Inside the Mind of an Astrophysicist

She seemed to be set a drift. It felt as thought she were sitting on a boat with no means of getting back to the shore. She had no ropes to anchor her to the pier nor did she have a paddle to guide her. She wasn't sure what to do.

She was aware of an all consuming pain. It hurt to think. Her mind felt like it was in shambles. It was hard to think let alone breathe. Breathing was impossible as well as being impossibly hot.

"Sam", she heard a familiar voice speak her name. She found herself planted firmly on solid ground no longer adrift, no longer hopeless. She turned toward it to see the shadowed figure of a small woman.

"Who are you?" Sam asked skepticism lacing her voice. Sam knew the voice of her best friend but it couldn't be her, could it.

The smiling woman took a step into the light before speaking, "Have I really been gone that long? Out of sight out of mind I guess."

"Janet?" Sam said in a very low whisper. Hot tears were streaming down her cheeks, "You haven't been far out of my mind in three years. It was hardest on Daniel and Cassie was devastated. After you…after you left Cassie and me… Janet I'm not good at being a mother. I'm more of an exocentric Aunt. We needed you. I needed you."

"I'm sorry I had to leave you all. But Sam you are doing fine. Cassie is healthy and happy. She's starting college to study medicine with a side of physics I sure. I couldn't be happier. Sam, just remember that I would not have left my daughter in your capable hands if I had any doubts."

"If you have no doubts then why are you here?"

"Isn't it obvious, Sam?"

"Janet, don't be cryptic. Please."

"You need help and as your friend and former doctor I'm her to provide."

"YOU THINK I NEED HELP NOW!" Sam screamed. "I NEEDED HELP THREE YEARS AGO AND YOU DIDN'T TURN UP! WHAT MAKES NOW ANY DIFFERENT!"

Janet stood patiently waiting for the tirade to end. Once Sam was standing there breathing heavily Janet spoke softly, "Sam I'm sorry. I know it has been difficult for you and Cassy but you know full well why now is different."

"Say it", Sam pleaded softly.

"You're dying, Sam. You are very sick and without my help you'll die. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know. I feel great here."

"But you aren't here, Sam. Now how do you feel?"

Sam watch the expressions play across her friend's face. All at once worry, sadness, and apprehension could be seen on a single face. She shook her head slowly then closed her eyes. She reached out with what was left of her mind until she hit something solid. It was a wall but it wasn't a wall. She knew the feel of this 'wall'. It was a mental shield she meticulously built around her mind. She had been building and fortifying this shield since her mother died. Without it she would have died too. It had been there through every pain. It protected her both mentally and physically. It was strong enough to help her compartmentalize her any pain she felt. In the field she couldn't feel she needed to think clearly without her mind being clouded. With it she would have went mad long ago.

Hesitantly she pushed against the shield and was brought to her knees from the painful filled agony just behind her careful shield. Suddenly she found herself in front of a screaming Janet, "SAM! SAM, ARE YOU ALRIGHT!"

Sam blinked rapidly, "yeah I think I'm okay. At least I'm okay here."

"I don't understand Sam. What just happened?"

"I don't know if I can explain it. In here inside mind I'm safe and pain free. Out there", Sam waved her hands wide indicating a large area, "I'm dying… I'm dying."

"Sam I can help you. Please let me."

"How can you help me? You are a figment of my over active imagination."

"Daniel and Teal'c helped you once."

Thinking about the concussion she received on the Prometheus all those years ago she remembered telling Janet about the hallucinations but not all of her hallucinations, "Jack and a little girl named Grace were there too."

"And you got home…"

"And I got home…"

"Now that that is settled is there anything you can tell me? Anything at all that could be useful to us?"

"Something on the last planet made all my internal systems freak out."

"Freak out, Sam? Is that a technical term the CMO has taught you?" Janet asked mockingly.

"Well it's about as technical as Jack and Cam can get. Anyway, my thermostat has my temperature nearly beyond human tolerance. My heart stopped and my lungs have failed. I should be dead."

"But you're not and you won't be if I have anything to do with it. Now is there anything else?"

"I don't…" Sam hesitated.

"What?"

"Teal'c…"

"What about Teal'c?"

"He wasn't there with me but he went back with Daniel and Cam."

"Without a symbiote the two of you have a similar chemistry, was he affected like you were?"

"He was affected but not like how I was affected."

"Okay so how is he different?"

Together they said, "Tritonin."

Sam looked at her best friend, "Will it work for me?"

"It's Anaphylaxis, Sam. Something on that planet has caused a life threatening allergic reaction. An injection of Tritonin should work like an epi pen."

"How do I let them know?"

"Jack is with you."

"He's always with me. I can feel him when he's here. He talks to me when he thinks no can hear him. He doesn't really believe I know he's there."

"So, tap to him."

"What?"

"I said talk to him."

"No you just said 'tap to him'."

"So, now you know what you need to do. Do it. I have to go now."

"Janet…"

"I know Sam. I miss you too. Take good care of Cassie for me", Janet reached a hand to Sam's face then vanished.

With all the concentration Sam could muster she did as her best friend and former doctor had instructed her to do. She tapped to him.