Chapter Three
Robert Goren was a man of his word. For the next few weeks, when he was at work, he was at work, although he was very quiet and subdued. There were days when he scarcely spoke to anyone but Alex, and frequently only said a few words to her. Alex thought that their Captain handled Bobby with a gentler hand, and tensions seemed less between the two men.
"Things good with you two?" Ross asked one morning as Alex dropped a file on his desk.
Alex didn't have to think about the answer. "Yes."
"He's told me." Ross nodded in Bobby's direction. "That he's talked with you…"
"He has," Alex said. "As much as he has any plans, he's told me about them." She turned to look at her partner, who was staring in bafflement at a copier. "He's such a bright guy, but he's convinced he's got some kind of hex on him when it comes to some machines."
Megan Wheeler had taken pity on Bobby and was helping him. Ross smiled as the younger detective, made even tinier by standing next to Bobby's bulk, efficiently punched the correct sequence of buttons to get the copier to respond.
"I don't dislike him," Ross said quietly. "It's just…his methods…the way he thinks…are unusual…"
Alex tilted her head in Ross' direction. "Well," she said. "You didn't give him much of a chance at the start."
"No…No I didn't," Ross admitted. "I completely misjudged his relationship with Gage…" He paused, uncertain of Alex's reaction.
"It's ok," Alex said. "Just saying his name won't freak me out." She looked sadly at Bobby. "It probably bothers Bobby a lot more."
"That was the first of several mistakes I made with him…and you," Ross said. "I should have trusted you both more…You've saved my rear enough times…"
Alex turned to him. "You've always backed us up when you're dealing with the Brass…even when you disagree with us or we're giving you a hard time."
"I know enough," Ross said. "To support my people." He took a deep breath. "I owe you and Goren an apology for at least one thing."
Alex looked at him curiously.
"The truth is I owe it to Jimmy Deakins as well," Ross said. "When I came to Major Case I knew he'd resigned under a shadow. About half the people in the Department that I talked to thought it was real. The other half said he'd saved the Department a major headache." Ross looked at Alex. "I know what's true now…but when I got here I didn't know who to trust."
Alex concentrated on watching her partner as she considered Ross' confession. Bobby had finally won his battle with the copier and profusely thanked Wheeler, causing the younger detective to blush so fiercely that her freckles disappeared.
"Thank you," Alex finally said. "Although Bobby might deserve it more."
"I gather he was close to Deakins?" Ross asked. Alex heard no rancor or suspicion in his voice.
"Captain Deakins…" she said thoughtfully. "Understood Bobby…sort of…as much as anyone did. But it took him years to do it…and he always backed Bobby up, even when he wasn't sure he knew what Bobby was doing…And Bobby thought what happened to him was terribly wrong." Alex sighed. "I felt that way too, but Bobby…Bobby always seems to expect the worse."
Bobby had reached his desk and was looking for Alex with a puzzled expression. Alex and Ross smiled.
"I think," Ross said in a bemused voice. "Part of my problem with Goren is that I'm not used to being the second smartest guy in the room."
Alex's smile grew wider. "Bobby told me that he thought one of his problems with you was the he wasn't used to being the second smartest guy in the room."
Ross laughed. "I'll take that as a compliment." He moved to his desk. "Thanks for keeping me up to date, Alex…Just let me know if he or you need more time."
"Yes, sir…Thank you."
As she returned to her desk, Bobby watched Alex with concern. "Everything ok?" he asked.
"Yea," Alex said as she sat down. "Just giving Ross an update."
Bobby glanced at the Captain's office. "He's worried about me?"
"Both of us," Alex replied calmly. "And he's grateful for the times we've saved his butt."
"Really?" Bobby said in surprise.
"Yea…and he said you make him feel like the second smartest guy in the room." Alex smiled.
Bobby reddened slightly. "Well," he said after a few moments. "We both might be fighting it out for second if we factored you into the equation."
It was Alex's turn to blush. "Flattery," she said. "Will not get you out of paperwork, Goren."
It was a rare blissfully quiet afternoon--the highlight was Bobby's run to Starbucks to buy a horribly elaborate and expensive concoction for Alex. For once, they were able to leave at five o'clock. They walked together into the parking garage, and neither shivered as they entered it.
"Can I give you a ride?" Alex asked.
Bobby shook his head. "No thanks…I drove today…with my Mom…I thought I should have my car."
Alex pulled out her keys as they neared her car. She studied Bobby for a moment; he hadn't spoken of his mother all day.
"How is she?" Alex asked gently. In the several moments before Bobby spoke Alex heard the sounds of traffic and people distorted by the garage's strange echo.
"It…It's not good," Bobby finally said. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Her doctors…say it's a matter of a month or so…but some of the nurses…You know they usually know these things better…They think…It's a matter of weeks…She…She's not in a lot of pain, though…and she's happy to be back at Carmel Ridge…but she's eating less and less…" He stared at the ground. "I…I could use some advice, Alex."
She held her breath. He'd called her by her first name; he sought her help.
"The doctors tell me…At some point…They…It might be necessary to put a feeding tube in…But they also tell me…And the nurses…It may not be a good idea…It'll keep her alive a little longer…" Bobby's face crumbled in despair. "But she'll be in pain…her life would be worse…" He looked up at Alex. "What…what would you do, Alex?"
Alex gently placed her hands on his chest; she thought she felt his body shaking through his raincoat and suit jacket. "I don't think I'd do it," she said calmly. "It was something…when my Mom had her stroke…They warned us we might have to consider it…When we asked the doctors and nurses what they would do if it was their mom…They wouldn't do it…You need to ask them that…especially the nurses. They'll give you an honest answer." She was terribly conscious of the trust he showed her. "They think…It'll be soon?"
Bobby stared at some point over her head. "Yea," he said wearily. "But…they don't have any definite answers…"
"Bobby…You know…If there's anything I can do…" She moved tentatively into the dangerous territory. "I could help you look for Frank…"
His eyes narrowed and darkened for a moment, but returned quickly to the sad expression which marked them most of the time recently. "Thank you," he said softly. Alex could barely hear him over the garage's noise. "That's…" He smiled gently at her. "That's you."
A bittersweet warmth swept through Alex.
"But…I don't think Frank wants to be found…And Mom hasn't asked for him for a while. I think being back at Carmel Ridge has helped her a lot…I just wish…" Bobby focused again on that spot over Alex's head.
"What?"
"Oh…It's so small and petty…I just wish…My Mom…" He sighed. "Sometimes…she used to thank me for what I did for her…She hasn't for a while…" He closed the door on his feelings. "Really…thank you for the advice…and the offer…They mean…a lot."
"You're welcome…and thank you."
Puzzled, Bobby looked at her.
Alex smiled. "For trusting me…For letting me help you."
Bobby studied in amazement. "You…You're grateful…because I'm letting you help me?" He shook his head. "You're incredible, Alex Eames."
Alex blushed at his praise. "You're sure you don't want to get a bite? Or need anything?"
"No…but again…thank you."
As he had for nearly every night in the past six months, Bobby watched until Alex was out of the garage before getting in his car.
Alex arrived at the office the next morning to discover Bobby's empty chair. She quickly surveyed the room but found no sign of her partner. A heavy weight appeared in her stomach as the minutes clicked by with no message from him. Just as Ross emerged from the elevators and Alex began to think of various explanations for Bobby's absence, her desk phone rang. She didn't recognize the number it displayed.
"Eames," she answered, somehow aware that it was Bobby on the other end and that the news he had to report wasn't good.
"Al…Eames…Alex." His voice was shredded with despair.
"Oh, God," Alex thought. "It's bad…It's really bad…"
"I…I'm sorry…My Mom…She…had a bad night…Physically and mentally…I had to go to Carmel Ridge about midnight…and I haven't had a chance to call…"
Alex clutched the receiver tightly. "Are you ok? Do you need anything?" In her mind's eye, she saw Bobby rubbing his eyes.
"Ok…would be an exaggeration…but…I'm dealing with it…"
Alex saw Ross give her a quick and concerned glance from his office door. "How's your Mom?"
"It's not good," he admitted. "Even the doctors think…There's not a lot of time…"
"Oh, Bobby…I'll come…"
"No…no…please, Alex," he pleaded. "They have no idea of how long it'll be…and there's nothing you can do…Hell, there's nothing I can do," he said, bitterness creeping into his voice. "Except wait."
Alex bit her lip. Every cell in her body called for her to rush to him. "Is anyone there who can help you?"
"Yea…everyone…They're trying to…" He choked. "I…later…if you could come later…"
Alex seized the small branch he held out. "Ok…you promise you'll call me? 'Cause if you don't, you know I'll call you…and come there if I have to."
"I promise," he said softly. "I'm sorry…" She heard voices in the background. "I gotta go…"
"I understand…I'll let Ross know," Alex said.
"You…you don't have to…" he started to protest. "But you will…thank you…I will call you later…and…Alex…"
"Yes?" Her knuckles were white from tightly grasping the phone.
"Thank you for the advice about the feeding tube…It…It helped a lot."
"I'm glad I can help you in any way."
The voices over his phone grew louder. "I'm sorry," Bobby said in a defeated voice. "I gotta go now."
Alex clung to the receiver for several minutes, letting the dial tone buzz in her ear until the operator's recorded voice urged her to hang up. She hung up the phone and headed to Ross' office.
"Your partner?" he asked as she stepped through the door.
Alex nodded. "His Mom…the doctors are talking about it being days."
Ross sighed. "Well, I'll place him on compassionate leave until I hear differently. You can give Logan and Wheeler a hand for a while. We'll talk about a temporary partner if we have to."
"Just as long," Alex said firmly. "That it's understood that my partner is Goren. Anyone else is temporary."
"That's given," Ross replied.
"And Captain," Alex said as she moved to the door. "I'd like to take some time to help him in the next few days. I think I might be one of the few people who could."
"Of course," Ross replied. "Have you and Goren talked about his plans?"
"Yes," Alex said. "He wanted to warn me that he'd probably be taking some leave…possibly for a long time."
Ross studied her for a moment. "I have to tell you, Alex," he said deliberately. "If he takes a long leave, I'm not sure he'll be back. I know I don't know him as well as you do, but I sense his mother's death will cause a lot of questions for him."
Alex concentrated on the patterns of wood in Ross' desk. "I've thought about that," she conceded. "And I'll just deal with it if and when it happens."
"All right," Ross said gently. "Just keep me posted. Let me know if you need time off…And try to be a good role model for Wheeler…I'm not sure Logan is the best example for her."
Alex smiled. "And you think I am?"
There were moments Alex enjoyed in the next days. She liked Mike Logan—they shared the same dark sense of humor and he was a staunch defender of Bobby Goren—and found she liked Megan Wheeler the more time she spent with the young detective. A definite plus for Wheeler in Alex's book was her admiration for Bobby Goren.
"Bobby thinks highly of you, too," Alex said one morning as the trio shared coffee. "Told me one day he thought you just needed some more experience…You already have the brains and instincts."
Wheeler's freckles disappeared with her blush.
"Ross must love it," Logan grinned. "Me as a role model and she admires Goren."
"Hey," Wheeler said. "I've got Alex as an example."
Alex laughed. "I'm not sure that would comfort Ross."
Each evening brought a phone call from Bobby. His reports were depressingly similar—his mother's condition moved steadily downward, and Bobby was struggling not to follow it. Their conversations were short and strained, but he seemed grateful for them. Alex was simply grateful that he was willing to share even a small part of his life, but she also dreaded the calls and knew that one of them would eventually contain news of his mother's death.
That call finally came a little over a week after Bobby first took leave. It was late—late enough that Alex was seriously considering breaking her unwritten contract with Bobby and calling his cell phone—when her phone rang.
"I…I'm sorry…to call so late…" His voice was flat.
"It's ok," Alex said.
"It's just…just that…My Mom died about an hour ago…"
"Oh, Bobby…I'm so sorry." She expected and even welcomed the news, if only to end Bobby's long vigil, but the event still shocked Alex. "What can I do?" She moved to her bedroom to look for her bags.
"Uh…right now…nothing…The undertaker has already been to Carmel Ridge…The paperwork…is ok for now..." Alex had never heard Bobby's voice with so little feeling. "I've got a hotel room…But…if you could let people know…"
"Of course…but do you think you should be…Do you want someone…I'd be happy to come…" She was torn between rushing to him and respecting his privacy.
"Alex…It's good of you…but…It's the middle of the night…You shouldn't…"
"And you shouldn't be alone," Alex countered. "Not now…not tonight…"
"Please…I appreciate it…I really do…More than you could know…But…" She wished that his voice didn't sound so flat and weary. "Tomorrow…if you could…want to…but right now…I need a little time…I've been surrounded by people…I'm so tired…I just need to be by myself for a few hours."
"All right." Alex retreated. "But I'll be there early tomorrow."
He gave her directions to the hotel, and she agreed to let Ross know. As they said good by, an unreasonable fear seized Alex.
"Bobby…you will take care of yourself…get some sleep?"
"Yes…I…promise…" For the first time in their talk his voice wavered. "Alex…thank you…I …thank you…"
He shut off his phone, and Alex again listened to the dial tone.
"He'll be ok," she tried to reassure herself. "At least as ok as he can be. He sounds numb. It probably won't hit him until tomorrow. That's when he'll need me." Alex set her alarm for early in the morning. "I'll call Ross tomorrow…My Mom and Dad will want to know…I'll give Lewis a call…" She sat on the edge of her bed and tried to think if there was anyone else to contact. "He has so few people really close to him…He's always been so alone…The next few days are going to be so hard for him…" She fell back on her bed. "Well, I'm going to help him as much as I can, even if I have to fight him."
END CHAPTER THREE