Rating: Light R
Summary: Draco Malfoy's Live Journal for his 6th year. Second part of the User: quidditchlovrhp series.
Warnings: Slash (later chapters, none now) and swearing.

Pairings: RW/HG, NL/LL, HP/GW, HP/DM
Disclaimer: Not my characters, no harm done, no money made. All characters are owned by the great JKR.

User Info (Draco's Profile)

User Information

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User: silverevil46

Draco Malfoy's Journal

My Journal

Name: silverevil46

Location: Malfoy Manor, United Kingdom

AOL IM: silverevil46 (Add User, Send Message)

Bio: I'm a gorgeous bloke with blonde hair and blue eyes. I live with my beyond rich parents in our murderous mansion. I have a lot to live up to, but that doesn't mean I have to.I live with my mum and dad in our manor. I doubt you could find it though, as only purebloods can enter alone, and only Malfoy's can get in. I suppose I should write more, but why bother? This is a muggle site... Ugh...

Interests: blokes, chess, draco malfoy, harassing fellow students, looking gorgeous, me, muggle guitar being spoiled, muggle rock n roll, my alone time, my hair, myself, oranges, painting, poetry, potions, purebloods, quidditch, reading, the dark arts, tree by the lake.Remove some

Account type: Free Account

(more details...)

Friday September 12

I have been thinking lately about a lot of things that are happening. To tell you the truth, I don't know what to say… Really I don't.

There shall be no drinking for me anymore- so don't worry about that. I don't exactly know why I said that in my last post…

Actually I don't know what to say anymore. Everything seems to be turning out wrong.

I am supposed to join the Dark Lord's forces, I am supposed to drop out of school so there isn't any suspicion as to why I am leaving, I am supposed to keep the Malfoy blood flowing for another hundred generations, I am supposed to let other people run my life… But what about what I want to do? What about me? Phfft… No one cares about the evil self-loving conceited son-of-a-bitch now do they?

Now I'm just whining, and Merlin knows that has never accomplished anything besides sounding like a brat. "Stop sniveling and act like a Malfoy!" Father used to say… Good advice Father- too bad you didn't follow it.

Yes, that is right. My own Father didn't follow his damned advice. You should have seen him the night he was taken into prison…

I walked into his study to find him crying at his desk. He grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me up to him, "Don't let them take me, son! Whatever you do, don't let them take your Father away! Kill them! Just tell them anything just… Tell them to take you instead!" By then I had already ran out of his study and up into my room.

And Mother! Ha, you should have seen her! You would have thought she cared about the Father of her only son, but she didn't give a damn! She let The Ministry Aurors in –no questions asked- and told where Father was. She even offered to take them there- which they ignored.

But why am I telling you this? Why would you care about me, the bastard who is selling his soul to the devil in return for hundreds of innocent lives? Why should you bother to care about him? He's just a cold hearted idiot who doesn't give a damn about anyone else- isn't he?

Self-loathing is not a good feeling… I should just give up, shouldn't I? If I don't, then that is sure death. A hero's death- yes… But am I really of the hero-make?

Perhaps I should just run away- move to Australia or somewhere far away from my world… But I surely wouldn't know how to survive. I've never actually seen a real telephone except in books and on the telly. I have not a speck of knowledge as to what in the name of Merlin a vacuum is… Could I really survive?

Everyone seems to want to talk to me all of a sudden. Just this morning I received an owl from the Headmaster to meet him in his office in five minutes- which I did. I was seated in front of him (his desk is rather imposing) and there was silence. He didn't say a word, I had to break the silence, which I promptly replied with a, "Is there anything wrong Mr. Malfoy?"

Damn him… What does he think? That the world is all fine and dandy where every witch and wizard will live happily ever after amidst rainbows and cute button-nosed leprechauns? Ye Gods…

I shouldn't even start on my other problem- the one some people feel that I need to address. Yes, you know what I'm talking about… Potter. The bastard… What do you expect me to say? "Oh wittle innocent Potter- with your green eyes and godforsaken hair!"

Apologies, for all I am accomplishing right now is lashing out at you. I am acting very immaturely…

Let me continue in a more… delicate manner…

Yes I do admit that I think Potter looks good in leather pants. Particularly my leather pants (no pun intended). Yes I find his eyes beautiful and his laughter enchanting BUT does that really mean anything in the grand scheme of things?

I have a little tiny probably lust driven crush. That is all. And don't try and raise my spirits with a "But Potter LOVES you! Don't you see?!" Ha, I'm sure he doesn't even regard me as a friend let alone 'love' me. Love is too big a word for this is but a small little crush.

Now onto more pressing matters. The meeting- the initiation per-say- that I am obligated to attend is being held on October the second, which is a Saturday. I have yet to make up my mind as to what exactly I will do. I do feel the need to talk with someone- but I just have never felt all that comfortable around the Headmaster- which is why I will not talk with him. Professor Snape seems my only other choice, and I don't even feel all that comfortable around him either.

I know a few have suggested I talk with Potter, but really? What could he do besides give me a pat on the back and a sorry?

I could always just take the cowardly way out and kill myself. But I won't. I could never really bring myself to do that- even if I am sure to die. I would rather die by someone else's hand then my own to be blunt.

Ah yes, I never really explained about that Ravenclaw, now did I? Apparently (when I was drunk) I had been talking quite loudly about the Dark Lord (and in an atrocious way, mind you). Well this Ravenclaw boy (I don't even know his real name) is in cahoots with the Dark Lord and was enraged at what I was doing. That is all that happened… I suppose I will see him at the initiation, eh? Well, if I choose to go…

I think I have addressed everything that needs to be addressed. Well… Besides the fact that Potter hasn't helped my bed sheets stay any cleaner- all is well. Or as well as it can be in this situation.

-DM

Mood: restless

Well, for those of you who do not have access to the interactive LJ, here is the fanfiction version. It will not be interactive, but I am still going to use the other one (the LJ one that is) for the interactive part. Because the interactive version's replies are not part of this story, I am afraid they are not going to be in this version.

The Draco in me would like to make a brief appearance and share a few well-chosen words: Gag…. I sound like a whiny prat…