Chapter Four

Harry woke with a start. "Why did I do that?" he wondered as he reached for his glasses, and promptly fell out of bed due to a high pitching screaming.

'THUMP,' said the floor, as Harry hit it.

From his position, Harry could see his best friend clutching her face in horror.

"What's the problem, Ronnie?" gasped Harry, as he attempted to regain the wind that had recently been knocked out of him.

"It's these robes, Harry!" sobbed the red head, tears glistening in her eyes. "They make me look FAT!"

Harry rolled his emerald green eyes. "No, they don't."

Ronnie gasped. "You're right! It's NOT the robes! It's just me! Oh, I shouldn't have eaten so much at the feast …"

The Saviour Of The Wizarding World pulled himself up off the floor and stiffly patted his friend's shoulder. "There, there," he said awkwardly. "You're not fat."

His friend looked at him, her brilliant blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Really? You're not just saying that?" she whispered.

Harry smiled. "Not at all. Now how about we go down to the Hall and discuss Quidditch tactics until people threaten to disembowel us?"

Ronnie beamed. "Sounds great! Let's go – I'm starving!"

Breakfast was almost over when Neville slipped into the seat opposite Ronnie and Harry and reached for the last crumpet. Ronnie waved in greeting as she continued gulping down her scrambled eggs but Harry was too busy staring at Draco Malfoy to do much at all, besides drool. Neville placed a napkin under Harry's chin in a futile attempt to soak up the large pool of saliva that was currently getting a bit too close to the bacon for comfort.

"So, Harry's got a crush on the boy he's seemingly hated for as long as they've known each other," said Neville, attempting to start conversation.

Harry forced his eyes away from Draco's shimmering blond locks.

"How did you know?!" demanded Harry. "Who told you?!"

Neville took another bit of his crumpet. "I just know these things." he said calmly. "Just like I know that Draco has a diary in which he writes poetry about you."

Harry fell off his chair. A muffled "REALLY?!" emerged from underneath the table.

Ronnie attempted to swallow the copious amounts of scrambled eggs that were currently preventing her from speech.

"Arr 'oo a ecret abent or bumthink, Nev'll?" she said, spraying her breakfast all over Harry's copy of Hogwarts; A History.

Neville looked around suspiciously.

"Well," he said quietly, "I'm not sure what a 'bumthink' is, but you were quite correct, Ronnie, when you guessed I was a secret agent."

Harry pulled himself back onto his chair.

"Really?" he said. "Is that why you now have sandy blonde hair and light blue eyes and you're no longer pudgy or clumsy?"

"Yup," said Neville. "I was," he paused to wink and give Harry the Double Thumbs Up™ "just pretending."

"Wow!" said Ronnie "A secret agent! That in no way surpasses the fact that Harry is better than you, but wow! Is your name really Neville Longbottom though? Because that's not a very cool name."

The boy sitting beside her shook his sandy blonde hair and leant in closer.

"No," he whispered so quietly that Harry and Ronnie had to strain their ears to hear him. "My name is actually …. Alex Rider."

Unfortunately for Neville/Alex, he did not get the impressive response he had hoped for.

"Ok," said Ronnie dismissively as she reached for another glass of pumpkin juice. Harry returned to staring at Draco.

Neville/Alex sulked. "Just don't tell anyone my real name," he muttered, and, with that, he drooped off to Advanced Herbology.

The food from all the tables suddenly vanished. "Drat," said Ronnie, who was still hungry. "Come on Harry, we've got History Of Magic."

Harry appeared not to hear. Ronnie rolled her eyes. "Come on, Romeo, let's go," she said, grabbing his arm and pulling with all her might. Harry remained where he was.

"Alright, fine," said Ronnie. "Be that way."

Harry remained catatonic. Ronnie pulled out her wand. "Last chance, Harry," she said threateningly.

A thread of Harry's drool snapped, and so did Ronnie's patience.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" she cried, and Harry flew up out of his seat.

Ronnie grinned evilly and begun to direct her floating friend out of the Great Hall.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" moaned Harry as he lost sight of his One True Love™.

"Honestly," said Ronnie, sounding uncannily like Hermione. "Boys."

Upon entering the classroom, Harry and Ronnie quickly sat down and attempted to pretend that they hadn't been late. Professor Lupin shook his head at them gently.

"As I was saying," he demurred. "This year we'll be studying Magical Law; its origins and changes over the years."

Lupin smiled gently at his groaning students.

"Don't fret! I promise it won't be completely boring!"

And at that moment Remus Lupin was proved correct; there was a flash of brilliant purple light, and a moment later a very naked man landed on his desk.

Ronnie screamed, "Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I SEE DEAD PEOPLE!"

Remus turned to look at the man on his desk. "SIRIUS?!"

"RIGHT ON!" said the man, who was, of course, Sirius Black.

The calm and reserved History Of Magic Professor then proceeded to greet Sirius, 'like a brother'.

Louise Frost cocked her head to the side, studying Remus and Sirius with the analytical mind of a Ravenclaw, "I didn't think people could bend that way."

Beside her, Rachel Grey, took some quick photos.

"Blackmail," she said, shrugging at her friend's inquiring glance.

"Oh, Siri-puppy," said Lupin tearfully, drawing the class' attention back to him. "I'd thought I'd lost you!"

"Oh, Moo-moo, you know I always told you that I'd always find my way back to you!" declared Black, standing and flinging his arms open dramatically. The students in the front row felt their eyes bulge, as they focussed on a different kind of, ahem, bulge.

Ronnie pulled a large container of popcorn out from somewhere within her robes and offered it to the students sitting around her.

Harry lent forward in his seat. 'This is so much better than passions.' his internal voice whispered.

"Hush, you," said another, "I'm trying to listen to the gay lovers!"

Remus sniffed happily. "But everyone said you were dead. And ... oh Snufflepuffin! I missed you so much!"

Sirius gently took Remus' hands in his. "I missed you too, Baby Wolf. I promise I'll never leave you again."

Remus moved closer to Sirius, causing Hannah Abbott to grumble angrily as her view of "Little Sirius" was compromised.

"I have something to tell you, Pupcake," whispered Remus.

"What is it, Remepie?" said Sirius lovingly.

"I'm ... Well, I'm ..."

The entire class held its breath. The only sound to be heard was the crunching of popcorn.

"I'm ... I'm ..."

"TELL HIM, ALREADY!" yelled Seamus, apparently forgetting that he wasn't watching this from the privacy of his dorm.

Both men suddenly realised that they were standing in front of a group of very excited teenagers, and one of them wasn't wearing anything. Sirius turned to frown at Seamus for a moment, causing the exchange students to faint in ecstasy.

"Oh God," mumbled Sirius, wide eyed "I promised Mother this wouldn't happen again."

"CLASS DISMISSED!" yelled Remus.

The class let out a collective groan.

"I hate it when they make cliff-hangers at the end of the episode." whined Harry, The Boy Who Lived To Be Addicted To Passions.

Ronnie and Harry slumped outside the History Of Magic classroom along with the rest of their class. Everyone seemed very depressed. Suddenly Hannah Abbott remembered who had caused their removal from the classroom.

"SEAMUS!" she cried. "You're going DOWN!"

The Irish boy stopped in his attempt to sneak away unnoticed to glance wide-eyed at the enraged Hufflepuff.

"Can't we just settle this over a pint?" he said hopefully, but the blonde girl simply gave a loud war cry as she advanced on the Gryffindor.

Seamus ran. Most of the class chased after him.

Ronnie and Harry were left alone with Rachel and Louise, the two exchange students.

"So," said Ronnie, "did you bring your pet kangaroos with you?"

The Australians glanced at each other with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah," said Rachel, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Brilliant!" said the oblivious red head. "Come on, Harry, we've got Care Of Magical Creatures."

Harry finally emerged from his own little world.

"My Godfather," he whispered. "He's alive. What if he hates me? I've got to talk to him."

A loud moan drifted out from within the classroom they had recently vacated.

"Perhaps you should just leave a note," suggested Louise, producing a quill and a piece of parchment from her robe pocket.

Harry smiled as he thanked the Ravenclaw and then set about writing the note for Sirius.

Ronnie grinned at the Australians, who backed away slightly.

Just when the silence was becoming slightly uncomfortable, and Ronnie was considering bringing out her Wizard Chess Set, Harry finished writing.

"All done!" he chirped happily.

"OH GOD YES! HIT ME HARDER YOU CRAZY ANIMAL!" said someone who sounded very much like the very quiet and studious Remus Lupin from inside the History Of Magic classroom.

Harry paled. "Please tell me that this is all a very bizarre dream created by teenage girls high on caffeine and sherbet lemons, and my two father figures aren't really doing what I think they're doing inside that classroom," he said.

Louise gently patted his back. "There, there," she said soothingly, "I don't want to encourage the fostering of delusions, but some people have suggested that the entire universe is actually the figment of a joint imagination between two mice."

Harry looked at her gratefully. "Thankyou," he whispered.

And when those four students left that fateful hallway, they were best of friends. Because you can't go through some things without becoming friends, and comforting a boy in shock over the fact that his supposedly dead Godfather was alive and shagging the male werewolf who teaches History Of Magic, is one of them.