For dramatic suspense, I decided to post the chapter a wee bit later than usual. Because I'm awesome like that. No, really, don't kill me, look how long this chapter is!! -point-
And, check it out- the chapter listing for this damn thing is so long, it's got a scroller bar. How awesome is THAT:D This is without a doubt the longest thing I've ever written, I doubt my Soul Calibur fanfic is going to get this long...
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Tong and I began our assault on the Wei army towards the southwestern coastline of Chi Bi. Since Cao Cao's Imperial Army had troops lined along the coastline, leading up to Zhuge Liang's altar, we agreed to take out the grunts and work our way to the bridges.
I slashed at a few enemy troops, killing some, while some of the stronger ones staggered back a few feet. I swung the other way, bringing these guys down in a matter of seconds.
"Ha! This is almost too easy!" Tong called, dodging the troops' pathetic attacks and retaliating by swinging his nunchakus in a circle, whacking all of the unfortunate soldiers in the way.
I agreed and continued my steady assault on the Wei army. I turned back towards the enemy and was hit with a barrage of attacks, most of them being minor injuries caused by the blunt part of a spear.
"OW! Bastard!" I yelled, launching into a series of horizontal attacks on everyone around me. "EYAA!" I yelled, throwing my chakrams in both directions. My two weapons swung around, killed a few troops, and landed back into my hands once more.
We continued our savage onslaught on the enemy. I eliminated Wen Pin, one of Zhang Liao's officers, and Tong took out Xun You, a strategist also serving under Zhang Liao.
"Stupid morons! Too bad nobody told 'em we were coming, eh Shang Xiang?" Tong yelled.
I laughed and swung my right arm back, killing two infantrymen nearby. "Kinda sucks for these guys, though, being stuck as foot soldiers is usually a guarantee that you're going to die." I kicked a couple corpses aside and they rolled down the slope, bathed in their own blood.
"Ew," Tong said, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly, as though trying to forget the fact that we'd just killed roughly 100 men. I surveyed the area, wincing inwardly at the carnage that surrounded me.
"Well, time to move on," I said. "We don't have time to waste."
"Think Pang Tong chained the bridges together yet?" Tong asked.
Before I could answer, a messenger approached. "A message from Lord Pang Tong! He says the current situation is difficult and that you two need to stop messing around and take down the bridge! He says the battle will be won if you seal off the central route!"
"You got it! Tong, let's go!" I yelled.
Tong nodded and the battle raged on.
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Upon our arrival at the bridge, quite a few enemy soldiers were standing guard. Tong and I . exchanged glances. "You take left, I take right?" he suggested.
"You bet," I answered, and we attacked. My chakrams swung left and right, taking countless enemy soldiers down with them. One rather audacious soldier whacked me on the back of the head with the blunt edge of his spear, and I went down with a loud groan.
"SHANG XIANG!! HANG ON!!" Tong yelled from elsewhere, and he charged over and attacked the soldiers who'd gotten me. From my position on the dirty, wooden ground, I could see Tong's nunchakus flailing about, whacking Wei troops in the face. Tong hit one of the troops in the gut, causing the unfortunate soldier to gag, causing his saliva to shoot from his mouth and land onto me.
"Ew! Gross!" I complained, and jumped back to my feet. "You OK?" Tong asked, right behind me.
"Yeah, I'll live," I said. We were back-to-back, surrounded by all the troops on the bridge, which meant one thing.
"Shang Xiang?"
"Yeah?"
"ATTACCCCK!!" Tong screamed, and attack we did. While I struggled against the masses of enemy soldiers, Tong was locked in combat with Yue Jin of the Wei army. Tong was too quick for the larger, rather portly officer, and while Yue Jin swung his sword at Tong, he simply dodged the blows and fired back with a barrage of nunchaku attacks.
"Hah! You snooze, you lose," Tong said, and dodged yet another of Yue Jin's attacks, causing him to stumble and trip over the edge, gripping onto the sides of the docks.
"Any last words?" Tong taunted, leaning over the edge and smirking at the officer.
"Yeah! Damn you to hell, pretty boy!" yelled Yue Jin.
"WHAT'D YOU SAY TO ME!? Get outta here!" Tong yelled, kicking Yue Jin in the shoulder, causing his grip to weaken, and fall over the edge of the waters into the agitated waters.
"Bastard," Tong growled. "I'm not pretty. I'm handsome!!"
In a matter of minutes, the guards were either dismembered, disembowled, disembodied, decapitated, thrown overboard, or all of the above, and the bridge was covered with corpses.
"Gross!" Tong complained. "This guy tried to stab me and ended up stabbing his friend in the nuts instead!"
"How's that gross?" I asked, kicking some guard over the edge.
"I can see them, and they're bleeding!" Tong whined. "Seeya!" He pushed the unfortunate soldier with the dismembered prostate overboard.
"That about does it," I said, looking around.
"Yeah, I'd say," Tong said. "Let's take this bridge down, shall we?"
"Whoa!" I yelled, feeling a hand grab my rear end. "Why you nasty little-" Before I could kill the brave Wei troop who had the nerve to grope at the Princess of Wu's rear end, Tong beat me to it, punched the guy in the jaw, and sent him flying a clear 20 feet through the air.
"DON'T TOUCH HER, ASSHOLE!!" Tong screamed, shaking his fist at the soldier sailing through the air to his doom, finally landing with a messy splash in the water.
Apparently I was staring, and Tong glanced at me. "What? I'm the only one allowed to pinch your ass," he laughed, obviously playing around.
"I'll let that one slide," I said, rolling my eyes. "Thanks, though."
"Don't mention it," Tong said hurriedly, obviously wanting to change the subject. "Umm, the bridge, remember?"
(AN: OK, since the bridge isn't just gonna collapse by magic like it does in the DW games, I'm gonna have to write about how it falls apart, and I ain't no bridge mason, so this probably isn't an accurate way to take a bridge down. Desperate times call for desperate measures, though.)
"Oh, yeah. They're held up by suspension cables, see?" I said, pointing.
(AN: See, I told you. Nobody give me any crap about writing inaccurate ways the ancient Chinese used to take bridges down, either.)
"That's easy enough," Tong said. He thought for a second and said, "Alright, throw your chakram at that pole over there."
"What for?"
"Just do it."
I shrugged and with a flick of my wrist, sent my chakram flailing with expert precision at the pole. The chakram ricocheted (AN: ricocheted, fancy word for rebound) off the pole and the blade sliced through one side of the ropes, causing the left side of the bridge to collapse and begin to sink into the water.
"Whoa!!" Tong yelled, wobbling a little. I caught my chakram as it whizzed back into my hand. "You OK?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Alright, let's see... throw your chakram at THAT pole," Tong said, pointing. "If we're lucky the same thing'll happen."
I threw my chakram again, and it bounced off the pole and sliced through the ropes. Fortunately, this sent the bridge into the churning waters below. Unfortunately, Tong and I were still on board.
"Oh, shit!" Tong yelled angrily. "Note for future reference, next time we destroy a bridge, GET OFF OF IT FIRST!!"
"Let's hope there is a next time! Come on!" I yelled.
"SHIT! I can't! I'm stuck!" Tong yelled, gesturing to his leg, stuck in the boards. I threw my chakrams onto the sturdy section where the bridge used to be connected to and ran across the breaking lumber to my friend.
"What are you doing? Don't be a hero!" Tong said, looking suprised that I came back for him.
"Oh, shut up!" I said angrily. I grabbed another plank and used it to pry Tong's leg free. "GO!" I screamed. He withdrew his leg and glanced down. "How deep is this water?" he yelled.
"60 thousand feet!" I yelled. "I don't know!"
"60 THOUSAND FEET!?" Tong screamed, apparently not hearing the "I don't know" part. "COME ON!!" He seized my hand and, dragging me behind him, ran back towards the sturdy section where I'd thrown my chakrams.
We both grabbed onto a section of wood and held on until we thought our fingers would break off. "We're so dead," Tong whimpered. "Shang Xiang, I've gotta tell you something. I--"
"What the hell?"
We both looked up to see Ning crouching down, looking at both of us in our helpless predicament, fighting back a grin. "How come every time I find you two, you're dangling off something, hanging on for your lives?"
"Because fate is cruel," Tong said sarcastically. "HOW THE HELL SHOULD WE KNOW!? YOU THINK WE WANT TO BE DANGLING FOR OUR LIVES EVERY CHAPTER IN THIS STUPID STORY?! WE BLAME THE DAMN AUTHOR!"
(AN: Me: -coughs innocently- Who, meee?)
"HELP US, YOU JERK!!" Tong finished, ignoring the author's coughing.
"Alright, alright, calm down," Ning said, rolling his eyes. He reached over, grabbed me by my wrists, and gently pulled me up.
"Whew. Thanks, Ning," I said.
"Wow, you're really pretty when you're dangling for your life, Shang Xiang," Ning said, winking at me and obviously trying to piss Tong off. It worked.
"STOP FLIRTING WITH HER AND HELP ME!" Tong screamed, kicking his legs angrily.
(AN: I don't know why I make Ling Tong such an angry spaz, I just do. I love you, Ling Tong!! Really!!)
Gan Ning rolled his eyes, leaned over, grabbed a handful of hair, and pulled Tong up. "OW! I could have done that myself!" Tong said angrily, fixing his hair.
"Then why didn't you?" Ning smirked.
"I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO--"
"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!!" I screamed. "As usual, since fate IS cruel, I'm stuck here in the middle of you two idiots arguing! So SHUT UP!!"
Tong and Ning scowled at each other wordlessly. "I'M not doing anything. Spaz Boy's the one picking the fights here," Ning snapped.
"Maybe if you didn't KILL MY FATHER, I'd--"
"TONG! SHUT UP!" I yelled. "Ning's got a point! The two of you obviously hate each other! That's fine! But leave your stupid grudges and everything behind you! This is war, guys! And people DIE in war!"
"Well duh," Ning said.
"NOT helping!" I snapped. "Just get up and come on!"
"What the hell are you doing here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to clear out the central bridge?" Tong demanded.
"Already diiiid," Ning sang casually, twirling his blood-stained sword around like a baton.
"Animal," Tong scoffed. "Only you can commit that kind of bloodthirsty violence and laugh about it."
"Who's laughing about it, Sissy Boy? I do what has to be done," Ning retorted. "It's my job, and if I don't do it right nobody's gonna do it. Might as well let these guys go down swingin'. They don't stand a chance against Gan Ning. Nobody does."
I groaned. "Ning, your arrogance is showing," I complained. That would only get Tong started again.
Strangely enough, he didn't respond. "Let's go," Tong said simply. "We've got a battle to win."
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We got to the Central Bridge, where Huang Gai's rendezvous (AN: fancy word for get-together) with our forces was supposed to happen.
"We're supposed to look for the ship with the red mast," Ning said, scanning the seas. "Jusssst leave it to me. I've been searching for ships for years now, and none of 'em have ever gotten away from Gan Ning of the Bells--"
"Like that one over there?" Tong said, rolling his eyes and wearing his smug "I am Superior" face.
Ning looked up and swore. "Well, there's a first time for everything," he scowled. "Alright, flag 'em down, and get ready to fight in case this is an ambush..."
The ship had on board Huang Gai, nodding formally at us, and, in front of all of us, leapt from the ship's deck, through the air, and landed on the dock in front of us.
"Hello, youngsters," he said. "I'm getting a bit too old for this!"
"Are you kidding?" Tong asked, looking incredulous. "That's awesome for a guy your age!"
"I'm going to take that as a compliment, boy," Huang Gai said, rolling his eyes. "Now for the pièce de résistance! Clear out, you three! Start preparing for the fire attack!"
We all nodded and took a couple steps back, our eyes all wide. We'd all seen and started fires before, of course, but not one as great as this.
A large gust of wind blew from behind us, meaning Zhuge Liang's prayer was a success. Huang Gai raised his club and yelled, "FOR THE GLORY OF WUUUUUUUUU!!!!", driving it into the ground. The impact of the iron club slamming against the wooden docks caused sparks to rub off and land on the flammable ground.
If you blinked, you would have missed it. In seconds, the entire area was aflame, a gigantic willowing inferno, being carried by the wind towards the Wei fleet.
We all watched in awe as these gigantic flames rose up in the sky. Cough up a victory for Wu; this was possibly the biggest victory we'd had since Ce re-claimed the Jiang Dong territory.
The fires were spreading rapidly, and all of the nearby barrels, equiptment, and the ships themselves were beginning to crumble with the searing heat. It was getting hard to see, too.
Instinctively I grabbed onto Ning's arm, since it was now too hot and ashy to see straight. Ning (I could tell it was Ning, because if it was Tong, he'd have screamed in his embarrassment and jumped a foot into the air) grasped my hand tight and helped steer me out of the dead-heat of the fires.
"Thanks, Ning," I gasped.
"No problem, baby," Ning grinned.
"Hope Tong and Huang Gai made it out OK," I said, worried. The flames were starting to disperse some, spreading across the entire Wei fleet like a large, hot blanket, so it was visible inside once more.
"Woohoo!" Tong yelled, waving his nunchaku arm. "Let's go kick some ass!"
"Gan Ning, come with me!" Huang Gai called. "I want backup!"
"Gotcha! See you guys later!" Ning yelled, waving his hand in a salute at me and charging after Huang Gai, cutting down some guard who happened to be in the way.
Apparently I was just standing there gazing at Ning, particularly his backside, and Tong noticed me. "Oi! Shang Xiang! Let's go!" he yelled.
I snapped out of it and headed into the fires to join him. "Right! Sorry!" I said.
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"Whoa! Watch it there, jerk!" Tong yelled, avoiding the swing of one of the Wei infantry's spears.
Cao Cao wasn't having that great of a day; first Xiao Qiao escaped on him, then his entire fleet, and the ocean, was caught on fire.
This battle was really starting to heat up, if you can forgive the pun. The skies were already dark, and the moon was illuminating the coastline and the ships, but thanks to the smoke rising from the flames, the sky had turned a ghastly smoky color.
Tong swung his nunchakus and sent the guy flying of the edge into the ocean. "Stupid pathetic wimps," he said, coughing. "Typical of Cao Cao. He's pissed, so he's sending thousands of troops to their deaths as a result."
"Tong, you alright?" I asked. "You're coughing a lot."
"Shang Xiang, we're -cough- in an inferno here, it's not too good for any of us," he gasped. Tong was obviously not adjusting to this flaming enviroment very well, and he was actually leaning against a pole, gasping for air.
"C'mon, we're getting you out of here," I yelled, seizing his hand. "We're going!"
"I'm fine! We can't disobey -cough- orders!" Tong yelled angrily.
"I follow my own orders!" I replied. "You can't even breathe!"
"YES I CAN!! I'M FINE!" Tong screamed, ending his tirade with a loud, hacking cough. He wobbled uncertainly, like he was going to pass out, and I hurried to help support him.
"Well?" I said, wrapping one of my arms around his waist.
"Land -cough- ho," he grumbled, putting his arm around my shoulder.
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We got out of the fires and managed to wind up along the coastline, where Wu troops were assembling. Shu troops, I noticed, were boarding their own ships, making preparations for immediate retreat.
"Wimps," Tong said, coughing still.
"You OK?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'll live," he said, leaning against my shoulder. "Thanks."
"No problem," I said. "Take it easy for a while and we'll head back out later."
"Good idea."
I turned my attention back to the ships and froze. "Tong, look," I said, pointing.
"What?"
"The flames are spreading in the wrong direction," I said. "We've gotta get over there and warn our side! Zhuge Liang's wind attack must have worn out!"
"Are you kidding me?? All this bullshit about allying with Shu, just so their wind attack wears off and their troops abandon us?" Tong scowled, enraged.
"Easy, easy," I said quickly. "C'mon, those flames are gonna get to the main camp any minute now!"
Tong swore angrily and nodded. "Then we don't have any time to spare! Let's go!"
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We made it onto the docks and got back to the Wu fleet, avoiding the flaming sections. Zhou Yu was standing guard nearby.
"Zhou Yu!" I yelled. "The flames are spreading! Get Quan and the troops outta here!"
"What?" Zhou Yu demanded. "That's impossible! Zhuge Liang's prayer--"
"Stopped working," Tong finished. "We don't have time for this! Go!"
Zhou Yu looked annoyed at the thought of taking orders from Tong and myself, but swallowed his pride and nodded. "Right. I'll evacuate the troops," he said.
"Alright, let's go, we've got some cows to kill," Tong said, laughing at his own stupid joke.
I rolled my eyes. "C'mon, let's roll."
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"Don't... these... guys... ever... QUIT!?" I screamed, lashing out my right arm, slashing through the bodies of several soldiers, their agonized screams ending as they splashed into the churning waters.
"Who cares? More fun for us, right!?" Tong yelled, his nunchakus whacking a few soldiers on the backs of their heads.
"I suppose, if you like that sort of thing," I called back. "Tong, look out! Left arm!"
Without even looking, Tong swung his left arm back, his fist smashing into the face of the soldier behind him. "See ya!" he yelled, lashing around with his nunchakus and knocking the guy overboard.
"HA! Suck on that, you stupid shit eaters!" Tong screamed, pointing at the drowning troops below.
I smiled and turned to survey the bloody slaughter that used to be the Wei infantry. "Sometimes I feel kinda bad about killing all these people," I said, kicking a decapitated head, causing it to sail through the air overboard. "All they're doing is serving their country..."
"Mercy on the battlefield gets you killed," Tong said, quoting Ce word for word. "C'mon, let's get outta here..."
I nodded and took a deep breath, dropping my chakrams on the ground and resting my aching arms on my legs. My chakrams were quite heavy, and prolonged uses like this battle was beginning to take its toll on me.
"Shang Xiang, you OK?" Tong asked.
I nodded and turned around to face my friend. My eyes widened as I saw the glint of an arrowhead, whizzing through the air, no doubt aimed at Tong.
"TONG! DUCK!" I screamed, throwing myself on top of him and causing us both to skid along the ship's edge, slamming against a wall.
"Ow! What the heck was that for?" Tong complained, pushing me off him and rubbing his head.
"THAT!" I yelled, pointing at the arrows that, since Tong was now relocated, hit the side of the ship.
"Oh. Here I thought you were trying to kill me," Tong said, standing up.
"Humph. You should trust my judgement more," I said.
"I do! I do! I was just wondering!" Tong said, grabbing my hands and pulling me up.
Aside from the bloody carnage of enemy troops, we appeared to be alone. Tong seemed to notice this too, since he was still holding my hands.
"Uh... Shang Xiang?"
"Hmm?" Like I didn't already know what he was going to say.
"Ummmm..."
I knew what was coming, it was the moment I had been dreading for years now, the moment when Tong told me he loved me and the moment when I had to tell him I wanted to stay friends, and break his heart. I knew it would have to happen someday.
Please let something happen. Please, anything. I wasn't ready for this.
Tong opened his mouth, to tell me the inevitable truth he'd been trying to tell me since we'd first met, then cried out in pain and fell forwards into my own outstretched arms. "Tong!? What the hell!?" I yelped.
Well, it appeared my "something come up" prayer was answered, in the form of another arrow flying through the air and hitting Tong right into the back. I've gotta start being more specific.
"Ow!" Tong said angrily, gritting his teeth furiously. "Kill whoever did that, Shang Xiang!"
I nodded. "Are you-"
"Yes. I'm in a lot of pain. NOW GO!" Tong screamed angrily.
I shook my head furiously and held onto him tighter. "I'm not leaving you here to die!" I looked over Tong's head and scanned the area. "Whoever's out there can face me in person, you cowardly bastard!"
From the smoky haze of the remains of the fire attack, stepped a tall, slim woman who looked older than I was, her hair wrapped in an elegant knot on top of her head. The little clothing she was wearing was tight and for the most part transparent.
"Whoa," Tong commented, earning him a nice smack from me. "OW!"
"You can be a sarcastic pervert, but you can't fight?" I hissed angrily.
"Humph. I'll just die in silence."
"Best thing you've said all day."
"I certainly hope I'm not interrupting anything," the woman said cooly. "You must be from Wu. I'd recognize that brutal fighting stance, and that nose, anywhere. You're of the Sun family."
I twitched with rage. Never let the enemy know you're angry, I told myself. It gives them the advantage. "And you must be Zhen Ji. I'd recognize those clothes- or lack of, should I say- anywhere. You're the traitor to the Yuan family."
"How irritating, to be insulted by a common rube," Zhen Ji snarled, twirling her golden flute in her fingers. "How sad. You've sealed your own fate. To think I was going to let you run away... I'll make sure you suffer for that, you insufferable little whore."
"You're calling ME a whore? The woman who ran off with the enemy and abandoned her husband to die in the remains of his castle? You Wei bastards must have different definitions of words in your shit country," I snapped.
"Ha! She told you, skank woman!" Tong called.
Zhen Ji's eyes narrowed. "So this must be what Wu settles on for generals, run-of-the-mill adolecents with no fighting experience whatsoever," she said in her bitchy voice.
"Yeah? At least we don't do cheap shots here in Wu, skank!" Tong said, sounding a lot tougher than he looked, considering the fact that he was on his knees, being supported by my arms, with an arrow lodged in his back.
"I refuse to sit here and be insulted by such vile garbage," Zhen Ji snarled, raising her flute. "Either stand and fight, Princess of Wu, or die by my blade!"
"You call that a blade?" I scoffed, setting Tong down nearby and crouching into a fighting position. "Where'd you learn to fight? The same place you met your husband?"
"Why you uncouth, unrefined plebian! Prepare to face Zhen Ji!" Zhen Ji cried dramatically, pointing her flute at me.
"I'm surprised. Didn't know you pathetic excuse of a royal woman would dare take me on," I snapped. "At least, without a thousand troops as backup."
"My thousands of troops have been slaughtered in a barbaric fashion, courtesy of your boorish country's standards," Zhen Ji said angrily. "And I shall avenge their deaths! Prepare yourself!"
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And that's a wrap. Next chapter we got a girl fiigggght going on, and it'll be good. Well, of course it will. I wrote it. :)