Severus and Harry walked slowly down Diagon Alley, their process hindered by groups of excitable girls who giggled and stood in inconvenient areas in the hopes of bumping up against Harry and his Rippling Quidditch Toned Muscles ™.
Suddenly Severus spotted someone familiar in the crowd. "Oh! I've spotted someone secretly special to me, Severus Snape, in the seething swarm of shoppers!"
Harry blinked. "Dude. Alliteration overload."
"SEVVYKINS!"
Hermione bounded towards the pair, and leapt into Severus' waiting arms. "Oh, Sevvy! I've missed you so much!"
Harry continued to blink. Hermione had definitely changed over the Summer. Her hair now lay in gentle waves and her skin was a healthy tan. Harry felt himself growing faint. He was quite sure that last year her breasts hadn't been that large.
Meanwhile, Hermione and Severus continued to "greet" each other.
Suddenly Harry thought of something. "HANG ON! Don't you hate each other?!"
Hermione looked up from where she was currently attached to Severus' mouth.
"Mmmfff mff mmmfff mmff!"
Harry thought about this for a few moments and then gave up. "I have no idea what you just said."
A soft hand rested on Harry's shoulder. "She said 'We've been secretly dating for five years, are deeply in love and are engaged to be married next week.'"
Harry spun around. "Who are you, how did you translate that, is it possible for her to say that much in such a small amount of muffled speech, and did Charles really kill Diana?"
The pretty redhead standing next to Harry looked slightly startled. "Don't you recognise me Harry? We've shared a room for the last five years! I'm your best friend!"
Harry squinted. "I may just need a new prescription, but you look like a girl. Which Ron is most definitely not. Trust me."
The girl shook her head so that her masses of shimmering hair rolled like a sunset ocean. Harry began to feel sea sick. "No, it really is me! Hermione just got bored with having no other girls aside from Ginny to talk to."
Harry nodded. "That makes sense."
The Girl-Who-Used-To-Be-A-Boy gave a smile that showed off all her sparkling white teeth. "Call me Ronnie."
Harry shook hands with his transgendered friend and then turned to face his father's new fiancé. "Hermione, are you done kissing my dad yet?"
Hermione's smile glittered as she released her hold on Severus' neck. "Harry, dear, call me Mum."
Harry began to choke at the thought of having his other best friend as his mother.
Ronnie's eyes widened. "Professor Snape's your dad?!"
"Yeah, we went over that last chapter," rasped Harry.
Severus grasped Hermione's hand and grinned. "Come on kids, let's go shopping!"
Ronnie nodded happily as she, Harry, Hermione and Severus set off down Diagon Alley, their hair shimmering in the sunlight.
As they walked Harry, who was still choking slightly every time he thought of Hermione being his mother, checked off his school supplies list. "Well, I think we're almost done. We just need new trunks to hold all our new books."
"I know just the place!" exclaimed Severus. "To Kirk's Closets!"
Ronnie groaned and held her stomach. "And then can we go get lunch? I'm starving!"
"Some things never change." sighed Hermione as the group squeezed into the small shop.
"Gosh!" said Ronnie. "So many trunks, closets and space saving storage ideas!"
Harry opened a nearby trunk and peered inside. A familiar boy grinned back at him. "Cedric?!" cried Harry. "Aren't you dead?!"
Cedric winked and gave Harry the Double Thumbs UpTM "Just Pretending!"
Harry nodded. "Alright then," he said, as he quickly closed the lid.
Meanwhile, Ronnie was looking into a large closet. "How about you get this to store your books in, Harry? It's very roomy."
Hermione slammed the door shut, very nearly amputating Ronnie's pinkie finger. "Oh no! I got one of these once, and this faun ran off with all my underwear!"
Severus winked. "Not altogether a bad thing!" he added with a grin.
Finally, Harry found the perfect trunk – no upper class men or fauns to be seen! As Harry paid with his Gringott's Gold Card, Severus examined a stack of flyers which lay conveniently on the counter.
"'Voluntary Finger Detachment - as Seen In Knockturn Alley! 11 Suspisious Alley.' Hmmm, I must go there one of these days."