Alright, fine, so it's 12:22 AM right now, but who cares, as far as I'm concerned I kept my end of the deal:D
Woohoo, enjoy... it's too late and I can't think of anything witty/necessary to put here.
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I had never wanted to kill my best friends more in my entire life than that very moment. Here I was, lip-locked with this AMAZING guy, who seemed to like me as much as I liked him, and the Two Qiaos had to show up.
I slowly and reluctantly pulled away from Gan Ning, who looked as irritated and embarrassed as I did. "What could you possibly want right now?" I growled at my friends. "This had better be good!!"
"Uh, Shang Xiang? I'm gonna go," Gan Ning said, letting me go and running off. Da looked stunned, and Xiao looked like she'd just been named the Emperor.
"Shang Xiang? Can we talk to you?" Da asked, finally speaking. "Anything you want to tell me, I'm just going to ignore," I snapped. "I already know what you're going to say. You're going to tell me that Gan Ning is evil and I don't know what I'm doing."
"Actually, no, that wasn't what I was going to say," Da said. "Shang Xiang, I don't care if you want to, um, date Gan Ning, but I would highly recommend
doing those kinds of things in less public places. Anyone in Wu could have seen you. Imagine if Sun Ce or Lord Sun Quan had seen you? Or perhaps, our cousin Ling Tong?"
I hated to admit it, but Da had a point there. "Alright, fine, you win," I said. "But you two gotta promise to keep this quiet, OK?"
"Promise," Da said. "Yeah, I promise!" Xiao said.
"Xiao, are you for sure this time? Last time you blabbed to Ce, and got me in trouble!" I complained.
"Sorry!! It slipped out!!" Xiao pouted.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm just glad it was you guys instead of someone else," I said, slightly relieved.
"Yes, well, us too," Da admitted. "I'd hate to think about how dead you would be if Sun Ce saw you."
"Yeah, and Tongie would probably--"
"Probably what?" Tong asked, showing up and cutting Xiao off. "There you are, Zhou Yu's looking everywhere for you. He even punched me in the nose for 'almost hurting you'!"
"Oh, he is? OK!" Xiao said, and ran off screaming, "ZHOUIEEEEEEE!! I'M COMING!!" A couple of peasants, the same ones Da had threatened earlier, screamed and ran away, apparently mistaking Xiao for her sister.
Tong watched her run off, and turned back to us. "What was she talking about, anyway?"
"We were talking about the upcoming Nanman battle," I lied. "Xiao thought you'd probably want to come, too!"
"Oh, OK then," Tong said. "And yeah, I do want to come! Did Lord Sun Quan tell you when we're going?"
"Nope, not yet," I replied. "Soon, though, since Quan wants their help attacking Shu."
"I hate Shu," Da piped up. "That man Zhang Fei scares me."
"You met Zhang Fei?" Ling Tong asked. "When?"
"I've never actually met him, but Sun Ce told me about him," Da answered. "He sounds like a drunk maniac who spends more time drinking than actually fighting."
"Sounds like someone else we all know," Tong added darkly."I just saw that pathetic loser. For some reason he looked like he'd won a million gold pieces. Anyways, I'm exhausted from getting beaten up by insane girls all day, so I'm gonna hit the hay. See you two later." He left.
"Good lie," Da said, looking at me. "Do you ever feel bad lying to your best friend?"
"Nope," I answered. "Not when I'm lying so I don't hurt his feelings, that is. And Da? Can you do me a big favor?"
"Hmm?"
"GET OFF MY BACK!!" I said angrily. "Geez!" I stormed off towards my own room to get some sleep.
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The next day, at breakfast, Quan called me over. "Shang Xiang, have you talked to your generals for the Nanman Campaign yet?"
"Huh? Oh, um, I talked to Ling Tong, and he wants to come," I said.
"Uh huh. Alright, see if you can round up maybe 2 more people," Quan said. "I'd like it if you all could set out tomorrow. We need allies, fast. Our
scouts are reporting that Wei is making suspicious movements up North, and I'd like to get as much aid as we can get, in case Cao Cao, or even Liu Bei, tries anything."
"OK," I replied. "Can I eat now?"
Quan nodded and I headed over to my usual seat, next to Ling Tong and across from the Qiaos.
"Wha uz hat bouf?" Tong asked, his mouth stuffed full of food. I raised an eyebrow. "Come again?" I asked.
Tong swallowed and said, "What was that about?"
"Oh, Quan wants me to get the Nanman Campaign generals together already," I said, reaching for some food. "He's worried that Liu Bei or Cao Cao might try and attack us, while we're vulnerable."
Ling Tong rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like Liu Bei'd be stupid enough to attack US. Does he even have any land yet?"
"I doubt it," I replied. "Anyway, it's mainly for the Cao Cao problem. Ce told me that Yuan Shao died, and Cao Cao conquered the Yuan family when their forces were in shambles, and he took over all of the Northern territory. And that's bad."
Xiao looked angry. "I hate Cao Cao," she said. "That guy is such a creep! When Sis and I were younger, he'd come to our home all the time and ask our
Papa to let him marry BOTH of us, since he couldn't choose which one of us he wanted more!"
"Ew," I said, disgusted.
"Well, that's why we're here today, Xiao Qiao," Da reasoned. "If Father hadn't brought us to Wu, to protect us from Cao Cao's tyranny, we wouldn't have met our husbands, or Shang Xiang, or--"
"Or even Tongie!" Xiao said, beaming at her cousin.
Tong groaned. "Don't remind me," he complained, stuffing more food in his mouth.
"Sis, remember when we got kidnapped by Dong Zhuo?" Xiao asked. "He's a creep too! I hope he's dead!"
"Fe shis," Tong said, who had a mouth full of food. "Fu Pu shihled fim."
"Beg your pardon," Da said, looking disgusted.
Tong swallowed. "Yeah, he's dead, Lu Bu killed him a couple years ago. Then Cao Cao killed Lu Bu, and took his hot girlfriend as his concubine or whatever."
"MAN that guy's nasty," I said.
"Yeah, from what I understand he has this tower filled with all the most beautiful women in the world," Tong said. "He's got a whole TOWER dedicated to the Two Qiaos, Tong Qiao Tai or whatever it's called. Wouldn't mind taking a field trip there, if you get what I'm-- OWW!"
Yes, I punched him.
"Ewww!" Xiao wailed. "Sometimes I wish I wasn't pretty!"
"Hey, think of the alternatives. You could be ugly, like Shang Xi-- YEOUCH!" Tong yelped, when I punched him in the head pretty hard. "I was kidding Ouch!" he said angrily, rubbing his head.
"Jerk," I snapped. "Just for that little remark, YOU'RE not coming with me tomorrow!"
"Oh come on!! I was KIDDING! You know I don't think you're ugly!" Tong said. "No fair, you already told me I could come! I wanna come! I--"
"OK, OK, fine! You can come! Just quit whining already," I said, interrupting him. "But if you ever call me ugly again, I'm gonna pile-drive you off a cliff!! AGAIN!!"
"No fair," Xiao pouted. "I wanna come, too!"
Tong snorted. "Tough luck, girlie. Leave the fighting to the real men." He glanced at me, who was about to clock him for the second time today. "And you too," he added, looking scared.
Gan Ning came over and sat down next to Zhou Yu, not looking at me. Obviously he was trying to keep it low-key.
"Oh, that reminds me!" Xiao said. My eyes widened and I kicked her in the leg underneath the table, scared about what she was going to say. "OW!! What the heck was THAT for?" Xiao yelled, rubbing her bruised leg.
"I, uh, think Shang Xiang wanted to make sure you weren't going to tell our cousin about her, um, personal secret," Da said, hinting the obvious to her little sister.
"I wasn't gonna say that!" Xiao said angrily. "I was GONNA tell Tongie that his birthday's in 2 weeks!"
"Huh? Oh, oh yeah, it is," Tong said. "Hey! I finally get to drink!"
"We've lost another one to the dark side, guys," I complained. "How come you guys get to have all the fun?"
Tong shrugged. "Hey, I don't care! I'm just glad I was born with a--"
"OKAY, OKAY, OKAY!! We get your point, Tong!" Da said, clamping her hands over her ears before this conversation got a little too graphic.
"I'm gonna go ask Sun Quan if I can have a wild party!" Tong said, leaping up from his seat and racing off towards my brother. I could already tell him the answer was NO.
Gan Ning didn't skip a second. He jumped up from his seat so quickly that Zhou Yu screamed and dumped his super-hot dim sum all over his lap, and ran over to me. "Uh, Shang Xiang? I thought about what happened last night over for like 5 minutes and I think we should keep this a secret," he said, so fast I had to mentally rewind and figure out what he said.
"Oh! Yeah, that's a good idea," I said. Ning looked at the innocent Two Qiaos, who obviously were eavesdropping. (Well, Da was; Xiao was more
concerned with mopping up the boiling hot porridge in her husband's lap.) "Can we, uh, trust you two? Please?"
"Of course," Da replied. "Any friend, or, err-- boyfriend-- of Shang Xiang's is a boyfriend of ours!" Xiao said. "OK, Zhouie, it's gone! Go change your pants!"
Zhou Yu groaned and left. Gan Ning smiled. "Thanks, guys. Shang Xiang, here comes your stupid friend, I better go." He hurridly kissed me on my cheek and scurried off.
Tong came back and sat down. "OK, you three are hiding something," he said suspiciously.
"No we're not! We were just talking to-- AAOW!" Xiao wailed. "Stop kicking me!" she cried.
I held my hands up. "I didn't do anything!" I said. I was being honest this time!
Da giggled innocently.
"So, what'd stuffy ol' Quan say about your wild party idea?" I asked.
Tong rolled his eyes. "What do you think? He said NO before I was even done talking!" he complained.
"I could have told you that," I said.
"Hey, guys!" Ce said, plopping down next to me. "I heard Quan nixed your party idea, Ling Tong. That's my little bro for ya! Boring little turd," he added.
"Oh yeah, that reminds me. Ce, you wanna come with to Nan Zhong? I need 2 more generals," I said.
"Man, Shang Xiang, I want to come, but Da Qiao here is worried that we're not spending enough "alone time" together," Ce said, innocently looking at his wife. "Dammit! I wanna come!"
"Wonder where Zhouie is?" Xiao asked randomly. "How long does it take to change into a pair of pants!?"
Ce looked at Da. "Hey, Da, how come you don't have any cute nicknames for me? Xiao Qiao here calls Zhou Yu "Zhouie" all the time."
"Don't forget "Tongie"," Tong said, making a face. "Trust me, you do NOT want a Qiao name!"
Xiao giggled. "Sun Ce, you don't have a funny name! I can't call you Ce-ie!"
"Da was going crazy yesterday," I said, laughing. "Ce-Ce!! Kill that pirate!" Xiao said, mimicking her sister.
Da scowled. "I, uh, got carried away," she said. "Umm... I gotta go!" She jumped up and ran off.
"That's my wife for ya! She's crazy," Ce said, laughing.
"Hey, Xiao, you want to come tomorrow?" I suggested.
"OK!" Xiao agreed. "But I gotta ask Zhouie first!"
Tong started coughing. "WHAT!?" he said, gasping for air. "Shang Xiang, she can't come! She doesn't know how to fight!"
"If my memory serves me correctly, she beat the living crap out of you yesterday morning," Ce commented.
"Yeah, because I was going easy on her!" Tong said, obviously lying.
"You were not!" Xiao said, getting up and storming around the table over towards Tong. "You big fat liar! You were going all out!" She angrily grabbed Tong's arm and pressed down hard on his shoulder, dislocating his arm.
"OW!" Tong screamed angrily. "Lemme go right now, you stupid little brat!"
"Humph! If I'm such a stupid little brat, then how come I've got you on the ground screaming for mercy?" Xiao demanded, obviously loving the art of torture.
"Geez, Xiao! Who taught you THAT?" Ce asked, impressed.
"Sis!" Xiao said happily.
"D-Da knows that kind of stuff?" Ce asked, sounding frightened.
"Yup! We call it Qiao Fu!" Xiao said, giggling. "We're being kidnapped left and right, we NEED to know how to fight!"
"Boy am I glad you two are on my side," Ce said, sounding relieved.
"AGGGHH! Can you PLEASE let me go?" Tong whined, now on the floor. "I can't feel my arm! I think it's gonna snap off!"
"Humph! First admit that I'm stronger than you are!" Xiao snapped.
"Not in a hundred years!" Tong replied stubbornly.
"I can keep this up for a hundred years!" Xiao said, grinning evilly.
"Wow, Xiao, if you didn't have Tong in a arm lock, I'd hug you right now," I said happily. "You two are turning into me!"
Ce looked frightened again. "Maybe I should make sure my sweet wife is still sweet," he said, getting up. "But on second thought, it's not every day you get to watch Ling Tong get beat up by a girl." He sat back down.
"AAOOW!! LET ME GO!" Tong screamed.
"No!" Xiao replied. "Say the magic word first!!"
"NO!" Tong screamed. "JUST LET ME GO!!"
"Xiao Qiao! What are you doing!?" yelled Zhou Yu, returning from his pants incident.
"Hi Zhouie! I'm just playing with my dear cousin, is all!" Xiao said innocently.
"Zhou Yu! Help! She's killing me!" Tong gasped.
Honestly, the sight of one of Wu's best generals, down on the ground being tortured to the brink of tears by a girl was rather sad. I was trying very hard not to laugh. Ce was rolling around on the ground, laughing so hard tears were rolling down his cheeks.
"Alright, Xiao, I think you're a little too strong to play with Ling Tong," Zhou Yu said. "What do you say we go for a walk instead?"
"Okay!" Xiao agreed, dropping Tong's arm. She grabbed Zhou Yu's hand and they headed off.
"Uh... Shang Xiang? Can I get a hand here?" Tong asked, obviously in pain.
"See ya!" I yelled, already halfway out the door. Heh heh. Sucker.
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Good night moon... ZZZzzzzzzzz...