found a way to make it work ya know."
"Maybe," he shrugged. "Maybe not."
"Unless of course you wanted this," Lauren said suddenly, eyes widening in realization. "Maybe you wanted to break up with me and the whole 'long distance' thing gave you the perfect excuse to leave me without having to feel guilty about it."
"Lauren," Michael sighed in frustration. "You know that's not true."
"I don't know anything anymore." she admitted softly, her voice barely above a whisper. Michael watched curiously as her anger was replaced with a look of despair.
"This isn't just about us, is it?" Michael said knowingly, a gentle smile playing across his lips, coaxing her to continue. Her eyes nervously darted up to meet his gaze and Michael could tell she was trying to decide whether or not to open up to him.
"I feel so alone," she sighed, her voice hitching slightly in her throat. "Everyone I care about keeps leaving me. You, my father, Mrs. Everett…"
"Mrs. Everett," Michael repeated the name wistfully. "That's a name I haven't heard in a while. I've been meaning to go and visit her, but something always comes up." Lauren nodded distractedly and Michael noticed that her lower lip had begun to tremble. She turned away from him slightly, taking a deep breath to try and calm her nerves.
"What happened?" Michael asked curiously, unnerved by Lauren's nervous behavior. "Did she move away or something?"
"No," Lauren shook her head, tears streaming down her face, mixing with the rain still cascading down around them. "She's dead, Michael."
"Dead." he blurted out in surprise. "How?"
"She had diabetes and there was an issue with her insulin --" Lauren rushed to explain, pausing to catch her breath. "It doesn't matter now, she's just…she's just gone."
"When did she pass away?" Michael asked gently after she had had a moment to compose herself.
"Earlier today," Lauren whispered, reaching up to wipe at the tears in her eyes. "I went to go and visit her after I left your house and I found her lying on the kitchen floor…"
"Lauren?" he said gently, urging her to continue.
"I was too late. She wasn't breathing," Lauren explained, her eyes eerily void of emotion. "I was too late." She was trembling now, the rain having thoroughly soaked her to the bone. With mascara running down her face and clothes clinging wetly to her body, she looked like a drowned rat. An adorable drowned rat.
"C'mere." Michael cooed gently, wrapping her up in his embrace. She was reluctant at first, but he was relieved when he finally felt her relax against him.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered quietly, running his hands up and down her back in an effort to comfort her. "I know how much she meant to you."
"Michael, there's…there's something I need to tell you." Lauren said abruptly as she pulled away from him and their eyes met. He felt a shudder run through her as she licked her lips and prepared to speak. "Mrs. Everett wasn't just my nanny, she was --"
"You're shivering," he interrupted, rubbing her arms to try and warm her up. "Why don't we go back inside to dry up a bit?"
"No, I need to tell you something…" Lauren replied insistently.
"Fine. You can tell me inside where it's warm and dry." he reasoned.
"I dunno, Michael…" Lauren sighed, glancing back at the house reluctantly.
"Come on, I promise to be on my best behavior." Michael promised, trying not to laugh when she raised her eyebrow skeptically. He decided to try a different tactic. "Rupert makes some mean hot chocolate."
"With marshmellows?" she asked timidly, the corners of her lips lifting slightly.
"Naturally." he grinned.
"Okay," Lauren sighed. "But I can't stay long."
"Great," Michael exclaimed, his smile growing broader. "Now come on before we both catch pneumonia." And with that Michael grabbed hold of her hand and eagerly lead her back towards the house.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"I should have known," Michael choked out in remorse, his voice muffled slightly as his face remained buried in the palm of his hands. "How could I not have known that she was my grandmother?"
"How could you have known, Michael? Mrs. Everett didn't even make the connection herself," Lauren reasoned, trying to comfort him as best she could. "As far as any of us knew, the only connection the two of you shared was through me."
"Yeah," he sighed wistfully, raising his gaze to meet hers and she was taken aback by the intensity of his eyes. Had they always been so brown? So remorseful? "And that's why…"
"That's why what?" Lauren asked, gently prodding him to continue when his voice caught in his throat. He remained silent, lips opening and closing as he struggled to find the right words to say. "Michael…"
"That's why I could never bring myself to go and visit her." he confessed finally and Lauren had to bite her lip to stop from crying when she saw the pained expression on his face. "Being around Mrs. Everett again, being in that house…" all at once the memories hit her like a speeding truck and Lauren had to stop herself from reaching out to touch him. "It would've all come flooding back to me and I knew that there was nothing on this earth that would have been able to stop me from jumping on the first flight out to New York."
A tense silence settled over the room then. They were seated side by side on the warn leather couch, inches away but miles apart. There was so much that Lauren wanted to say to him, so much that needed to be said. But every time she opened her mouth to speak, the words died on her lips. She glanced over at Michael and saw that he too was struggling to give voice to the myriad of emotions playing out across his face.
"I missed you," Lauren sighed, so softly that she wasn't sure he had heard her until she noted the way his already moist eyes began to water at her words. "So much."
"I missed you too," he admitted, a tear escaping and slowly falling down his cheek. "You have no idea how hard it was for me not to see you anymore."
"Michael," Lauren sighed, finally giving into the overwhelming urge to touch him as she reached out and cupped his face in the palm of her hand. A familiar pool of warmth gathered in the pit of her stomach when she felt him place a gentle kiss on the sensitive skin of her wrist.
"I'm such an idiot." he groaned, his own hand reaching out to lightly comb through the blonde strands of her newly colored hair.
"You'll get no argument from me," Lauren said teasingly, trying not to purr in contentment as he continued to pet her head. God, she'd missed this. Nothing and no one had ever made her feel as loved or as cherished as she felt when Michael touched her like this.
"I thought I was doing the right thing," he reasoned, shaking his head in regret. "I thought…"
"You thought wrong, Michael." she admonished, quickly twining her fingers through his before continuing. "After everything we went through together, how could you possibly think that I'd be better off without you in my life?" she questioned, the smile on her face faltering slightly as realization dawned. "Or maybe you thought you'd be better off without me in yours…"
"Lauren, you know that's not true." he assured her sincerely and Lauren found herself blinking back tears as she watched him bring her hand up to his lips. "Before I met you…well, you know what I was like."
"You were wonderful," she whispered loving, stroking his cheek with the pad of her thumb. "A diamond in the rough."
"That's one way to put it," he chuckled and the sound of his easy laughter made her insides melt. "Lauren, you are the best thing that ever happened to me and I think that maybe…maybe that's why I did it. Maybe that's why I left."
"What do you mean?" Lauren asked, not following his reasoning.
"I couldn't bare the thought of losing you, so I guess I just…left you before you came to your senses and left me."
"Oh, Michael." Lauren sighed in frustration, the smile on her lips betraying the look of disapproval in her eyes. "How on earth did someone as dense as yourself make it through law school?"
"I ask myself that everyday." he chuckled.
"Seriously, Michael." Lauren said sternly, grabbing hold of his chin to ensure that she had his undivided attention. "The next time you decide to take it upon yourself to make any life altering decisions based on your adorable, yet extremely misguided insecurities - don't."
"Next time?" Michael said hopefully, eyes twinkling with excitement. "Does that mean you're willing to give me another chance?"
"Maybe." Lauren said teasingly, but then her smile faded when the seriousness of the situation hit her. "You really hurt me, Michael."
"I know," he said admittedly, gripping her hand a little tighter as he pleaded his case. "And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't kick myself for being such an idiot, but Lauren…" he slid off the couch and crouched down on bended knee in front of her. Lauren gaped at him in shock, eyes watering at the sincerity in his voice. "If you give me another chance I swear to you that I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy."
"You already do make me happy, Michael. Unbelievably, deliriously happy and that's why I can't…" she ran a hand through her hair in frustration, her breath catching in her throat as she tried to regain her composure before continuing. "Just promise me you won't leave, okay? Never again."
"Never again." he agreed, his own voice sounding hoarse as he reached up and cupped her face in his hands. Gazing into his eyes, Lauren slowly ran the tip of her tongue across lips that had suddenly become dry with anticipation. She watched as his gaze dropped to her mouth and when he leaned forward to kiss her, she met him half way. Lauren expected that kissing Michael again for the first time in five years would be at least a little awkward. She expected their noses to bump or their teeth to clash.
What she didn't expect was for kissing Michael again for the first time in five years to be as natural as breathing.
"Why does this still feel so right?" Lauren sighed, tearing her lips away from his reluctantly so that she could look into his eyes. He was gazing up at her like a lovesick puppy and she smiled in contentment. "After all these years…"
"We're meant to be together, Lauren." he declared, smiling confidently as he reached up to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "I mean, come on. What are the odds of your childhood nanny turning out to be my long lost grandmother?"
"I guess it must be fate." Lauren agreed, already moving to kiss him again.
"Must be." Michael sighed, his voice muffled by her lips as she sealed her mouth over his in an earth shattering kiss. Curled up together on the couch, they spent what felt like hours making up for lost time by letting their lips get reacquainted. But as their lengthy makeout session began to heat up, Lauren was quickly reminded that they weren't teenagers anymore. As much as she loved kissing Michael, she couldn't be satisfied with just that. Not when she knew what else they could be doing…
"Lauren," Michael groaned against her lips, tearing his mouth away from her's only long enough to give voice to the undeniable attraction that was threatening to consume them both. "I know this is really presumptuous of me, and after everything that's happened we should probably take things slow but…"
"Yes, Michael." Lauren agreed, smiling against his lips. "I'll stay."
Happily ever after never tasted so sweet.
The End