Yup, the campaign continues... to counter all the Ling Tong/SSX in the past chapter (that's how they show affection for each other, screaming and threatening each other :D) there's a big fluffy Gan Ning/SSX moment.
Blech. I'm gonna go hurl.
Ah, just kidding. :D This one ain't as funny as its predecessor, (ooh, big word- score one for meee) but it's still pretty good. :)
Now READ!!
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"THERE you are!" Xiao screamed, when the three of us headed back to our camp. "I was worried!"
"We're fine," I complained. "I got attacked by a tiger, and then Tong fell off a cliff, so that's where we were for a few minutes... or hours..."
"Well, it's FISHY TIME!" Xiao said, holding up a piece of a charcoal-black material in the shape of a fish, on a stick.
"Ew!" Gan Ning said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. "I thought you said you could cook, woman!"
"See, told you," Tong said.
"You asked me if I could cook, which I can! You didn't ask me if I could cook good, which I can't!" Xiao said. "And my name is XIAO QIAO!"
"Whatever!" Ning complained. He sat down. "I'm stuck in a camp full of girls!"
"HEY! What about me?" Tong whined, who was trying to shoo the owl that landed on his hand away. "Get off me, you bastard bird!"
"I counted you," Ning answered.
"HEY!" Tong screamed. "Get lost, you god damned owl!" The owl hooted and flew off. "Hey, he left something in my hand. It's all squishy! You think it's edible?"
We all looked at him blankly. "What?" Tong asked. Suddenly a look of revulsion crossed his face. "EWW! OWL POOP!" We watched in amusement as he chased after the owl, screaming "GET BACK HERE, YA DAMN OWL! I'LL TEACH YOU TO POOP ON LING TONG!!"
"Dinner's always better with a show," Gan Ning said, making me and Xiao laugh.
"Hey, once you get past the horrible charcoal exterior, the rest's not bad," I said, eating. "Good work, Xiao!"
"Yeah, this is pretty good," Ning added. "Just like Huang Zu used to make, 'cept there's none of his "secret ingredient"..."
"What was the secret ingredient?" Xiao asked.
"Well, uh... let's just say you don't want it on your food, since it's not healthy," Ning said, making a face. "It's all natural, let's leave it there."
"Hey, save some for me!" Tong whined, now being pecked on the head by an angry owl. "I'm hungry too! AND SOMEBODY MAKE THIS STUPID OWL QUIT PECKING MY HEAD!"
"Tongie, what up with your arms? Put 'em down!" Xiao said.
"I can't," Tong whined. "My arms are stuck!"
Xiao thought for a second, then firmly seized one of Tong's arms. "This'll only hurt for a second!" she promised.
"WHAT!? NO! DON'T DO-- ACCCCK!!" Tong screamed, when Xiao yanked his arm down, back to normal. "AHHH!! PAIN!!" he wailed.
"One more to go!" Xiao said, and yanked the other one down.
"Thanks, Xiao," Tong groaned. "At least those damned owls are gone."
Not even half a second after those words left his mouth, three owls swooped by and dropped their excrement, all of which landed on Ling Tong's head. He just groaned and slumped on the ground.
"Tongie, there's poop on your head!" Xiao chirped. "Now eat some fish!"
"Save me a big piece! I'm hungry!" Tong complained. He rinsed his hands off in the river, and sat down to a plate of yummy... fish bones.
"HEY! You bastards ate it all!" Tong yelled.
"Yup, and it sure was good!" Gan Ning said, obviously trying to piss off Tong. (It was working)
"Alright, everyone, hit the rack," I ordered. "Get some sleep before tomorrow."
"Where are we gonna sleep? We don't have any tents!" Tong complained.
"Quit whining, Tongie!!" Xiao said.
"Yeah, TONGIE!" Ning taunted. "Shut up and go to bed!"
Xiao paused. "Umm... where ARE we gonna sleep?"
"Uh... how 'bout we camp out under the stars?" I suggested.
"Like we have much of a choice," Gan Ning commented.
"I'd much rather find a nice palace to sleep in," Tong complained.
"Looks like we're roughin' it!" Xiao said, lying down on the ground. "I hate this place," she said, after a pause.
"Yeah, yeah, we all do. Now shut up and go to sleep," I ordered.
"I'm not tired," Ning said. "I think I'll go for a walk instead."
"Careful," I said. "Don't get lost."
"Maybe one of us should stay awake and be the lookout," Tong suggested.
"Why?" Xiao asked.
"Because if any of those Nanman jerks attack us, someone'll be able to wake us up," Tong said.
"Well, think of it this way- when the Nanmans stab one of our unsuspecting bodies, as we're sleeping, our agonized screams of pain and terror will be a pretty good wake-up call to everyone else," Gan Ning said.
"Uh, I elect Tong," I said.
"Uh, I second it," Xiao said.
"Ling Tong therefore refuses the honor and is going to sleep. Good night." Tong rolled over on the grass.
"Good night, TONGIE," Ning teased.
Tong rolled over and glared at Xiao. "You see what you do?" He rolled over again. "Man, this stinks! I wanna go home! Something just crawled into my ear!!"
"Too bad it didn't crawl into your big mouth. Shang Xiang, whatever-your-name-is, I'll keep my eyes open," Ning said, rolling his eyes. "See ya."
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The obnoxious snoring started promptly, meaning Xiao was fast asleep. Then Tong started talking in his sleep, and after lying awake on the ground for a few minutes, or hours, I couldn't tell, I had had enough.
"That does it," I muttered. I got up and headed off into the woods, when-
"Shang Xiang?"
I turned around and felt two strong arms wrap around me. "Hey! What are you doing out here?" Gan Ning asked, hugging me tight.
"I couldn't sleep, those two make the same amount of noise if they're awake or asleep," I said.
"Well that's good, you can keep me company!" Ning grabbed my hand and we started walking.
We pretty much just walked around, talking about whatever popped into our minds. Ning told me about being a pirate and traveling around everywhere, and I complained about how annoying it was to be a princess when all I really wanted to do was have fun.
Ning suddenly stopped walking when we were on a bridge (more like a bunch of rocks dumped across the river) and grabbed me by my arm. "Hey, Shang Xiang, wait up," he said. "I want to talk to you."
"Sure," I said, turning back. "What's up?"
Ning put his arm around my shoulder and said, "Well.. I just want you to know, since we're in a war and all, that if you ever need my help, or you're in trouble, I want you to know, that wherever I am, I'll be there and help you."
Seeing the look on my face, he rolled his eyes and said, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't give me that look! This mushy romance stuff isn't a second language for me! I'm kinda making it up as I go! What I'm trying to say here is, since I know you're pretty stubborn when it comes to accepting help, and you think you can take care of yourself, I want you to know I'm looking out for you!"
He thought for a second and added, "And never make me say anything that CHEESY ever again!"
I laughed and hugged him. "Ning, you sound like my brother! I appriciate it, but I want YOU to know I'm looking out for you too!"
Ning wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. "Yeah, well, I really care about you, and I--"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!" screamed a high-pitched voice, coming from the direction of the main camp.
"Why does something always have to come up?" I growled. "If this is a false alarm, I'm gonna-"
"That sounded like whatever-her-name-is..." Ning said. "She saw a stick or something and thought it was a snake earlier, so she screamed, that's how know what she sounds like. C'mon, let's go." We both ran off toward the main camp again.
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We were getting very close to the main camp. "Take another way! We don't want them knowing we were together!" I yelled to Ning.
"Gotcha!" he yelled back, running the other way.
I ran back and looked around. "Hey! What happened?" I yelled to Tong, who was sitting on the ground doing absolutely nothing.
"Huh? Oh, Xiao had a bad dream," Tong replied, looking annoyed. "So she screamed, which woke ME up, which SUCKS, since I was having a GOOD dream. She went over there."
Ning ran in, and yelled, "What happened!?"
"Xiao had a bad dream," I growled. I was going to KILL that girl! How DARE she ruin my moment!
Xiao came back, wiping her eyes. "H-hi, guys... sorry if I woke you up," She said, sounding upset.
"Yeah, you better be-- hey, are you crying?" I asked.
Xiao sniffed. "I... I had a really bad dream," she admitted. "I dreamed Cao Cao killed Zhou Yu... and I'm really scared..."
"Don't be scared," I said, trying to cheer her up. "Zhou Yu's gotta be fine! He was fine this morning when we left!"
"Really?" Xiao sniffed.
"We don't know!" Tong said, and Gan Ning promptly kicked him. "OWIE!"
I glared at Tong. "Don't listen to him. But that's besides the point. Zhou Yu's gotta be fine, you can tell when someone you love dies," I said.
"Yeah, I felt the exact same way when MY FATHER DIED!" Tong said angrily, glaring at Gan Ning. Gan Ning rolled his eyes and kicked him again.
"OW! You're gonna pay for that, you friggen--" I stomped over and put my hand over Tong's mouth. "Shut up! Do you guys hear something?" I asked.
"I can't hear anything over her crying," Gan Ning growled. "You! Sissy girl! Shut up! Your husband's fine!"
"Be a little more sensitive, will ya?" I hissed. "That's NOT gonna shut her up!"
"Fine, fine. Hey, um, girlie! SHUT UP OR YOU'RE GONNA GET US ALL KILLED!!" Gan Ning shouted.
Ling Tong pushed me off him and kicked Gan Ning in the leg. "SHUT UP! NOW WHO'S MAKING ALL THE NOISE!?" he hollered.
"YOU'RE THE MORON BELLOWING LIKE AN IDIOT! YOU TELL ME!" Gan Ning screamed back.
"Hey what's that?" Xiao asked, speaking up. We all turned and screamed.
"AAAHHH!! AMBUSH!!" Tong screamed, pointing at the triple-dozen pack of dark-skinned, feather-wearing warriors pointing spears at us.
"We can SEE THAT, you idiot!" Gan Ning screamed back. "WAY TO SCREAM AND GIVE AWAY OUR POSITION!!"
"QUIT SCREAMING!" I screamed back.
"Guys, shut up!" Xiao wailed. "Let's try and communicate with 'em!" She turned to the Nanman troops, who obviously didn't understand our language.
"Umm... hi! I'm Xiao Qiao! We come in peace!" she said, holding her hands out, probably to show that she didn't have a weapon.
"And you shall leave in pieces!" One of the Nanman leaders answered, speaking our language perfectly. "We do not take too kindly to intruders who invade our beloved homes in the dead of night!"
"We're not invading anything! We have just as much right to be here as you do, feather head!" Tong hollered, not thinking as always.
"WHAAAAT did you say, pasty white boy!? We're gonna kill you!!" screamed the Nanman leader.
"PASTY!? Who you callin' pasty, you-- OWW!!" Tong screamed, when Ning kicked him to shut him up.
"WHY'D YOU KICK ME!?"
"BECAUSE YOU'RE A MORON!!"
"THAT GUY CALLED ME PASTY!!"
"PASTY PASTY PASTY PASTY!! IT'S AN INSULT, STUPID! DON'T GET ALL PISSED ABOUT IT AND GET US ALL KILLED AS A RESULT!! PASTY!!"
"SHUT UP!! YOU'RE JUST A... A... A BIG JERK!!"
"GOOD COMEBACK!!"
"Yeah... um... BYE!" I screamed, grabbing Xiao's arm.
"GRAB YOUR WEAPONS AND LET'S GO!" I yelled to Gan Ning and Ling Tong, who were still arguing. Xiao grabbed her fans, I got my chakrams, and since Ning and Tong already had their weapons on them, we all ran away screaming like scared little kids.
"AFTER THEM!" One of the Nanmans screamed, and they all chased after them. Another Nanman started making these wierd, animal-like screeches, and Ning yelled, "He's calling for reinforcements!! RUN FASTER!!"
We ran more and Tong yelled, "Why are we running!? Let's just kill the stupid bastards like we always do!!"
"No! They outnumber us!" Gan Ning yelled. "Besides, we don't want to start a war! We're here to ask for their help!!"
"River! Jump!" I yelled, pointing up ahead. "Hide in the river!"
"HOW!? We can't breathe underwater!" Tong yelled.
"We don't have a choice! Jump in and hope they don't catch us!" Gan Ning hollered.
We all dove into the river, which was suprisingly deep. I thought my lungs were going to burst, since this river was almost dangerously polluted. Finally, I felt the splash of someone getting out, and I sat up, coughing.
"You okay?" Ning asked, who was tousling his brown hair. The water had flattened it again, so it was falling past his bandana and covering his eyes.
"This water... it's disgusting," I gasped, breathing in fresh air. Tong sat up, sputtering for air. "Dear god, these people don't know anything about hygiene, do they?" he asked. "I hope they don't drink that water!"
Gan Ning looked horrified. "Wait a second, this water ain't polluted, it's poison! Where's that other girl?"
Tong's eyes widened. "POISON!? Why didn't you say that BEFORE, you stupid pirate!?"
"I forgot to mention," Ning admitted, fixing his hair. "And I am NOT a pirate anymore!! Stop calling me that!!"
"Speaking of forgetting things, aren't we FORGETTING ABOUT SOMEONE!?" I yelled angrily. "Xiao's still under there!"
"Hang on Xiao! I'm coming!" Tong screamed, and dove into the water.
"What a hero," Gan Ning said sarcastically.
"Xiao!! Get out already!!" I hollered. "C'mon! She can't be... you-know-what, right?" I asked fearfully.
"I hope not," Ning said. Tong surfaced, and he had Xiao. "She's out cold! I think she swallowed some!" he said, sounding scared. He pulled himself and Xiao's limp body out of the poison swamp and shook her shoulders. "Xiao!? Xiao!! Wake up!!" he wailed.
"Maybe we should get away from these marshes," Ning suggested. "I don't think it's healthy for us to be inhaling either."
"Do you mind? I'm TRYING to make my cousin wake up!" Tong said, now sounding terrified. "Xiao, come ON, wake UP!"
Xiao's large eyes finally opened a little and she started coughing. "T-Tongie? Is that you?" she asked weakly.
"She's alive! SHE'S ALIVE!!" Tong screamed, hugging Xiao so hard I thought he was going to kill her.
"I don't feel good," Xiao whimpered, and she started crying again.
"You, uh, drank something that didn't agree with you," I said, trying to choose the right words that wouldn't scare her. "Can you get up?"
"Y-yeah, I think..." she said, and weakly got up. Her legs were shaking like wet noodles and she collapsed on top of Gan Ning, who was still fixing his hair.
Tong snatched Xiao away from Gan Ning's clutches. "Great. If she can't walk, what are we gonna do with her?" he asked.
Ning and I exchanged glances. "Well, I can't carry her, that'd just be plain wrong," Ning said. "Yeah, and she's my size, I can't carry her either," I said.
Tong sighed. "Alright, fine. Xiao, get up on my back." Xiao nodded and managed to clamber up onto her cousin's back. "I don't feel good, Tongie," she whimpered. "I wanna go home!"
"I know, I know, we'll think of something," Tong said. He turned to me and Gan Ning. "How are we gonna tell her overprotective husband that we let Xiao get poisoned?"
"Well, the Nanman troops aren't affected by the poison at all," Ning said. "If we ask the Nanman King how they stay immune to it all, maybe he can tell us how to get whatever-her-name-is back to normal."
"That's just great," I complained. "And we don't have a CLUE where the Nanman King IS, do we?"
"Nope!" Ning said cheerfully. "But don't worry, Shang Xiang, we'll get there eventually."
"So we could be out here for hours," Tong said. "At least she's not heavy."
"She's not?" I asked.
"Nope. She's really light, actually. Unlike you, FATTY."
Before I could punch Tong's lights out, Ning interrupted us. "Hey, look over there!" he said, pointing. Tong and I both looked. A gigantic stone temple-thing could be seen in the distance. "So what?" Tong scoffed. "What the hell is that?"
"Are you always this dumb, or are you making a special effort today? That's the Nanman palace, you idiot," Ning said. "So we just head that way and we'll be there pretty soon!"
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Woohoo, I poisoned Xiao Qiao. Will she get better? Or is the poison contagious, and therefore kills Ling Tong and everyone else too? There's only one way to find out... tune into the next action-packed chapter of THE PRINCESS DIARIESS!!
(Wow. Too bad the title's not a wee bit more intimidating/good, or that'd have been a great advertisement slogan. :D)
Uhh... new chapter up tomorrow, go review. :D I don't stay up until 12AM writing slop to be unappriciated and ignored!!