Harry stood alone on Platform 9 ¾. Severus and Hermione had gone ahead, as Hermione was the new Ancient Runes professor and as such, both got the perk of using the Professors' Portkey. Harry shuffled his feet and grumbled.
Suddenly the Weasley family arrived. "Hey Harry," said Ginny, "you look sad. I could fix that for you. I'd give you mates' rates and everything."
"Ginny!" admonished Mrs Weasley. "What have I said about giving discounts?"
Mr Weasley nodded. "Quite right. Charge him in full, honey."
Harry paled. "Um, don't worry about it. I'm fine Ginny."
Ginny pouted. "Get back to me, ok?" And with that she flounced off, hiking up her skirt as she headed towards a group of Slytherin Seventh Years.
Harry shook his head. He kind of regretted saving her life now that people were beginning to get suspicious of him constantly turning down her discounts.
"Come on Harry." said Ronnie. "Let's go get a seat."
"Bye dears!" waved Mrs Weasley.
"Have a good year, Son!" added Mr Weasley. "Uhh, Daughter!"
After an unusually uneventful train ride and trip to Hogwarts, Harry walked into the Great Hall and was instantly blinded by the light glinting off everybody's shiny hair. Ronnie nodded. "And that's why sunglasses are now a compulsory part of Hogwart's uniform. Luckily I brought spares!"
Harry looked at the pink, sparkly star-shaped glasses. "Oh God."
"What's wrong?" enquired Ronnie from behind her purple heart-shaped sunglasses. "You'll look so cute in pink!"
Harry closed his eyes and weighed up his options. 'It would probably be even harder to beat Voldemort if I was blind…' he thought to himself. 'The horrid glasses it is!'
Once they had reached their seats, McGonagall lead in the first year students, and motioned to the Sorting Hat to begin. The old hat opened the thing that functioned as it's mouth, cleared whatever it was that functioned as it's throat, and began to rap.
"Yo, yo, yo,All you party people in da castle!
I'm here to sort ya,
Like workers sort da parcels
This be my job,
And I be hell good,
At sorting new punks,
Into da hoods
Gryffindor if you be brave,
And you don't like to use yo brains,
Slytherin if you got slaves,
And yo be into chains
Ravenclaw you gots the smarts,
But da kids on the streets would kick yo arse,
Hufflepuff you be da fools,
But on the disco stage yo got the tools
I be the Sorting Hat,
And I be rapping it along,
I betcha that a bowler,
Couldn't do this song
Yeah, I be the cream,
Of all of yo crops,
Ditch those tops and caps,
If that's what you gots
Yo can't top me,
Don't judge on what you see,
So step it up,
And I'll tell you where you gots to be!
Yo!"
The students applauded as they looked at each other with raised eyebrows. The Sorting Hat was getting stranger every year.
Professor McGonagall cleared her throat as she raised the list of students. "When I call your name, you will put on the Hat and sit on the stool to be Sorted," she said. "Armstrong, Billy!"
A black haired boy swaggered out of the line, put on the Hat and sat down.
"SLYTHERIN!" shouted the Hat. The table second from the right cheered as Billy made his way over to them.
"Arc, Joan!"
"HUFFLEPUFF!" yelled the Hat, and Joan hurried off to her new classmates, her ponytail flying out behind her.
"Baudelaire, Klaus!"
"RAVENCLAW!" cried the Hat.
The table second from the left cheered this time and Klaus happily pushed his glasses up his nose as he went to sit down.
'Butler, Juliet!' went to Slytherin but 'Byrinson, Iorek!' became the first Gryffindor and Harry joined in the hearty applause that welcomed him to the far left table.
"Cooper, Betty!" said McGonagall loudly.
"HUFFLEPUFF!" said the Hat, even louder.
'Doyle, Arthur!' became a Ravenclaw and he hurried over to sit next to Klaus.
'Finn, Huck!' and 'Finn, Neil!' both became Gryffindors and 'Franklin, Aretha!' was the next newly named Hufflepuff.
"Gallia, Adi!"
"SLYTHERIN!" yelled the Hat after a moment's hesitation.
"Grissom, Gill!"
The Hat had barely touched his head when it cried "RAVENCLAW!"
"Howard, John!" said Professor McGonagall and a short boy with glasses and excessive eyebrows hurried up to be Sorted.
"HUFFLEPUFF!" yelled the Hat, and John tripped in his haste to get to the table on the far right, amidst laughter from the older students.
'House, Gregory!' went to Slytherin while 'Hodges, Patience!' and 'Jones, Henry!' both went to Gryffindor. 'Jackson, Daniel!' and 'Keats, John!' became the next two Ravenclaws and 'Kelly, Paul!' became a Hufflepuff.
Beside him, Ronnie groaned. "How much longer?" she whispered, seemingly in agony as 'Lane, Jane!' became a Slytherin.
"Not sure," whispered back Harry. "Seems like there's more this year, doesn't it?" he added as he clapped for 'Mozart, Wolfgang!' becoming a Ravenclaw.
"Moon, Molly!" said McGonagall as Ronnie nodded.
"SLYTHERIN!" cried the Hat.
"McGraw, Phillip!" continued McGonagall.
"RAVENCLAW!" yelled the Hat, as the bookworms in blue applauded.
"O'Neill, Jonathon!" said McGonagall, her list of first years seemingly never-ending.
"GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the Hat.
Harry felt his stomach rumble as 'Patterson, Banjo!' and 'Poirot, Hercule!' went to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw respectively.
'Quinn, Jonas!' also went to Hufflepuff while 'Rodgers, Kenny!' became a Gryffindor.
The Great Hall sat in silence as the Hat deliberated where to put 'Rinpoche, Sogyal!', finally deciding on Ravenclaw.
'Sanders, Greg!' practically bounded over to Harry's table as he was pronounced a Gryffindor while 'Silver, John!' made a more dignified approach to the Slytherin table. 'Twist, Oliver!' and 'Turner, Timmy!' both followed the lead of Greg Sanders to become Gryffindors. 'Tusspott, Stuart!' became a Hufflepuff and 'Tam, River!' a Ravenclaw as Ronnie's stomach's rumblings overturned the Gryffindor table.
'Windu, Mace!' looked a bit awkward as he waited for his newly assigned house to flip their table back over while 'Warhurst, Miff!' happily sat down at the quite upright Ravenclaw table.
'Young, Neil!' cried McGonagall.
"HUFFLEPUFF!" yelled the Sorting Hat.
Ronnie breathed a sigh of relief as the last first year made his way to his house table. "Finally!" she said. "We can EAT!"
But McGonagall didn't walk back to the staff table. Instead, she pulled out another, much smaller, scroll from her robe pocket as Dumbledore rose to speak.
"Before we begin the feast," said the Headmaster, "we have two more students to sort!"
Ronnie glared murderously at the old wizard. Dumbledore caught the look and cleared his throat.
"Ah, yes, well, just quickly then; we are happy to announce that we have accepted two Sixth year Australian exchange students!"
The entire student body turned to watch McGonagall leading in the two new girls. Filch produced a checklist. "Shimmering hair? Check. Sparkling teeth? Check. Unnatural beauty? Check." he muttered, and then turned to nod at Dumbledore. "They'll fit in here."
The girls displayed their perfect, white teeth as they smiled and waved to the other students.
Dumbledore smiled. "Now students, just keep in mind when dealing with our new friends that they are descended from convicts and they can't help it if they can't read, write or restrain themselves from constantly stealing your possessions."
The smiles of the new girls faded. McGonagall held up her scroll.
"Grey, Rachel!" she exclaimed. The stunningly beautiful girl placed the Sorting Hat on her shimmering black hair with delicate, olive toned fingers.
"SLYTHERIN!" yelled the Hat and Rachel walked calmly over to her green clad classmates.
"Frost, Louise!" announced McGonagall and the second girl skipped over to be Sorted.
"RAVENCLAW!" cried the Hat and Louise bounced over to sit with her fellow bookworms, the light catching the pink extensions in her short, jet black hair.
Dumbledore spread his arms wide and gave a Level Two eye twinkle.
"Dig In!"
"YES!" cried Ronnie as the tables filled with the huge mounds of delicious food which made the Hogwart's feasts famous. "I haven't eaten in almost an hour!"
As her and Harry began to fill their plates with mashed potato, Dean slid into the seat next to Ronnie.
"So, Ronnie," he said, "are you still in our dorm?"
She nodded absently as she reached for the roast beef. Dean wiggled his eyebrows. Ronnie glanced at him.
"Look, Dean, there is food in front of me, and you're taking up valuable eating time with your innuendo. Plus, I haven't even begun sorting out my sexuality yet!"
Dean lowered his head and slunk back to his usual seat.
"Back to Ginny it is."
When all the food had been consumed, and Ronnie was finally full, Dumbledore rose again and tapped his glass to get the attention of his students.
"Before we all leave for bed, I have a few announcements to make. Firstly, I welcome Hermione Granger to our staff as our new Ancient Runes Professor, as Hermione passed all eleven of her NEWTs with flying colours over the summer holidays!"
Hermione smiled and squeezed Severus' hand.
When the clapping subsided Dumbledore continued. "Secondly, I welcome our new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher, Professor Augustus Olaf!"
A gasp was heard from the Ravenclaw table as everyone clapped politely for the strange looking man with the huge white eyebrows and purple turban.
'Hmm,' thought Harry, 'I'm getting a strange sense of déjà vu … I wonder why that is?'
"And, last but certainly not least, replacing Professor Binns for History Of Magic, I welcome back, Remus Lupin!"
Through the thunderous applause Harry leant over to Ronnie. "He looks really healthy doesn't he? He's definitely gained some weight at last!"
She nodded. "Yes – he looks so much better – and with such a nice glow to his skin."
"I have two more announcements to make," said Dumbledore when everyone had finally calmed down. "We've decided to cancel Quidditch."
"WHAT?!" yelled Ronnie and Harry as one, as the Hall broke out in indignant yells of anger and shock.
Dumbledore tapped his glass to regain his audience.
"We have," he said, "decided that House Dance Offs would be much more entertaining, and fun. And, hopefully, will lead to fewer injuries."
The students began to mutter between themselves as they discussed whether Dance Offs were a fair trade from Quidditch.
"And lastly," said the Headmaster, "we've had way too many students entering the Forbidden Forest, so we have decided to implement a little reverse psychology. It is now renamed 'The Friendly Forest'. That is all – Goodnight everyone!"
As everyone moved to exit the Hall, Harry's eye was caught by a flash of almost white blond from the Slytherin table. He watched, mesmerized, as Draco Malfoy stood and walked gracefully out of the Hall. He didn't blink until Malfoy's fine behind was out of sight. "Ronnie," he breathed, "I think I'm in love."